ProvokeMe (31 page)

The phone rang half an hour later.
It was still sitting in
her lap.

She flipped it open and stared at the readout.
Oh God.
She so had no clue how to deal with stuff like this.
Maybe she was better off
with one-weekend stands.
“Hey.
You didn’t need to call me back,” she said in
her most casual voice.

“I wanted to.” He sounded like a mixture of heaven and hell,
wrapped in a thin chocolaty layer of sex-drenched sin.
“I didn’t know if you’d
realize I sent them.”

“Signing the card usually alleviates that problem.”

He paused.
“It’s your day.
I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“You didn’t.”
It’s already pure hell.
“Thank you.
Daisies are my favorite flower.”

“I, ah, sort of guessed from the background on your PDA.”

Her cheeks burned.
Of course.
“Good guess.”

“They suit you.” He let out a breath.
“Why’d you quit?”

“Because I didn’t feel the same anymore,” she said, sure he
wouldn’t understand what she meant.
She’d never see the bookstore the same way
again.
Easier to step away and start anew than watch what you loved turn into
something you didn’t recognize.

“I know it doesn’t change anything but I’m sorry, Kelly.
So
sorry.”

“I’m okay,” she said hoarsely, praying repetition would make
it true.

“Are you?”

“Yes.”
I will be.

“What are you going to do now?”

A dozen flippant answers came to mind but she went with
honesty.
“Try to find something I love as much.
If it exists.” She doubted
there could be another something or someone, but she wasn’t giving up without a
fight.
Now that she’d tasted the good stuff, there was no way she was going back
to just getting by.

No fucking way.

“I hope you do.
Kelly…”

She drew her knees up to her chest and laid her forehead on
them.
Tears loomed and she didn’t know if she’d be able to hold them off if she
stayed on the phone much longer.
Which was stupid.
This was her chance to grill
him.

Did you really sleep with Diana?
And if you didn’t, why
did you make me think you did?
Did you just not know how to let me down easily?
So why did you send me flowers?

“I’ll let you go,” he said finally.

She shook her head, not ready to let him go.
She’d never be
ready.
But he couldn’t see her and she couldn’t speak over the lump in her
throat.

“Happy birthday, Kelly,” he said softly.
Then he hung up.

For a long time, she didn’t move from that spot.
In a sense,
she had closure.
He cared about her.
In some small way, he cared.
But that
didn’t mean they were well-suited.
At least she had amazing memories to cling
to.

And weep over.

Eventually, she went downstairs to her mailbox.
She didn’t
pay much attention to the stack of bills, but the small box sent overnight mail
caught her eye.
No return address.
Could be a birthday gift, she supposed,
though she’d already had her fill of those.

She tore open the end of the package and shook the contents
into her palm.
At first she just stared.
Then the tears she’d fought broke
through, obscuring the object she gripped in her hand.

Her PDA.

Chapter Seventeen

Three months later

Delaney’s Furniture, a sprawling store the size of a full
city block, was a place Spencer had avoided entering on sheer principle.
He
wasn’t a fan of shopping, especially furniture shopping.
The pieces in his
house he’d picked up through various catalogs over the years, not really caring
what they looked like together.

Except his bookcases.
Those had to be just right, so he’d
had them specially made.
But in general?
He just wanted a rug, a couch, a bed.
He wasn’t a designer.
He was a bookseller.

Or he had been until a few hours ago.
Maybe he would be
again.

Right now, his whole life hinged on a whole lot of
maybes
.

Prior biases aside, he acknowledged the store was attractive
and understated.
Almost homey, if you aspired to live in an old-fashioned
painting.
Subtle violin music greeted him as soon as he opened the frosted
glass door but he barely noticed it as he climbed the sloped entrance to the
showroom floor.
Colorful artwork adorned the walls and the hardwood floors
reflected the spills of light from the endless array of ornate lamps.
They were
even giving away little cups of fancy coffee.

He didn’t want coffee in a thumb-sized cup.
Though he was
tempted to grab one off the table near the door, just to wet his throat.
He
probably couldn’t have swallowed it anyway.
Too much rode on this coming out
the way he needed it to and he’d never been the best closer.
What had occurred
this afternoon was evidence enough.

But that was the past.
And this wasn’t a fight he could
lose.

