Promises, Promises (37 page)

HE sneered and shook HIS head in a degrading manner. “Melanie’s phone. I began tracing it since you left. Where else would you go?”

I slumped feeling stupid. Of course, where else would I go? HE noticed my demeanor. “Alone again, Isabella? That’s why you and I always worked so well together. We had no one, but each other. You really were my true companion.” Tears formed in my eyes. I hoped HE wasn’t implying that I come back to HIM.

“Your lesson was just as hard on me as it was for you.” My eyes shot up to his. Never could HE have felt what I had felt from that. HE noticed my intense stare. “No, really. You don’t believe me, but it’s true.” HE licked HIS lips. “I may not be able to love, Isabella, but our relationship came as close as I will ever come to that. I felt it was on a deeper level than what most call love.” HE took another sip of wine and continued, “Love is thrown around these days. What we had was much, much more.”

Knowing what I now know, feeling what I feel for Z, I straightened myself in my chair and vehemently disagreed, “No! No it wasn’t. I know what love feels like. What you and I shared was nothing close to love.” I stared at HIM no longer feeling the fear of punishment.

“Perhaps.” HE replied simply, raising an eyebrow while HE took a deep breath.

“What is it you really want from me? Why am I here?” I asked in an almost impatient manner wanting to just leave. I just wanted to be done with this so I could move along to another town far, far away from here. I would start over and no one would ever know my history.

“Closure. For both of us. You left abruptly. I thought we would have dinner the following night and we would discuss my…lesson. I didn’t think the lesson would affect me the way it did.” HE took a deep breath and closed HIS eyes briefly, “But seeing Mark with you affected me the wrong way. I may have gotten carried away with that idea. I was going to tell you at dinner that it was over. I was going to set you up at one of my companies wherever you wanted. That way I could still do as I please with you whenever I wanted, like in the beginning, but you had already left when I came home.” Again, HE took a deep breath and sighed.

“So now, I am finally going to ask you what has irked me our entire time together.” HE stared into my eyes. “You never used your safe word. Why?” HE asked angrily, gritting HIS teeth.

Tears welled in my eyes and I was angry that they formed. “I had hopes that you would eventually love me if I could take your punishments. I would have accepted anything you did to me, just to be loved.” I paused biting my lip in hopes to stop the tears from falling, “But you proved me wrong.”

HE closed HIS eyes and HIS head fell back as HE bellowed a deep laugh that felt like it resonated throughout the restaurant. “
That’s
why you never used it? What a
fool
you are.” HE chuckled. “Always hoping for love.” HE took a deep breath and asked, “Did you tell Mr. Williams what happened on our last night?”

Tears were falling as I let his words echo through my head as I whispered, “Yes.”

“The last lesson…” HE took a deep breath, “I thought for sure you knew it wasn’t me on the bed with you. I thought you would finally use your safe word. I was tired of your little game of not using the safe word. Tired of us. We were going nowhere as much as I tried to get you to use your safe word. I guess you were lucky I came up with that lesson with Mark. Seeing you with him, I didn’t want to have anything else to do with you.”

“YOU chose that, not me! I had no idea what was going on!” I practically shouted, but knew not to raise my voice too loud.

“You were so hopeful for love that you couldn’t even tell if it was me, the person you claim to want to be loved by? What a fool you are.” An evil laugh came from his lips. “Anyone could have been with you in that manner, and you would have claimed they loved you?”

HE took a picture out from HIS coat pocket, placed it upside down on the table sliding it to me. I didn’t bother looking at it. I was terrified it was a picture of my trainer, Mark and me. “Aren’t you going to look at it, Isabella?” I shook my head. HE sighed. “Stubborn. Always stubborn. It did make it fun for me though.” HE licked his lips. “When you are feeling bold, you may want to look at that picture and remember what it felt like to feel loved, seeing as you’ll never have that feeling again.” I felt sick, but still refused to look at the picture. I wasn’t sure what it would show me, but since it was from him, I had no desire to see it. “The private investigator gave me a wealth of information. You should be careful running alone, especially when you ran down near Mr. Williams’ training gym. I could have had you nabbed any time I wished.”

