Pulse: BBW Contemporary Rock Star Romance (7 page)

“Listen to me for just a second,” Elsa said, looking at all three of them. “We are not to speak of this to anyone in the village until I figure out what to do. Do you understand what I'm saying, Chloe and Sarah?”

“Of course. But why? Father O'Grady would not have allowed the man to stay in our town if he was a danger. Did you not hear his sermon today?”

“I did. But this is different. You have crossed a line both he and the rest of your guardians have warned you about. This time there will be consequences that you cannot ignore. I am thinking about your safety, do you see?” Both the girls nodded in agreement. “I do not enjoy keeping secrets from my people,” Elsa continued, “but you have given no choice.”

“We understand,” Sarah said, looking worried.

CHAPTER 4

Elsa undressed from services for the day, and as she took off her top, she noticed a red smear on the white cotton area of her brazier. Her fingers were smeared with red, and she wondered for a brief moment whether the ivy had thorns on it. But she wasn't bleeding. She went over to the water basin on the table, splashing water on her fingers, leaving a faint pink across the skin. Elsa poured a dollop of water on the area on her cotton dress which was smeared with red. But the water only diluted the color. Panicking, Elsa scrubbed the area harder and harder, making only a small dint in restoring the white on her dress. She began to breathe heavily, feeling as if the evil forest was on its way right now, this night, ready to close her in its grasp forever. The sounds around her tiny cabin home, normally a faint and reassuring gesture from the natural world, in that moment posed a sinister overtone to her life. Elsa felt more isolated with every passing moment, in the faint yellow light that cast a tint across her face, creating playful shadows on the wall, where the white light from her gas lamp and the moonlight intermingled, casting a magical tint over everyday angles and familiar objects in her house. The blue-tinted darkness of the night, spilling through the window, blurred the boundary in Elsa's mind between her real life and the imaginary place in her head, a place she had been warned was dangerous to ever-shackling freedom, but the sight of the red ivy tonight, along with the memory of the strange man from the forest recalled by it, weakened Elsa's resolve. There was something in that man she longed to understand and know, in a more comprehensive way than she had ever known her schoolmates or life mates.

She tried to calm herself, as she crawled into her clean bed sheets, alone in her room, with only the candle at her nightstand and the quiet of the town as it fell asleep with her. She lay in bed, her thoughts circling around that mysterious man with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. That night, she had a dream about Lili, standing at the edge of the forest, with her back to the town. In Elsa's dream, she could not speak, and try though she might to get Lili's attention, warning her not to enter the forest, Elsa could not make a sound. Elsa waved her hands up in the air, screaming at the top of her lungs, but to no avail, as her dream world kept her silent. Before she took her first steps into the Forbidden Forest, Lili took one look back at the crowd of people gathered near the church, her eyes blood shot and bleary from the incessant longing for her son, her gaze piercing through Elsa's perspective. Elsa felt like Lili was staring straight through her, and as Lili turned back and made her way into the forest, Elsa's heart sank with every step Lili took. Then Elsa bolted out of bed, her heart racing, her stomach drenched in sweat, her head pounding.

Lili, she thought, may have returned from the brink of the abyss with her son in tow, but there was something missing in her eyes upon her return. Lili seemed blank and empty since making her way back to the towns from the Forbidden Forest. Elsa wondered what exactly Lili had seen on her journey, but the thought sent shivers down her spine, as she knew how blasphemous, how heretical, it was to think about such things. Still, she worried for Lili's mental state and resolved to see her the next day to inquire further about the man she brought back with her.

CHAPTER 5

Since her disappearance into the Forest, the local community tried their best to clean up Lili’s home once she returned with her son. Elsa walked from the town square, on her way to Lili’s dilapidated cabin, the bushes in disarray, the weeds growing out and around the pathway leading toward the door. Elsa stood on the porch, listening for sounds of life from inside the house. She heard little Ennis laughing and giggling, as if he had all the friends a child his age would ever want. Elsa smiled, knowing little Ennis had not been affected in any permanent way in his sojourn into the forest.

