Pros & Cons (14 page)

It doesn’t take long to reach the hotel. Unbelievably, my key is still in my jeans, and with fumbling fingers and wobbly legs, I finally make my way inside.

The first thing I see is Coop’s leather jacket hanging across the back of the desk chair. But it’s Abby’s pink overnight case—with her name embroidered on the side—that sends me racing to the bathroom. My legs buckle beneath me before I even reach the toilet. The dry heaves are a welcome pain compared to the overwhelming guilt and misery that consume me.

When I can finally stand, I brush my teeth before stripping off my filthy clothes and stepping into the shower. Under the scalding spray of the hot, punishing water, I allow the tears to come. I cry and cry until I’m sure I have no tears left, and then I cry until the water runs cold.

I climb out of the shower and numbly dry off. Reaching for the hair dryer, I sit down on the toilet and flip the power switch.

“You should really let your hair dry on its own from time to time.”

Abby was always telling me that. Something about the prolonged exposure to heat causing damage to my follicles. I never really paid attention. Why hadn’t I paid attention?

I yank the hair dryer cord out of the wall and grab a towel instead.

Dizzy and aching, but too mentally exhausted to rest, I hastily unzip my bag and look for something to wear. Tucked inside is Ethan’s T-shirt—the same one I wore just yesterday. The same shirt he wanted to take off me.

That memory causes a fresh wave of tears.

I lift the shirt to my nose and inhale deeply. My citrus shampoo is there, but I can smell him, too, and the scent is comforting despite the excruciating pain in my heart.

As I climb into bed, a thousand different scenarios play through my mind as I try to piece together the events from tonight. The more I think, the harder my head throbs, and the guilt and shame threaten to suffocate me.

Why was my life spared? Why am I the only one who made it out alive?

Ethan.

Coop and Abby.

In spite of the distance and uncertainty of our lives, Coop and Abby had found love, and they were close to having everything they’d ever wanted. They would have moved far away, had a dozen kids, and lived happily ever after. Instead . . .

Instead.

I use the hem of Ethan’s shirt to dry my tears.

My broken heart drums frantically as I remember our last few days together. Ethan Summers had charmed the pants off many women throughout his career. It was his claim to fame, but as his fortune grew, so did his reputation as being one of the finest criminal minds of our time. Somehow, I’d resisted his flirtatious advances even when my body screamed for me not to, and through the years, our relationship had turned into this thrilling cat-and-mouse game that neither of us wanted to see come to an end. But over the past few weeks, our relationship had changed, and our vacation in the mountains had shown me a side of Ethan Summers I’d never seen before. He and I understood each other on a level that would be completely foreign to anyone else. He
got
me. And I never told him.

He was my Coop.

I was his Abby.

And I’d never told him.

I crumble against the mattress and bury my face beneath the pillow. Hot, angry, despondent tears roll down my face, leaving me feeling empty and numb. It’s only when my sobs begin to subside that I hear the knock on the door.

It’s a quiet, cautious knock. So quiet I’m not even sure I’m really hearing it, but then it happens again—a little harder this time.

With a gasp, I jump out of bed and run to the door. Hope blooms in the pit of my stomach as I tiptoe to peek through the peep hole.

Don’t get excited. It could be the cops. Or, it could be Dean, keeping his promise to check on you
.

At first, I don’t see anything, but then my eyes catch a flash of wild, dark hair, and I know . . .

And then I hear his agonized voice through the door.

“Please let her be in there. God, please—”

My trembling fingers quickly unbolt the door and his head jerks up. Brokenhearted and bloodshot baby blues stare back at me. Mind-numbing relief quakes through my body, and I grab the door to keep my legs from buckling. His handsome face is lined with unbearable pain and unfathomable regret, but his eyes gaze at me with crushing, overwhelming relief.

I take a step back, and his eyes never leave my face as he silently steps into the sanctuary of the room. We stare at each other until I can’t take it anymore, and despite the protests of my aching body, I rush toward him and leap into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist. An agonizing shudder vibrates through him as his warmth envelops me, holding me so close I can barely breathe.

“You’re alive,” Ethan whispers, his voice rough with emotion. “I looked and looked and looked.”

All I can do is nod and bury my face against his neck while we cling to each other. I hear him kick the door shut before lowering us to the ground. Even then, we don’t let each other go. My fingers touch every inch of his face, and he touches mine, as if we can’t believe the other is actually real.

