Promise Me Darkness (20 page)

“Water,” Brody said, interrupting the moment by holding out two water bottles to us.

Taking one, I took a long drink while Ryder’s arm stayed around me. The cool rainwater felt good going down my parched throat. I couldn’t get enough.

I watched Ryder’s strong throat work as he drank from his bottle. I never knew watching a man drink could be so erotic.

After we were done, Ryder returned the bottles to the rocks to refill again. The rain continued to pour down, turning the ground under our feet to mud. We stayed huddled under the trees, soaking wet and chilled.

Ryder stayed near me but didn’t touch me again. I silently reprimanded myself for wanting him. A girl needed a man that loved her, not just lusted after her. By the time my overheated blood had cooled and I told myself that I was a fool for loving him, the rain had tapered off to a soft mist.

Ryder gathered our water bottles and recapped them. I felt a huge amount of relief as he handed my bottle back to me. It was full. We had just been thrown a life vest in the form of water. We could survive days without food but not without hydration.

I wasn’t the only one happy with our luck. A huge smile spread across Ryder’s face, revealing perfect white teeth. The smile transformed his face from sullen and dangerous to lighthearted. I missed the laid back, playful Ryder. Somewhere along the way, he had become lost to me.

“I say we start walking while it’s cooler,” Brody said, trying to squeeze rainwater out of the bottom of his shirt.

“There’s nothing up ahead for a few miles. I say we walk until we find some shelter then bed down for the night,” Ryder said, stuffing the water bottles in our backpacks.

“Should we change clothes?” Eva asked. She was soaking wet like the rest of us.

“No, our clothes will dry quick in this heat,” I answered, pulling my wet shorts away from my skin.

I felt eyes on me. Glancing up, I found Ryder staring intensely down at my t–shirt. I realized my lacy bra was clearly outlined, leaving nothing to the imagination.

I started to tug the fabric away from my body but then stopped.
Let Ryder suffer,
my inner bad girl whispered.
Let him see what he can’t have again.
Tease him on what he’s missing.
But I didn’t anticipate that the yearning in his eyes would leave me speechless.

Reaching down, I picked up my backpack, needing to break away from the craving I saw in his eyes.

“I’ll carry it,” he said, stopping me.

“No, I can get it.”

His eyes burned into mine, challenging me. Ever so slowly, they ran down my wet shirt then back up to stare into my eyes.

I looked away, knowing I could never win this contest. “Fine!” I handed the backpack over, unhappy to give into him.

He smiled triumphantly as he slung it on his broad shoulder.

We started walking down the empty road again. My wet shoes squished with each step. It was going to be a very uncomfortable walk until they dried.

We had only walked a couple of feet when Ryder grabbed my hand and held me back. “Hold on a sec, Maddie.”

When Eva and Brody were a few yards ahead, Ryder started walking slowly, dropping his hand away from mine.

“I’m sorry for acting like an ass earlier.”

The baseball cap was back on his head, hiding his eyes from me and causing his wet hair to stick out around the edges.

He stared off into the distance. “I was out of line.”

“It’s okay.”

“Like hell it is.” He sighed deeply. “I was scared shitless that those men were going to hurt you but it was a low blow for me to say what I did.”

Yeah, referring to sex with me as screwing did hurt.

He stopped and turned to look at me. My breath hitched when his shaded eyes moved down my body again. "When that slime ball touched you, I saw red. I could have pulled him apart with my bare hands.”

“Ryder….”

“I was terrified,” he said, stopping me. Scrubbing a hand across his whiskered jawline, he looked around at the empty farmland.

“There was one other time that I felt that way, Maddie.” He paused then swung his eyes over to me again. “Remember when you wrecked your daddy’s truck?”

I thought back to that night. I had been seventeen and driving home from a high school football game. It was late and the old dirt road I was on was empty. The moon had been shrouded behind thick clouds, making the truck’s headlights work harder to pierce the night’s darkness.

