Psyche Shield (17 page)

Kato’s voice threaded across in my mind.
The Pup is
correct. You only harm yourself with your guilt. It invites the void.

Was I wrong, Muso?

Amy would have perished without your intervention.

That didn’t sound like an answer.
But was I wrong?
I
insisted.

You could have acted better. That is life. You acted with
good intent and according to your nature. You did not act in the manner of Pack
and broke a promise. Learn what it is to be Pack from your packmates. Seek
understanding from your friends. Guilt is not the solution you believe it to
be.

I’m scared, Muso. I’m scared of losing myself.

Power can overwhelm a Kratos. Caution is wise. Guilt is
not.

It’s not like this for other Mages?

No, daughter. Only for Kratos.

Why? Why does it change me? Cassandra said Kratos go
crazy sometimes. Will that happen to me?
I asked desperately, unable to
rejoin them in the living room yet.

The power of Kratos overwhelms the senses and if
unchecked, a Kratos loses all sense of self. The void is a stepping stone to
becoming what you fear. It is also your refusal to become what you hate. Pack
gives you the strength you need for the tasks ahead. Trust them. Be Pack, and
you will find your way through.
I nodded, though he couldn’t see it from
the other room.

I wanted to believe him and fought back tears.
What is
ahead? What is coming, Muso?

I could imagine him sniffing the air.
The winds are
changing. This conflict with the Montana Pack was unforseen and forges a new
path to the foretold destination.

What does that mean?

We must adapt.
He translated, sounding atypically
sober.
This conflict tangles the Montana Pack into your destiny with the
Mage-Wolf War. They are part of it now, whether in suffering or support is yet
to be seen.

I pondered his statement.
They could become allies? How
do we make sure they are?

You are on the right path to fulfilling your part. It is
the same with others. Those who are not must choose their path without you
,
he counseled.

So I keep doing what I’m doing: be Pack, be Mage, be me,
trust my packmates, and quit being so hard on myself?
It sounded like a
very tall order.
Can’t I just do something?

He chuckled mentally, and I heard a snort from the other
room.
What you do comes from how you live and think. I do not know enough of
what is coming to give you advice on your actions. Your packmates celebrate new
love without you. You cannot reveal the matebite you carry, but you can share
in theirs.

I hadn’t told him about the matebite yet, and the memory
lifted my spirits.
I’m overjoyed, Muso! I’m glad you know, and I can share
it with someone.

It pleased him too.
Congratulations, daughter. I too am
overjoyed for you and your mate.

Billie sat on the couch and waved me over when I returned.
I’m
not upset with you, love. We’ll talk later.

I thought I was doing the right thing.
I curled up
beside her and she kissed the top of my head.

I love that you want to do the right thing. Did Kato
help?
Her duties as Beta weren’t finished for the evening, and she texted
constantly.

Always.
I snuggled in closer and accepted a glass of
wine from Kathryn. We toasted the newly mated couple and set the day’s
excitement aside. I’d begun to pick up their habit of enjoying a moment no
matter what happened elsewhere.

Even Sierra acted more like a packmate than a guest. “How
did the two of you meet?” she asked Amy.

Amy giggled like a schoolgirl. “He grabbed my butt, and I
broke his hand. He wasn’t himself, so it doesn’t count except as a funny story.
I really met him in the Sawtooths after Sadie uncollared him. He hunted and
cooked for us. He was so sweet.”

I teased her and let the happy couple banish my regrets.
“Just last week Amy was complaining that she hadn’t found her mate yet. She was
waiting for him to be born. I think you’ve redefined the term robbing the
cradle.” By the delighted expression on Phil’s face, I decided he’d already
said something similar.

Kathryn sipped her wine like a pro. “My first mate was more
than two and a half centuries older than I. When I met him, I’d barely reached
my sixteenth year.”

“Now that’s robbing the cradle!” Amy declared.

“My Sanyu believed so as well. We knew ourselves mates long
before the matebite confirmed it, yet he insisted on waiting several years to
become lovers.”

Sierra gawked. “Wasn’t that frustrating?”

“Immensely. He would not be persuaded, no matter how I
tried.” Her eyes glittered as she teased us with the story.

Amy eagerly prodded for more. “How did you try to persuade
him?”

