Promise Me Anthology (4 page)

“Have you been seeing your friends or
family?"

“Yes. We have a good time together. But I
used to look forward to visiting, and now I have to make myself
go.”

“What about Brennan's family? Your in-laws?
Do they still blame you, Sarelle?"

“Yes. Not for the accident itself, but for
the fact that he was there at all. We don't speak. We haven't since
the funeral.”

“You believe that you were not to blame
though, correct?”

“Of course!” I said, raking my hand through
my hair. “Brennan was stubborn. He was going to do what he wanted
regardless of what I said.”

“It’s true also that you talked about him
dying, that he knew he might not come back?”

“That still hurts me. We talked about it the
way a travel agent talks about crashing on an airplane trip. He
didn't really take it seriously. Neither did I.” I felt a sharp
pain again, thinking of Brennan laughing about how he had climbed
so many mountains, and this was just one more.

“He loved the danger. He thrived on it, and
it led him to his death.”

“Sarelle, I know it might not feel this way,
but you are out of the worst of your grief. In fact, you are
handling it better than most. You have a new job, you’re making new
friends, and you’re keeping busy. I don't think you need to come
and see me anymore, unless you began to feel depressed again.”

“But there is something wrong with me,” I
persisted. “Since the accident happened, I've been less, um,
cautious."

I had his attention now. “What do you
mean?”

Mentioning that I chainsawed alone now
seemed unremarkable.
“I mean I find myself thinking about
things that I never would have before.”

“Such as?”

Like walking into my forest and being okay
with not coming out. “Just odd thoughts. They don’t seem like
they’re mine.”

“Elaborate.”

“I always used to reach for the phone to call
911 as soon as I got scared, back in the city,” I said reluctantly.
“But now I don’t think I would call, if there was trouble.”

The counselor gave me a stern look. “You
aren’t threatening them with your shotgun, are you? I thought we
discussed that was not a good thing for a woman living alone to be
doing.”

I colored slightly. Illegal hunters don’t
count. And you wouldn’t say that to me if I were a man. “Of course
not. No one’s bothered me, really.”

“If someone does, call the police and stay
inside.”

Why? They would never get there in time, just
like for Brennan. “Okay.”

His expression remained unconvinced. “Have
you had thoughts of suicide?”

“No,” I said quickly. “Just thoughts of
getting older, and wondering if this is all there is for me. I want
there to be more than working and being alone all the time.”

“I’m sure you’ve got a lot of living to do,”
he said with a smile. “I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but
this time next year, you may be amazed that you ever felt this low.
Life has a way of changing.” He handed me a piece of paper from his
shelf.” Have you ever read this poem?”

“With Every Goodbye,” I read aloud. “I think
I remember this vaguely from my youth. Isn’t it about coping with
loss?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Take it home and read
it. Think about it a little. Then if you want to schedule another
session with me, I’ll be happy to see you again.”

I’d done as he asked. The poem was cheesy in
its way, but I did like its message of self-sufficiency. I already
knew I was strong and that I had worth. But I’d learned all I
wanted to of heartache and loss. I just wanted to find someone with
whom to share my joys. That was the lesson he’d wanted me to get;
that to really be ready to date again, I had to accept that I might
find myself back in this same position someday.

I wasn’t ready to do that now. I wasn’t sure
I ever would be. I was okay with that. The rest of the world would
just have to be okay with it, too.

* * * *

I was conveniently curled up on my couch one
night in September, cats plural sharing my lap, reading the latest
DeMille thriller. Asher was in the basement, which had become her
home this past year. She still ventured outside, but only at night.
She’d relaxed her guard enough for me to pet her and pick her up,
but she still didn’t enjoy being held.

My work at the metal shop was going well, and
I was looking forward to a slow autumn, instead of the usual rush
to the wire to beat winter’s harsh descent. Maybe I wasn’t all
better, but I was going to survive. I’d written my second chapter
already this past year, and made a new life from the ruins of the
old one. The rest of my story lay before me in the years to come.
Maybe there would even be a cowriter. There was plenty of time for
a great love to enter stage right. And if it took a few more
chapters for that to happen, that was okay, too.

