Pulled (19 page)

“
What changed?” he asks so gently that I actually feel sorry for him having to listen to me whine. I wipe my face clean and focus hard on the large oak tree outside, trying to center myself.

“
How do I say this without sounding lame?” Frowning, I turn and face him. “I found acting. As corny as that sounds, acting was an escape. An escape from everything: from Harold and Tina, from the memories; from the pain. It was a chance to step out of my own life for a moment and live someone else's.”

A gentle pull forms in my chest, and it makes me realize that I've upset him, that he's hurting right now along with me.

It seems cruel of me to be so far away from him, so I push off from the window and sink back into the couch beside him. His arms are instantly around me, pulling me down onto his chest, as though relieved to be able to do
something
to comfort me.

“
So, you're not taking any medication now?” he asks after a few minutes.

“
Well, I hadn't been up until a week or so before college started. I was getting nervous, you know? About measuring up, proving myself, making my parents proud.” Another tear falls.

His face is tight, thinking hard about something.

“
That night, at the theatre, was that a black out?”

“
Yeah,” I confess. Damn medicine.

“
So, was that the last time you took your medicine?” he asks, really seeming interested in my answer.

“
Yes.”

His face contorts into an expression of deep pain for a moment before pushing the thought away.

“
Come on, let's get you some breakfast,” he says, putting on a forced smile.

Just the mention of food makes me feel ravenous, so I wrap the blanket tightly around my body and waddle into the kitchen like a giant burrito and watch as he makes scrambled eggs and toast.

When he puts the plate in front of me I devour everything in sight.

“
Not to pressure you,” Etash says after we've finished, “but you still haven't told me what happened last night.”

I sigh and push away from the table, bring my dishes to the sink. “He had too much to drink,” I begin. I turn on the hot water and squirt some soap in. Etash brings his plate over to me and I take it from him with a foamy hand. “When I asked him to stop and he didn't, my knee sort of found his groin.”

Etash cringes.

“
Yeah, he was pretty pissed about that,” I say, cringing for far different reasons.

“
What happened then?” He reaches out, touches my shoulder, turning me toward him.

“
I ran,” I shrug. “He was drunk, that’s all.” I can’t even think about what
might
have happened had I not gotten out of there when I did. I just can’t.

“
I know you’re not telling me everything, and that’s okay. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.” He lets go of my shoulder and grabs a dish towel and starts to dry my plate. “We've got nothing but time now.”

I glance at him sideways, still scrubbing a plate. “How can you be so sure?”

“
It doesn’t take an expert to see you’re scared of him,” he says, but I shake my head.

“
No, not about that. About us having nothing but time,” I ask in all honesty. “How do you know that I won't go back to him?”

His expression changes to one of pain and I instantly regret my words.

“
Why don’t we finish these up, then we can go for a walk and I’ll tell you about my grandma.”

“
Your grandma?”
What does she have to do with anything?

“
Yeah. She kind of has a theory about us.”

Etash

Before we head out, I try and find her some warmer clothes. What I come up with isn’t much better in terms of fit, but they will hold up better to the brisk morning air.

When she comes out of the bathroom, she starts laughing at how ridiculous she thinks she looks, but I think she is positively stunning. She's pulled her hair back into a low ponytail and a few dark strands fall around her face. The thick sweatshirt I gave her, although loose, still manages to show off her petite figure. When she lifts up the sweatshirt casually to show me how big the pants are, I can't help but notice the velvety, ivory skin surrounding her perfectly shaped navel.

We walk through the City
Park, not stopping until we come to the duck pond. I sit down on the banking and reach up to take her hand and pull her down beside me.

“
My grandma’s name is Naimi,” I say after a moment. I’m careful to pronounce it properly:
Naya-me
.

“
Naimi?” she repeats, clearly hearing the similarity.

“
Yeah, eerie right? It means ‘belonging to one.’ She's Indian, too. She actually lived in India
her whole life until a few years ago, when she needed more care. She lived with us for awhile, but when things got worse, we had to put her in a home.” I shift uncomfortably on the grass before continuing. “I got close to her while she was living with us. She didn’t speak fluent English at first, but she knew enough to get by.

“
Anyway, I was in high school when she first moved in with us, and I was…a bit of a loner, you could say.” Naya gently strokes my hand with her thumb again, urging me on. “I remember I used to come home from school every day and just sit with her, hardly ever saying anything. It just felt good to sit beside her, you know? Comfortable.” Like how we are now, I want to say, but I don't want to risk ruining the moment.

“
I didn’t have a lot of friends back then; the scar kinda saw to that.” She frowns at me. “It was a lot worse then,” I say. “And there was this girl. Jessica. She was in my math class, and I thought I loved her.” Back when I didn’t know a thing about love.

