Pulse (Collide) (4 page)

With her head downcast, still immersed in the amount of time that’d passed since Gavin left, Emily didn’t answer.

“They also ordered a pasta primavera for the monkey that joined them.” At that, Emily reluctantly brought her gaze up to Fallon’s, her face filled with confusion. “Yeah. They found him on the side of the road. Apparently a circus ditched him,” Fallon added, throwing her hair into a messy bun.

“Did you just say something about a monkey?” Emily questioned, her voice puzzled. “And when did you dye your hair blue?”

“Nope. I didn’t mention a word about a monkey.” Fallon quirked a brow, placed her elbows on the bar, and tucked her palms under her chin. “It’s been blue for three days, and you’ve seen it already.”

“Oh.” Emily went back to tracing the numbers.

“What do you got there?” Before Emily could answer, Fallon swiped the order pad. “What are all of these numbers?”

“It’s nothing.” Emily yanked it back from Fallon’s grasp.

Frowning, Fallon studied Emily’s face, her expression thick with concern. “Country, I’m not trying to be dark or dismal, but that’s not some kind of countdown to you killing yourself, right?”

Eyes wide in shock, Emily leaned back. “Jesus, Fallon, do you honestly think I would do that?”

“Just answer the question, Country. Is that some kind of countdown?”

Emily sighed and tapped the pad on the granite surface of the bar. “It’s been nine days since he left, Fallon. Nine days since I completely destroyed him. I’ve called, and he hasn’t answered.”

“Right, but he hasn’t answered anyone’s calls.” Fallon snaked her arm around Emily’s shoulder. “Colton told Trevor the other day he hasn’t even answered for him.”

“I understand that, but Colton’s not the reason he left. I am.” Emily shook her head, trying hard to fight back tears. “He handed me his heart, and I threw it away. I made him leave his family, his friends… his entire life.”

“Emily, first of all, you need to stop beating yourself up. Considering what you saw that morning, he’s lucky you even believe him. I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but let’s be real. That was some pretty heavy shit. Second, he left because he thought you were marrying Dillon. Once he finds out you didn’t, you know he’ll come right back.”

“He already knows I didn’t marry Dillon,” Emily whispered, her heart breaking all over again. “Olivia told me Colton left a message with his housekeeper. He let him know I didn’t go through with it.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that,” Fallon mumbled and looked away. She twirled a piece of her hair and brought her attention back to Emily. “Maybe he just needs more time?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” Emily rubbed her temples. “All I know is I’m lost without him.”

Fallon frowned and twisted her body toward Emily. Before she could say anything, Trevor snuck up behind her and tickled her ribcage.

Eyes wide, Fallon jerked around. “Trevor!” she squeaked, garnering Antonio’s unwanted attention. He glared at her from across the restaurant. Fallon bit her lip and mouthed, “Sorry.” Antonio shook his head and resumed eating his lunch. “You asshole,” Fallon whispered, pushing Trevor away.

Trevor chuckled and popped a kiss on top of Fallon’s head. “Sorry. I forgot you were ticklish, Blue.”

“Sure you did, jackass.” Fallon grimaced and stood up. “What are you doing here so early? You know I’m not off for another two hours.”

“I actually came to talk to Emily.” Trevor looked at Emily, his smile guarded. “Are you off yet?”

“No, not yet.” Emily rose, plucking her order pad from the bar. Drawing in a deep breath, she glanced at it and shoved it into her apron. “I have another half hour until my shift is over.”

“Country, I can keep an eye on your tables while you talk to my
forgetful
boyfriend.” After shooting Trevor a look, Fallon slung her arm over Emily’s shoulder. “I’ll take care of your side work, and I’ll even make sure the monkey at table twelve gets dessert.”

Trevor scratched his chin, his brows drawn together. “Monkey?”

“Yeah. A monkey.” Fallon slapped Trevor’s back and aimed a wink in Emily’s direction. Trevor shrugged. “Go ahead. Talk to him, and I’ll call you later.”

“Are you sure?” Emily asked, pulling her hair out of its ponytail.

“Yep. I’ll call you tonight.” Fallon placed a chaste kiss on Trevor’s cheek and walked away.

Trevor looked at Emily. “Want to go sit in a booth?”

“Sure.” Emily untied her apron and made her way behind the bar. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m cool. Thanks.”

