Protecting Lyndley (21 page)

Lyndley

One Month Later

I lay there on my bed aimlessly staring at the ceiling, not a single thought running through my mind. It had now been four weeks, one day and twelve hours since I last saw Ky Wakely’s face, and I was starting to come to the realization that
it would probably be the last time I ever did. I mean who could really blame the guy? From the first day he met me our relationship had been built on nothing but fear, fear of dying, fear of being found out, and fear of knowing that he may never be able to get over his tainted past.

Not a second went by in my days when I didn’t think about him. I constantly wondered where he was, what he was doing and if he was happy. If I’ve learned one thing from this whole ordeal it was that life is too precious and fragile not to live it the way that you want. The night that I died was the night I vowed to live my life as if everyday was my last. My heart belonged to Ky in every sense of the meaning, and I would fight for him until I took my last breath.

See that’s the funny thing about dying, it makes you never want to miss an opportunity to be happy. Despite our rocky relationship, Ky made me happy. He was home to me and right now, I was homeless. I had called him at least a dozen times a week since I left the hospital, but he never answered and never replied. Deep down I was hoping that he just needed some time to deal with everything that had happened. That one morning he would wake up and come running to me, and never leave my side. Unfortunately, that day had yet to arrive.

I missed him beyond words. I missed him so badly that it hurt
physically. My heart ached for his touch, for his love. My body ached from wanting to feel his tender arms wrapped around me, holding me in his safe embrace. I could take quite a bit and I
had
throughout my life, but this was becoming unbearable. Not being with the one I loved so deeply because he was too stubborn to just be with me despite his past or my past, or anything else, was killing me.

I’d be lying if I said it was easy coming home and living my life as though nothing had happened. Every day was a struggle, and nothing felt right without Ky to come home to. I had gotten so used to having him around twenty-four hours a day
seven days a week that I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. Our life and marriage may have been a lie, but the way I felt for him was anything but. I needed him like I needed air to breathe and every day he wasn’t around, I felt a piece of me break.

There was a soft knock on my door, but I made no attempt to get up and answer it. Instead, I just laid here
drowning in a pool of my own regrets and despair, willing whomever it was to just let me be.

“Lynd, are you in there?”

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath when I heard my little sister’s voice coming from the other side of the door. “Yeah.”

“Can I come in for a minute?”

“Sure.” I responded.

I watched as Carson hesitantly made her way over to the side of my bed. “Lynd, I know you’re hurting
, but don’t you want to get up and do something? Maybe come down and have some breakfast with us?” I could hear the concern in her voice, but it still didn’t make me want to talk.

“I’m okay. I was just going to get up and go for a run.”

“Do you want some company?”

“No thanks, Carson. I appreciate it though.”

“Okay.” Carson turned and started walking towards my door.

I quickly sat up on the side of my bed. “Hey Carson, maybe some company would be nice.”

I watched as her expression went from sorrowful to elated within seconds. She hurried over to me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. When she pulled back I smiled a true genuine smile at her, and it felt good to let myself feel a tiny piece of joy.

“I’ll meet you downstairs in ten?”

“Sounds good.” She closed the door and I could hear her skipping down the hallway to her room.

I stood and quickly dressed in my running gear. Just as I was trying to pull my sports bra tank top over my head, there was another knock. I knew it wasn’t Carson only because she
had literally just left my room, so I wondered who it could be this time. I tried to tug on the tight top, but ended up letting out a painful cry. My mom was suddenly at my side, helping me and I couldn’t have been more grateful.

“There you go, baby girl. I was just coming in to check on you. How’s everything feeling?”

“As good as to be expected, I suppose.” I knew the answer she wanted to hear, but I didn’t have the strength in me to argue with her.

“I’m serious Lyndley, you need to be taking it easy. You got very lucky.”

“I know, Mom. Trust me, I know.”

“I’m not sure I like your tone of voice. What has been going on with you lately? Ever since you’ve been back
, you’ve been quite snarky. Is this because of that
Marshal
guy?” I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn’t Ky’s biggest fan, but I still had yet to find out why.

“His name is Ky, and it’s none of your business.” I went and sat on the bench seat u
nder the window to tie my shoes and to try and put some distance between my mother and me.

“Whatever, his name isn’t important. And where on earth do you think you’re going?”

“Running, Mom. I’m going running with Carson.”

“I’m not sure running is such a good idea, baby girl. It’s only been a month since all of this and your body is still healing.”

“Yes Mom I know, but if I don’t get out of this house and away from
you
, I’m going to end up murdering someone.” I pushed past her and started making my way downstairs.

“Lyndley Rae, how dare you say something like that to me in
my
house.”

I quickly turned half way down the stairs and leaned towards my mother. “I didn’t ask to come home to
your
house. If you recall, I asked to be taken back to
my
house.”

“You needed someone to take care of you.”

I rolled my eyes in irritation as I finished going down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. “Mom, I am almost twenty-three years old. You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do anymore. So back off!” I half shouted. “Carson, are you ready to go?” I shouted up the stairs.

“On my way down, I’ll meet you out front.”

“Okay, I’m headed out to stretch. Mom, I’ll see you in a little bit. I’ll have Carson bring her phone just in case something happens. Does that work for you?”