Out of nowhere, a large deer had jumped in front of the truck and froze in fear. I immediately stomped on the brakes but it was too late. With a sickening thud, the truck hit the deer. Its body crashed into the truck’s grill, rolled over the hood, and smashed into the windshield before flying off. In the end, my dad’s truck was totaled and I was taken to the local hospital to be checked out.

“What about that night?” I asked.

“My mom called and said an ambulance brought you into the ER from a car accident. She didn’t know anything about your condition.” He looked away and pulled the brim on his hat down lower. He clenched and unclenched his back teeth, his jaw tense.

“I left the ranch right away. Next thing I know, I’m passing your dad’s truck sitting on the side of the road. The whole front end was smashed together like an accordion. Hell, the front end was almost gone. When I saw that, I was terrified you were dead. I think my old Bronco hit a hundred miles an hour getting to the hospital.” He grimaced. “I felt sick to my stomach on that drive to the ER.”

I remembered that night vividly. My dad was beside himself with worry when I called him from the hospital. I also called Ryder but only got his voice mail. I remembered wishing he was with me but figured since it was a Friday night, he was probably either on a date or drunk. Apparently, I was wrong about both.

“When I got to the ER, you were sitting there, looking perfect and unharmed,” he said.

I remembered what happened next. “You were furious with me. Your mom finally made you leave.” I had been waiting for my dad to pick me up when Ryder stormed into the ER waiting area with a frantic look on his face. One minute he had looked panic–stricken and the next he was furious.

“I wasn’t mad at you. I was pissed with myself for caring so much. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Then or now,” he admitted.

“So what you’re saying is when you yell and cuss at me, you care about me?” I asked, not able to resist teasing him.

“Something like that,” he said, smiling down at me.

“That’s screwed up, Ryder.”

“Yeah, well, I never said I wasn’t screwed up." He studied me a second before continuing. "What you don’t know is that I got stinking drunk after leaving the ER.”

He pulled up the side of his t–shirt, showing me the tribal tattoos running along his side and curving around his back. “I got this that night.”

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his bare, tanned abdomen and the intricate black tattoos wrapped around his muscles. My heart raced. All I could think about was wanting that body against me again, inside me, doing things that made me scream in ecstasy.

“I also woke up in some girl’s bed the next morning.” He looked off into the far distance, wincing as if the words hurt him. “She had long dark hair and brown eyes. Very short too. I picked her because…well, she reminded me of someone I wanted and couldn’t have.”

My heart pounded. It felt as if it would jump out of my chest, run over to him, and jump into the palm of his hand. Right where he had me.

He glanced over at me, waiting for me to say something. I wanted to tell him that some random bar–fly girl didn’t deserve him. I did. But he wanted the one–night stands, I wanted more.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face before facing me again. Taking a step closer, his voice dropped. “I fuck up all the time, Maddie. I don’t want to drag you down with me.”

“Too late,” I whispered, breathlessly.

“Hell,” he muttered under his breath.

We were both in trouble.

We walked in silence.

I had no idea what to say to him. We both wanted each other but the love was only one–sided. It made me ache deep inside, knowing he didn’t love me, but I knew that no matter what, he would care for me in his own way.

When we finally caught up with Eva and Brody, she gave me a questioning look. “What were you two discussing?”

“None of your business, Eva,” Ryder answered with annoyance as he stopped to pull out his water bottle. “You know she doesn’t have to tell you everything.”

“Oh course she does, I’m her best friend. What are you?” she asked with a smirk.

I grimaced at the implied meaning.

“Don’t mess with me, Eva,” Ryder warned. “You’ll regret it.”

“Hey, man, cool it,” Brody said, stepping between her and Ryder.

“This is between Maddie and me. She needs to mind her own damn business,” Ryder said, pointing at Eva.

“She is my business, dick–wad,” Eva hissed from around Brody’s back.

“I’m standing right here!” I said with frustration, tired of being fought over.

Ryder sighed in resignation. “Listen, Eva, I’m glad she can rely on you but damn it, you need to back off,” he said, facing her and placing his hands on his hips.

“Just understand that if you hurt her, I’ll cut you in that very special place all the girls around town love.”

