Pulled Within (21 page)

“At some point, we’re going to have to talk about what
happened in the bath.”

I leaned forward and bit down gently on his lip. “Let’s talk about us instead.”

I’d made him comfortable enough to reach for my face. I knew it would happen sooner or later, I just wasn’t prepared for it. His thumb slowly grazed my chin and crept to my lip, then his fingers cupped my cheek. I flinched and shuddered. It didn’t matter that it was out of instinct and fear associated with someone other than
Hart.

As soon as it happened, I regretted it.

His hand dropped, his eyes lingering on mine as they searched
for answers they wouldn’t find. He pulled away and shifted to the
other
side of the couch, but I grabbed his arm. I had to fill the gap
somehow. “Please don’t leave. I’m sorry.”

His confusion was visible. “Are you scared of me?”

I pulled my legs up to my chest, my usual defensive position. “No, I’m not scared.”

“Then why do you cringe whenever I try to touch your face or your hair?”

I wasn’t ready to explain it to him. “I’m going to work on that.”

The truth was I had no idea how to even begin working on it. I just didn’t know what else to say to keep him from feeling like my fear had anything to do with him. There were moments in the past five years when someone had touched one of my restricted places
and I hadn’t
freaked out—Saint, mostly, and usually when we were fucked up.
But
Saint knew the places he couldn’t touch, and he never tried to push
it. I suspected Hart would do just that. Not because he wanted to hurt me, but because he wanted to heal me.

I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for that.

Twenty-three days
.

He started to speak and I cut him off, “I know you have questions
—
years’ worth, I’m sure. I promise we’ll talk about it.
All
of
it. And soon. But not now. I need time, and you have to give me that.”

His hand slid up and down my shin, and he pulled me closer to his body. I tucked my face into his neck and took in his warmth.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, “I’ll be ready, too.”

SHANE HAD SENT
a text during my shift to let me know Brady
was
now allowed visitors in addition to phone calls. Since my work
schedule
took up my nights, he arranged for us to make a trip to the center early the next morning. It meant that I’d only get about two hours of sleep
before I’d have to leave again. Shane’s text apologized for that. My
reply
told him that when it came to Brady, I didn’t care if I got any sleep at
all.

I returned to Hart’s place after work, letting myself in with the key he’d given me. It was immediately obvious that I wouldn’t be crawling into bed to wake him. All the lights were on, and I smelled bacon and
cinnamon as I moved inside. The table was fully set; he handed me a
mug of coffee when I met him in the kitchen. I took a
sip as his lips pressed into my neck.

“I missed this smell.” His face dug into the collar of my jacket
and kissed the spot next to my shoulder. “And this taste.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “I missed your mouth.”

“Oh yeah?” His brows rose. He pulled his lips away and lifted the mug out of my grasp, setting it on the counter next to us.
“There’s no reason you have to wait for it.”

My stomach growled, as if on cue. I’d been so busy at work, I
hadn’t
had a chance to take any of my breaks, let alone eat anything. It was
still so sensitive, but I had to give it something.

He heard the grumble and laughed. His hands rubbed circles
over my navel. “I think I’d better feed you first.”

I didn’t disagree.

I pulled the mug back into my hands. “What are you doing up this early?”

He returned to the stove, stirring the potatoes and flipping the strips of bacon and the two omelets he had frying in separate pans. “I like to go for a run before the sun comes up, when the road is dark
and quiet. Then I head to the office before the guys so I can prepare
for the disasters of the day.”

I slid next to him and leaned my back into the countertop. “You
have such a grown-up job managing all those people.” There was only a two-year age difference between us. It suddenly felt like ten.

“I managed
you
just fine yesterday, didn’t I?” He grinned,
keeping his eyes on the eggs.

I laughed. “But I don’t work for you.”

“True. The guys respect me because I’ve earned it. I have a strict no-bullshit policy. They appreciate that.”

I liked hearing about his professional life. “Does it get easier as you go?”

He shook his head. “Actually, the job gets more complex with
each
build-out. But I also become more knowledgeable. It works for
now.”

“For now?”

“You shouldn’t be surprised to hear that spas really aren’t my thing.”

“The sports guy doesn’t appreciate spa living?” I teased.

“Shocking, isn’t it? I’m trying to figure out how to apply my
business
degree to that arena—something more athletics-based. In the
meantime, this is affording me some time to think about it and come up with a solid plan.”

If Brady were heading off to a construction site, he’d be dressed in a flannel and a pair of paint-covered jeans. Not Hart. He wore
dark jeans
that had small, fashionably-placed holes around the pockets. His
shirt
matched the color of his eyes and it was mostly hidden beneath a
hoodie.
It was different from the one he’d lent me; this one was fitted and
had a brand logo I didn’t recognize. His taste had a stylish edge that hinted at his power.

It didn’t scream wealth.

It whispered it instead.

“Maine doesn’t have any sports teams,” I told him. “But you
know that already.”

He laughed as he lifted a spoonful of potato and held it up to my lips. “Blow…it’s hot.”

I knew whichever job he ended up with, the spa gig or something to do with sports, he’d have to leave Bar Harbor.
Eventually, he’d share his plans and I’d reveal my secrets. That was the only way this would work.

Whatever
this
was.

I kept my eyes locked on his as I pressed my lips together and puffed out air to cool down the potatoes. I stopped, and he slowly slid the spoon inside my mouth. I licked the seasoning off my lips.

“I was going to ask you if it needed salt, but suddenly, I don’t
really care if it does.” He leaned forward and devoured my mouth while I still had tiny pieces of food left in there.