“I suppose. Please
, just be careful.” My mom placed a chaste kiss to my cheek and finally let me be on my way.

The instant the sun hit my v
itamin D deprived skin, my face lit up with the biggest smile I had let myself show in a month. The warmth of the morning sun wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s night, making my heart hurt just a little less. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back as I soaked in the warmth. Springtime in Chicago was one of my favorite times. It was close enough to summer, but still cool enough that you didn’t feel like dying when the sun was out. I was stretching my calves when Carson came bouncing out the front door, joining me on the grass.

“You look happy.” She smiled.

“I’m getting there. God, it’s such a beautiful day.”

“It has been like this for a month now, you just never leave the confines of your room to enjoy it.”

“I’m sorry, Carson. I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty sister to you.”

“You haven’t been a shitty sister, Lyndley.”

“Yes I have and you know it. Ever since I moved out and got a job at that law firm, I have done nothing but bury myself in work and school. I promise I’m going to start making a bigger effort. I really do miss our friendship.”

“Me too.”

I looked over at Carson with a sly little grin on my face, and I could tell by the look on
her
face that she was worried about what was going on in my brain at the moment.

“What is that look for, Lynd?”

“Nothing. Come on, let’s see if you can keep up.” I took off running before I even finished my sentence.

I had to admit that as I first started running the pain was a bit unbearable, but I was determined to push through it. After about ten minutes or so
, the pain started to ease up and I was able to pick up the pace a little bit, but I made sure to take it easy as to not further injure myself. “So Carson, how are you feeling about graduation? You getting nervous to leave high school?”

She let out a loud laugh, “Yeah right. I’m so over that place. I can’t wait to start college this fall.”

“I know I don’t say it all that often, but I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do great, I just know it.”

“Thanks, Lynd. So…I hate to bring it up
, but have you spoken with Ky yet?”

I shook my head. I really wasn’t ready to talk about Ky with anybody yet, but I trusted Carson and I knew that no matter what I told her, she woul
d never judge me. “No, but not for a lack of trying. I’ve tried to call him everyday, but I’m getting the feeling he doesn’t want to talk to me.” We turned the corner and were now headed towards our old middle school when Carson started to slow down. I slowed a bit and turned to see if she was okay. “Carson, what’s up?”

“There’s something I need to tell you, but you can’t get mad.”

I stopped running and looked right at Carson. “What is it?”

“Ky came to the house the day
that you…”

“Died?” I finished for her.

“Yeah. That morning, he came over to tell us that you were still alive. Dad sat and talked with him quite a bit, but mom was in her usual bitchy mood and she barely gave him the time of day. She didn’t even believe him when he first told us. She practically kicked him out of the house. Dad warmed up to him rather quickly though. They were out back talking for a long time, until he got a phone call and had to leave.”

“I’m going to assume tha
t was the call telling him that I was missing?”

“Yeah. Needless to say, since that day and after h
earing what happened with you, Mom wasn’t too thrilled with him. I think she blames him for everything that happened. But I could tell how much he loves you from the moment he started talking about you. Every time he spoke your name, his face lit up. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen.”

“Why would I be mad about that?” We were running again, but at a much slower pace because I was trying to concentrate on what Carson was telling me.

“Because he’s tried everyday since you came home to come see you and talk to you. He’s called about a million times over the last couple of weeks. He even showed up at the house thinking that it would change Mom’s mind, but she not so politely told him to leave if he knew what was good for him.”

“He’s called?” Everything that I had thought was turning out to be false. He
had
been trying to be in my life. He didn’t just walk away from it all, like I thought he had.

“I’m so sorry, Lynd. I thought you knew. More than that, I thought you didn’t
want
to see him.”

“It’s not your fault, Carson. Thanks for telling me though.” I turned to go back to the house when Carson gave me a perplexed look.

“Where are we going? I thought we were going running? We’ve only been gone for about twenty-five minutes.”

“There’s something I need to take care of.”

I felt Carson grab my arm, but she quickly pulled her hand back remembering that she was grabbing my bad arm. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. Lyndley, you can’t just go home and unleash all of your anger on Mom. She was just trying to keep you safe.”

“Really Carson? Aft
er everything I’ve been through I’m pretty sure I don’t need protection, especially from dear old Mom. Do you realize this entire time I have been thinking that he wanted nothing to do with me? I thought he had given up on me. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

“No I
don’t, but I also don’t think Mom would intentionally hurt you. She’s just worried about you.”

“If she was
that
worried about me, then she wouldn’t have kept this from me. I swear that woman has no clue.” I ran up the driveway and stopped as my hand reached for the handle. I turned around and pulled Carson into a big hug. “Thank you for being such an amazing sister, Carson. I love you.”

“I love you to
o, Lynd. I missed you so much.” I could hear her getting choked up and I pulled back giving her a disapproving look.

“Don’t you dare start
crying! I’m home and safe, there’s no reason for you to be upset. I just want to put all of this behind me and move forward. You hear me?”

She nodded in agreement and squeezed me one last time before she headed inside. I was about to follow her in, but then I heard an all too familiar voice coming from behind me.