Ryder clenched his jaw in aggravation while Eva looked ready to kill him.

This had gone on too long.

“That’s enough! I don’t want to listen to the two of you fight all the way home. Both of you kiss and make up,” I demanded. I gave each of them a warning look before walking away, not waiting for anyone to follow.

After a few minutes, Eva caught up to me. She didn’t speak and neither did I. My mind was on home and my dad. I just wanted to be with him. Safe and secure. I didn’t want to think about the future, I couldn’t think about the past. I just needed to survive.

If Ryder and Eva wanted to fight, they could fight. If Ryder and I were nothing but friends, I would learn to deal with it. But I wanted to deal with it later, after I saw my dad, after I was in my own house, after I dealt with life changing around me.

The cool weather had disappeared and heat descended on us again. I wondered what time it was. Maybe close to dinner? My stomach growled, the peas from earlier already forgotten. I didn’t see any meal in my future but I tried not to dwell on it too much.

We still had not seen a home, a car, or another person. Only acres of farmland surrounded us, making me feel lost and alone.

Hours passed. Occasionally, Brody would pull out the map to see where we were. I didn’t want to know how many miles were left. I just wanted to walk until we arrived home. If I thought about it too much, depression would press down on me.

My rib and broken finger still hurt with each step I took. The gash on my head had stopped throbbing miles back. I tried not to think about the lingering pain or the amount of time it was going to take for my bones to heal. I just had to take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

The sun went down and we walked. The moonlight was bright enough to see the road in front of us. It was an eerie feeling, walking down a deserted road at night. It felt as if we were the only four people left in the world.

Ryder walked beside me in the dark, ready to reach for me if need be. His baseball cap now swung from his backpack, leaving his hair at the mercy of the wind and his eyes for me to see.

I took off my baseball cap and ran my fingers through my hair, loosening the ponytail. At the same time, a pack of coyotes howled somewhere in the distance. The sound sent a shiver up my back.

“It’s just coyotes, Maddie,” Ryder chuckled when I took a frightened step closer to him.

“I know. I just can’t stand the noise. It sounds so…bloodcurdling.”

“You weren’t afraid of them when we snuck out at night.”

“That was different. We were kids and we were always near the house. This is the middle of nowhere,” I said, remembering those nights. Sometimes, I would wake up to Ryder throwing pebbles at my bedroom window. After I snuck out, we would sit in the barn or lay on the ground, watching for falling stars and talking. It had been one of my favorite things to do with him.

“There was one particular night…I was sixteen, you were thirteen. We were in the barn, hanging out at one o’clock in the morning when the coyotes started howling,” he said, one corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.

I blushed. I remember that night vividly.

“You asked me what it was like to kiss,” he said, his eyes cutting my way.

“I remember,” I said, quietly. My cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“I was so freaking happy to know you hadn’t kissed anyone yet,” he said, smiling in the dark. “And then you asked me to practice with you.”

“What was I thinking? I was only thirteen,” I muttered, feeling mortified. Nothing had changed. I was a fool for him then just like I was now.

“I’m glad that I was the first to kiss you,” he said, looking over at me with eyes so blue under the moonlight, “and take you to bed,” he finished with a low voice.

“I’m glad it was you too,” I said, throaty.

He smirked with a flirty, don’t–trust–me grin. “I’m always willing to help a friend out.”

“Ryder…” I began, cringing at the word ‘friend.’ I wanted to tell him that he was more than a friend and I wanted more from him than just sex but I didn’t get a chance to say anything.

Car lights beamed behind us from down the road, illuminating the area brightly.

At first, I was excited.
We would see other people
!
Maybe we could catch a ride. Or maybe they would have food to spare.
But then I saw the look on Ryder’s face.

He grabbed my upper arm and hauled me quickly over to the ditch. Eva and Brody followed with Brody pulling Eva behind him.

When our feet hit the dirt, Ryder pushed me down on my stomach and laid his arm over my back. Mud oozed around me, soaking into my shirt and coating my arms. My rib screamed with pain from the fast drop to the ground but I was more afraid of what was happening than I was the damage to my side.