“May I help you, sir?” A coiffed blonde glided up to him,
clipboard in hand.

“Yes.
I need a bed.
A really big one.”

She didn’t blink.
“Wonderful.
I’m Corinne.
Let me show you
to our Bedroom Essentials area.”

“Fab.” He slipped his hands in his pockets and jingled his
change.
It wasn’t as good as pacing, but it would have to do for the time
being.

He followed Corinne, his gaze on every face he passed.
This was
a classy place.
How would management react if a screaming fight broke out
amongst the box springs and mattresses?
Just because he’d come prepared to deal
didn’t mean he’d be met with a warm reception.

He almost anticipated a fight.
Anything to banish the
whitewash that had descended over his world.

God, he missed her.
Nothing in his life had seemed right
since she’d left it.

They walked forever, winding around sectionals and cozy room
groupings arranged near fake fireplaces complete with cardboard cutouts of
flames.
Finally he saw the bedroom section, which looked mercifully deserted.
Delaney’s had just copped its first break of the evening.

“So you said you’d like a big bed.
Do you have a preferred
brand or—”

“I’ll just look myself,” he interrupted.
“Thanks.”

“Oh, but—”

“Thank you,” he said firmly, turning away.

“If you need help, I’ll be up front.
Take your time.”

He surveyed the small desk at the back of the bedroom area.
Was that hers?
Why wasn’t she there?

She was supposed to be working today.
He’d checked.
Several
times.
The last thing he’d wanted was to show up and find her gone.
Unless
there had been an emergency.
Or maybe she’d spotted his car in the parking lot
and fled out a back entrance, never to be seen again.

Shaking his head at his foolishness, he gave in and paced
under the guise of studying the beds.
As if he gave a hoot about a mattress.
If
it didn’t fall to the floor when he collapsed on it, he figured he’d picked a
good one.

Selling mattresses and featherbeds had to be beyond boring.
She must’ve really been desperate if she’d quit The Book Nook to come work in a
place like this, though he didn’t doubt she did well for herself here.
She was
a hard worker with a great eye for design.
Delaney’s had probably snapped her
up without a second thought.

So where the hell was she?

Spencer picked up a stuffed sheep pillow and bunched it
between his hands, wondering how long he could loiter.
Then he heard feminine
laughter.
Her
laughter.
The sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

“I’ve got to go.
I’m already running late—” She stopped
mid-sentence.
“Can I help you, sir?”

His hands were still full of sheep.
He braced, shifting her
way.
Even the breath he inhaled so sharply his lungs protested didn’t help.

So much for thinking he was ready.

Dear God, she looked gorgeous.
He’d never seen her dressed
so…
sleekly
.
Black leather pencil-thin skirt, matching thigh-skimming
jacket over a bright red top.
Hoops shone at her ears and little clips held
back her hair, which now dusted her shoulders.
She’d gained an air of sophistication
since he’d last seen her, an extra patina of poise.
But that same sweet
vulnerability he’d fallen for was still there, lurking in her confident whiskey
eyes.

If he’d ever questioned his feelings before, he definitely
harbored no doubts now.
As he met her gaze, he remembered everything they’d had
and all that he’d thrown away.
He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

If only she would give him one more chance.
That’s all he
needed.

“I’d like a bed,” he said softly.
“With you in it.”

Kelly’s heart stopped.
Just stopped.

How could Spencer be standing beside a mattress at
Delaney’s, holding Buddy the sheep and looking at her as if the last three
months had never happened?
His eyes revealed so much.
If he’d worn that
expression the night in his office, she might’ve fought harder.
She might’ve
even believed they had a chance.

But he hadn’t.
And now she didn’t know if it was too late.

Kelly swung her purse over her shoulder and sidestepped one
of the many beds.
She could list the features and benefits of each without a
second thought.

“Sorry, I don’t come with the merchandise,” she said,
deliberately reminding him of the morning after their breakup.

Her voice didn’t falter and her steps were steady.
Ever so
slowly, she was heading toward where she wanted to be.
The path to
self-assurance had been full of potholes, but she was on her way.

He grabbed her wrist when she would’ve continued past him.
“So forget the bed.
I’ll just take you.”

