Program 13 Book One (8 page)

What he told me on the street, that wasn’t why he wanted to die. That was what he wanted me to believe, the lie he fed to the world. It was his way of pushing others away.

“You want to know what happened, right? Why I’m the way that I am?”
Colton
turned to look at me. I could see the pain written all over his face. “Last year I lost my parents, both of them died in some sort of freak car accident. My little sister, Maggie, was in the backseat. She was the only survivor, but I haven’t seen her since. She was taken away because they felt I was too young to take on the responsibility of raising a child! Can you believe that? They took my baby sister away because they felt I couldn’t care for her properly!”

Before I knew what I was doing, I began to move closer to
Colton
. I felt the need to comfort him, to try and calm him down. I reached my hand out to
Colton
, fully aware that at any moment, he might realize I was different from him. But he didn’t. He grabbed my hand in between his before continuing. “My parents’ bodies were donated to Vesta Corp, some sort of science program here in
Seattle
. That was their wish and, in a way, I preferred it that way.  Knowing that their bodies were sitting below ground, rotting away, would have only made it worse. Everyone I cared for was taken away from me and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing.”

Colton
was crying now. I imagined that this was how Hayden reacted when I died. Imagining my brother crying over me made me want to comfort
Colton
even more. He was wrong to think there was nothing he could do. I knew that his parents might, in fact, still be at Vesta Corp, though I couldn’t tell him that. Not now. But knowing that there was a chance he could have his family back, or at least part of it, pleased me.

10
NEW BEGINNINGS

S
ilence filled the room as he tried to compose himself. I wanted to help him. I wanted to tell him about his parents and Vesta Corp, but I couldn’t. No matter how much it might help, it could also ruin him even more.

“
Colton
, hey, look you were wrong. I understand more than you could imagine. But I can promise you that death is not the answer.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, carefully.

He shook his head, not uttering a word.

As much as I wanted to tell him the truth, to explain how I’d lost everyone I cared about - twice now - I knew that I couldn’t. He wouldn’t understand. Or he would run off, terrified, and that would be worse.

I chose my next words carefully, trying to be as honest as possible without revealing too much. “Look around,
Colton
, do you see anyone else here? No, it’s just me. My family? Who knows where they are. I have no way of contacting them. Heck, I’m not even sure where they are. I’m alone. This life I’m living? I’ve had to rebuild it from scratch. But even though I lost everything – my family, my friends, my life - I never gave up on life. If you give up on life, you give up on love…you give up on them.”

“How exactly would I be giving up on them?”
Colton
asked.

“Think about it.” I smirked. “You love them, even though they’re gone. In order to love, you need to live. If you give up on your life, you give up on them. You’d willingly forfeit the capability to love.”

He remained quiet. “And love is one of life’s greatest joys; one that is often taken for granted.”

“You say that so surely, as if I wouldn’t see them again upon my death,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I still have hope that I will see them again. So, if you’re just going to sit here and tell me otherwise, don’t bother.”

Colton
had every reason to believe he would see his parents again. It just wouldn’t be in the manner he hoped. If their bodies were handed over to Vesta Corp, then they could be still be very much alive. I knew that first hand. But I wasn’t going to tell him the truth, no matter how much I wanted to.

To lose someone was hard. To lose someone and find out they were still alive was even harder.
Colton
didn’t need any more pain or confusion. He needed to live, to break from the past. I was here to help him start over. I had a purpose again.
A real purpose.

“So what’s your story anyway?” he asked, breaking the silence in the room. “If you’re not a fugitive, why are you running?”

I was running from the past; the same thing he was doing.

“There are things about me that you do not know yet, nor will you probably ever know. My past is trying to catch up to me, and I need to continue to run from it. It’s the only way I can live.” I paused to look over at him. “I can’t go back there, I can’t.”

Colton
would never know how truthful my words were or what they truly meant, but it felt nice to not lie to him. Of course, it was only some of the truth - as much as I felt he could handle.

He jumped down from the counter, lifting his hand up towards my cheek. I pulled back in a panic. Desperate to increase the space between us, I leapt off of the counter and moved into the living room, taking a seat on the brown couch.

“Look at us. You’re running from your past, and I’m running from my life. I’m thinking our encounter wasn’t coincidental.”
He joked, moving to sit on the arm rest.

I refused to believe it was coincidental either. Everything had a reason behind it. My reason for running into
Colton
, almost literally, was to help him. He needed me as much as I needed him. He needed to learn to live again just as much as I needed to feel alive.

This was no chance encounter.

“Do you work or go to school?”
Colton
asked, leaning on the back of the couch.

“No,” I replied without hesitation. How would I explain the house or the car? Should I tell him that my brother gave me money before he left so that I could get by? Did I honestly want to explain why my brother left me here? Why my family wasn’t allowed to contact me? No. I didn’t. “I’m actually living off my savings for now. It’s hard to find a job around here.”

He nodded his head as though he understood. “Emile.” His voice was quiet, serious. “I just want to say thank you. It’s not often you find people that are willing to listen when they hardly even know you.”

“It’s nothing,
Colton
, really.” I looked over at him and smiled. “Sometimes, people just need a shoulder to lean on. I’m more than happy to be there for you.”