Heart’s Bells

(Previously
Published in Bedtime Shadows anthology 10-2012)

“Don’t you wish we could stay here forever?”
Casey murmured softly. She leaned her head back on Theo’s broad
shoulder, her hopeful sea blue eyes meeting his.

Instead of the loving, or even lustful look
she expected to see, Theo’s eyes were overcast, his grey-blue eyes
dark as storm clouds, his expression grim as he looked out over the
quiet mountain lake and surrounding trees nearby. “You know I want
that,” he replied tersely, even as he shifted her into his arms,
hugging her slight body to his muscular one under the thin blanket
that covered their entwined bodies. “But it’s the end of the
semester. With how things stand now, my dad’s not going to let me
come back next semester. He wants me to pursue ‘real work’, not
‘that art crap’.”

“You don’t have to listen to him,” Casey
soothed. “We don’t need his money. We’ve only got a semester left,
then we’ll graduate. We can start a new life together.”

“With what?” Theo scoffed, though he was
secretly pleased at her faith in him. “Do you really want to be
married to a starving artist?”

Casey turned in his arms, suddenly nervous,
scared hope and shock on her face. “You want to marry me?”

“If you’ll have me,” Theo said with a boyish
grin. His smile became wider. “Not that you haven’t already copious
times, but—”

“Jerk!” Casey said, giving him a good–natured
shove. “Don’t make light of this. Now are you proposing or
not?”

“Yes,” Theo said, his smile wavering as he
fumbled a small box from his pocket. He cracked it open to display
a small diamond ring. “Will you—?”

“Yes!” Casey yelled, her call loud enough to
send the birds on the lake into the air, their wings beating
frantically as they shouted their annoyance on the breeze.

“I guess we don’t need an audience,” Theo
said, slipping the ring on her left hand. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Casey gushed, then grabbed
Theo’s head in her hands, bringing him in for a smoky kiss that
consumed them in its passion.

Eagerly, Theo moved atop her, wishing that
they never had to leave the mountains, or face the worries of the
real world. They’d fallen in love here, he and Casey. This was
their special place, near the shore of the lake at Heart’s
Bells.

* * * *

Hours later, their ardor sated, Theo hugged
the sleeping Casey to him. It felt like the best day of his life,
and yet, he was scared to death.

His father had threatened to cut his college
funding. He wanted Theo to be a lawyer, like he was. Theo’s mother
was on his side—her father had been a carpenter—but she wasn’t
willing to stand up to her husband, not even for her son.

Casey had also glossed over a lot of details.
Yes, she was close to finishing up her nursing degree, but he would
only have an associate’s degree by the end of next semester. While
he’d saved some money at his part time job, there wasn’t enough
there for a down payment on a one room apartment. His father would
be against this marriage just as he’d been against everything Theo
had ever loved...

Theo took a deep breath of mountain air and
looked around, trying to forget his father. Maroon Bells, Colorado
had never seemed so much like home. Some of that was because his
best memories were here, his memories of Casey and falling in love
with her. She had always called this place Heart’s Bells since they
had claimed it for their own.

Theo hugged her close, then closed his eyes,
remembering.

It had happened two years ago, in fall. He
had come up to hike Maroon Lake after moving all his stuff into his
dorm. His father and mother had left almost immediately, after a
few encouraging words to make sure he was going to attend all the
freshmen activities scheduled. Theo waited until their car had
disappeared from sight, then taken off in his own small Plymouth
Neon. He’d be damned if he was going to attend any stupid
orientation. He’d always been a loner, and he was happiest in the
woods. That day had been a beautiful one, far too beautiful to
waste inside with strangers. Not when the mountains he’d come here
to see were finally his to explore.

He’d planned to hike Maroon Lake, and maybe
work on a sketch of the famous mountains. The Maroon Bells were
some of the most famous mountains in Colorado, and the most
photographed, with Maroon Peak being the highest mountain Colorado
boasted. If anything was going to inspire him, this would.

