Primary School Confidential (30 page)
Read Primary School Confidential Online
Authors: Woog
And then there were the school visitors who caused the most chaos ever.
Billets.
A call would go out from the school to let everyone know that a busload of kids were coming into town to attend some sporting event. Would anyone be prepared to host one of the visiting kids for a few nights?
You didn't need a police check, or a working with children check. All you needed was a signature and a spare couch. Looking back on itâand it still goes onâthe whole notion is fraught with bad possibilities.
My mum never volunteered to billet anyone; she is a very smart woman. Now that I am a parent, I totally get it. Looking after someone else's kid is okay, but it was a bit of a lottery as to who might turn up at the door. At the time, though, I was
very pissed off about it, because all my mates now had instant live-in best friends and I was stuck with my bitchy sister and my annoying brother.
The billets were always granted instant celebrity status, and my lucky school friends who were matched with the very coolest of the billet kids would ride that wave of coolness by association for all it was worth.
I'm sure having some kid from Walgett staying would have made my life richer.
You and your child are invited to an information evening for all 1012 prospective new band members, to take place in the school hall on Tuesday at 6.30 pm. This is an important occasion and both the Junior Band and the Concert Band will be performing for you.
My immediate thought: âHow the fuck am I going to get out of this one?'
Extracurricular activities are important for a child's development as a well-rounded person; I know this, and I am all for them. But I have imposed a strict limit of two activities. The only mandatory activity is swimming lessons. I see this as a life insurance policy.
Ask any of your mates, âHow are you?', and I guarantee that they will answer: âBusy.'
It starts when your baby is born. You get busy. Busy trying to get out of the house so you can cure your loneliness by meeting with a group of other mothers, known as a mothers' group. This is a bunch of women with whom you have only one thing in common: that you all enjoyed a root at roughly the same time. You spend your time at mothers' group discussing how busy you are.
As your baby grows and becomes mobile, you can add playgroup to your busy list, and over the years you can add ballet, piano, footy, Mandarin lessons, yoga, karate, extra tuition (to make up for the fact that your kids are falling behind in reading because they're spending all their time doing extracurricular activities instead of reading a book), T-ball, tennis, cricket, musical theatre and chess.
Think back to your own childhood. What did you do after school? I'll bet it didn't involve being ferried from pillar to post.
Modern parents need to collectively calm the fuck down.
BUSY PARENTING
I put the following questions to parents from all over the country:
Do you think that there is a link between childhood anxiety and over-programmed children?
Do your kids have an organised activity on most afternoons?
What do your kids do after school?
My kids are too little for all that, but as a former teacher, I like to remember that all children need down time and even boredom. Boredom stimulates creativity; over-programming does the opposite. It stifles creativity. Creativity is important if children are to learn to think âoutside the box', to come up with new solutions and to develop self-confidence.
I absolutely think there is a link. I firmly believe my kids need down time to just be kids and play. Currently my kids have no organised activities (aside from weekend swimming lessons) as I felt like the start of the school year needed their full attention. I plan to let them start something now that we are into second term. After school, my kids play . . . that's it.
I try to keep weekday afternoons free for homework and relaxing. Friday nights we have footy, Saturday morning swimming lessons. That's enough for us.
My two boys, ages ten and six, do homework after school, swimming on Saturdays and Nippers on Sundays in summer. We can have our own fun without it being an organised activity.
We underestimate the value of unstructured play . . . It's when children learn how to deal with
conflict, and about cooperation, turn-taking and fair play.
My kids play one sport (soccer) and do one social activity (guides/scouts). That's it. So that's two afternoons a week; the other three weekday afternoons we are all at home. Any more than that that would definitely lead to anxiety; as it is, my highly strung daughter worries that she won't get all her homework done.
If children love what they're doing, then I can't see how after-school activities would make them anxious, but if they're not really invested and it's more the parents who want them to do it then, yes, it could very well be making them anxious. My six-year-old does ballet one night a week and my ten-year-old does ballet one night and tap another night. Two nights of activities is enough and she knows that if she wants to do something else, then either ballet or tap has to go.