I jerked my head up looking at him, surprised, yet relieved that I wasn’t crazy. “There
was
someone following me,” I cried out. Pierce just gave me a confirming smirk.

HE stood up and buttoned HIS suit coat. “Well, I think I have what I came here for. Thank you for answering me.” HE then took a paper from the inside of his suit coat and tossed it onto the table. “Payment for two years, in addition to the eight grand I already put in your account. That was for your virginity. I’d have made it an even ten grand had you moaned a little more. You served me well, Isabella. Good luck to you.” Then HE leaned down and whispered into my ear, “You know where I am if you ever want to be reminded of what love really means to people like you and me.”

I looked up at him and snapped, “You are alone and will always be alone. You never let anyone in nor did you try to care about someone other than yourself. You will die alone, you selfish son of a bitch,” I said as I stood up. “And just remember, when you’re lying in your bed all alone when you’re old, no one ever loved you.”

“You were foolish enough to love me.” HE sneered with another smirk.

“No, I was foolish enough to
try
to love you, but it never happened. What we had was just something sick.”

HE stopped HIS smirking, leaned in to my ear and whispered, “It may have been sick, but you were fucked like the whore that you are and you were good.” HE brushed by me knocking into my shoulder so I had to grasp the table for balance. I wanted to run after HIM and slap HIM, but I decided to just let him go and leave all of HIS shit behind me.

I watched him walk out the front of the restaurant. I was afraid to look at the paper. I glanced at it quickly like ripping a Band-Aid off and then looked at it more closely. It was some sort of deed. I looked closer to the address listed. It was the address to Allure. It was signed off to me. I now owned the building to Allure. Payment? I was nothing more than HIS whore for two years. A whore like my Mom. I was nothing better than what she was. He was right. The thought made me sick.

I didn’t want it and I was just about to rip it up when I realized that HE would still own Z’s bar if I tore it up. I immediately decided I would sign it over to Z and put it in the mail to him. That was the least I could do for all this mess. I wiped my tears, picked up my purse and started walking.

“Oh Miss!” I heard and turned to see our waiter run towards me with the picture in his hand. “You forgot this.” I smiled politely and took it from him, not glancing and dropped it into my purse. “Thank you,” I replied meekly.

As I started towards the door, I saw a man coming toward me from the corner. “Matt?” He grabbed me by my arm tightly and pulled me over to the side.

I could see the anger in his face. “What the fuck are you doing with that guy?” He snapped at me.

I frowned wondering how long he had watched me having dinner with HIM. “It’s not what you think. We…we were saying goodbye.”

“Really?” He asked, his jaw was clenched tight just like Z did when he was angry.

“He left without me, didn’t he?” I insisted. He nodded realizing I had a point and lessened his grip on me.

“Z is on his way here.” His gaze returned to my face, his jaw still tight.

I inhaled deeply. “No...I can’t see him!” I stammered, shaking my head.

“Yes, you can and will.” He gritted through his teeth. I could tell I was going to lose this battle, but I still tried to convince him.

“No, you don’t understand, he hates me now and if he doesn’t have hate, it’ll be pity.” He gave me a look like I was crazy.

Just then the door swung open with force and in rushed a man with desperate, bloodshot eyes, crumpled clothes and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week. Well, more like three days. Our eyes met and he stared at me in disbelief. Seeing Z so distraught and broken, it made my heart ache so badly. He stopped in front of me as if he didn’t believe I was real. His disbelief turned into relief as he grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. “Izzy, my God baby, I’ve missed you so much. Why’d you leave me?” He didn’t release me as he held me so tight. I wanted to melt into him because I knew this would be the last time he would hold me. I had to leave so he could find someone who he could truly love, instead of the pity I knew he felt for me.

I refrained from hugging him back as much as I could, but my tears came rolling down my cheeks and I found myself lifting my arms and wrapping them around him, feeling his strength that I missed so much. I caught a glimpse of Matt giving me a small smile as he walked outside.

“Baby, I’m so sorry for not being there for you. I should have held you after you told me about that night. Instead I was furious like some animal. Please. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” He whispered into my ear so fast as if he had to get it out or he would burst.

