Proud Wolf's Woman (35 page)

I love you,
she said with the sway of her head, the shawl coming around her as she twirled.

I honor you, Julia, my love,
his steady dance said as he followed her around the circle, his steps intersecting and becoming a part of hers. He took her in his arms and kissed her.

The drumbeat all at once stopped, the singing ceased, and Julia and Neeheeowee, a part of the music, a part of the rhythm left off all movement, Neeheeowee still holding her tightly to him.

“Taku kin oyas’in isanbya canteciciye,”
he whispered in Lakota. “I love you more than anything else. Julia,” he murmured into her ear alone, “I want to marry you.”

And Julia, there under the softening light of a full moon and a million stars overhead, agreed.

The drums started again, the singing, the voices, but Julia and Neeheeowee walked away from it, out of the circle, unaware that all within the circle observed them go.

But nothing lasts forever, and as the drums kept on, the people began to look back, away from the two lovers, and all began to move again in time to the rhythm. A new precedent had been set this night and no one said a word when the women stayed inside the circle with the men, dancing.

They could barely wait until they reached the guest tepee, both scooting inside with a fluidity of movement that denied their haste. Julia’s dress fell to the floor without pause, Neeheeowee’s breechcloth followed close behind. Moccasins flew into the air, one after the other, neither of them caring where they landed.

He took her in his arms. “I love you more than anything else, more than my vows, more than my hatred. I think I have loved you this way from the moment I first saw you, I was just too stubborn to admit it.”

“And I love you,” she said.

“Julia,” he fell to his knees, taking her with him. He kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, her lips. “I know I cannot give you much. There are so many men who could offer you more. Are you sure you wish to stay with me? Are you sure you want to marry me?”

Julia half smiled. “I’m sure,” she said, then fell silent. Memories came back to her; Neeheeowee fixing her moccasins, though he’d been more than a little upset with her at the time; Neeheeowee rubbing ointment onto her feet; Neeheeowee listening to her point of view, nodding and taking her advice more times than not; Neeheeowee protecting her against harm as they crossed the prairie together. He had provided her with food, clothing, protection, and now he gave her the warmth of love and companionship.

Stay with him? Yes, she thought so.

“Julia?
Nemene’hehe?”
he asked, his tongue glazing over her neck. “You seem to think about it for a long time. Do you have doubts?”

“No, my love,” she said. “I did at one time, but tonight at the dance, I saw things clearly. I love you; I wish to stay with you. You, with your kind and gentle ways, have healed my heart, taken away my doubts. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Julia saw him close his eyes as he inhaled sharply. But all he said was “Julia,” before he rubbed his hands up and down her spine, his touch ranging lower and lower, until, grabbing ahold of her buttocks, he pulled her up close, letting her feel the state of his arousal.

“Tonight,” he said, “I honor you. I have been too much like a young boy in the past, but tonight I pay tribute to you.”

He took her weight into his arms and set her onto their sleeping robes. “You have been married before,” he said, one arm resting around her, the other over her body, his hands playing havoc with her breasts. “Did your husband ever initiate you into the more subtle forms of lovemaking?”

Julia arched her back, giving him more access to her body. She could hardly speak, but at last she said, “I am unsure what you mean.”

“Did he ever kiss you here?” He touched her feminine mound.

Julia gasped. “Neeheeowee!”

“Eaaa,”
he said, “I was right. He did not take the time to show you the more pleasurable forms of love.” Neeheeowee suddenly smiled. “I am glad,” he whispered, then began to inch his way down her belly, kissing every bit of skin he came in contact with.

“Neeheeowee, you can’t!” she said, trying to pull him back up toward her.

“Julia, I want to do this,” he said, looking up. “There is not much I can give you. Let me give you what no other man can. This is my gift to you.”

He had come up onto his elbows over her, and, as Julia gazed up at him, she was struck by the sincerity of his gaze. Still…

“But Neeheeowee, you would embarrass me.”

“Embarrass you? How could I do this?”

