Pulled (50 page)

She patted my hand and stood. “Come on. Let’s get you into the shower.”

She rushed into the smal bathroom ahead of me, pul ing toiletries from the bag and placing them in the shower. She turned on the water to al ow it to heat up while Daniel assisted me in standing for the first time since I had been brought to the hospital. I cringed with my first step, but as I continued to stretch out my cramped muscles, it felt wonderful.

Erin extended her hand and led me inside, shutting the door behind us, pushing forceful y on the shower curtain, and leaving it bunched at the far end of the shower. The warm and inviting steam fil ed the smal space.

My tired body wanted nothing more than to immerse itself under the therapeutic spray.

“Here.” Erin took my arm, turned me away from her, and tugged at the knots on the back of my gown. I could feel the hesitation in her movements and when she spoke.

“He’s beautiful, Melanie.”

I froze. The air heaving forceful y in and out of my lungs and the spil ing of water onto the hard shower tiles were the only sounds in the room.

Erin started to say more, but stopped, grabbed a towel from the rack, and placed it near the shower. She averted her eyes as I stepped into the shower and pul ed the curtain between us. I submersed my head in the water, breathing deeply as I relaxed into the hot spray that fel on my head and ran down my back.

“You know that he loves you?”

I stal ed, pul ing my head from the water and looking at her shadowed form.

“Yes.”

“Then don’t be afraid.”

Her hand pressed against the curtain and I pressed my own against hers, wishing I could take her words and live them. I just didn’t know how.

She pushed harder and whispered, “Love you.” She dropped her hand and left me alone with my whirlwind of emotions.

I stepped back into the spray and pushed

thoughts of Daniel’s son away to give my heart and mind a moment’s reprieve from the pain. For this short time, I would relish in the fact that I would soon be going home, that I was now free, and that Daniel loved me no matter what happened.

Truly, a shower had never felt better. The hot water seemed to melt away the tension, and as I washed away the dirt and dried blood from my body, it was almost as if I washed away yesterday’s events. I watched as the tinted water swirled and pooled on the tiles, spinning and circling through the drain. The water final y ran clear, and with it, my soul was freed of Nicholas’s chains forever.

I knew he had scarred me so much deeper than I’d ever admitted. Of course, I was aware I had been treated badly, but I’d never al owed myself to see just how abusive he was. I didn’t know if my broken heart had blinded me to fact or if I felt I deserved nothing better. Either way, none of those things made what Nicholas had done okay. He was an abuser who needed to be held accountable for what he’d done, and I’d stand up in court to be sure that happened. Beyond that, though, I promised myself I would never dwel on the last nine years. I was determined to step from this shower and never look back; only taking with me the valuable lessons I had learned.

I toweled myself dry and slipped into the dark jeans, red sweater, and black flats Erin had so thoughtful y brought for me. I brushed my teeth and pul ed the hairbrush repeatedly through my wet hair. I glanced at my reflection in the foggy mirror and saw my injuries for the first time, thankful that they had not been worse.

When I stepped out, Daniel was speaking with my attending doctor. They turned their attention to me. I sat back on the bed, and Dr. Lemmons checked me over once more, assuring me that everything looked great. He signed my release papers and wrote me a prescription for pain medication, tel ing me to have my stitches removed in ten days.

I was free to go.

When the doctor left, Daniel pul ed me from the bed and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close, our bodies swaying slowly as we rejoiced. For the first time in our lives, we were free to go home together where we’d always belonged.

Daniel’s lips brushed mine, the electricity shocking with the light contact. We kissed and danced and held each other for the longest time, unhurried and no longer afraid of being watched, final y free to love.

As our kiss faded and slowed, he hugged me to him again, stil slowly rocking us, though his hold felt contemplative. I tensed, anticipating what he would say.

“Wil you go upstairs with me before we go home?” His voice was timid, unsure, and so very hopeful as he asked me to meet his son.