“I’m not mad at you, Z. I know why you got upset.” I buried my head further into his shoulder.

“Then why didn’t you answer any of my calls or my texts?” He asked me as he hugged me tighter.

“I had to have dinner with Pierce and I knew you wouldn’t let me, especially after what I told you.” He released me from his bear hug, but still held me by my waist, looking at me with apprehension.

“You could have called to tell me you were okay. I was so worried something bad happened. Or…that you left me.”

I looked away not knowing what to say. Because the truth is that he needs to know I am leaving him, but not because I don’t love him.

I felt him stiffen and then his strong hands came around each side of my face holding my head steady in place. He glared into my eyes and I could see the mistrustfulness rising up through him. He swallowed hard before asking in a tight voice, “Where were you for three days?”

I looked into his eyes and blinked back tears that were welling up in my eyes. “I stayed at a nearby hotel.”

I could see him grinding his jaw, “With McKnight?” He asked through gritted teeth.

I started to look away, but his hands tightened on my face forcing me to stare back into his eyes, “DO. NOT. LIE. TO. ME.” He enunciated each word with force and his eyes were full of fear, rage, and jealousy while they also pleaded with me.

My first thought was to tell him we had been together then he would be done with me, but I had promised him I would never cheat on him. Knowing how he had been hurt by other women he had trusted I just couldn’t do that to him. “No.” I whispered, tears welling in my eyes as I stared right into his. I couldn’t let him think for one moment I would be unfaithful to him, even while we were apart.

He sighed with relief and nodded his head, but there seemed to still be disbelief in his eyes. It hurt to see he might still think that of me, but I understood how he would feel that way.

“Here.” I held out the deed to hand it to him. Confusion swept across his face as he took the piece of paper.

“What’s this?” He looked down and read the deed. He shook his head still not understanding.

“That’s the reason I went to dinner tonight. The only reason.” His eyes shot back up to me looking at me as if he felt so sorry for disbelieving why I would have ever met with HIM. His eyes had that look, that pity, that feeling sorry for me look. “I never wanted to tell you what happened that last night. I never wanted to see the look you have in your eyes right now. I should have never told you.”

“What do I have in my eyes right now?” He asked me while searching my eyes for understanding.

My lips trembled as I said, “Pity, feeling sorry for me.” A tear rolled down my check and I quickly swiped it away. Crying was just adding to the pity he was feeling for me now.

“After what you went through your entire life, I’d have to be a heartless son of a bitch not to feel a little bit of pain for what you’ve been through.” He grabbed my face again trying to make me understand as I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheek. His eyes were deep with love and pleading me to understand what he felt. “But I want to change all that. I want to be there for you, for all that you went through. I want to be with you forever, Izzy. I love you so much. Izzy, I promise.”

My lips trembled as I cringed and shrugged my shoulders, “Promises, promises,” trying to look away. His grip tightened on each side of my face bringing my eyes back to his again.

“Have I broken a promise to you yet?” He asked sternly.

“No, but this could be the first. You don’t love me, you only feel sorry for me. And I…I can’t have that.” I bit my lip trying to force the words to stay in me, but I couldn’t stop them from falling out of my mouth. “I love you so much.” I took a deep breath, “I want you to be happy and you can’t be happy with me. You need to find someone who’s not broken like I am.” I tried to look away and pull myself from his hands holding my head in place.

He smiled sweetly, “You…you love me?” It was barely a whisper.

“Yes,” I whispered biting my lip, mad at myself because I needed to leave him…didn’t I? Did he not hear what I said after that? Did he not hear that he needs to find someone else? I tried to push away from him, but he held tighter. “We can’t be together Z. Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Yeah, you said you love me.” He said smiling at me, his eyes excited and full of love. Love for me.

I shook my head, trying make him understand why we can’t be together. Or was I trying to convince myself? “And that you can never be happy with me because I’m so broken.”

“You’re not broken Izzy. You just got dealt a shit hand.” He whispered into my hair, “You’ve always been able to bounce back and this time I’m there to help you, and every time after that. You’re never leaving me again, no matter how hard you try. I. LOVE. YOU.”