Prohibited: an erotic novel (27 page)

The smug look faded from her face and a hint of anger surfaced on her features. I knew I had offended her, but what did I care? She was offending me just by having me in this situation. She opened her mouth to speak and I dismissed her by fanning my hand to silence her. She closed her mouth.

“Look, my dear. I am not here to insult you.”

“You could have fooled me.”

I ignored her.

“I am here to offer you a deal.”

At the mention of a deal her already big brown eyes got even bigger. She took a sip of water.

“A deal?” She asked sounding very surprised.

“Yes, a deal.” I responded.

I took a sip of my water and leaned in my seat.

“Look, I know my husband loves me and has no plans to desert his family however, it is not lost on me that a man has certain needs.”

She raised an eyebrow. I continued.

“At this juncture in my life, sex is unnecessary. There are certain things that are more important and I chose to focus on those instead of focusing on a sexual relationship.”

I took a sip of water.

“However, I do understand that Michael may see things differently. Because of this, I am willing to make certain sacrifice.”

I looked at her. The anger and frustration had vanished from her face and was replaced by what I would call amusement.

“Is something entertaining about this conversation?”

A smile formed on her face.

“Are you asking me what I think you are asking me?” She answered at this point clearly amused.

I was bewildered by her amusement. There was clearly nothing funny about this situation.

“I am not asking, I am stating that I would allow your continuing correspondence with my husband, as long as some stipulations are adhered to.”

“What stipulations?” She said taking a forkful of lettuce into her mouth.

That was not a good sign. She seemed too comfortable. She probably felt like she had the upper hand.

I really needed to knock her down a notch.

“For example, your continued correspondence with my husband will be limited to sex only. There should not be dinner dates, late night phone conversations, you visiting our home at anytime.”

As I thought of what had transpired between them I became angrier and angrier. Going through Michael’s receipts and his two phones (I did not know he was carrying two cell phones), helped me to learn a lot about him.

I learned through text messages that they were sleeping together in my home. Through receipts, I found out he was getting hotels for their meetings. It took everything I had not to lean across the table and slap her.

“Are you kidding me?” She interrupted.

“Do I look like I am kidding?”

I never had a problem with Michael finding sex elsewhere, but the thought of him falling in love with this woman was more than I could bear. Since she was so important to Michael, I felt that a good wife would be willing to compromise.

When I first discovered that Michael had fallen in love with her, I was devastated. Divorce? What would people think of us? I had worked so hard to give the appearance that our life together was perfect and I will be damned if I let this little girl ruin that.

If you think about it, I should actually see this as a win-win situation.

Michael could have all the sex he wanted and I would be the loving wife and mother and wouldn’t have to bother with sex.

That is if I could get them to agree to this.

She rubbed her hand across her brow and looked at me.

“It is really confusing to me that you would offer me such a deal.”

“Why would it be so surprising?”

She let out a huge breath.

“Look, I am so sorry this relationship with Michael and I began. I never meant to hurt anyone. However, I cannot deny that I have feelings for him. Very strong feelings and I can’t for the life of me understand why you would want to share him.”

I stared at her. Was she serious? I have gone out of my way to make him happy and she is wondering why I would want to share him?

“Look, my family is important to me and I would do anything to keep it together. If that means letting him have a little fun, then so be it.”

“A little fun?” She said flabbergasted. “I really don’t think this is just a little fun to Michael and he would never agree to this.”

I smiled.

“Oh he will agree, because you are going to make him.”

She chuckled.

“Oh I am so glad you find this funny.” I said getting angrier by the second. “You will also be telling him that you do not love him and the only way he gets to be near you is if he abides by this deal.”

She stood from the table.

“Ok, so that is my sign to leave.” She said turning and heading for the door.

“You wait a damn minute.” I said to her back.

She stopped walking and slowly spun around to face me.

“I am committed to doing what I have to do to keep my family together. You are too young to understand what a commitment is. You won’t even be around for very long. Don’t you see? Do you really think he really wants to divorce me and take you home to his traditional Italian mother? Show off his black whore? I am the only permanent fixture around here. When he is finished with you, he will find another slut to sink his teeth into. It’s just sex.”

I could tell now she was livid.

“If that were true you wouldn’t be here offering me this stupid ass deal.” She said walking back over to me.