Kathryn’s eyes became distant with pleasant memories. After
decades of evading questions about her life before coming to the Boise Pack,
she’d begun to speak about her younger years. “I joined him in his bed
uninvited on several occasions and teased him into chasing me in wolf form many
times. My Sanyu was a disciplined man.”

“Nathan was easy. I only had to get him to chase me once.”
Her mate blushed deeply at the intimate disclosure while Phil smirked at his
roommate’s discomfort.

“What about you, Sierra? Anyone special at home?” Amy pried.

She shook her head regretfully. “No one. I was seeing
someone for a while, but we broke up a couple months ago.”

“Wolf or Human?” I asked.

“Human. I never told him I was Wolf. I haven’t figured out
how to break that to someone.” She looked at her wineglass thoughtfully.

“I’ve dated Humans,” Amy reflected. “I only told one that I
was Wolf. I thought we were going to last, but he wasn’t as cool about my wolf
form as I thought he would be.”

“How many Wolf-Human couples are in the pack?” I asked.

“Five,” Amy informed me. “Most of the Humans here were
raised Pack. Humans raised by Humans usually have a tough time with Pack life.”

“Were you raised Pack?” I asked curiously.

“Nope. I found out about Wolves when I was dating Matthew.”

“What?” I couldn’t see it. “You and Matthew?”

She waved a hand dismissively. “Oh yeah, but that was a long
time ago.”

“How long?” No matter how I tried, I couldn’t imagine my
lively friend with such a grim partner.

“We were high school sweethearts. Actually, he was still
Human when we started dating and told me he was Wolf after he did it. By the
way, that’s rude. He was different then. Happy and outgoing. He knew exactly
what he wanted in life and grabbed it. That part hasn’t changed much. I decided
to become Wolf too, but not for him. I met other Wolves and made friends in the
pack. I wanted this life. Then World War II started and Matthew enlisted. I
waited for him, but the war changed him. After he came back, he was pretty
messed up. A completely different person. I couldn’t do it, and I broke up with
him.” Nathan listened to her story without any sign of jealousy or discomfort,
which impressed me.

“Matthew made Adrienne Wolf too, right?” I asked.

“Yep. That was after me.”

“He made me Wolf,” Phil informed me. “And John.”

“But he wasn’t dating either of you?” I clarified.

Phil almost choked on his wine. “I prefer people with a
personality. And breasts most of the time,” He informed me lightly.

“Me too,” Billie commented dryly and then caught the rest of
the sentence. “Most of the time?”

He shrugged nonchalantly and repeated. “Most of the time.”

Amy didn’t sound surprised. “Matthew’s straight as an arrow.
He’d probably have more luck with a man.” I chuckled and Nathan laughed so hard
tears rolled down his face. On a roll and in the center of attention, Amy kept
going. “Lily was determined to test it, but only because her best friend had a
crush on him.”

“Who’s Lily?” I asked, eager for more gossip. I hadn’t heard
the name before.

“Lily was Sara’s wife. Sara was our Pack Sensitive for a
long time. She died almost twenty years ago.”

Sierra looked thoughtfully at Kathryn. “Are they talking
about Leroy’s grandmother?” Kathryn nodded and Amy stared, her jaw slack.

“No! Way! Sara was your granddaughter? Why doesn’t anyone
tell me anything?”

“Sara was my Great-granddaughter. I enjoyed the privacy I
once had and chose not to speak of some things. The genie is out of the bottle,
and there is no catching him now. I choose to succumb to the inevitable rather
than fight a losing battle.”

Sierra pondered for a minute and gave up trying to figure
out the relationship on her own. “What does that make Sara and me?”

Amy looked puzzled, but Kathryn replied without having to think
about it. “Sara was your third cousin once removed.”

“I’ve never figured out the removed part. What about Leroy?”

“He is your fourth cousin once removed.” Amy’s eyes
continued to grow. Nathan connected the dots and looked shrewdly between
Kathryn and Sierra.

“You’re related?” Amy exclaimed.

“Yes,” Kathryn replied warmly. “We very recently discovered
our relationship.” I stole a covert glance at Kato who listened to the exchange
with great interest.

Amy sat forward enthusiastically. “Oooh! Do I have to beat
it out of you? How are you related?”