The spatula and spoon both clunked against their pans as he
dropped
them to put his hands on my waist. His fingers traveled to the
underwire of my bra, then down to the string of my panties.

Whenever I kissed him, his mouth always had a hint of
sweetness
to it. This morning, it was toothpaste and cinnamon rolls. He’d
sampled
whatever was baking in the oven. The dampness in his hair and the smell of his skin told me he’d finished his run and already showered before I had arrived. I wondered how his citrus-scented body wash would taste.

My hand reached underneath his layers, rubbing over his belt
buckle and up over his stomach.

I bent at the knees, heading down for a taste of him, but he bit my
bottom lip and stopped me. “Move over there.” He motioned to the
other side of the kitchen as he gently removed my hands from his stomach. “If you don’t, I’ll throw you across the countertop and take you right here.”

My eyes glazed at the thought of it. “That would be giving me
exactly what I want, Hart.”

His silver eyes pierced me. A familiar throbbing started to pulse between my legs. “Get over there. Now.” I smiled as I stepped away and moved around to the other end of the island. “When I fuck you,
it
isn’t going to be on a counter…and it isn’t going to be rushed like it
would have to be now.”

I licked what salt remained from my lips. “Okay.”

He turned back to the stove. “Look in the bag over there.”

I’d been so preoccupied with him, I hadn’t even noticed the bag.
When I reached inside, I found a phone charger. “Is this for me?”

He nodded. “Keep it in your car.”

“So I won’t ever have a dead phone again…”

That was his way of taking care of me. I was living with him and yet I hadn’t paid for anything, which was something else we needed to talk about. And now, he was buying me things. Small things, but things nonetheless.

“How much do I owe you for it?”

He glanced over his shoulder. “It’s a gift. I don’t want your
money; I just want you to be safe. You’re driving back and forth from Bangor
to Bar Harbor almost every day in the early hours of the morning. I want to make sure you can at least call for help if something happens.”

“That’s thoughtful of you.” My voice softened as much as my posture.

“It’s what people do when they care about someone.”

I was learning that…slowly. And I was trying to accept it. I
wasn’t
used to dating someone like grown-up Hart. I was used to high-
school-
junior Hart, and grown men who were nothing like him. There was
quite a difference.

He walked past me, carrying the full plates of food to the table. My mouth watered from their smells. I knew the pangs in my
stomach
weren’t just from hunger. It was almost the end of November now. The days were ticking away. But there was no reason to dwell on the
date,
or wonder whether I’d throw up this food after I ate it. Whatever
was happening here, at this moment, felt right.

He made one last trip to the table before clasping my hand in his and bringing me with him. We sat next to each other, and I dove
right
into my plate. The food tasted even better than it smelled. The
cinnamon buns were gooey and oozed icing when I took a bite.

“You can cook,” I said. “Like,
really
cook.”

“Thanks. Can’t you?”

“The basics, and I’m not even really good at that.”

“How about baking? I remember Darren making us some mean chocolate chip cookies…”

A sharp pain stabbed at the back of my throat. I couldn’t let it
come through my voice. “I don’t bake, either.”

“I can teach you, if you want. It’s something we can do
together.”

I finally looked up from my plate, trying to hide the pain in my
eyes, too. “I like the way that sounds.”

“Good. We can start with something simple, like cookies, and
you can bring a batch over to your Mom’s place. She still lives around here, doesn’t she?”

“She does.” I took a sip, washing down the food in my mouth
before I choked on it. I needed to change the subject. “I have to work tonight, but I’m going to be swinging by the spa in a few hours.”

His brows rose. “Coming by to bring me my…
lunch?
”

I laughed and blushed at the same time, the hurt finally starting
to ease. I was thankful he hadn’t waited for me to answer him about
the
cookies. “Not exactly. I’m meeting Shane and we’re driving to
Bangor together. Brady’s finally allowed visitors.”

He said nothing in response. He didn’t even blink. He wiped his
mouth with a napkin, lifted his plate and walked it over to the sink. “That’s what you’re doing today? Visiting Brady?”

I didn’t understand his sudden mood change.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” I asked.

“I just didn’t realize he’d be allowed visitors so soon. That’s all.”
He carried the frying pans over to the sink and dropped them in
loudly.

“It’s been almost two weeks, which isn’t really all that soon considering rehab is only thirty days.”

He turned to face me, his expression full of disapproval. We
were
only feet apart, but it suddenly felt like I was on the other side of
town.

The wrong side.

“I’ve never known anyone who’s gone to
rehab
, Rae, so I
wouldn’t know.”

I stood from my chair, my heart pounding against my chest.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I just…” His voice trailed off, and he paused. “Does
that mean I won’t be seeing you when I come home for lunch?”

I nodded, holding tightly to the back of the chair. “I’m going to stay up there until I have to go to work.”

He walked toward me, leaving me with a rough, insincere kiss that landed half on my lips and half on my chin. It was a careless
attempt, and he didn’t try to fix it. He just grabbed his jacket and continued to walk to the door. With his hand on the knob, he turned around. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

“I’ll see you
—
”

I didn’t get to finish before he walked out and shut the door.

When I got to the spa, Shane was waiting for me outside his
truck.
We were driving separately, though he wanted to follow me up to
Bangor. I’d driven there and back every night since I’d started working
at the casino, but in his eyes, I was still a kid. This was his way of
watching
out for me, to make sure I didn’t get lost and that I arrived safely. It was a sweet gesture, and another reminder of how a parent was supposed to act.