Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (13 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

~KAYLA~

Game night was a blast.  We played ‘Scene It’ on the television.  At first we played in teams and then singles.  I laughed at how competitive the guys were with each other, although I was pretty sure Mary and Nate were worse.  They were fighting constantly.  I did notice Mary grabbing his ‘package’ and him grabbing her ass.  I couldn’t be certain, but I was pretty confident there was something going on between them.

‘Cranium’ was the next game on the agenda, which
split us into teams again.  Nate seemed so distracted, and his answers were short and jumpy.  Mary wasn’t mad anymore; she was laughing.  Something was definitely going on, and I was going to ask her about it when the guys left.

I had never had so much fun in my life.  For the first time in a long time, I
let myself forget about the mess my life was in because of Alex and the pending case, and just enjoyed the company of my sister, Nate, and Jason.  Turning and looking at him while he teased Nate about an answer, I realized that it was all because of him.  The day could have been so much worse than what it was, but instead the pain, the fear –everything was forgotten except for Jason and the calm he brought to my life.  He said I was his sunshine; well he was my moon - my Konane.  I spent some time in Hawaii a few years earlier, and Konane means ‘bright moonlight’ in Hawaiian. 

I’m his sunlight and he is my moonlight.
 

I laughed out loud at that.

Jason turned and looked at me.  He smiled, and I dropped my gaze to my hands.  Jason reached over and lifted my head, shaking his.  Dropping his hand from my chin, he took my hand under the table.  My thoughts were immediately brought back to our kisses.  Two amazing, consuming, ice melting kisses.  I had never been kissed before.  Well, Alex had tried to kiss me once, but I bit his tongue.  Hard.  He never tried again.  For that I was grateful.  Jason brought a whole other side out of me that I never knew existed.  Just thinking about those kisses sent a tingling throughout my body and I shivered.

“You cold?”  Jason
asked, looking at me with concern.

I just shook my head and smiled.  I focused back on the game and was soon enthralled in the fun of
game night again.  I wanted more nights like that.  To feel happy and carefree all the time would have been amazing. 

Looking at the others, I
didn’t think they realized how lucky they were to be able to have so much fun, and not have to worry about the darkness coming back when the fun was over.  The darkness would be hunting me down, and what I got earlier that day would be a walk in the park compared to what was in store for me next if the darkness caught me.  The realization stopped me cold. My head turned to the window, and there in a tree was Alex.

I screamed and fell over backwards in my chair.  Jason still had a hold of my hand until I tipped too far back and hit the floor.  Rolling out of the chair, I stood and looked back at the window.  Alex was still there.

“Kayla? What’s wrong?”

I could hear Jason talking, but it was muffled.  I was
frozen, staring out the window, my eyes locked with Alex’s.  The tree he was in was next to my dining room window, and it was close enough to the building for me to see the damage my brother had done to him.  It was because of that that I was able to finally speak.  I knew he couldn’t do anything right then.

“He’s in the tree
,” I whispered.

Jason’s head flung around
, and Alex smiled, waved, and started climbing down the tree.

“FUCK!”  Jason screamed and ran toward the door.  “Stay with the girls
, Nate! Take them to the bathroom.”

Without even a chance to stop the chain of events, Jason was out the door and we were being ushered
- and what I really mean is I was being shoved - into the bathroom.  Time seemed to be nonexistent at that moment.  I knew what Alex was capable of, and I also knew he had buddies willing to fight for him.  Jason was out there with Alex on his own.

Oh God!  What if he was hurt because he wanted to help me?

“I need to go out there.  He’s going to get hurt!”

“Kay, you need to stay here.”

“No!  He’ll be hurt!”

I tried to shove past Nate, but he wouldn’t move.  If something happened to Jason, it would be because of me.  It would be my fault.  I tried to get past him again, but Nate held on to me.  His hold didn’t calm me like Jason’s.  I began to panic.

“Let me go!  Jason!”

The longer Nate held me the more the panic took over me.  I kne
w Nate wouldn’t hurt me, but his touch didn’t erase the fears and pain like Jason’s, so in my mind, it was Alex holding me.  The trembling started small, but grew the longer he held me.  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block everything out.  It was so hard to breathe.  I tried hard to drag in deep breaths, but it wasn’t working.

“P-please don’t hurt me.  I can’t take anymore.  I can’t take it.  Please don’t hurt me
,” I sobbed.

I could feel the tightness around me fall away, but the panic and pain were there.  I collapsed to the floor hard.  The shaking was get
ting worse.  My chest was tight.  Behind my closed eyes were spinning images of all Alex’s attacks.  They were running through my head like a horror movie on repeat.

“NO! DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Yelling at him never worked, but I did anyway.

“I just want you to leave me alone.”

Crying never worked, but I couldn’t stop it.

“One day I will fucking kill you!  I will come after you and kill your fucking ass
, and I won’t be sorry about it either.  The world will rejoice when your sorry ass is gone!  Stay the fuck away from me!” 

Threats only made them worse.

The pain from each attack came back.  Each hit, each cut, each stab; I felt each and every one all over again.  I cried out as the whip lashed across my back.  I begged for him to stop.  I was pleading, trying to get some relief from the pain, but he only yanked my head back, spit in my face, and told me to shut up.

I felt the pains of the knife cutting into my backside.  It was slow
, and almost as if I could count the layers of skin he was breaking through as he carved into me.

“You will forever be mine now
,” he laughed.