I held my breath and pressed my nose to his chest, digging my fingers in his shoulders as I fought against the pain. The energy flowing from his body gave me the strength I needed to nod my head.

I had to—for him.

He pul ed back and held my face in his hands, leaving feather kisses on my cheeks and mouth, “Thank you.” He looked down at me knowingly, tenderly, sensing each of my fears. “Melanie, I promise, we wil make this work,” he reiterated, trying to bring me comfort, but the closer I came to meeting his son, the more terrified I became.

He grabbed the bag Erin had brought, shoved the discharge information into the pocket, and slung it over his shoulder.

He kissed me chastely again before taking my hand in his. I had no idea I was shaking uncontrol ably until Daniel’s steady grip wrapped securely around my hand.

“Ready?”

I wasn’t, but I would never be, and this was a request I would not deny him.

“Yes,” I choked out.

He hesitated, looking at me. “Baby, you don’t have to do this right now.”

I shook my head, unwil ing to take the easy route.

“No, Daniel. I need to do this...now.”

I had never felt so torn between my need to please Daniel, to sacrifice for him, and the selfish part of me who wanted nothing to do with this child, the part of me that wished he didn’t exist. The guilt that thought roused made me sick, and my mind chastised my heart for being so cruel. But I couldn’t stop it, and it was stil there when I took a deep breath and fol owed Daniel from the room. He led me, never releasing my hand, pul ing me forward. Stil , I trailed a step behind, my face trained on the ground, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and nothing else.

The elevator ride was short, and as the bel chimed at the fifth floor, I swal owed down the bile that rose in my throat. My head spun and tears stung my eyes when we stepped out onto the floor. How was I going to get through this? We hadn’t even reached the nursery, and I was already fal ing apart.

I clutched Daniel’s hand, the only comfort I could find. I felt his pulse racing just as fast as mine, but where his raced with anticipation and the desire to be united with his son again, mine raced with dread as I walked to meet the manifestation of my every insecurity.

I couldn’t even bring myself to look up as Daniel showed the volunteer working the desk his wristband and had a pass made for me.

The buzzer sounded, and the door opened. The warmth of the room washed over my face, sending shivers down my spine. The sound of babies crying pierced my ears, coming at me from what seemed like every direction, making me cower against Daniel’s side. His arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders, drawing me in, the energy between us acting as a shield from the pain. My spirit immediately eased. I breathed in and drew from that power, sucking it deep into the pit of my stomach, emboldened as we made our away across the floor.

Daniel stopped just feet away from his child, giving me time to adjust. But I pressed forward, preparing for the surge of jealously I knew would come. I felt hurried and frantic, and knew I should wait and clear my head, but I couldn’t stop the steps my feet took. It became suddenly clear the energy I felt was not coming from Daniel at al . His baby boy was crying, a gurgling, rattling cry, so sad it would bring any mother to her knees.

I gasped as I took in his smal child, the picture of his father, a perfect replica of the man I adored. My chest rol ed with tremors as I felt his cal , taking the last step forward to be at his side. I didn’t hesitate to touch him, splaying my hand over his tiny chest. Soothed, the child stil ed at my touch, his spirit calmed as it met with mine. I closed my eyes, feeling his heart pound, beating strong with Daniel’s blood that flowed through his veins. His pul was indescribable, so much like the force that bound me to Daniel, yet so different. It was a perfect accompaniment, an extension of the connection Daniel and I shared.

Daniel moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me closer while taking his son’s hand, smiling wistful y. “He’s hard not to love, isn’t he?” I wheezed out through my constricted throat,

“Impossible.” Daniel and I stayed unmoving for an immeasurable amount of time, our arms wrapped around each other, satisfied to watch baby Andrew sleep in his smal crib, his hand firmly gripping Daniel’s finger and his heart beating soundly against the palm of my hand. The three of us were enveloped in the cocoon of energy that rested contentedly, for the first time complete.

