Private Lives (53 page)

‘So you think you should get back with Carla because of what Jonas feels?’

Matt sank into a silence, defeated by the question. He dealt with this every single day of his life. He saw first hand why people stayed in relationships and why others left. Whenever clients asked him for advice – ‘What do I do now?’ – he always gave them the same answer: there was no right thing to do when your relationship faltered. The only thing to do was what felt right to you.

Larry put his empty glass on the table.

‘Let me ask you another question. Would you have wanted your mother to stay with me, even if neither of us was happy?’

‘But Mum
was
happy. And then you had an affair and left us. Why did you do that? Were you really that unhappy, or was it just a case of the grass is greener?’

Larry stood up.

‘Stay there,’ he said, and walked out of the kitchen. Matt could hear his slow footsteps going upstairs. He was away for a few minutes, and when he returned, he was holding a small envelope.

‘What’s that?’

‘A letter to me. From your mother,’ said Larry, handing it to Matthew.

‘Should I read it now?’

‘I think so.’

Matt pulled out the single sheet of ageing cream vellum, instantly recognising the small, precise writing of his mother. He began to read.

Dear Larry,

How do you say goodbye to your husband and the father of your son? By letter, I think. I’m not sure I can say the things I want to say without turning back, retreating into a situation that’s wrong for both of us. Your affair with that woman was a betrayal, you don’t need me to tell you that, but I was surprised you came back. I was even more surprised I took you back. But I did it for our son. I did it to be a family again.

So why does that decision now feel wrong? Because a family is more than three people living in a house together. Because when you come home every day, I know that you would rather be somewhere else, with someone else. Because one day Matthew will be old enough to ask why his parents don’t sleep in the same bedroom, and I don’t want to tell him that it’s because I can’t bear to touch you. Not after your affair. But mostly because we both love our son and we always want what’s best for him. I want Matthew to be brought up around love, not around two people who have nothing to say to each other any more, who have broken whatever they once had. We don’t want him to grow up feeling guilty that he was the only glue binding two unhappy, resentful people together.

Love dies if you don’t water it – I think you said that to me once – and that’s what happened between you and me, Larry. Love isn’t an obligation. It’s a life force, a gift of nature; love is about finding that one person who makes you feel so happy your heart could sing. We had it for a while, but it’s gone; we both have to face the truth of that. Perhaps we can find it again, somewhere else. I hope so.

Yours truly, Katherine

Matthew folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope.

‘Mum left
you
?’ he said. ‘You left us. She told me that.’

Larry fetched the decanter and filled Matthew’s glass, putting it down again without filling his own.

‘For five amazing years we were so happy, me and your mother,’ he said. ‘I doubt anyone anywhere was ever as in love as we were at the start. But after she’d had you and thrown herself back into her career? Well, things changed. She had papers published, she was being asked to lecture abroad, there were whispers of a professorship one day.’ He shrugged. ‘I was busy too, of course, and I’d come home from work long after you’d gone to bed. Kathy would be in the study, working. She made time for you and her job, but there was not enough time for me. I’m not making excuses, just trying to give you some context.’

He held up his hands.

‘So I had an affair. My first one. They become quite addictive once you cross the line of morality, but that’s another story. This first one, her name was Jan, a client’s secretary. Twenty-one, pretty, plus she thought I was fabulous and I drank every drop of flattery as if it was good port. I honestly thought I was in love with her. Looking back, I was just in love with how she made me feel.’

He paused, as if he was reluctant to go on. ‘Your mother found out – deep down I think I wanted her to – and kicked me out. But a month later I came back. For you,’ he said earnestly.

‘But if you came back for me, why didn’t you stay?’

Larry tapped the letter in front of Matt.

‘I think she says it best in there. Love isn’t an obligation; you can’t love someone out of duty. We’d changed as people, but we hadn’t changed together. She resented me, my long hours, my affair, and I suppose she’d replaced me with a new passion: her own work. And you, of course. On my part, perhaps I couldn’t cope with a strong, strident woman like Katherine. It was the seventies, remember. Everyone still expected husbands and wives to fall into their prescribed roles.’

