P.S. I Like You (30 page)

I
saw Cade in the parking lot the next morning. He was walking and talking with a guy friend, his smile bright enough to stop traffic, or hearts, mine being the proof of that. How was I going to continue to see him if the day ended badly?

“There’s Cade.” Ashley waved but he didn’t see her so she started to roll down her window.

I grabbed her shoulder. “Please don’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Can we just wait to talk to him?”

“Wait until when?” Then her eyes went wide. “Oh! Do you like Wyatt’s coach? Are you in the ‘being mysterious’ phase?”

I groaned, thinking about that letter waiting to be read under the desk. “I am in the very opposite of the mysterious phase.”

“Then you’re not doing it right.”

“I know. I’m sure I’m failing miserably. I’ve broken every rule.” I got out of the car now that Cade was well past us. “See you after school.”

Chemistry. The desk waited in front of me like a headstone in a zombie movie. I was stuck at the door, staring at it, not sure if in my zombie metaphor that I’d be the girl to charge forward with a pickax. I’d probably be the one running the other way.

“You going to walk or block the doorway?” Sasha said from behind me, forcing her way around me, her shoulder slamming into mine. I tripped forward but didn’t fall. It gave me the momentum I needed to keep walking.

I sat down, counted to three, and went for the letter. My hand only found a fresh piece of gum. So it had been option number two. He liked some other lucky girl. And now he knew it was me. At least I’d told him in a letter, where I didn’t have to
watch
him be horrified. My hopes fell to my feet, crushed more than I thought they’d be.

Why had I thought a mainstream popular guy like Cade would fall for an off-the-beaten-path girl like me, anyway?

My eyes went blurry and I forced them clear again with a few hard blinks. For the first time in a while, I made myself take decent notes, even though Mr. Ortega had long ago stopped requesting them at the end of class.

When the bell mercifully sounded, putting me out of my misery, Mr. Ortega called my name. “Wait for a moment please.”

Sasha gave me a satisfied look so I wondered if she had somehow gotten me in trouble again. As soon as everyone had left, Mr. Ortega held up a folded note. “Is this what you were looking for earlier?” he asked.

My heart started beating hard. He was holding hope in his hand and I wanted to charge him for it. I nodded.

“You and Cade think I’m blind?”

My shoulders tensed. Did that mean he stole my note yesterday as well? The one I’d written to Cade telling him who I was?

“No.”

“I’m glad to hear that because your actions would say otherwise.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No more letter writing in class.”

“I didn’t write my last one in class,” I said even though I knew it didn’t matter.

“Beside the point.”

“Can I have it now?” I asked, nodding toward the letter he held up like a prize I couldn’t win.

“I am going to hang on to this. When you bring up your Chemistry grade, I will turn it over. Until then … ” He opened his desk drawer and dropped it in. “It’s mine.”

It took all my will power not to drop to my knees and beg Mr. Ortega to have mercy on my poor overworked nerves. I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. The halls were empty, everyone already at lunch. If Cade had written me a positive response upon finding out my identity, wouldn’t he be standing in the hall right now with his amazing smile telling me he wanted to get married and have indie rock babies with
me? Unless he hadn’t gotten my letter at all and still didn’t know who I was.

I replayed the final words Mr. Ortega said over and over. I pictured the note falling into the open desk drawer. I needed that letter. I was going to get that letter. It would tell me if Cade had gotten mine. It would tell me if I needed to avoid him forever or not.

I sent my sister a text during final period telling her I was getting a ride home with Isabel. Then I sent Isabel one too, hoping she’d agree to that ride. And I added:

Want to help me steal some keys from the front office after school so I can rescue the letter??

I’d told her what had happened during lunch. She was just as horrified as I was. Her solution was for me to just tell Cade face-to-face. My solution was one that might save me a lifetime of humiliation depending on what the letter said.

Now, she texted back:
Of course I do. I’ll distract, you retrieve.

And that’s where I was now. Retrieving.

I could hear Isabel’s voice at the front desk talking to Mrs. Clark. I had snuck in the back door of the main office and was heading for the long desk. Isabel had a tough job. She not only had to distract Mrs. Clark while I stole the keys, but the whole time I was gone too so that I could put them back without her discovering they were missing. I’d promised Isabel I’d
be as fast as possible. I’d also promised her an ice cream sundae, but that wasn’t helpful to think about now.

Mr. Ortega didn’t have a seventh-period class so I knew he’d be long gone. I only hoped he hadn’t locked his desk like he did the door.

The keys were easy to get; I’d used them before because I was trustworthy and responsible. I was pretty sure I would single-handedly destroy that reputation with Mrs. Clark if she saw me now.

I tucked the keys into my pocket so they wouldn’t jingle and rushed back outside. Once out, I picked up my pace to a run. I was not a runner. I did not like to run. But I ran like I meant it.

Maybe I should’ve joined the cross-country team after all because I wasn’t half bad at this. For about one stretch of sidewalk. By the time I made it to the Science building, I had cursed not only the entire cross-country team, but the sport as a whole. I had a cramp that was sending a painful jolt up my side and I could barely breathe.

In front of the door to Chemistry, I bent over at the waist to gulp some air. Then I remembered Isabel talking to Mrs. Clark and I straightened up and began the process of elimination to find the key.