“Because of what I did, I am going to excuse the fact that you just called me a whore, a slut and not good enough because I’m black. I am trying to be civil and nice because you are Mikey’s mother and I do love him dearly.”

She sighed placing her hand on her hip.

“You say your family is important to you. What you didn’t say is that you love your husband and that you are here to fight for him. What YOU need to do instead of bringing me here trying to blackmail me into convincing Michael that this dumbass deal is worth taking, is be a wife to your husband and get rid of the need for me.”

It was at that point I lost it and my image was the last thing on my mind.

“You stupid bitch!  If you loved my son as much as you say you do, then you would not be sleeping with his father and ruining his family.”

She had the audacity to laugh.

“Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I know what I did with Michael was wrong. I should never have gotten involved with a married man. I am so sorry for that. But you are focusing on the wrong person. You don’t know how many times I have tried to call Michael off, to end it with him. ”

I looked around and noticed the other diners in the restaurant were staring at us. A few of them I knew. I was mortified. I grabbed her arm and guided her out the dining room and out the door.

Once outside, I resumed the conversation.

“Just take the deal.” I said folding my arms across my chest.

She let out a loud audible breath.

“Do you love your husband?” She inquired softly.

I was getting really tired of this conversation.

“You listen, do you think that if I didn’t care for my husband I would be here with his mistress working out a deal. My main concern is his happiness.”

She laughed.

How dare she laugh at me!

“You care for him? That’s it? Wow you are a piece of work. I can say it. I love Michael. I love your husband.”

I was so angry I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to lash out at her but I was trying to keep my cool. This was not how this day was supposed to turn out.

She turned away from me and walked towards the parking lot.

“You didn’t answer my question.” I asked.

She stopped and turned with her hands on her hips.

“You didn’t answer my question either.” She said

“And what question would that be?”

“Do you love your husband?”

I was beyond angry and frustrated. I felt like I was begging here. I kept thinking about Selena and I knew that I was not ready to go down that road. As long as I had Michael in my life I knew I could keep my mind focused and my legs closed around Selena. I dared not think of what I would do if he were not around…

“Excuse me? Do you love your husband?”

“Look you smartass. I don’t have time for this.”

She hung her head for a second.

“No, I won’t let you do this. I can’t let you do this to Michael.”

I was confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Michael told me how awful you treat him. He doesn’t believe you love him and I refuse to help you trick him into staying with a woman that treats him like garbage.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about.”

I could not believe that Michael told her I treated him like trash. I was taken aback. He was confiding in his mistresses now? He was unbelievable.

“Just tell me you love him and I will think about the deal.”

It should have been great news but for the life of me no matter how hard I tried to say it…I couldn’t say the words. Plus, what did I need to prove to her.

I watched her shake her head.

“The deal means nothing. But if you really need an answer,” she said walking back towards her car.

“My answer is no.”

***

I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about things, my life in general. I couldn’t let everything that I worked for just disappear. My family would never forgive me if Michael and I divorced. As much as I hated to admit it, Maxine was right. This is not just fun for Michael; he really truly wants to end this marriage.

 But what do I want?

I had spent hours reliving my childhood and searching myself to see what I wanted. I realized Selena was not entirely wrong.

I was starting to have feelings for her. Feelings that I didn’t think were possible to have for another woman. The last time I felt like this for a woman, my mother found out and made me swear that I would never pursue my sinful ways again. I devoted my life to swallowing those feelings and pursuing the life from which my family would benefit.

I entertained the possibility of a divorce and immediately dismissed it. I have worked hard to be a good catholic woman, a good mother and wife. Whenever I visited my family, they were proud to see how well Michael and I were doing and I cannot give in to my fantasies.

My family would disown me if Michael and I got a divorce. I would be blamed and my mother would always wonder if I screwed it all up because of my deep dark secret.

I was at home sitting at the kitchen table lost in my thoughts when he entered. He headed straight for the refrigerator and retrieved a carton of orange juice. He set the juice on the counter, reached in the cupboard, pulled out a glass and began to fill it.

Not one time did he acknowledge me.

I watched him drink his orange juice and waited. He finished his drink and placed the soiled glass into the sink. Finally he turned slowly folding his arms across his chest.

“You look as if you have something to say to me.” He said nonchalantly.

Since he has confessed he wanted a divorce, he doesn’t even try anymore to be nice to me. He was snippy and barely said two words. I have for the past two weeks spent dinner either alone or with Mitchell.