His fingers bit into her skin, bringing back erotic memories
she’d spent too many nights dreaming about during the long, hot summer.
She was
hallucinating this whole scene.
Had to be.
She’d always known they would meet
again, but she’d figured it would be at her insistence.
And she’d always
assumed that meeting would end in goodbye.

This felt very much like hello.
With extra emphasis on the
“O”.

She inclined her chin.
“You could start with something a
little more traditional.”

“Like?”

“Like how are you?”

A brief smile twisted his lips.
“How are you?” he asked,
sliding his thumb down to circle the heart of her palm.

Okay.
All right.
Absolutely fine.
“I’ve been well.
And you?”

She expected some standard answer.
Not for him to step
closer and grab her other wrist and then hold both to his chest as if they
weren’t in the middle of the bedroom department at Delaney’s.
“Lousy.
Miserable.” He stared into her eyes, hiding nothing.
“I miss you.”

Even with her heart beating way too fast and her face
heating under his stare, she tried to stay strong and hold her ground.
Really
she did.
But it was a halfhearted battle, one she almost relished losing.
“What
happened between you and Diana?
For real?”

“I’d hoped we could discuss that in private.”

She tugged her wrists out of his hold.
“It’s been three
months.
You discuss it right here or privacy will mean you’re spending the rest
of the night alone with your right hand.”

Instead of getting annoyed, he flashed her a dazzling grin.
“There’s my girl.
Even with this sexy new image, she’s still there under the
leather and lace.”

“Well, duh.” She tried to roll her eyes but she was secretly
pleased by his praise.
“They’re just clothes.
I have to dress the part of the
furniture hawker, you know.
No jeans and clogs allowed.”

“You like it here?”

“I do.”

“It’s not The Book Nook.”

“No.” Nothing ever would be.
But that was okay.
She’d found
a sort of contentment at Delaney’s and with her life as it was now, and that
was enough.

Well, all right, it wasn’t enough.
But she wasn’t crying
every night.
She’d even started dating again.
She’d kissed a guy and hadn’t felt
like rinsing out her mouth afterward, a major victory as far as she was
concerned.

“Can we go somewhere?
Anywhere you’d like.
Please.”

She nodded, strangely eager to test the edginess she sensed
in him.
Was that really all for her?
Or was she seeing things that weren’t
there again?

Only one way to be certain.
Trial by fire, baby.

“I’m late for a dinner date,” she said, expecting him to
shoot her one of the irritated, possessive looks he’d perfected.
He didn’t.
“With my parents,” she added.

“Your parents.” His Adam’s apple jerked as he swallowed.
“They’re in town?
How…nice.”

“Yeah.
If you want to come, you’re welcome to.” She crossed
her arms over her chest and waited for the excuses to start.
Only a fool would
go to dinner with a woman’s parents after what Spencer had put her through.

A fool or a man desperate enough to do anything, she
realized when he nodded.
“I’d like to, thank you.
I’ll drive you.”

“No.” She wasn’t getting in a car with him and they weren’t
ending up in a bed before she’d had time to think.
Not this time.
“Separate
cars.
We’re meeting at Darby’s.
On Ellwood.”

“Okay.
Whatever you prefer.”

She stepped back and caught her breath as her gaze roamed
his face.
He was still so gorgeous her heart hurt to look at him, but the
shadows under his eyes had become dark welts.
“You look so tired,” she murmured
before she could stop herself.

“It’s been a long summer.” He laced his fingers through
hers, lifting their clasped hands to his mouth for a brief kiss.
“You look
beautiful.”

For once she didn’t argue with him.
She wasn’t ready to
start bantering with him again, despite her comment about his right hand.
It
was so easy to fall back into the old routine but she couldn’t.
She had to
remember her boundaries.
If he wanted to be in her life, she wouldn’t make it
easy on him.

This time he’d have to work for it.

“I’ll see you there,” she said, drawing her hand away.

He smiled.
“Count on it.”

* * * * *

Dinner with Kelly’s parents went better than could be
expected.
Liking them was a relief.
Them seeming to like him was a miracle.
He’d figured he’d end up with a bottle of something cold in his lap by night’s
end, but instead they killed him with kindness.

Despite Kelly’s assertions of how different she was from
them, they were just like her.
Sweet, giving, open.
Good-hearted people he
didn’t have a right to be near, lest his black, festering soul leech some of
their white light.