“Because,” she said, “you…I…what I mean to say is…” She gazed at him, at the love she saw there in his eyes and right then in her heart, she capitulated. She sighed, “All right,” she said, running her fingers through his long, dark hair. “But you must promise me that if I let you do this, you will let me return the favor to you.”

Neeheeowee smiled at her, and, lifting her head slightly toward him, he kissed her.
“Eaaa,”
he whispered, “my Julia. How I do love you, but this is my gift to you. It is given freely. There is nothing expected in return—”

“But I—”

“Sh-h-h-h,” he murmured into her ear. “Later, much later, if you are comfortable with me. For now, if you so much as touched me, I would explode. I hold myself back by the thinnest of strings. I would give this gift to you. I would know you as I want you to know me. But I warn you that if I do this, it will draw us closer and closer together.”

“It will?”

A smile was all he gave her as answer. And Julia, the beginnings of a grin on her lips, said, “I would like that very much.”

“Eaaa!
My Julia, My
Nemene’hehe.”

He touched her there, his fingers like smooth velvet against her. He spread her legs with a gentle hand, grinning a bit as he said, “You resist me as though we have never made love. This is just another way for me to love you. You will like it, I think.” And then he kissed her there, and Julia thought she had never been so scandalized.

She thought she would simply endure it and thank him very much for his gift, but his lips seemed to work magic, and Julia found herself responding to the overpowering sensuality of his touch.

She moaned, arching her back a little in silent invitation to do more. And he did, his kiss going on and on, his tongue exploring hidden areas. She began to move with the power of it, she began to respond to the magic of it. She began to feel. She…she spread her legs a little farther.

And still it went on and on.

“Neeheeowee, Neeheeowee, I—” Pleasure built and built within her until she was completely certain she couldn’t take more of it. And then, and then, a thousand explosions went off inside her.

She reached for Neeheeowee, and he was there for her, never withdrawing his touch until the very end.

“Julia,” he said, reaching for her when her heartbeat had settled back down. “Julia, I am afraid I cannot hold back, I try. I—”

Julia didn’t even think twice. She arched her hips up toward him, feeling his joining with her as though it were a sort of release.

“Julia,” he said again, looking down on her as he thrust deeply within her. “I have never loved anyone as I love you.”

“Nor have I,” Julia murmured back, her movements meeting his, becoming a part of his.

Julia looked up to him as he strained over her, and, seeing him gazing back at her, she felt herself let go. Gone were the prejudices, gone were her doubts. Somewhere along the way, she had become a part of this man, and as he met his release, she felt herself merging with him, and yet spinning apart from him. Something had just happened between them. She had looked at him, she had touched him; she knew him now with a certainty of just who and what he was, and, as she smoothed back his hair as he settled over her, she knew she would love him always.

Yes, she had looked at him and she had found him beautiful. Was there any person on earth as lucky as she?

Somehow she didn’t think so.

Chapter Twenty

It came early in the morning. Neeheeowee and Julia had barely fallen asleep, after awakening to love one another yet again. It came with no warning, without any preparation for it. It came without asking: the dream.

He saw the face of his former wife before him and in her arms she held their child.

“How could you forget your promise?” her eyes exclaimed. “The Pawnee who murdered me still roam free. And I am forever trapped here until the moment of full justice.”

Neeheeowee tried to wake himself, but he couldn’t. She held out the body of their baby.

“Do not forget your baby,” she said.
“
You must seek out these murderers. Only then will I and your son be free.”

Neeheeowee awoke with a start, cold sweat already beading and pooling on his body. His breathing was shallow, his pulse raced, and as he lay there, he reached out to touch Julia.

Julia. Somehow she had become the only thing real in his life. He didn’t want to think of his past life anymore; he didn’t want to remember his thirst for revenge. Hadn’t it already claimed five years of his life?

And then he remembered his vow. He sighed.

The ghost of his former wife must surely have a heart filled with hatred, for she could not even allow him a moment’s happiness.