‘So why did she keep us apart?’

Larry sighed.

‘In part I suppose she was angry, resentful, and wanted to prove that you two could get along just fine without me. But I didn’t fight for you. I let my pride get the better of me and I walked away. I walked away from you, and for that, I’ll forever be sorry.’

Matthew could see tears glossing over the whites of his father’s eyes.

‘I know you’re a better father than me, Matt. I know it’s not ideal living apart from Jonas, but you’ve shown that you don’t need to live with him to be a brilliant dad. Get back with Carla because you love her, because she makes your heart beat faster,’ he pleaded. ‘Not out of duty. We both love Jonas too much to want him to be brought up in an unhappy household.’

Matthew gave a small smile.

‘You make it all sound so simple.’

‘I’ve had a lot of experience of getting it wrong.’

They both laughed together.

‘Oh, and can you do one more thing for me?’ said Larry, getting up.

‘Sure, what is it?’

Larry yanked open the oven, sending a cloud of thick grey smoke rolling up towards the ceiling.

‘Can you call the pizza place?’ he coughed. ‘I think dinner’s off.’

55

For a Friday afternoon in late summer, the Limelight Productions lot in Burbank was heaving. This time of year, most media executives were on vacation, but there was a hive of activity around the warehouse-like sound stages as Jessica swung her Aston Martin on to the lot. People always assumed Hollywood was Glamour City, but the fans would have been disappointed to visit a working studio. It was like a rather drab industrial estate, with each of the anonymous warehouse buildings housing a set. Inside, you might find a suburban living room, familiar as the setting for a sitcom perhaps, or maybe a realistic operating theatre from one of the many medical dramas Limelight seemed to pump out season after season. But from the outside, that magic factory could just as easily be a storage facility or an auto shop.

Jessica pulled into her named parking space right by the doors of the
All Woman
production offices. The show was due to start filming three weeks ahead of a mid-October premiere, and John Hartnett, the executive producer, had called the senior team in to run through the storylines for the new season. Jessica had already had Harry Monk, her agent, pre-check it all of course; she had her sights set on cracking the movies, but for now,
All Woman
was her meal ticket and there was no way she was going to leave Sally, her character, in the hands of some overexcited junior writer. Two seasons ago, she had been so unhappy with one episode she had jumped on the first plane to Palm Springs and refused to shoot a frame until they axed the storyline.

‘Jessie, you’re looking so gorgeous!’ exclaimed John Hartnett, kissing her on both cheeks. ‘Have you been away? You look a million bucks.’

Jessica waved the compliment aside impatiently.

‘Where is everyone?’ she said. She could see the boardroom through the glass panels of John’s office; it should have been full of writers, producers and actors.

‘They’re on their way. I pushed it back by thirty minutes.’

‘You could have told me,’ said Jessica, thinking that she could have dropped into the cute little nail bar near the lot. Amazing French polish and ego boost – the Korean technicians loved the show – and only ten bucks, too.

‘Actually, you were the reason why I pushed it back,’ said John, showing her to a chair. ‘I wanted to talk to you in private.’

‘John, it’s okay, I’m fine,’ sighed Jessica. ‘All that crap with Sam’s in the past. I’ve moved on.’

‘That’s great to hear, but I wanted to talk this through with you.’

On his desk was a stack of scripts. He took one and handed it to Jessica.

‘Episode One,’ he smiled.

‘About time,’ said Jessica, leafing through, mentally estimating the ratio of lines for Katie and the other characters. It was always important to get the most face-time on screen.

‘So we’ve got a hot new writer this season,’ said John. ‘Robert Levine. You know his stuff?’

‘Of course,’ she lied.

‘We’ve been thrashing out the story arc for Season Five, making a few tweaks.’

She looked up. ‘I thought we’d discussed where this season was going. You ran through it with my agent.’

‘Sure we did, and we took on board everything you said. But, well, we have to keep things fluid, Jess. Adapt, change it to keep it fresh.’