I glanced over my shoulder and found Erin and Julia standing at the window hugging each other closely, their eyes bleary and red as they had watched my first encounter with Andrew.

I smiled pensively and tried to keep myself from shedding any more tears. I’d cried enough for a lifetime, and today was a day to rejoice. Daniel and I had found our heart, and it rested in this smal child sleeping safely under our watch.

Erin wiped her face with tissues Julia produced from her purse before coming into the nursery.

Daniel stepped away and pul ed his sister into a fierce hug. Both of them murmured their love for one another and satisfaction for the day, their whispers proclaiming, “Thank God!” and “I knew she would.” Erin turned and wrapped me in her arms. I hugged her back, whispering, “I’m not afraid anymore.” She nodded and pul ed away dabbing her fingers under her eyes. “I know.” She smiled. “So, can I do anything to help?”

Daniel roughed his hands through his hair. “Do you think you and Mom could go and help Vanessa get ready to take Andrew home? I just...” He grimaced, clearly aware he should be the one doing it but just not quite there yet. She shook her head, keeping him from having to explain what she already understood. “No problem.” She patted us both on the back and left Daniel and me to resume our protective stance over his child. We just stood there and watched. We would never be able to get enough of Andrew, so we savored every second we had.

Ten minutes later Erin rushed into the nursery and tugged hard at Daniel’s arm. Her voice was low and alarmed. “Daniel, I need to talk to you.”

“What is it?”

“Just come on.” Urgently, she tugged again, and he pul ed me behind him.

The instant we were out the door, Erin burst.

“She’s gone!”

“What are you talking about, Erin?”

Erin shook a folded paper in Daniel’s face. “This is what I’m talking about!”

Daniel ripped it from her hands and tore at it to expose what was written inside. He spat through clenched teeth, “That bitch. I knew it.”

I stood looking between the two of them, waiting for one of them to fil me in on what happened. Neither of them looked my way, so consumed with what they’d found on that paper. I had never seen Daniel so angry. Visibly shaking with rage, his face was pinched, and he wore a hardened scowl. He reached into his pocket and fumbled for his phone, stil muttering profanities that Erin continual y seconded.

Frustrated, I reached out and plucked the paper from Daniel’s shaking hand. I smoothed the crumpled paper against my chest so I could read it. It wasn’t addressed or signed, but simply stated, “I can’t do this.” I had to read it three times before it sank in. Vanessa had abandoned her son. I was suddenly every bit as angry as Daniel. How could that woman turn her back on her own child? And for what, because she couldn’t have a man that she didn’t even know?

My thoughts went to that precious child in the next room. I found myself unable to grasp how anyone could see his beautiful face and not fal in love with him, especial y his own mother. I turned and walked toward the glass. His smal crib was across the room, and I could see nothing of him from where I stood, but I could feel him—the pul , the need within him matching my own.

I barely registered the flurry of activity happening around me as the day progressed. Morning turned to afternoon, and the numerous cal s made to Vanessa stil went unreturned. There were whispered conversations between Daniel and Patrick, the quick reappearance of Daniel’s attorney, people coming and going, the faces of al those I loved, strained and concerned as Wil iam Bailey made what seemed to be an unending number of phone cal s. It increasingly wore at Daniel as he tugged on his hair and paced up and down the corridor. His face looked pained when he paused to peer into the quiet nursery where I rocked his son. I spent those hours meeting al of Andrew’s needs while he met mine, comforting the child at the center of the tumult happening just outside.

I kissed Andrew’s forehead, wrapped the

sleeping infant in his blanket, and placed him back in his crib, stil unable to pul myself ful y away. I held the side of his bed and gazed down upon the child I would forever adore.

I felt Daniel enter, coming up behind me and wrapping me tightly against his body. He looked over my shoulder to peer lovingly down at his son and then leaned in and whispered heaven against my ear.

“Melanie, let’s take our son home.”