Lili took some time to get to the door, and upon answering, Elsa saw her appearance had worsened since she returned from the forest. Lili stood there in the doorway, saying nothing, almost as if she half-expected Elsa to throw a pie in her face.

“Lili,” Elsa said, smiling in the most polite way she could. “How are you?”

“Getting some rest,” she said, trying her best to put on a good face for company, though she clearly was not prepared to host that morning. “How are you, my dear Elsa?”

“Oh I was just thinking about you last night,” Elsa said, handing Lili some soup she cooked as an excuse to come over. Lili took the brown bag and smiled the best she could. Remembering her dream last night, Elsa's emotions near bowled her over, and she couldn't resist hugging Lili, the soup bowl crushed between their two torsos. “Lili, I missed you so. We are all so glad you're back.” Elsa could feel the tension in Lili's body release ever so much in light of that comment. She wondered why Lili would think the community did not want her back. “Can I come inside?”

“Of course you can, my friend,” Lili said, her mood a little lighter and more effervescent. Elsa followed her into the house, her view trailing behind Lili, as they journeyed through the extended hallway in her home, and Elsa thought for the first time, even though she had visited Lili many times in earlier, how odd Lili's home was designed. In light of recent events, the house's contained structure, with its subdivided rooms, locked closets, and absence of open area where sunlight can works its joyful magic on even the most depressed, seemed cruel and almost claustrophobic. Elsa's chest tightened a little, as she sat on the wooden bench at the center of the den.

“Where is little Ennis?” Elsa asked. “I could hear him on the doorstep, and it sounded like he was playing with a few friends. I am glad the other children don't treat him differently, because of what happened,” she said.

Lili creased her brow, somewhat confused. “Ennis is by himself in his room. No other children have stopped by to play with him.”

“Oh,” Elsa said. “There must have been an echo from his room, then.” Lili agreed. They sat there in silence for a prolonged moment, the awkwardness growing between them, as it seemed both women wanted to ask each other something that had been lurking in the back of their minds, but both were too afraid to start first. For Elsa, she worried about Lili and her mental wellbeing, but also wanted to know what Lili knew about the provocative man Elsa saw unconscious on the ground the other night, near the forest's border. “Lili,” she said, taking a deep breath for the big reveal, “I had a bad dream last night.”

Lili, who had been looking absently down at the floor up until this point, suddenly looked up, as if something she had anticipated and feared would happen was just confirmed by Elsa. “You did?” she asked. “What about?”

“Well, that's the thing. That's why I'm here. It's hard to explain,” Elsa said, picking the skin from the tip of her thumb, nervous.

Lili seemed to get increasingly nervous as Elsa waited to reveal why she had come to check on her. “Do your best, my friend.”

“What do you remember before you went in the Forest?” Elsa asked, trying to broach the subject bit-by-bit.

“I remember everything fine,” she said. “Although…I try to forget. When I think about that day when Ennis left me, I can hardly breathe.” She tried to smile through her pain and fear. This particular topic of conversation seemed somewhat unrelated to what was on Lili's mind, because she relaxed back into her chair, for a moment giving herself the leeway to think about lighter things than the dark cloud hanging over her head. Elsa, being largely intuitive and paying especially close attention to her friend, picked up on this. “Turnips were on my mind that morning. It was so sunny, bright, and chipper. Ennis and I decided to take ourselves down to the market to make that special platter we make usually every Sunday. When I saw how deep purple the turnips were, I was so excited, and for a split second, I started daydreaming about Ennis' father. Since the time he left us, I had not felt even a second of relief, but that day was different. That day, for a split second, I felt free. Then I turned around, looking for Ennis, and that's when I saw his little body running full speed into the woods across the way.” Her voice broke, the panic of that moment setting in. Lili took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry,” Elsa said, getting up from the bench and making her way over to Lili. “I didn't mean to upset you,” she said, putting her arm around Lili, who seemed almost frozen. Elsa got up and started a fire, using a candle to light it. While she continue warming up the house, she took notice of the dilapidated house. Lili was not putting things back together in the way the community might expect her to do. “Lili, my dream was about you.” Elsa looked over to the bench, as Lili began shivering. “What is wrong? Is everything all right?” Elsa asked her.