Alarm bells were immediately ringing. Words like ‘change’ and ‘fresh’ always made her nervous.

‘Okay. So what’s the plan?’

‘We’re ramping up the drama a little. I think we’ve been playing it too safe.’

Jessica couldn’t really disagree with that. After several seasons it was easy for shows to fall into a rut. If she was honest, that had happened with
All Woman
. The characters had been fully fleshed out and their storylines exploited – and consequently the viewing figures had begun to dip.

‘What did you have in mind?’

John held up his hands dramatically.

‘A love rival for you and Billy.’

Billy was the on-screen love interest for her character Sally. He’d started off as her flatmate, a hunky shoulder to cry on through numerous ill-fated love affairs, including a fling with her dentist and a farcical relationship with a pair of identical twins. But through it all, he and Sally had crackled with sexual chemistry, and their ‘will they, won’t they?’ storyline had been one of the most electric on-screen relationships since
Moonlighting
.

Season Three’s finale, where Billy and Sally were trapped in an avalanche and finally consummated their love in a log cabin, had pulled in the highest ratings of any sitcom that season. But Season Four, following Billy’s bumbling attempts to propose, just hadn’t had the same tension. Hence the love rival angle. But Jessica didn’t like the word ‘rival’, not at all. Sally was the undisputed star of
All Woman
, and Jessica didn’t want her to have a rival anything.

‘What are you thinking? A one-night stand? Or how about a dream sequence starring the twin sister Sally doesn’t even have? I’m thinking good twin, bad twin.’

John shook his head.

‘I’m talking a proper knockout love interest, Jess. A real adversary for Sally – and I’ve found an actress who I think would be perfect.’

He picked up a remote control and zapped on the seventy-inch television at the far end of his office. The screen popped on to a beautiful brunette smouldering through some dialogue.

‘Brooke Geller. She’s great, isn’t she?’ gushed John. ‘Twenty-four, only done a couple of duds in pilot season before now, so she’s fresh.’

Jessica’s stomach turned over as she watched the audition tape. Brooke Geller was stunning, a smouldering raven-haired yin to Sally’s all-American yang. John was right, she would be perfect. This girl was gorgeous, had a Victoria’s Secret body – and looked at least a decade younger than Jessica. Brooke Geller was a star, plain and simple, and there was no way Jessica wanted her on
her
show.

‘What do you think?’ said John, pressing the pause button.

‘Billy wouldn’t go for someone like that,’ she said tartly.

‘Didn’t you see that rack? Billy is a man.’ John smiled, taking off his glasses to clean them. ‘Besides, we need to make Billy more fallible, more rounded. He was too much of a goody-two-shoes before.’

‘I didn’t notice his two million fans on Twitter complaining.’

‘Well they’re going to Tweet even more when Billy and Brooke start an affair.’

Jessica’s mouth dropped open

‘Tell me you’re kidding,’ she said, her voice quivering with anger. ‘Billy cheating on Sally with some tramp? It’s a bit insensitive, isn’t it, in view of everything that has happened to me this summer?’

‘Jess, it’s not meant to be about that.’

But the way John’s face coloured, she knew that was exactly what it was meant to be about. They were cynically chasing the ratings, pulling back the audience with the promise of art imitating life. No wonder Hartnett and his new writer had kept the script such a secret until now.

‘What a low shot,’ she hissed. She was so livid she was struggling to breathe. ‘And how long do you see this storyline continuing? One episode?’

‘Six episodes initially; we’ll see how the fans react.’

‘You mean the whole season, don’t you?’ Jessica’s heart was thudding. ‘Is this about these “Desperate Jess” headlines? Because if it is, don’t worry, I’m taking those bastards to court.’

‘It’s not about that, I promise you.’

She jumped to her feet, grabbing her cell phone.

‘I’m getting Len on the phone right now,’ she snapped. ‘We’ll see what he has to say about this.’

Len Morgan was the head of the studio. He was a disgusting lech who had spent years trying to touch her up, and Jessica felt confident she could wrap him around her little finger.