Promises (New Beginnings Book 2) (7 page)

"Where were you?" Maggie asked once they’d been staring at each other for too long.

"That's none of your concern," he slurred, lurching forward into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"It is when you're supposed to be at the doctor's with me."

"Why would I want to go there when we already knew you fucked it all up?"

"Me?" Drunk or not, she was not going to let him blame her. "I didn't do a damn thing, it just happened."

"You've now lost three of my babies. You're my wife, and you had a job to do. Maybe the next one can get the job done."

"Screw you, Jake." It was all Maggie had. His words deflated her. She'd never admit it to him, but she felt like it
was
her fault. She was broken. All Jake was doing was shattering the pieces even more so she'd never be able to be put back together. She'd never be whole.

She didn't tell him what she found out at the doctor's because, she suddenly realized, he didn't need to know. He wasn't the one who was going to have to deal with it.

"I'm leaving you, Jake," she said, making the decision she knew she should have made a year ago.

She was still crying as she looked at him. This man had spent years tearing apart every bit of her, but she knew there was nothing more he could do to her.

Jake's eyes narrowed and the bed shifted as he stood. "You don't think you're replaceable?" He grabbed her arm and yanked her to her feet.

Maggie knew Jake would have another girl in his bed as soon as he wanted to. He was the kind of man girls begged to seduce them. He just wasn't the kind of man they stuck around for when they got to know him.

"I know I am," she said, way more calmly than she felt, as his hand tightened around her arm, his fingers digging into her skin. The tears stuck in her throat. "You've broken me, Jake. Again and again. I don't know what it is about me that is so unlovable, but I can't handle it anymore. If you really loved me, you wouldn't treat me like this. That is the only thing I learned from my father."

"You're right. How could I love someone who can’t give me the only thing I want? You don't deserve to be loved."

Maggie’s hand flashed quickly through the air before making contact with the right side of Jake's face. "Go to hell." She tried to break free, but he didn’t release her.

He pulled her from the room, grabbing her keys from the table as they passed it.

“What are you doing?” she demanded. He pulled open the front door as if he would tear it from its hinges.

“Get out of my house.” He shoved her through the door with enough force to send her tumbling to the ground.

Her arm scraped against the pavement as she used it to break her fall. Her keys landed with a crash beside her and she looked up at the furious man standing before her.

She winced as she touched the knee that had been slammed in the sidewalk, and her hand came away with spots of blood. It hurt as she scrambled to her feet but that didn’t stop her from running across the front lawn, towards her car.

"Want me to call Elijah?" Jake called after her. "I'll tell him that he's now free to have my leftover sludge."

Maggie didn't stop.

"Go on! Go run to him!" Jake screamed before slamming the door.

Maggie's hands shook as she drew her seatbelt across her chest and pulled away. She looked back at the house she’d lived in for the past ten years. She'd have to go back to get her stuff, but after that, that part of her life was over.

Tears blurred her vision, but she wiped them away furiously. Jake was right about one thing. There was only one place she could go.

It had been a year, but the road still felt so familiar. It was early evening so she didn't know if he'd be home, and she didn't know what to say to him if he was.

Did she apologize for making the wrong choice?

She couldn't think straight. In a few hours’ time, she’d lost her chance at motherhood and given up on her marriage. Her entire life was gone.

And there was Elijah, pushing a mower across his lawn. The tan skin of his chest shone with sweat and his dark hair peeked out under the edges of his baseball cap.

She started to relax as she pulled up and watched him.
This is what coming home feels like,
she thought.

She got out of her car and leaned against it. She was sure she looked like a train-wreck, all bloody knees and tear-streaked face, but she didn't really care. All she needed was her best friend.

After a few minutes, Elijah finally saw her. He stopped and turned off the mower. A smile started to come to his lips, but it fell when he stepped closer and took in her appearance. After freezing in shock for a brief moment, he closed the rest of the gap between them and pulled her into his arms.

She shook and he held her tighter.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I-"

"Shhh, it's okay," he whispered, his lips brushing her hair. "I've missed you, Mags."

"It's not okay. You promised you'd always be there for me and then you let me push you away. You broke your promise."

Elijah chuckled softly. "I know. It's all my fault." He pulled back and winked at her.

It was such an Elijah move that she couldn't help the small smile that brightened her face. It dropped when more tears spilled from her eyes.

"What is wrong with me, Elijah? Why does everyone who is supposed to love me find that impossible?"

"Maggie, listen to me." Elijah put his hand under her chin and titled her face so she was looking at him. "You are not impossible to love. You’re the best person I know. One day, you’re going to find someone that will love you so much they’ll fight through these impenetrable walls your father and Jake have created. I promise you that."

Ten

Present Day:

Maggie's eyes shifted nervously as she walked through the park. She didn't want to be there, but she knew it was what she needed to do.

Jake had called Elijah's phone that morning while Elijah was in the shower. Maggie saw his name come up on the screen and decided to answer it.

Jake's voice had shaken when he realized she’d answered and not Elijah, but Maggie stayed strong. She was distant and cold, but firm. All of this just needed to be done. She’d felt Jake's impending visit hanging over her head and suddenly had to know what he wanted to say to her.

She was the one who suggested the park. Jake said Jason's would be fine, but Maggie didn't want her cousin involved. She had to do it alone. Not even Elijah knew where she’d gone.

She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants and kept going. She was almost there.

A young girl ran past, her long honey-brown hair flying out behind her. She stumbled on uncertain legs and Maggie reached out to keep her from falling. She righted the girl and was met with a crystal blue gaze. The girl smiled and took off again.

