Prima Donna (16 page)

Koran cracked up laughing. “I know you got some family from the south. Every black person does,” he said.

“
Yeah, but this shit right here is a whole nother ballgame.” McKinley laughed, causing Koran to laugh, too.

“
You know you look kinda cute in them bibs. You might need to come on up outta them when we get back to the room.” He winked his eye.

“
Oh, really, and what’s gon’ happen when I take’em off?”

“
I’ma do what Lloyd said and lay it down.”

“
You so wack.” McKinley laughed with glee.

Once they were done eating, McKinley and Koran played a game of pool and darts. McKinley wasn’t very good at either, but Koran took the time to show her different techniques. Then the music slowed down and couples hit the dance floor.

“
You wanna dance?” he asked, putting down the darts.

“
Seriously?” McKinley eyed him quizzically.

“
Why not?” He extended his hand.

McKinley placed her hand in his and followed him onto the dance floor. As their bodies became one, the twinkling lights around the room seemed to only shine on them. Hand in hand and chest to chest, they slow danced to “Lovesong” by British sensation Adele. The strum from the guitar transported McKinley and Koran to another realm in time.

No one else but them existed. To be in each other’s arms felt right. It was like they belonged with one another. Koran rested his cheek on top of McKinley’s head. Never in life did he think he’d ever feel this way again. Whitney had been the only woman for him. He never imagined he’d find someone who’d capture his heart the way she did.

McKinley, however, made him want to love again, being with her made him feel whole again. Her smile made him smile. For her, he’d put her hurt on his shoulders. Koran dreaded the fact that their journey was about to end. He wanted to stay with her forever.

McKinley pressed her face against Koran’s chest, feeling the exact same way. For the last three years she’d had it all wrong. This was what love was supposed to feel like. It was uncomplicated and magical. A real man didn’t put you in harm’s way. He shielded you from pain. McKinley felt like she was floating on air.

She hadn’t laughed and smiled this much in years. Koran brought out the best in her. She wanted to fix everything broken in him. He’d rescued her and she wanted to do the same. Koran placed his index finger underneath McKinley’s chin and lifted her head up. She gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. After so much negativity, she’d found solace in something good.

Koran examined her face when suddenly a tear fell from her eyes and landed on his heart. After that he knew he couldn’t be without her. McKinley stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips. The bond they’d created was unbreakable. Some would even say bulletproof, but like all good things in life, what they shared had to come to an end.

XoXo

The rapid speed and constant rattling from the train jolted McKinley from side to side. For hours she’d tried to fall asleep, but the thoughts that raced through her head kept her awake. The closer she and Koran got to St. Louis, the more her mind filled with thoughts of dread. Over the last few days the unexpected had happened.

She hadn’t seen it coming, but it felt right. She’d fallen in love. With Koran, everything was different, but in a good way. From the day they’d met he’d shown her more than Jamil had in the three years they’d been together. He made her feel like she mattered. He was generous and kind. He never left her out in the cold and most importantly his word was his bond. When he said he was going to do something he did it, unlike Jamil.

Koran laughed at her sarcasm and silliness. He didn’t put her down or bail every time she did something he didn’t like or agree with. When she was down he did whatever he could to lift her spirits. McKinley gazed over at him. Koran’s head dangled to the side. He was asleep and snoring lightly. McKinley wanted to snuggle against him, but she didn’t want to bother him.

Suddenly, Koran’s eyes fluttered open and he looked over at her. McKinley grinned. She was slightly embarrassed that he’d caught her staring at him while he was asleep. She prayed to God he didn’t think she was a creep.

“
What you lookin’ at, lil lady?” He yawned.

“
Nothin’,” she lied.

“
Come here.” Koran wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her close.

McKinley loved being in his embrace. She felt safe. Nothing else in the world mattered. If she could she would’ve stayed in his arms forever. The sad part was that McKinley knew forever didn’t exist for them. When they got to St. Louis she’d have to confess to Koran that the last few days they’d shared were all they had. It would hurt like hell, but it was something she had to do.

McKinley wasn’t mentally, financially or spiritually ready to be with him yet. She had to get her life on track and come to grips with everything that had happened between her and Jamil before she could even think about being with another man. Her mind was too bogged down with all of the lies Jamil told and trying to decipher what was real between her and Jamil and what was fake.

She didn’t have a job, let alone a dime to her name, and her soul was too wounded to trust any man. At that moment and stage in her life, McKinley had to give herself over to God first before she could think of jumping into another relationship. She just prayed that once she was in a place of stability, Koran would still be open and available to lend her his heart.

Finally, after days of mayhem and pure madness, McKinley and Koran made it to St. Louis. Both couldn’t have been happier. They’d finally get to see their loved ones’ faces. Outside, in front of the train station, McKinley nervously teetered from one foot to another. She could barely breathe. At any second Koran’s cab or her mother would be arriving and she hadn’t uttered a word to Koran about what she was feeling. Her mind knew that breaking things off with him before things got too deep was the best thing to do, but the notion made her feel like her chest was caving in.

“
I know that look on your face,” Koran interrupted her thoughts.

“
Huh?” McKinley blinked.