The view didn’t disappoint. The reddish
mountains loomed over the glacier-sculpted lake, perfect and
timeless. The hills were awash in fall’s vibrant colors, the leaves
surreally vivid, as if they had to be a painting, not living
breathing nature. But far more interesting was the girl Theo saw
before him on the trail, her attention so focused on the view that
she didn’t hear him approach.

Theo walked up discreetly, sure at any moment
the girl would turn, or give some sign she had seen him. Yet he
managed to get within a foot of her unnoticed.

“Boo,” he said softly in her ear.

“I heard you,” she said easily, as if they
were old friends. “Don’t think you scared me, because you
didn’t.”

“You’ve got nerves of steel,” Theo replied,
cracking a smile.

She turned and looked at him, her friendly
smile enough to make his breath catch in his throat. Her short
blond hair was up in a tight ponytail, her blue eyes teasing.
“Don’t I know you?”

No, he didn’t know her. But God, how he
wanted to. “I’m Theo. I’m taking courses at the Colorado Mountain
College.”

She took his proffered hand and shook it.
“Hi. I’m Casey. I’m going there, too. Are you taking EMT
classes?”

Theo shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. That
was what he’d told his father he was taking. “No, Visual Art.”

Casey nodded approvingly. “So you’re an
artist.”

“I’d like to be a sculptor,” Theo elaborated,
encouraged. “I plan to get an Associate’s Degree here, then
transfer to a School of Visual Art.”

“That’s so cool,” Casey replied. “You must be
really good. I love to draw, but my parents refused to foot the
bill for art classes. We settled for EMT, with a longer goal of an
Associate’s Degree in chemistry.” She held up a pad and graphite
pencil, an artist’s eraser looped around the black painted wood.
“Not that I’ve given up all hope.”

“They don’t know,” Theo blurted out, turning
away to look at Maroon Bells. “I lied, told them I was signing up
for EMT classes. But I registered for art. They’re probably going
to make me leave when they find out. But I don’t care.”

Casey looked at Theo a moment, then at the
Maroon Bells in the distance. “You know why they call them the
Deadly Bells?”

Theo shook his head. “I’ve never heard that
name for them.”

“They’re made of mud stone,” Casey said. “Not
granite or limestone, like other mountains here. That gives them
their color. Mudstone is weak and fractures easily. A lot of people
have died here in climbing accidents over the years, when the rock
they trusted with their life crumbled away.”

Theo was silent, unsure if his teasing
comment that Casey seemed a little too into tragic events would be
welcomed.

“I call them Heart’s Bells,” Casey continued
softly. “Not just because of their pretty color, but because of
their nature. Hearts are like that—easily broken.” She touched his
hand gently. “You should do what you want, Theo. If you think that
art is what you were meant to do, don’t let anything stop you.”

Theo swallowed hard, not trusting himself to
respond. Instead, he just clasped her hand in his, looking out over
Heart’s Bells.

* * * *

It hadn’t taken long for Theo to fall for
Casey. They’d become fast friends, spending most of their time
together, even as Casey introduced him to her circle. Theo had only
taken note of one of them, a jock called Henry who seemed to find
any excuse he could to touch Casey. Theo ignored it for the first
month, then couldn’t stand it any longer.

He and Casey had been hiking around the lake
when he’d suddenly blurted the question that had dogged his mind
for days.

“Are you in love with him?”

Casey had turned to him, bewildered. “In love
with who?”

“Henry. Are you?”

“Of course not, Theo,” Casey answered with a
smile. “He and I have known each other since grade school—”

Theo was so relieved he grabbed Casey in his
arms and kissed her, his desire to possess her and make her his
irresistible. Casey kissed him back, her mouth devouring his
eagerly as he pushed her back to a tree.

Finally, they separated with a last soft
kiss.

“I’m sorry I cut you off,” Theo said shyly.
Then he straightened and looked her in the eyes. “No, I’m not
actually. I’m not sorry at all. And I’d do it again because I’ve
wanted to kiss you for weeks now.”