My eight-year-old has netball training one afternoon, a game on Saturday morning, and has piano lessons one afternoon plus fifteen minutes' practice every morning before school. My six-year-old has scouts one afternoon a week and an activity one weekend a month. Perfect for us, not
too much running around and more than enough âfree days' for non-organised stuff.
As children's freedom has declined, so has their creativity, it seems.
Child behaviourist and all-round legend Nathalie Brown has this to say about the over-programmed child:
After twenty years' experience, one pattern I have really noticedâand it saddens me to say that it's on the riseâis that children as young as four are showing signs of stress: stress that is debilitating in exactly the same way as it is for us grown-ups. The stress the children are demonstrating is showing up and reflected in their behaviour, such as being exhausted at school, being overemotional, having meltdowns and general âmisbehaviour'. Of course you have to take into account a child's individualityâwhile one child may cope really well with four after-school activities a week, not all will. Some children are not coping with having so much on their plate. Too often I hear:
âI'd like to make an appointment for you to see my six-year-old daughter.'
âSure. How about next Wednesday at 4 pm?'
âOh, we can't do Wednesdayâshe's swimming.'
âWhat about Thursday?'
âThursday she does gymnastics, Monday she has keyboard and dance, and on Tuesdays and Saturdays she does netball.'
I feel for both the child and the parent who is ferrying this child around.
Observing children is a major part of what I do; I watch them at school and at their after-school activities. I am all for children having interests, participating in competitions, learning through play, but not to the level where it becomes detrimental to the child. Waking your child at 5.30 am for a relaxing and mindful yoga lesson five times a week before school only to have them dozing at their desk by 10 am is somewhat missing the point of the mindful yoga class.
If you can picture how well a child keeps it together at school for over six hours in a structured environment, which I find incredible, plus homework, they will also need unstructured time to just be. To just be a child.
We all have dreams for our children, we all want the best for them, we want them to have opportunities to flourish, but it is crucial to remember the child too, that their dreams are not our dreams and not every waking moment has to be filled with something for them to do.
Amen, Nathalie! *fist bump and a high five for common sense!*
So I must ask the question: Why do we wear our busy-ness like it is a badge of honour?
I grew up in an era where there was no homework. You had your little reader in the early years, but afternoons were spent playing. Playing with your siblings and neighbours. The word âplay date' wasn't even a thing.
I try to keep it simple with my kids. They have boundaries, and it is up to them what they do within those boundaries to keep themselves amused. They have to be home by 5 pm. If they end up at a mate's house, they know to make a quick call home to let me know where they are. They are free to roam the streets on
their bikes and explore the bushlands that surround our suburb. They know my phone number by heart and are well versed when it comes to stranger danger.
I believe that by giving kids their freedomâat the appropriate time, obviouslyâyou are handing them the keys to so many of life's lessons that are more important than playing the oboe. They will learn to take risks and experience the consequences of their actions. This is important when learning about decision-making.
My good pal Mrs Goodman and I quite often discuss this topic. She once told me: âLife is always going to knock it out of you, so you'd better start with a full tank.'
Never a truer word was spoken. You start at 100 per cent, and as you get older you take the knocks. How much those knocks diminish you is in your hands. I believe in teaching your kids confidence while they are under your roof, because once they are gone, they have to deal with the knocks on their own.
One afternoon, I saw Harry wheeling his bike down the driveway, his backpack on his back.
âWhere are you going?' I asked him.
Without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, âWherever the wind takes me.'
It turns out he was off to the house around the corner for a dip in their pool . . . but good answer!
When my son was in Year 6, he brought home a note from school that, naturally, I found in his bag covered in leftover lunchbox contents.
âWhat is this?' I asked him.
He shrugged. âI dunno. Something about a school excursion.'
I read the note and then fell to the floor in a dead faint. I was expecting something about the zoo, or the Opera House. But no. The school excursion was to South Korea. Apparently my kids' school has a sister school there, so someone came up with the great idea of popping on over to say g'day.
