Project J (16 page)

Chapter 30:
 
Damage Control

He was in his room, a plate of food untouched on the table.
 
He lay on the bed, almost curled up into a prenatal position.

“Jesus, I want to talk to you,” Tamara said, and Myers translated.
 
Jesus barely glanced up at her, and then he turned his head away.
 
“I won’t go until we have talked,” she told him, and received no reply.
 
Gently, she placed her hand on his arm.
 
It took a few seconds, but his head did turn around to face her.
 
His lips barely moved when he said, “I failed.
 
I was not good enough for God.”

“You did not fail.
 
You tried your best for your people,” she said firmly but kindly, unaware she was echoing Myers’ words.
 
“And the church that grew up in your name has done a lot of good.”

He sat up slowly.
 
She saw that his eyes were red and there were tear streaks on his cheeks.
 
“Do you know of this church called Catholic?”

“Yes.
 
Everyone does.”

“And that man they call the Pope?
 
Is he just the high priest or is he the Anointed One?
 
The chosen by God?”

She hesitated.
 
The look on Myers’ face told her to tread carefully, and then he said, “He is not the Anointed One in the way that you mean it, Rabbi.
 
He is not the Messiah.”

Tamara took it up from there.
 
“Some of the people of that church believe he hears the words of God.
 
But it is my belief that the Pope is simply a man.
 
Someone has to lead a church.”

He seemed to think on that for a few seconds.
 
“If he is not the Messiah, and I am not the Messiah, then where is he?
 
Where is the Son of Man?”

Myers shook his head sadly.
 
“No one knows,” was all he could say.

Jesus digested that, and then said, “That thing showed pictures of Jerusalem and the Temple.
 
Is it true that the Temple was destroyed?
 
That a single wall is all that remains of it?”

“This is true,” Tamara said.
 
She turned to Myers and whispered, “I think it’s time for the whole truth.”
 
Myers nodded.
 
Turning back to Jesus, “A few years after your... your time, the Jewish people rebelled and Rome was harsh in its treatment of the land and people.
 
The Temple was torn down.
 
Many were killed.
 
A great many.”

“But Jerusalem is now ours again?”

“Israel is an independent nation.
 
A strong nation of good people.”
 
She felt bad about not truthfully answering his question, pushing aside the question of whether Jerusalem, the city itself, was ruled by the Jewish people.

“But it is not God’s Kingdom.
 
Not what was promised our people by the prophets and by God.”
 
He seemed to almost be pleading with her.
 
“It was to be a Kingdom of good and peace.
 
Of all men being pure and obedient to God.”

“That Kingdom has not yet come,” she told him.
 
It was a simple half-truth, in that it implied it might yet come to pass.
 
“The Jewish people are many, and a good people.
 
They live in all the lands of the Earth.”

She was tempted to go on in that vein but instead returned to Jesus himself.
 
“Your teachings have reached more people than you can ever believe.
 
And many sincerely try to lead their lives by those teachings.
 
Later, I will show you a book that tells of your life and your teachings.
 
It is called the Bible.
 
You have done much good for people of all races.”

Her words seemed to both calm him and, oddly enough, stir up an anger within.
 
“But I failed!
 
God had chosen me to bring about his Kingdom.
 
I am the Son of Man!
 
I am the Anointed One!”
 
Then doubt came into his eyes.
 
“But the Kingdom did not come, even though I gave up my life for it.”
 
He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.
 
“I tried so hard.
 
Some people listened to me and believed.
 
Some understood how they might become pure and be accepted into the Kingdom.
 
But others cursed me.
 
Even when I cured the sick and cast out demons, so many did not believe.
 
So many did not believe.”
 
His hands were clenched into fists and he looked on the verge of crying again.

Anxious to keep him talking, Tamara asked, “When did you know you were the Anointed One, the Son of Man?”

He looked at her sharply.
 
Was he thinking that she might be mocking him?
 
Quickly she tried to reassure him, “Was it when John baptized you?
 
Please, I want to know.”

The anger fled, and his face took on a sadness but was calm.

“I grew up with the words of the Torah; the words of the prophets.
 
They foretold of a good time to come.
 
Of a return of our people to God’s graces.
 
They told of a man who would be chosen by God to bring this about.
 
I always knew these words were true; that this would happen.
 
We lived in the land that God had given us, but it was not ours.
 
We had to pay taxes to Rome.
 
We had to put up with their soldiers taking what they wanted and making us work.
 
Of them defying the Temple.
 