After making herself a double espresso, she led Trevor to a booth tucked in the back of the restaurant. Emily slid into the seat and sipped the hot liquid. With sleep coming close to non-existent the past several days, she hoped the double shot of caffeine would shock her zombie-like system back to life.

Trevor gazed at Emily, his eyes shimmering with remorse. “First, I want to say I feel like an asshole about this whole thing with Dillon.”

Emily shifted, taken aback from his sudden declaration. “Come on, Trevor, none of this is your fault.”

“No, Emily, really. I need you to hear me out, all right?”

Reluctantly, Emily nodded.

“I’m sorry this is the first time I’ve come to see you since all this shit went down. Part of me wanted to show up the day it happened, but I couldn’t. Over the past year, I watched, without saying a fucking word, as he tore you down.” Trevor paused, his fingers nervously tugging at the white linen tablecloth. “I remember how vibrant you were when you two started dating, and piece by piece, he dismantled everything about you. Don’t get me wrong, I think I knew things were starting to get bad, but I guess I didn’t realize how bad.”

Pausing again, Trevor leaned back and shook his head. “You know what? Fuck that. I need to claim responsibility here. I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes, and I should’ve stopped it. I could’ve stopped it. I had a goddamn argument with Gavin about him vilifying Dillon because he was falling in love with you.” Trevor plowed both hands through his hair and let out a breath, his voice lowering to a whisper. “For fuck’s sake, Gavin’s been my best friend since we were kids, and I didn’t take his side during any of this. I watched Dillon hit him at your rehearsal dinner and didn’t do a fucking thing. Not a fucking thing.”

“Trevor, please. You’re not—”

“No, wait. Let me finish, Emily.”

Once again, Emily nodded.

“Olivia and I were raised by a father who would’ve never talked to my mother the way Dillon talked to you.” Trevor’s gaze fell on Fallon, preparing a fresh urn of coffee behind the bar. “Damn, I love her, and I could never imagine anyone treating her the way Dillon treated you. End of story, I tucked my tail between my legs, and I can only hope you and Gavin can forgive me for being such a pussy. But what’s done is done. All I can do now is try to make this right. I left Morgan and Buckingham. I didn’t see the asshole when I cleared out my things, but I’m done with him and his bullshit. When I said I considered you my second sister, I meant it. A brother would never allow his sister to be treated that way.” Trevor reached for Emily’s hand. “I just need to know you forgive me.”

With tears slipping from her eyes, Emily clenched Trevor’s hand, her thoughts scattered. “I can’t forgive you because I never blamed you or anyone else for this. I played the biggest part in allowing him to do this to me, so I don’t want you feeling responsible.”

“Well, I do feel responsible.”

“No, Trevor. I let him to do this to me.” Emily released Trevor’s hand and pointed at her chest. “Me, not you.”

“But after everything you saw growing up? Olivia told me your mom bounced from one asshole to the next. I’m thinking that has something to do with it. Me, I have no excuse.”

As the memory of her mother’s destructive relationships soured her mouth, Emily tore her attention from Trevor. Her gaze landed on a couple walking into the restaurant. Their laughter echoed as Fallon saw them to a table.

“Right, she did. But I should’ve known better than to follow in her footsteps…” Emily’s voice trailed as she fought hard to regain her composure. She brought her eyes back to Trevor’s.

“Well, you’ve taken the first step, Em, and I’m proud of you for pressing charges and getting an order of protection against him. With Gavin gone, you need to call me if the asshole tries to get in touch with you, okay?”

Emily brushed her fingertips along the healing wound above her brow. “I will. Thank you.” She hesitated a moment and cleared her throat. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You’ve called Gavin and left him messages, right?”

“Yeah.” Trevor nodded.

Emily drew in a long breath, her hands twisting in her lap. “Please tell me you didn’t let him know what Dillon did to me.”

“No, I figured telling him in a message wasn’t the right thing to do. But when he gets back, I plan on talking to him about it.”

“Please, listen to me. I don’t want him to know what happened. He’ll… I don’t know. Just please, can you not say anything to him?”

Trevor angled his head to the side, a current of confusion lacing his voice. “Are you asking me to hide it from him?”

A pang of apprehension pooled in Emily’s stomach as she swallowed. “I am. He’s been hurt enough through all of this, Trevor. If he knows about it, he’ll go after Dillon.”