I spoke back
one day, and he had some pointy object that when he hit me with it, it would dig into the skin and stay until he yanked it back out.  Those things going into my skin were not nearly as painful as when they were pulled out.  He left after he got what he came there for, leaving me broken and in pain.

“Oh God, why does this keep happening to me?  I can’t take much more.  I just want to die.  Please take me out of my misery
,” I sobbed.

When he arrived a third time in one week, I actually broke down and begged him.  I begged him to just finish it and get it over with.

“Please, I’m begging you just kill me.  Just kill me, Alex.  Quit toying with me and kill me!”

“Funny, I don’t remember giving you a choice in what happens.  I’m having too much fun playing with my prey to kill it
,” he laughed.

“Make it stop!  Please make it stop!  I can’t
… someone please help me!  Please…” I cried.

The movie playing
behind my closed eyes began to fade, and warmth filled my cold body.  I felt like I was floating - like I wasn’t even in my body anymore.  My vision swayed as if I were being rocked.  An image appeared in place of my horror movie.  I smiled.

“Jason.  My Konane…” I whispered.

Sobs escaped and before I could stop them, they took over me, shaking my body from their force.  His image started to disappear, and I cried out for him to come back.

“Please don’t leave me
,” I whispered in defeat. 

His image was gone.

“I’m not going anywhere, sunshine.”

I
knew I’d just heard Jason.  It was his voice; I’d recognize it anywhere.

“Jason?”  I whispered.

“Yes, I’m right here.  Open your eyes.”

“I don’t want you to disappear.  If I open my eyes you’ll be gone.” I sobbed.

“No, sunshine, I’m right here with you; I’m holding you.  Open your eyes and see.”

Slowly, I started to open my eyes.  The room was darkened, but not completely dark.  When I opened my eyes fully, I was immediately caught in Jason’s eyes.  My eyes filled with tears and my body sagged in relief as I cried into his chest and he held me.

“Shhhh, sunshine.  It’s okay.  I’m right here.”

He stroked my hair and he rocked from side to side.

I cried until there was nothing left.  Jason held me all through it.  He didn’t rush me to stop crying.  He didn’t tell me I was overreacting or that I was a baby.  He just held me and let me let go.  No one had done that before.

“You better?”

I nodded my head, but didn’t speak and I kept my face buried in his chest.  If I looked up, it might end the moment, and I wanted to hold on to it.  When I was in his arms - when he held me - nothing else in the world mattered, and nothing got in.  If I moved away from his embrace, the fear that I was not really safe or that I was really in a nightmare would come back at me full force, and I didn’t want to be back there just yet.

“What happened in there sunshine?  Nate said you were screaming a bunch of things like he was attacking you.”

“I… I don’t know.  I wanted to get out to you before you got hurt and it was my fault.  When I tried to get past him he held me tight against him and it just…” my voice trailed off.

“You went back to the moments when you lost all control with Alex?”
he finished.

I nodded my head.  There wasn’t much more that I could say
or that needed said. Having control was a luxury to me, and in the moments that I didn’t have it, I panicked.  I couldn’t take each incident today on its own; it all falls back to Alex for the reason I panicked the way I did.

“Nate would never hurt you.  He is here to protect you just as much as I am
,” he said as he ran his hand through my hair. 

“You wouldn’t understand Jason.  You have control over your life.  There
hasn’t been a moment when someone took that away from you like Alex has done with me.  I can’t tell you how hard that is to forget, especially when it’s still going.”

“You’re right
, I don’t know what that is like.  Why don’t you explain it to me?  What makes you panic outside of him?  Why don’t you panic around me?”

The moment was ending
  I could feel it, but he asked the right questions that deserved answers.  He put his life in danger for me, it was the least I could to answer the questions.  I took a deep breath, breathing in his scent.  I never wanted to forget it.

“Alex comes into my life and forces himself on me
, in more ways than just sexually.  He takes away securities each and every time he attacks me.  Each security is then viewed as a vulnerability in my life.  I am sitting here with no safeties and completely lost as to who I can trust and who can help me.  Then I meet you, and something in me is drawn to you.  I… I can’t help but follow.  I can’t explain it Jason, but when I am near you - when you hold me - I am not scared anymore.  It’s like a freedom; a safe place I’ve never had before.  You are the only one that has ever had that effect on me.  I know it doesn’t make sense and I am not explaining myself well, but that’s how it feels.”

I stopped talking.  Nothing was said for a
while, and I was afraid to look up.  He lifted my chin a moment later so I was looking at his face.  He stared into my eyes, and I got lost in his.

“You have the same effect on me
.” he whispered.  “You are unlike any other woman I have met in my life.  You’re different.  You calm me when I’m out of control, and you ground me when I get too cocky.  I understand not being able to explain it when we really don’t know each other well, but I am here to protect you and catch this bastard.  You deserve a life, Kayla.  You deserve to be able to walk out your door and not have to check every nook and cranny just to ensure that you are alone.  Most of all, sunshine, you deserve to be loved.  You deserve to love in return.  I will do whatever I can to get this bastard out of your life so that maybe you can actually start having a life.  Putting your own stamp on and all that shit.”

I chuckled softly. It was the sweetest thing I
had ever been told.  It was, in a way, exactly how I felt about him.  I was trying hard to not get my hopes up that one day, he could be the one I loved and who loved me in return.  He was everything I dreamed about when I was little, before those dreams were ripped from me.

He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I sighed.

“Now enough of this serious shit!” he said with a grin.  “Why don’t we get back to our game?  What do you say?”

I smiled.  He was perfect!
 

“
Yes, please!”