It was only right that God would give back to us what he promised if we were pure and free of sin.”
 
He looked firmly into her eyes as he said, “And that time was to be soon!
 
It had to be.
 
We had suffered enough.”

After pausing for a moment, he went on, “I heard of John teaching by the Jordan, telling of the coming Kingdom, telling people cast aside their sins and become pure.
 
In the living water of the Jordan, he washed away the sins and made ready the path into the Kingdom.
 
I went to him.

“It was not easy.
 
I had to leave my family and all that I knew in Galilee.
 
When I saw John, he was as the prophets of old.
 
He lived in the wilderness and ate of the land.
 
But there was a holy glow in his eyes when he spoke of the coming Kingdom!
 
He understood!
 
It was good that I followed a man who knew and loved the old words as I did.
 
And I learned so much more from him.
 
I spent a long time with him.

“Then, one day, soldiers came and took him away.
 
Herod Antipas took him away because he feared that John might incite the people to rebellion.
 
But he was wrong.
 
John did not say to take up arms.
 
He taught only repentance and obedience to God’s will, so that one would be ready for the Kingdom.”

Jesus paused for a few moments, reflecting inwardly of a time so very long ago.
 
“You know,” he said calmly, “I believed then that we were so right to teach of the coming Kingdom and the man who would come forth to announce that Kingdom, the Son of Man.
 
When John was taken away, I went back to Galilee, back to my home.
 
I felt compelled to continue the teaching of John, to make people understand what they need do for themselves and for our people.
 
Oh, it would be so good and proper when God came!
 
I knew in my heart that day would be soon.
 
It had to be!”

“You told the people,” she prompted, “but they did not believe?”

“Some did.
 
Some did.
 
But not all.
 
I tried.
 
There were some who believed me and wanted to follow me.
 
I stayed out of the cities.
 
There was too much that was impure there.
 
And too many of the priests.
 
To tell the truth, I was afraid.
 
I did not want what happened to John to happen to me.
 
My message was so important.
 
People had to understand what they must do to make ready for the coming Kingdom.

“A few times I went down to Jerusalem for a holy festival.
 
The Torah tells us to visit the Temple for Passover, Shavuot and Sukkoth.
 
Oh, the Temple was so beautiful!
 
You could sense the presence of God within.
 
I longed to be as the High Priest and go into the Holy of Holies, the place of God.

“But I found much that was not right.
 
The priests dressed in costly garments and displayed riches like the noble Romans did.
 
The moneychangers and sellers of animals were right there, inside the Temple!
 
It was as in the cities; mammon was more important than holiness.
 
I was angry.
 
I wanted to tear out those unholy things!”

He took a deep breath.
 
“That was what really got the priests angry with me, you know.
 
The last time I went to the Temple, I could not hold in my anger.
 
I overturned some tables and cursed the people there.
 
Got a lot of people upset.
 
I got out just before the Temple police came.
 
But the Pharisees were against me even more after that.”

“That was near the end,” Tamara said.
 
“Was it in those last few days that you came to know that you were the Son of Man?”

“No.
 
I knew before I cast out the moneychangers.
 
When I heard of John’s death, in the days that followed I was thinking about what John had said, about the coming of the Kingdom and wondering when that day would be.
 
Soon, I knew, but when?
 
Then, suddenly, as if God were speaking inside my mind, I knew.
 
He had chosen to open my eyes!
 
I was the one who had to make the prophecies come true.
 
I was the one God had chosen!
 
It washed over me like the cold waters of the Jordan years before.
 
Suddenly it was all so clear!
 
I was not just continuing the words John taught, I was the one he talked of.
 
The Son of Man.
 
The Anointed One.

“It all made sense.
 
I was of the line of King David.
 
I understood better than any other man what was to come and what had to be done.
 
The prophets and the words of God guided me.”

As he talked, he became more animated.
 
Tamara could see the depression fading away as he spoke of what he considered the most important in all of times.
 
It would be an event that would set the whole world right.

“I tried to make those who followed me understand, but I think most of them did not really know the meaning of my words.
 
My good friend Judas understood better than the others.
 
And John.
 
And my wife, Mariam, she understood.
 
My mother knew what I was talking about, but I could sense she had her doubts about my being the Son of Man even though she believed with all her heart of the coming Kingdom.
 
It was my beloved wife who believed most.
 
She knew what I was saying.
 
She understood what I would have to go through to bring about the Kingdom.
 
It saddened her, I believe, but it was also a source of great comfort to both of us to know we were part of God’s plan.”