“Thanks.” He smirked, pressing off the couch. He lifted his arms above his head, yawning in the process. “I don’t mean to be a pest, but would you happen to have an extra room I can sleep in?”

I looked up at
Colton
- he looked so fragile, like a child in need of protection. His clothes were torn and covered in dirt. He reminded me of someone; he reminded me of myself – of my original Program. I could recall the way the White Coats used to stare at me while I was in my Pod, and while I didn’t understand it then, I did now. I wasn’t able to handle the outside world then, just as
Colton
was struggling to survive in this world now.

“Let me go prepare a room for you. I’ll be right back.”

Honestly, I wasn’t sure there was a spare room for
Colton
. Hayden hadn’t told me much about the house before I arrived. I knew off-hand that if there wasn’t a Pod in the living room, there would be one in my room, which meant that room was off-limits to
Colton
.

Luckily enough, on the opposite side of the house was a spare room equipped with a bed.

Thank you, Hayden
, I thought.

“
Colton
,” I called, making my way back to the living room. He was still standing near the couch, his hands buried in the pockets of his sweatshirt. “There is a spare room for you on the other side of the house.” I pointed to the hallway by the kitchen. “The bed is already made. If you need anything else just let me know.”

He pulled his hands from his sweatshirt pocket, and slowly made his way over to me. “I don’t think I can say thank you enough, Emile.” Before I could stop him,
Colton
wrapped his arms tightly around me. My metal build pressed against his fragile human body. He had to notice, there was no way he couldn’t.
Move, Emile. Move.

I backed up slowly, trying to act as though it never happened.

“Are you okay? You feel pretty cold. Are you sick?”
Colton
asked curiously.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Why don’t you head to bed? I’ll see you in the morning.”

He looked up at me and nodded. He headed for the hallway, turning to look at me one last time before he made his way to the spare room. He knew I was lying, that I was sure of. What I didn’t know was if he knew what I was, or that I was different.

“Crap,”
I muttered.

11
CONFESSIONS

I
listened as
Colton
snored from down the hall, reminding me of just how inhuman I’d become. I thought back to this morning, to how I started off as a useless Program, before Hayden managed to bring me back.

This morning, I was technically dead.

But now I’d be ending the day alive.

And while I was more than happy to receive a second chance at life, the concept terrified me. Underneath my flesh, metal rods, and ropes of wire ran throughout, connecting to my core. Yes, my memories were intact – well, at least some of them. And yes, I might function like any other person. But even still, I knew that I didn’t belong.

What would
Colton
think of me if he knew what I was? I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to see me for what I was. I wanted to be able to live my life, an honest life. The problem was that Programs weren’t welcomed with open arms in our society. And no one had even known that I’d died.

People had their own beliefs concerning Vesta Corp, mainly conspiracy theorists. Most actually believed it was where they brought organ donors, and I supposed that was because McVeigh was rather charming when he wanted to be. But for the most part, no one quite knew what went on at Vesta Corp, or that most of the people that vanished had been turned into Programs.

How would I even begin to explain that even though I looked human, I was actually a computer?

I didn’t know.

I glanced up at the gray wall, adjacent to the couch. A small, black LCD clock sat to the right of the television. Large, red numbers flashed the time: eight o’clock at night. Way past my Pod plug-in time. I could feel my Program slowing down, desperate to enter standby mode.

Colton
was sound asleep, and I didn’t see him waking anytime soon. I decided to head off to the Pod while I still had the chance. I moved from the couch slowly, making sure to avoid making too much noise. Given how heavy my new body was, any small step would echo throughout the house. And I honestly
didn’t
want to risk waking
Colton
.

Walking into the room, I was surprised to see that there weren’t nearly as many computers as I had become accustomed to while at Vesta Corp. Next to the Pod, a small silver cart held a laptop, which connected to the back of the Pod.

The Pod itself was a replica of the ones I used at Vesta Corp: It was white and oval shaped. A folded letter was taped to the glass window.

Written in a neat lettering, the letter was addressed to
Emile.

It was from Hayden. I could tell by the hand-writing. I pulled the letter off the Pod’s glass door and opened it carefully.

Dear Emile,

I wish I could be there with you. I wish I knew that you were safe. But I can’t and I hope you can understand why. I miss you, Emile, and I hope to see you soon. For now, be safe.

Love,

Hayden

I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t flow from my eyes. No matter how hard I tried.

My family would now become my past. At least for now. I needed to keep them safe, and, therefore, I couldn’t see them. No matter how much it hurt. I would need to push forward and create a new life – one that didn’t involve them.

The idea of them no longer existing to me was heart wrenching, but I didn’t have a choice.

Did I ever?

When Hayden brought me back, he brought me back so that I could live out the life I had lost. He didn’t bring me back so that I could spend my time moping around. He wanted me to experience everything that life had to offer, to take back what was taken from me. And yet, here I was wasting it.

“I’m sorry Hayden,” I whispered, reaching for the latch on the Pod door.

The door swung open, exposing the white interior. I climbed inside carefully, making sure not to bump into anything as I did. Once inside, I could feel my hard drive connecting to the port in the back. A slight clicking sound echoed throughout the Pod.