I had tried five on the ring of what felt like five hundred when the door at the end of the hall slammed shut. I shoved another key in and as luck would have it, the lock turned and I slipped into safety.

The room was dark, the blinds drawn, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. I crept forward, my hands out in front of me. I had made it to the back row of desks when the door swung open and I turned around with a gasp, frantically thinking of a way to explain myself to Mr. Ortega.

But it wasn’t Mr. Ortega. It was Cade, his dazzling smile lighting up the room. The door shut behind him with a click.

“Have I started you down a pathway of crime?” he asked.

I tried to catch my breath again. “Are you trying to take credit for this?”

“I called your name outside but you were running like someone was chasing you.”

“I’m practicing for cross-country.”

“You are?”

“No, I’m not. Running is the worst. Why do people do that on purpose?”

He smiled. “Those aren’t exactly the right shoes for it.”

I looked down at my purple Docs. He was right; they were too heavy for running.

He glanced around the room. “So what are you doing?”

“Don’t you have baseball practice?” I wiped at a bead of sweat on my temple.

“I was heading there when I saw you.”

“Do you have to run at baseball practice?”

“Sometimes.”

“I’m sorry.”

Cade smiled. “I know I’m not the most observant person in the world, but I get the feeling you don’t want to answer my question.”

I laughed. “What gives you that idea?”

“Oh I don’t know … ”

Isabel was going to kill me if I didn’t get rid of him soon and get on with the task.

“Did you change your mind?” he asked.

“Change my mind? About what?”

“You answered and now you’re trying to take back whatever you said?”

My eyes, which had been avoiding his very well up until this point, now latched on to them. He knew I was the letter writer. So he had gotten my letter after all. He was at the advantage now because he knew I liked him and I had no idea how he felt. It’s possible he wrote me an amazing letter about how he thought we would be great friends.

“No,” I said.

“No what?”

“No, I didn’t write back. I mean, I would’ve, probably, maybe, but I didn’t get yours. Mr. Ortega stole it.”

A slow smile spread across his lips. “Really?”

“Cade, please don’t take joy in my panic.”

He laughed. “But it’s so fun.”

I took a couple steps sideways, trying to get around the back row of desks and to Mr. Ortega’s. “I’m just going to
rescue the letter from his desk and talk to you when I’m done reading it.”

I turned, passed my desk … our desk … and was almost to the aisle when he stopped me with, “Lily.”

“Just wait, okay?”

“Lily.” He was behind me now and placed his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him. The heat from his hands seemed to seep into my skin, warming me. “You don’t need to break into his desk. I can tell you what the letter says. I reread it a million times, I should know.” That last sentence he said under his breath.

Letters were safe. They were words, easy to read if enjoyable and stop reading if hurtful. Letters didn’t stare at me like Cade was now staring at me, full of fire.

“I’m scared,” I said.

“Don’t be.” He cleared his throat. “Dear Lily,” he started, and his intense gaze didn’t waver. “I’ve known you were the letter writer since the night I picked up Wyatt for baseball practice several weeks ago. I heard the music you were playing. A song only we, and possibly up to one hundred other people, would know.”

My breath stopped short in my throat. “What?” I interrupted him. “You knew before Thanksgiving? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t
you
say anything?”

“Because you hated me.”

“I had the same reason. Because you hated me. I thought if you knew it was me that you’d stop writing.”

My mind went back to our exchanges over the last few weeks. How he had raised his eyebrows when I mentioned us getting along because it was Thanksgiving—a reference to our letters I hadn’t thought he’d put together.

Thanksgiving.
He knew it was me that whole day. And then I kicked him out of my house. No wonder he thought I hated him.

There was something I still didn’t understand, though. “What about Sasha?”

“What about her? I told you we’re not together.”

“Were you?”

“No. She asked me out. I felt I needed to give her a chance—she’s a friend. I did. We weren’t … What’s that word you used? Compatible?”

I nodded. “But, how, why? She had the letters I wrote to you.”

“She did?” He sighed. “I kept them in the glove box of my car. She must’ve found them. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I thought you thought she was me.”

“You thought that I thought she was the letter writer?” His voice was as shocked as his expression. “Sasha?”

I laughed. “Yes.”

“No. I didn’t. Not for one second. Not even when I went into Chemistry and saw her sitting in our seat. I’ll get the letters back from her.”

“She gave them to me.”

“She did? That’s not like her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She wasn’t exactly happy when I told her she and I weren’t compatible. I’m surprised she didn’t use the notes against us.”

I hadn’t thought about it before, but that surprised me, too. “Lucky us?”

“Seriously. Now, shhh, I’m trying to read you a letter.” He was still holding my shoulders. I was still warm from the inside out.

“Go on then.”

“I was surprised when I found out it was you that day, but the more I thought about it the less I was surprised. Then I was frustrated, because this amazing girl I’d come to know on paper was the only girl in the whole school who wanted nothing to do with me.”

“The only girl in the whole school? That might be a bit of an exaggeration.”

“No interrupting letters. If you were reading this, you wouldn’t be able to interrupt.”

“I would’ve definitely stopped at that part to scoff.”