Pretty and Reckless (9 page)

“Am I finger fucking you hard or slow?”

“Hard, so fucking hard.” I increased my speed, gliding in and out of myself like it was my fucking job and I needed a raise.

“Do you wish my dick was inside of you? Plundering you with each thrust, sinking deep inside of you and making you feel so good?”

“I wish your big cock was inside of me right now,” I gasped, my body firing up at our words, and I knew I was ready. I could feel the tingles multiplying through my body and shooting straight to my core. I didn’t want to be ready, I wanted this to last forever, but my body couldn’t take anymore.
 

“You’re getting there,” he said. “Now play with your clit.”
 

“Are you almost there?” I asked, moving my hand off of my breast, pushing it down to my panties until I reached my clit. I didn’t want to leave him behind, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to last.

“My strokes are getting faster. I’m almost there, baby, almost fucking there. Fuck yes,” he grunted. “You’re so tight, so tight with my cock pumping in and out of you.”

Holy fuck. I wanted all of that. “I want to feel all of you,” I moaned.

“You got it all. You feel it?”

I slammed my eyes shut, the room growing dizzy while my imagination went wild. “Yes, you’re inside so deep.”

“You’re so tight.” I was so wet. I could feel it with every slip as I dripped onto my sheets. “You’re going to get off now, you hear me? I’m there in your bed, our bodies slapping together, my sweat dripping on your big, delicious breasts, and I’m going to get off inside of you.”

His words were killing me. My lungs decided they were ready to give out, and all of the blood rushed from my heart, through my belly and in between my legs. My body trembled as it came down from its high.

Fuck, drunken phone sex with Weston was more intense than real sex with anyone else. My entire body tingled while the waves of pleasure hindered within me. He groaned a few times and a long growl escaped his throat, letting out his release.
 

“Holy shit,” I said, around a breath. “I guess you do have a kinky side.” I wanted more of it.
 

“This never happened,” he said, quickly. And my high completely crashed down and blew into pieces.

“This never happened,” I squeaked out, trying to keep my voice level so he wouldn’t sense my disappointment. “I promise I won’t tell anyone,” I added, my eyelids growing heavy.
 

“Sleep tight.” And the line went dead.
 

I slammed my hands down against the bed. “Such a stupid girl,” I muttered. “Stupid fucking girl.”
 

My head screamed at myself as I tossed and turned the rest of the night. I’d given Weston the reigns over my body, my orgasm, and my mind. I’d never done that with anyone. Then he got off and left me. Just like the rest of them.

Only this time I didn’t try to fight it. I only wanted more.

I’d let him have it. I’d given him a piece of me and he’d stomped on it. Was that how it felt when you’re falling for someone and they’re not there to catch you? Is that how it felt to be unwanted?

ELISE

“Mother of God,” I croaked. I whipped my hand out from underneath the blanket and felt around on my nightstand. Ignoring the bottle of vodka, I let out a sigh of relief when I found an old water bottle. I slowly took off the cap, brought the rim to my lips and took a sideways sip. I ignored the drizzle running down my chin and onto my pillow. There was no way in hell I was getting up yet. My head would topple over and fall at my feet.
 

I groaned, pressing my blanket over my face, when I heard the antagonizing sound of my phone ringing. I spewed out a string of curse words at it the entire time it rang until it went silent.

“Thank you, Jesus,” I grumbled. I slapped my bed when it started to ring again, and tapped around until I found it.

“What?” I yelled into it without bothering to look at the caller.

“Morning, sunshine,” Weston said, cheerfully.

“Screw you.” I hung up and tossed the phone onto the floor. I didn’t have the patience for his self-help, lecture bullshit this early.

I finally managed to drag my hung-over ass out of bed an hour later and into the shower. I kept myself level against the wall, granting the water permission to sprinkle down my body, and my mind went over yesterday’s events.

I wanted to erase the day from ever happening. Flashbacks came back faster than the drops scattering down my naked body.
Weston believed me about my rape. My dad talked about my mom.
My arm went to the shower wall and I took a deep breath.
The shots of vodka, and then the more shots of vodka.
I couldn’t stand up straight. I’d called Weston.
My body stiffened.
Dear God, I’d called Weston.

My brain scrambled, trying its hardest to recollect everything I’d said, and it hit me.
Mother fucker
. I’d told him I’d been fingering myself to thoughts of him screwing me. Vodka was one chatty bitch. Then he basically told me he’d been doing the same thing, and we both got each other off. Everything I’d done in my bed last night came back to me. I thought about Weston’s dirty words and how easily he’d gotten me off.

I captured one of my breasts and played with my hard nipple. I envisioned Weston behind me, pressing me up against the glass wall with his voice in my ear and the shower drowning out our moans. My hand roamed down my thighs and I plunged a finger inside of myself. I repeated the same motions Weston had instructed me to do over the phone. I slid one finger in, then out, and then pushed another one in. My hung over, hazy brain couldn’t remember how I’d gotten so damn drunk, but it remembered everything about the man I shouldn’t have been having phone sex with.

ELISE

 
A short, petite woman was sitting behind the office desk when I walked in. I recognized her as the one who’d come in during our first session. This was Wendy. I surveyed the room and my heart did a nosedive into my stomach when I didn’t see Weston.