“Yes of course,” Lili said, through chattering teeth. “I just...knew this would happen. Tell me about your dream.”

“I was standing on the edge of town, with everyone else, and we were calling to you not to go into the forest. But there was no sound, so you couldn't hear us. And you went anyway.”

“My goodness. It's come back to haunt me hasn't it,” Lili said into the air, not directing her question at Elsa necessarily.

“What has come back to haunt you?”

“I cannot speak of it, my dearest Elsie. There's nothing I can do to make it better.”

“Lili, tell me what you saw in the forest. How did you make it back?” The bluntness of the question surprised Elsa, because she knew her own hunger for answers came at the expense of poor Lili, who had been apparently traumatized by something, or someone, in the forest. Lili covered up her face with her hands, weeping into them, while Elsa tried her very best to calm the woman, holding her in both arms and rocking back and forth. “I'm so sorry, my Lili. We all searched for you through the entire community. Even the children crawled into cabinets and under houses, trying to find any sign that you didn't go. When we couldn't find anything that said you were still here, we prayed that you would survive the worst.” Those words sent poor Lili further into despair, causing her to weep even harder. Elsa finished her point, on a hopeful note. “But you did survive,” she said, making sure Lili could look her in the eyes, as Elsa wiped Lili’s tears with her white dress. “You're here now. Right?”

Lili smiled through her tears. “Yes, I'm here. I just don't know how to be normal anymore.”

“What do you mean, 'be normal'?” Lili stopped crying for a brief moment, looking at Elsa for help. “Lili, you're back here with us. Everyone loves you. We're going to help you get better. You're alive. Be happy.”

“Do you think,” Lili said, contemplating how to put her question to Elsa, as she would pose a request for advice from someone wiser, stronger, and more knowledgeable than she was—in other words, someone she could trust—”Do you think that if a good person makes a mistake, a grave mistake, they can ever be good again?”

Elsa stopped, realizing there was more to the story about Lili's venture into the woods. “What do you mean?”

“I made a grave mistake when I went into those woods.” Lili looked at Elsa, trying to convince her she was being earnest and truthful. “But dear Elsa, I could not stay. I had no one. First it was the father of my son. Then it was Ennis. I was all alone. I had to go. If it meant I could bring my little boy back. Don't you agree?”

“Of course,” Elsa said, getting nervous now. She knew, along with every other member of the town, that very few people had ever been able to come back from the forest, and the fact that everyone so quickly assumed Lili had not been changed for good, concerned Elsa. Not a single person had mentioned the possibility that Lili was no longer…Lili. Elsa suddenly became very uncomfortable at this realization, and frightened to be in her presence. She decided to choose her words very carefully. “Did you...see…something? Was it that blond man who followed you back?”

“Oh no,” she said. “He was my hero,” she said, smiling. Elsa found herself becoming somewhat jealous, even though she could not control that.

“What happened when you stepped into the forest? How did you find Ennis and bring him back?”

“At first, there was so much darkness. I was so scared. I couldn't see the hand in front of my face. The air was different. It felt like I was breathing electricity. Does that even make any sense?” Lili asked.

Elsa nodded, urging her to continue with her story.

“I don't remember much. And it all happened so fast--”

“Fast? Lili, you were gone for three months,” Elsa said, interrupting her to make sure she had not disorganized the story after the fact, a possibility, considering the stress on her mind. Lili put her hand on her forehead, thinking.