Prophet Margin (33 page)

Abrocabe Zindatsel and his cherished wife Sianne lived out the rest of their lives in a special hospital wing at the Museum of Religious Calamities on Gigamoith 9.

Those fortunate cultists who had never undergone the implantation procedure, avoiding each others' gazes in profound and mutual embarrassment, wasted little time in contacting their banks and cancelling the automatic transfer of funds in the event of their deaths. They boarded their stripped down spacecraft in silence and got the sneck out of Splut as fast as they could.

Very few of them spoke of the whole unfortunate affair ever again, and for a short but entertaining time irascible chat show hosts enjoyed the ability to humiliate their gullible showbiz guests by simply retorting to every bland anecdote with "By the Boddah!"

Several months later, journalist supremo Nickle Reggo aired a sensational documentary in which she had great fun embarrassing businessmen and celebrities by showing up on their doorsteps with copies of the Holy Book, asking if they'd like to read a passage. Her ratings climbed enormously when tabloids ran photographs of her "canoodling" with her guest presenter and star witness Klarence Kneeble Jnr, who spent the majority of the documentary enthusing about his own acts of heroism.

It was great teevee.

Two weeks after the last voidpalace left Splut Mundi, after the GCC investigations had concluded and the media circus had slightly abated, two men sat opposite one another at a table aboard the orbital satellite station known as the Doghouse.

Through the vast window beside them, bathing them in cool blue light, the Earth tumbled magnificently through space. Wulf stared at it with a sort of confused fascination, knowing full well that the Earth he'd left behind - some one thousand four hundred years earlier - had changed beyond all recognition. From above, despite the fact that it remained resolutely unencumbered by an ocean spanning world worm, that the great tree of life totally failed to puncture its centre and that the stars of the firmament around it were very clearly not the droplets of milk spilled from the breast of mother chaos - it was nonetheless a pleasing reminder of his old, uncomplicated life.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he missed it.

Opposite him, Johnny Alpha - the man without eyes - stared with a dour expression at a piece of paper, grunting under his breath and shaking his head. Wulf couldn't understand his partner's enthusiasm for such tedious things as finance, but even so his obvious consternation was perplexing: they had, after all, just collected the bounty on the galaxy's most wanted bastard. What could be so bad?

"Is all good, yes?" he smiled hopefully, fingers curling through his AcceloGrow boosted beard. "You want to a drink?"

Johnny glanced up, the last shadow of the bruises and burns on his face almost gone. He passed over the sheet of paper without comment. Wulf squinted at it carefully, noting first the GCC administrative logo at the head of the form. It was an expense/profit sheet: the sort of paperwork that Officer Harvey delighted in churning out after each hunt. It didn't make pleasant reading:

EXPENSES:

1) Administration costs (GCC - fifteen per cent Total Earnings) Cr. 150,000

2) Transport (DoghouseáEarth civilian ferry) Cr. 400

3) Out of Court Financial Settlement (GBH inflicted upon one "Nickle Reggo" following application of a Finchleycorp
^TM
Electronux) Cr. 122,700

4) Vehicle Rental,
EasyWarp Starship Leasing
, London Cr. 3,500

5) Recompense for theft/destruction of civilian vehicle (PastCon) Cr. 5,400

6) Overnight stay, "
Swan Dive"
Votel, YoCassok Cr. 130

7) Starship Parking fees, Zodboig International Spaceport, YoCassok Cr. 200

8) Weapons & Equipment,
Big Zeb's Zap Shack
, YoCassok Cr. 80,399

9) Starship refuelling,
Squirt 'N Go
, YoCassok Cr. 1,343

10) Message receipt administration costs, "
Swan Dive"
Votel, YoCassok Cr. 35

11) Weapons & Equipment,
HiveMind Planktonic: General Store
Cr. 150,450

12) Specialist weapon manufacture ("Warhammer Polearm/Happystick"),
HiveMind Planktonic: General Store
Cr. 2,500

13) High-strength teleporter energy cells,
HiveMind Planktonic: General Store
Cr. 200,000

14) Booze Cr. 143,920

15) Forfeiture of Deposit for

Fire/Theft/Total Obliteration of rental vehicle
Peggy Sue
,
EasyWarp Starship Leasing.
Cr. 139,000

TOTAL EXPENDITURE Cr. 999,977

TOTAL EARNINGS Cr. 1,000,000

TOTAL PROFIT Cr. 13

"Reckon you look like you need that drink," Johnny muttered, arching an eyebrow.

Wulf kept staring at the figures, hoping to spot the obvious mistake. None appeared to be forthcoming.

"Expensive business," Johnny shrugged, beckoning over the robowaiter.

"I... I think maybe I just have der water."

"Sneck that." Johnny pressed down the "champagne" icon on the proffered digi-menu. "It's not all about the money."

The robot deposited two frothing glasses from its vending orifice and extended an expectant limb for payment. Johnny ignored it, raising his glass towards Wulf.

"Here's to the hunt," he said.

Clink
.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Si Spurrier has few recollections from his wild youth because he's still in the middle of it. He has become a frequent contributor to
2000 AD
and the Black Library with the
Fire Warrior
novel (in between completing a degree in film & video and orchestrating the world's first fish tank-based crustacean gladiatorial contest). Attempting to reconcile the zany partying lifestyle of a neurotic writer with the sombre and lonely existence of a young uninhibited student is harder than it sounds.
Strontium Dog: Prophet Margin
is Spurrier's first novel for
2000 AD
.