“
So, one day, I got brave and asked her to the prom.” I shake my head, remembering. “She turned me down flat. She didn’t need to tell me why she said no. The way her eyes couldn’t manage to look me in the eye clued me in pretty quick.”

“
That must have been awful,” she whispers.

“
Yeah, I was pretty down that day. But when I went to sit next to Grams that night, she could sense that I was sad, but she told me I didn’t need to worry. She said my Twin Flame would come soon enough.”

Cat’s out of the bag
. Let’s see how nuts she thinks I am.

“
Your Twin Flame?”

I exhale heavily. Here we go.

“
Yeah. According to my Grams, when your soul enters the ‘physical world,’ it splits itself into two pieces: male and female. Supposedly, those two halves then spend the rest of eternity searching for their other half. It can take decades, she claims, sometimes longer, before they are reunited.”

“
Like some kind of soul mate?”

I exhale again, frustrated. “Um, no, it's actually a lot deeper than that. I'm not explaining it very well.”

Slipping my hand out of hers I stand and hurl a rock across the pond.

“
It’s all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo,” I say. “I don’t believe any of it. Or didn’t,” I whisper, hoping she didn't hear that. I grab another stone and toss it into the water.

Across the pond a patch of angry, dark clouds are pushing themselves against the fading blue sky overhead. I hold out my hand to her, and she takes it willingly. “Let’s go. It looks like rain again.”

We walk in silence out of the park. Once we’re on the sidewalk leading up to my apartment, the questions begin.

“
You said she used to live with you, then she got worse?”

I nod. “She was getting delusional. She kept having ‘visions’ as she called them.”

“
Visions?”

How to explain this?
“
She thinks she can see the future,” I sigh. “She’s on medication now to help control it. Most days she’s fine, but others…”

She nods, but I can’t make out what she’s thinking.

“
I never knew my grandparents. You’re very lucky to have her.”

I nod again. “Yeah, I am. I’m supposed to visit her again soon...”

She stops walking. “But now you can’t because you have to baby-sit me.”

I shake my head at her. “What I was going to say, is would you want to come with me?"

“
Oh.” She blushes. “Um, yeah, I would, actually.”

“
Great,” I beam.

We start walking again but there's a bigger question on my mind; one that I know will have to be asked, but one that I really don’t want the wrong answer to.

“
Naya, don’t take this the wrong way, but what happens now?”

“
Now...” She gives a weak smile to the sky. “Now…I guess I go back.” She tries to hold back a shiver, but she's not fooling me.

“
You don't have to,” I say. I swear I see hope flicker in her eyes. “You can stay here.”

A look of confusion sets in her face, but then she frowns.

“
I have to go back,” she finally says, and my heart sinks. “After all, if I'm gonna be staying with you, I'll need to at least get my clothes,” she adds, smiling at me, making me feel downright giddy.

I tug playfully against the baggy sweatshirt of mine that she’s wearing.

“
What? This look doesn’t work for you?” I ask. She raises her eyebrows up and rolls her eyes at me. “Well, then it’s settled,” I say. “You give me your keys and I’ll pack you a bag.”

“
That's a really tempting offer, but you wouldn’t know where anything is,” she says simply.

We walk for a moment longer.

“
How long a stay are we talking?” she asks.

Forever, I want to say, but I’m afraid the truth might scare her off, so I settle for “as long as you want.”

“
Then I guess I should pack my books too.”

As soon as we get back to my apartment, we load into my car and head back to campus. I want her out of that place,
now
. Driving back to campus, she keeps her hand tucked neatly in mine.

When we get to the dorms, her light-hearted conversation in the car ride over has died off. Her hand slips out of mine and she sinks lower in her seat; like she's afraid of getting caught with me. There is so much more about her relationship with that animal that she hasn’t told me yet. I just hope when she does finally tell me, I don’t rip his head off.

Chapter 12

Naya

My hands tremble as I put the key in the lock. Even though I know it's impossible for Seth to be waiting for me in there, I still can't help but shake the fact that reminders of him will be all over the place.

The first thing I smell when I open the door is his cologne, and my muscles tense from the memories. But he's not here. It's just an empty room. Just as I left it. My bed is still made, my books still scattered about, my pjs on a clump on the floor. Even though this room holds all of my stuff, I can't get over how alien it feels.
I don't belong here
.

“
I don’t know what to pack,” I say, needing to break the silence.

“
Just pack the essentials. If we need to come back again, we will. Do you have a bag?”

“
Um, yeah.” I walk slowly over to my bed and look underneath it. There's a half-finished beer can in front of the bag. I push it out of the way, which only succeeds in knocking it over, spilling its stale scent under my bed.

“
Okay, clothes,” I say with more courage than I have. Pulling cloths off hangers as fast as I can to get out of this miserable space, I notice small red dried dots of blood next to my dresser, just a few inches from where Etash is standing.