“Why are you trying to protect Dillon?” Palpable shock sobered his features.

“God, Trevor, I’m not trying to protect
him
. I’m trying to protect Gavin. He’s been gutted by all this. If he finds out, there’s no way he wouldn’t go after Dillon. God forbid he really hurts him and winds up in jail. Jesus, Dillon could hurt him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’ve already caused Gavin enough bullshit.” Looking at the table, Emily swiped away tears gathering in her eyes. “Please,” she whispered, “just don’t say anything.”

Trevor ran a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. “Look, I won’t bring it up, but Gavin knows Dillon. He knows he wouldn’t let you walk away easily. But I have to be honest, Em, if he asks if anything happened, I’m not gonna lie.”

Emily pressed her fingers to her temples. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask you to lie for me.”

Releasing a weighty breath, Trevor blinked a few times and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Don’t apologize. The whole thing’s fucked up. Just promise me you’ll tell him if you two work things out.”

“Yeah. Sure,” Emily scoffed. “He hasn’t even returned my calls.” Returning her gaze to the couple seated across the restaurant, she tried to ignore the heaviness in the pit of her stomach. “He’s finished with me.”

“I think his head’s a little fucked up right now, but Gavin’s in love with you. I’m pretty sure when he comes back and gets one look at you, he won’t be able to resist.” Trevor rose and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t stay away for the next six months.”

Feeling as though Trevor ripped the only remaining piece of her heart from her chest, Emily tried to breathe. She stood and stared into his eyes, her voice trembling. “Do you honestly think he would stay away that long?”

“Em, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you did. What would make you say that?”

Trevor chewed at the side of his lip and briefly looked away. He shrugged. “Gavin can implode when he wants to. I don’t know how long he’ll be gone.”

As thick disorientation melted across her mind, Emily brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh my God. I can’t… He can’t.” She started making her way toward the bar, her feet moving quicker than her body could comprehend. She reached underneath the counter for her purse, coat, and scarf, her heart rate taking off.

“Look, I shouldn’t have said that.” Trevor approached the bar, his expression full of regret. “He can come back tomorrow—”

“Or in six months,” she breathed, walking past him.

As she reached for the door, her chest squeezed, tightening with panic. A shiver moved through her when she stepped out of the restaurant. With her mind speeding a mile a minute, Emily tossed on her jacket and scurried, almost running, through swarms of bodies clogging the sidewalk. Car horns, conversations, and sirens danced around her, but she couldn’t hear any of it. She felt deaf to it all.

The only sound she heard was Gavin’s voice whispering in her ear, Gavin’s laugh humming through the air, and Gavin’s heart lulling her to sleep. A rush of tears fell at the thought of him being gone that long. Nine days nearly sank her. She knew six months would kill her.

As the front of the Chrysler building came into her view, uncertainty about what she was about to do rippled across Emily’s skin. But no matter how uncertain she was, she wasn’t about to let it stop her. Before she knew it, she found herself entering the lobby. As soon as she did, she felt the air whoosh from her lungs.

Her eyes locked onto the back of a gentleman leaned up against the information desk. Her vision blurred with black hair and a muscular physique matching Gavin’s. She came to a complete standstill as she watched him leisurely tuck his hand into the pocket of his pants and run the other through his hair the same way Gavin did. Trying to suck in nonexistent air, Emily slowly moved in his direction. Consciousness void of what her body was doing, she lifted a trembling hand and tapped his shoulder. Senses craving Gavin, Emily attempted to pull in the scent of his cologne before he turned around. When he did, she was met by unfamiliar eyes, an unfamiliar face, and an unfamiliar smile. Her racing heart plummeted to her feet.

“Can I help you?” the man asked.

Unable to move, speak, or think, Emily stared at the stranger. Hit by a sudden wave of nausea, she felt dizzy as she opened her mouth in an effort to say something. Nothing came out.

“Miss, are you okay?” With trepidation, the man placed his hands on Emily’s arms. “You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Emily cleared her throat, shook her head, and backed away. “I’m… I’m so sorry. I thought…” She couldn’t finish her sentence. Blinking once, Emily turned and squeezed into the crowded elevator, her compulsion to press on nearly irresistible.

A woman in a red twill business suit craned her head around. “Which floor do you need?” she asked tersely.