Neeheeowee shut his eyes. What did she want with him?

He moaned. He knew what she wanted from him. Revenge, sweet and simple. And at one time, he would have done anything to give it to her.

But he didn’t want it anymore. He wanted Julia. He wanted a life with her. He wanted to laugh with her; he wanted to see her full with his children. He wanted to grow old with her. He wanted her for his wife.

He stared up into the flaps of the tepee, noticing that a dim light had begun to fill the sky. He had awakened later than usual, too late to go out upon his early morning hunt. He grimaced, upset with himself. He would have to do better in the future.

Dogs barked outside, making Neeheeowee instantly alert. More dogs joined in barking furiously and Neeheeowee flew to his feet, grabbing his breechcloth and weapons as he had been taught to do from childhood. He rushed out of their tepee toward where the commotion took place. And there he paused.

A war party returned. A beaten war party; the same party that had gone out to teach the Pawnee a lesson about Lakota borders.

Neeheeowee groaned. How many were dead?

He watched the men filter into the camp, noting that no packhorse carried a body. Were there no casualties, or had the warriors been unable to recover the bodies?

If this latter were the case, it was indeed a grim day for the Minneconjou camp.

By this time, Julia had awakened and had come out to see what was the matter. She stood behind Neeheeowee, and, for a moment, just one delicate instant in time, his head spun. Perhaps it was her scent, perhaps it was simply her presence, or maybe it was a premonition of things to come; whatever it was, Neeheeowee found himself wanting to reach around him and take her into his arms, never to let her go.

Something had happened between them last night. He had told Julia that if he made love to her in the way that he did, that it would draw the two of them closer together.

He had been right.

He had touched the essence of exactly who and what she was last night, and he had found himself loving her more now than he could ever remember loving anything or anybody. He didn’t want to leave her now, he didn’t want to lose her.

And yet, here were the warriors that had set out against the Pawnee. Beaten, defeated.

Could he allow the Pawnee to triumph? Could he allow the Pawnee into his own country, letting them commit murder again? Could he allow them anywhere close to Julia?

He knew the answers to his own questions before he even asked them, just as he knew what he had to do.

He had to go find the Pawnee. But this time, in tracking his enemy, he had to be successful. He had to bring an end to this once and for all.

Turning around, he stalked away from Julia without so much as a glance at her. He knew his action hurt her; he knew he should at least smile at her and give her tender greeting, but he couldn’t.

If he turned to talk to her now, he would most likely break down in front of her, in front of the whole tribe. He didn’t want to go to war. He didn’t want to do what he had to do.

He must.

There was a difference.

“What’s wrong?” Julia wanted to know.

She had seen Neeheeowee return to their tepee, she had noted the grim expression on his face, and she didn’t understand. He had merely watched the war party return to the camp. What could have happened to him so quickly? True, the war party had not done well, but neither had they done too badly. No one had been killed during the skirmish; and for that all the people were happy. So why did Neeheeowee look so dispirited?

She came into his tepee. He didn’t turn around to acknowledge her, nor did he even look up.

“Are you going to answer my question?” she asked, then repeated, “What is wrong?”

He drew a deep, steady breath, though he still did not look at her. “I go now to find the Pawnee. I have been too long off of this purpose. It has brought us harm.”

“I disagree,” she said evenly. “The Pawnee have been routed home. Didn’t you hear the stories of the warriors? The Pawnee are on the run.”

Neeheeowee merely shrugged, not even turning around. “It makes little difference to me. The one or ones I look for are still here. I must seek them out; it has been my duty these past years. It is time now for me to bring this to an end.”

“And what about me?”

“What about you?”

“Are you going to leave me now after you asked me to marry you last night?”

Neeheeowee stopped all movement. And though his back was still toward her, she saw him gaze upward while his hands came down to his sides. Finally, he bent his head. “I should not have said that to you,” he said. “I am not free to take you as wife. I do not know what happened to me last night.”