Kathryn reveled in the slow torture, teasing her by
answering indirectly. “I am sister-in-law to her great-grandfather.” Amy’s
wheels turned as she tried to follow the relationships with fragmented
knowledge. Nathan got there first and waited for his mate to catch up, enjoying
Kathryn’s game. Kato took pity on Amy and raised his red and white head,
drawing her attention.

“Sierra’s your Great-granddaughter?” Amy asked the Ethiopian
Wolf incredulously. He affirmed it by settling his chin on Sierra’s leg. “Well,
that explains how weird you’ve been acting since she showed up. I’ve never seen
you spend this much time in a house.” He huffed in acknowledgement.

Sierra placed a hand on his neck adoringly. “It’s nice to
discover family here. I knew very little about my Great-grandmother, and I only
knew Kato from legends. We’ve been sharing stories all day.”

“You just found out,” Amy said in awe.

Sierra nodded. “It’s made the separation from my pack
easier. I am thinking about asking Jason to stay so I can get to know the rest
of my family.”

“I’d love that,” I told her eagerly. Amy’s eyes darted at
me, and I explained my adopted relationship with Kato.

“Jeez Louise,” she exclaimed. “You guys are better than
daytime TV. What else did I miss?”

“Does Leroy know he rescued his cousin?” I asked with a
sudden thought. I’d only met her grandson once, before I knew Wolves existed.
At the time we all believed I was a Sensitive. At Billie’s request I refrained
from reading any of her ’family’ or searching for answers to the oddities I
sensed around me. I’d sensed close ties between Kathryn and Leroy but had no
idea of the family relationship.

Kathryn’s expression showed her worry. “I have left messages
on his cell and at his home, but he has not yet returned them. He is not even
aware of the current conflict, and I am growing concerned. He uses his cell
phone infrequently, which is why I chanced messages through his wife. It is
possible he is hunting like Donna says. I believe she has not given him my
messages.”

“Why would she do that?” Phil asked.

“Donna is not aware of Wolves and does not know I am Leroy’s
grandmother. By appearances, Leroy and I are of a similar age. She has seemed
jealous of his affections more than once.”

“Someone should check on him. If he’s hunting, he could run
into them,” Phil suggested.

I couldn’t come up with a reason for them to bother him and
neither could anyone else. Billie considered the problem before speaking.
“Collared Humans aren’t much of a threat. He’s more likely to be in danger if
we go to him. Kathryn, how worried are you?”

“There is no conceivable benefit to confronting a Human
relative who does not even involve himself in Pack affairs. I worry because he
is my grandson. I wish to assure myself that he is safe, but I do not wish to
add to his danger by my presence.”

I do not sense danger in his future. I cannot know for
certain, but it is likely I would sense my nephew in peril
, Kato informed
me, and I relayed his message to the others.

“Thank you, Kato,” Kathryn inclined her head to the ancient
Wolf. “My mind is eased.” She brought up a question with her Beta. “How are our
packmates faring during this conflict?”

“We’re a resilient bunch,” Billie replied. “I talked to
several of the Humans, and they’re staying busy and enjoying the city. The kids
think it’s a great vacation away from school. Ruth has gathered her family and
some of the others at her home for the duration, and William is guarding them.
She asked if you would stop by regularly to work your magic. The parents,
especially, are having a hard time.”

“I would be delighted. Perhaps Sierra would like to join
me.”

Billie approved. She had no direct authority over how Sierra
managed her gift but hoped the Wolf would seize the opportunity. “Take a strong
escort anytime you take Sierra out. She’s too high of a target.”

“Is anyone going to ask the Pack Medic if her patient can
go?” Amy scowled. “It’s a miracle her leg is healing properly.”

Billie turned to her friend, an entertained expression on
her face. “How are your patients doing?”

Amy pursed her lips at her still-injured Beta. “Ignoring me.
Every last one of you is ignoring me.” Billie raised her eyebrows blandly,
looking for more useful information. Amy sighed and gave a report. “I still
don’t want you or Jason in a fight if you can avoid it. Jason is probably fine,
but another blow to the noggin right after a nasty head injury is asking for
trouble. You keep re-breaking that rib, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you
favor the leg sometimes.