"Ruthy!" someone shouted. It was a someone Maggie knew. A voice she’d recognize anywhere.

The little girl stopped and ran back past Maggie, who turned and watched her jump into a man's arms. Jake's eyes met hers and he froze
. He's terrified of me,
Maggie thought.
How Ironic.

Finally setting Ruthy down and taking her little hand in his, Jake walked closer.

"Maggie." His voice was low and gravelly, as if he had to try his hardest to keep it even. Maggie knew that feeling because it was a struggle for her as well.

"Hi, Jake," she said.

She wasn’t going to make any of this easy on him. He had wanted to meet. He was the one with a lot to make up for. He'd have to be the one to take the first step.

Maggie's heart clenched as she looked at him struggling for words. His light brown hair was cropped short as it always had been and his style hadn't changed. After four years, he still looked like the same Jake, with only a few noticeable differences. The bags that had been a constant under his eyes for years were gone now. His eyes seemed brighter and more focused. Maggie realized that was because he was sober. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him so together.

"Who's this?" Maggie finally spoke, gesturing to the girl who was now clinging to Jake's pant leg.

"Ruthy." Jake cleared his throat and broke their stare. "She's ... uh, my daughter."

Maggie stopped breathing. Jake had a daughter - the one thing she could never give him.

"How old?" Maggie croaked.

"She's three." Jake smiled down at his daughter, and then looked back up at Maggie.

She wasn't quick enough to hide the stricken look on her face. Jake wasn't as good at reading her as Elijah was, but he’d been married to her for ten years.

"Look, Mags -"

"Don't call me that." She strode past him towards a bench just as her legs felt like they were going to give out.

In the back of her mind, Maggie wondered if not having kids was the world's way of saying Jake didn't deserve them. Of not putting a child through the kinds of things she’d gone through as a kid. At the time, Jake had been very similar to her own father. Now, all meaning had been stripped from it and Maggie just saw it as cruel. A tear rolled down her face, but she wiped it away before Jake could see.

"You can go play on the playground," Jake said to Ruthy. "I'm watching you."

She ran off, and Jake sat next to Maggie.

"There are so many things I want to say to you, Maggie," Jake started. "I'll start with ‘I'm sorry’."

"For what, Jake?" She wanted to make him say it.

"Everything. Those last few years must have been hell for you. What I put you through is unforgivable."

"You've got that right."

"I'm not that guy anymore. I've been sober since the day Ruthy was born."

"Good for you."

"Come on, Mags. I'm trying here."

She looked sideways at him and met his gaze. It hurt her to see the man she once knew. The boy she married, not the drunk he became. They’d grown up together and seen each other through everything. He’d been there for more of her father's drunken rants than she could count. That's why she hated him so much when he went on benders of his own.

But here he was, sitting next to her. Her old friend. He’d given her some great years of marriage before it all fell apart. It was her fault for sticking around after that. She’d thought a baby would fix them and now, seeing Ruthy, she knew it would have. But maybe they weren't meant to be fixed. Maybe they were broken before they even started.

"We weren't meant to be, were we?" she finally asked.

"No, probably not. But I miss you. I miss how we were. You, me, and Elijah."

"I do too, but Jake, that's gone. You tore us apart. If you're here for forgiveness, I think I can give you that. But we can't be friends. That's over."

"I know." He sighed and ran a hand over the top of his head. "I'm actually not here for me and you know that."

"I do."

"He died a few months ago. It took me a while to work up the nerve to come here, and even longer to extract your information out of Elijah's mom. Mrs. Lugo seems to think you'd be better off if you never met me." He smiled slightly as if it were a joke, but his eyes were sad. Mrs. Lugo had been like a mother to him as well.

"How'd you get her to give you Elijah's number?"

"I finally told her the real reason why I had to come."

"Which is?" Maggie was not known for her patience and she could tell when someone was stalling.

"I have a letter for you. From your dad." Jake reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. He held it out to her, but Maggie just stared at it with wide eyes.

Jake dropped his hand and put the letter on the seat between them.

"Your dad was sober in the end," he said quietly.

"What?" Maggie snapped her head up.

"I was already in the program when he joined. He got sober a couple of years ago, but he didn't think he had the right to contact you. That, and Mrs. Lugo would have never given your information to him."

Maggie couldn't speak. She kept opening and closing her mouth like a fish before pressing her lips together in a firm line. She took the envelope from the bench and gingerly flipped it over in her hands. Her name was written on it in her dad's sloppy style.

She thought she’d cut all strings to that man. She’d barely thought about him in years until Elijah told her he’d died. Anger suddenly washed over her. He’d caused her so much pain over the years and here he was, doing it again. His final words weren't going to hold anything that would make up for the childhood she lost. They weren't going to make her feel better about never having her parents’ love. They were only going to remind her of what she never had.

She hated him. She hated her father, and now he was dead, so she hated herself as well. Whoever said 'never speak ill of the dead' never knew a man that could reach from the grave to cause more pain.

"I don't want it," Maggie said after a few moments of silence. She handed the envelope back to Jake.

He looked at her with a mixture of worry and sadness. He’d always been able to make her feel guilty for things she shouldn't have. It felt like a twisting in her gut.

"You're going to regret not reading it," he said.

"The only thing I'll regret is letting that man back into my head."

She thrust it at him and let go. The envelope floated through the air before landing on the ground. Maggie looked at it once more and then back at Jake.

"Goodbye, Jake." She got to her feet. "Don't contact me again."