“
You haven’t been yourself since we left Tennessee. What’s on your mind?”

McKinley swallowed the huge lump in her throat and willed herself not to cry.

“
What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Koran reached out for her hand.

“
It’s just that I really like you.”

“
I like you, too.” He brushed her hair from out of her face. “So what’s the problem?”

McKinley looked up to the sky as tears stung the brim of her eyes.

“
The problem is that I wanna continue seeing you, but I can’t be with anybody right now. I just got out of a three-year relationship that was built on a lie and insecurity and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I put all of me in a man and in the end not only did he shit on me, but I lessened myself just to be with him. I put my whole entire life in that man’s hands and look at me. I’m twenty-five years old and moving back in with my mama. I have to do things differently this time. And that means taking care of
me
before I can give myself to you.”

“
I ain’t gon’ front, I wish things could be different. My feelings are hurt, but I understand. But when you’re ready, get at me.” He reached for her phone and put his number in it.

McKinley knew that she should say something, but couldn’t figure out the right words to express how she felt. It didn’t help matters either that Koran’s cab had arrived; therefore, officially putting an end to their cross-country affair.

“
My cab is here. I guess I’ll see you next lifetime.”

“
Bye.” McKinley stepped forward and gave him a hug.

“
Bye, McKinley.” Koran hugged her back and kissed her on the cheek. “Don’t make me wait too long.” Koran reluctantly pulled away from her and picked up his bags.

McKinley stood back and watched with sadness in her eyes as Koran put his things in the trunk of the cab. Before hopping into the cab, Koran paused and looked at McKinley one last time. McKinley gazed back at him and forced a smile onto her face. Koran gave her a slight smile back and winked his eye. Seconds later, the cab pulled away from the curb and just like in the movies, McKinley stood on the sidewalk and watched until the cab disappeared into the sunset.

XoXo

“
McKinley!” Kristen yelled from her car, waving her hand.

McKinley scanned the pick-up area at Miami International Airport until she spotted her friend. The two women locked eyes with one another and smiled. They hadn’t seen each other in six months. McKinley happily walked across the parking lot with her suitcase in tow.

“
Girl, look at you,” Kristen exclaimed, getting out of the car. “You look so pretty.”

McKinley’s hair was filled with an abundance of spiral curls. She was dressed weather-appropriate in a grey sweatshirt, black mini-skirt and black combat boots.

“
Thank you, so do you.” McKinley hugged her friend tight.

“
Girl, we got so much to catch up on,” Kristen said, helping her place her bag in the trunk of the car.

“
You know me and Tony broke up, right?”

“
Yeah, you told me that about a month ago.” McKinley got into the car.

“
Well, now I’m seeing this guy named Rico and girl, he is so muthafuckin’ sexy.”

McKinley gazed out of the front windshield, trying her best to stay interested in Kristen’s conversation, but where they were heading had her on edge. McKinley was going visit Jamil’s grave. Yes, she’d gotten her life together by going to school for an associate’s degree in fashion merchandising, holding down a job as a salesperson for a boutique, purchasing her first car and renting a cozy one-bedroom studio apartment, but she and Jamil still had unfinished business.

McKinley thought that by accomplishing her goals she would feel better and be able to move on with her life peacefully. But all of the anger and pain she had for Jamil still resided deep within her heart. After months of analyzing why she still felt that way she finally realized that she’d never gotten a chance to properly say good-bye.

She hadn’t been able to attend the wake or the funeral because of the circumstances she’d been under. McKinley had been forced to move on without having any kind of closure. So here she was, back in Miami, praying to God that this experience would release all of the demons that haunted her day after day.

“
We’re here.” Kristen pulled up to the curb.

McKinley looked around at the acres of grass and tombstones, remorsefully.

“
His grave is right over there.” Kristen pointed to her right.

She put the car in park. “You need me to go wit’ you?”

“
No. I need to do this on my own.” McKinley inhaled deeply, then got out.

Each footstep she took felt as if she was walking on grass made of quicksand. For a second she wondered had she made the wrong decision. Maybe visiting Jamil would do her more harm then good. She was already having shortness of breath. Her palms were sweaty and her vision was blurred. But she had to get the feelings she harbored off of her chest.

McKinley stood in front of Jamil’s grave. His name, birth date and death date caused her whole entire body to shake. McKinley could even feel her eyelashes shaking. Swallowing hard, she allowed the tears that had been stinging her eyes to fall gracefully down her rosy cheeks.

“
I thought that when I got here I’d know exactly what I wanted to say to you. But being here with you only makes me feel more confused. You know, for the last six months I’ve been trying to figure out the point of our relationship. I’ve tried so hard to figure out why for three years you made me believe that you loved me and that we had a future.

I thought about it when I woke up, when I brushed my teeth, when I pee’d, when I sat in traffic, when I ate dinner alone. I thought about it so much that it made my head hurt. But you know what I realized?” She pulled out a tissue from her purse and wiped her nose.

“
I realized that like everything else in your life I was just another game that you loved to play. You knew how I felt about you. You knew that I loved you and that I would do anything for you. You knew that I would never leave you and that’s why you did every fucked-up thing under the sun to me.” McKinley became angry.