“Are you hurt?” His voice is gentle and soft.

“Not physically. Are you?”

“Not physically.”

The devastation in his voice mirrors mine. I trail the back of my hand across his blackened cheek before running my fingers through his hair in a pointless attempt to soothe him.

“Coop and Abby . . .”

“I know.”

His eyes widen with renewed terror. “I thought you . . . I thought you were . . .”

“I thought you were, too.”

Ethan gasps for air as he lays his head against my chest. For what seems like an eternity, we rest in each other’s arms. I can’t get close enough, and he can’t hold me tight enough. He places his ear against my drumming heart, and I hear him sigh softly.

I don’t know what he’s seen. I don’t know what he’s been through. But I know I have to stay strong, at least for a little while. At least until he can take care of me, too.

“I need a shower,” he says, “and then I’m holding you all night. Do you understand? All night.”

“Yes,” I whisper against his hair.

He untangles himself from my arms, and we help each other to our feet. Just as he turns toward the bathroom, panic grips my heart. Now that he’s here, I don’t think I can stand to be away from him—not even for a minute.

“Don’t leave me!”

Ethan must feel the same way, because he takes me by the hand and leads me to the bathroom. While he undresses, I turn on the shower and adjust the water temperature. While I undress, he steps into the shower. His hand appears from behind the curtain, and I gratefully accept it and climb inside.

There’s absolutely nothing sexual about it. At times, he turns his face toward the spray, and I know he’s crying. Otherwise, our eyes remain on each other’s faces as I help him wash away the most devastating night of our lives.

By the time we climb into bed, it’s nearly dawn.

“Come here, baby,” he says gently, pulling me into his arms. The room has grown cold in the wee hours of the morning, but his body is warm against mine, and I feel myself finally slowly begin to relax.

“Try to sleep, Ethan.”

“You, too.”

He ghosts his finger down my spine.

“You first.”

With a heavy sigh, I snuggle deeper into his arms. Tomorrow will undoubtedly bring more questions. But there are no answers to be found tonight, and I allow myself to drift into a restless sleep.

 I’m awakened by the sound of muffled tears.

“Coop!”

My back is to his chest, and he’s holding me so tight I can barely breathe.

“Coop, where are you?”

I manage to twist around in his arms. Ethan’s face is wet with tears. Anguish floods his features as he whispers Coop’s name over and over again.

It’s a nightmare, and I know it’s the first of many, for both of us.

I gently stroke his face, and his entire body convulses beneath my touch.

“Jenna . . . Jenna . . .”

“I’m here.” I smooth his hair away from his face and kiss his cheek. “I’m right here.”

His fingers dig painfully into my skin, but I don’t care.

I continue to whisper until he finally calms down. I’ve nearly dozed back off when he kisses my forehead. Lifting my face toward his, and with a little help from the light of the moon streaming in through the curtains, I find his eyes gazing into mine. Very slowly, he lets his finger trail across my cheek before he leans down, kissing the very tip of my nose.

It’s not enough.

I cup the back of his head and pull his face close. Ethan’s eyes flicker to life, and we sigh into each other’s mouths as his lips brush mine. It’s gentle and warm, because that’s what we need. Just a soft, innocent reminder that he’s here, and I’m here, and we’re together.

“Good night, Jenna.”

I place my head against his chest.

“Good night, Ethan.”

Heat and smoke permeate the air as the explosion shakes me to my core. I hear windows shatter. I hear a scream. I have no idea if it’s mine or Coop’s. I can’t see the flames, but I can feel the heat. I cough and choke on the billowing smoke that fills my lungs as I struggle with the window—the same window that had confirmed my worst fears.

Not a blackout.

The window won’t budge, and it’s barred. Breaking it’s useless because I’m trapped regardless.

“Coop!”

My voice is rough, and I know he can’t hear me . . . wherever he is.

Blindly, I try to find an exit. I reach a stairwell just as another explosion rocks the building. I hear another scream.

Abby?

Jenna?

I rush down the stairwell and open the door to the fourth floor, pushing my way inside through the heavy smoke. A third explosion makes the building quake, causing the tiled floor to crumble. My feet fly out from under me, and I feel a sharp pain in my head just as my vision goes dark.

“Ethan!”

Jenna’s angelic voice echoes in my ear while her hands caress my face. My body relaxes beneath her touch.