I shut my eyes and took a calming breath. Was he bailing on me? Was he calling this morning to cancel?

“Oh hey, I’m Wendy,” she greeted when she caught sight of me. “Wes called. He’s running a few minutes late. He told me to tell you to go ahead and get comfortable.”

Her eyes followed me as I slowly walked over to the couch and sat down with my purse resting in my lap. “Thanks,” I said, bouncing a knee.

She pulled herself up from the chair, walked around the desk, and leaned back against it. “How do you two know each other?” She asked, cocking her head to the side.

I tugged onto my lower lip with my teeth as I tried to figure out the answer to her question. Had Weston told her a story and she was testing me to see if it matched up with mine? I wasn’t sure what her motive was.

She waved her hand through the air when she noticed my hesitation. “It’s personal, I get it. I apologize for asking and if I seemed intrusive, but you can’t blame a girl for being curious.” Actually I could. It was called mind your own damn business.

I played with the strap of my bag. “Curious about what?” I asked, coldly. If there was one thing I hated, it was nosy people. I couldn’t piss her off too bad, though, because we had to use her office.
 

“I promise I don’t have bad intentions,” she said, cautiously. “I don’t understand why he’s seeing you in secret. It’s not like him. He’s always been a by-the-book kind of guy.” She laughed and tilted her head back. “You should’ve seen him in college. It was hell trying to pry him away from his studies and drag him out to have some fun.”

I cracked a small smile. “That doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure nothing has changed.” Well, other than the fact that he was stroking his cock to my voice last night.

“But he’s different with you. When you leave, I talk to him and I can tell there’s something. He’s getting attached to you. I knew he had some kind of interest in you, but now it’s more than that. You’re something to him and I haven’t decided if it’s healthy or not.” She paused, like she was debating whether or not to elaborate. “What are you to him? What is he to you?”

I decided to stay silent, pulling my phone from my purse and checking to see if I had any texts from him. What was Weston to me? What was I to Weston? I didn’t know the answer to either one of those questions, and I was terrified to find them out.

“He cares about you,” she pointed out, not letting me off the hook.

“He cares about all of his patients,” I threw back, scowling at her, and then moving my attention to the door. Weston needed to hurry his ass up before I snapped on this woman to stop her prying questions. I knew she probably had Weston’s best interests at heart, but I didn’t want to hear her say he was making a mistake with me.

“That’s true, but he
really
cares for you. Trust me, it’s not a patient type of care. It’s different, it’s something more, so please don’t hurt him. He’s a good man.”

The scowl on my face morphed into fear. She was right. I hurt everyone around me. I was afraid I’d do the same to him.
 

“Sorry I’m late,” Weston said, barging into the room, and Wendy’s mouth slammed shut.
 
“Is everything okay?” He asked, looking back and forth between the two of us.

Wendy smacked her hands against her knees. “Just having some girl talk,” she told him, smiling brightly.

He looked over at me, waiting for me to say something, and I shrugged my shoulders like an idiot.

“Okay,” he drew out.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Wendy said, walking to him and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

I wasn’t sure if this woman was for me or against me.

Weston threw his bag down onto the desk, looking exhausted with hollow eyes and an unshaven face while he shrugged out of his coat.
 

“Hey,” I said, when he turned to look at me. I crossed my legs and waved shyly at him. When the hell had I become shy?”

“Hey there,” he said, upbeat and chirpy. His attitude didn’t match his behavior. He grabbed the chair behind the desk and wheeled it in front of me, like he’d always done, but he did it quietly this time and without food in his hand.

Yep. Hello Mr. Awkward.

I’d told him it wouldn’t be that way, but it was like any other one-night stand. You can’t wait to get the person naked, not thinking about any future consequences, only the urge between your legs. You swear to each other it won’t change anything if you know each other, but it does. You either
have
to sneak out of their house early in the morning and pretend it didn’t happen, or face the painful morning after. Even if it was just phone sex, it had changed us. I didn’t like that.

“We’re not going to make this weird, okay,” he told me, making
himself
comfortable while I slipped out of my jacket.

“So you’ve known Wendy for awhile?” I asked, curiously, and wanting to change the subject. Wendy sounded like a pretty safe topic.

“I have,” he replied.

“How do you two know each other?” I pried.

He bent back, grabbed a water bottle from his bag and took a giant gulp. “We used to date.” He averted his eyes away, not waiting to see my reaction, and took another drink.

And I could see it. They fit each other. They were both smart, successful, and had their shit together.
 
She was gorgeous and someone Weston would probably end up settling down with. She was the complete opposite of me.

“Why did you guys break up?” I pushed.

He shrugged his shoulders in disinterest. “We grew apart, I guess. We’re better off as friends.”

“Oh,” I said, the word popping out of my mouth. I wanted to press him for more, but at the same time the green monster inside of me didn’t want to hear him talking about being with another woman. I didn’t want to think about Weston pleasing her like he had me.

 
“Look,” he started, and his face turned serious. “We need to address the elephant in the room. I don’t want this to be weird.”

I mulled over whether or not to play coy. Maybe if I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about, he’d think he’d imagined it. No, unlike my other guys, Weston was smarter than that.

“Bringing it up makes it weird,” I pointed out.

“Last night probably wasn’t the best idea.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” My eyes went to my lap as I went back to fidgeting with the strap of my bag.

“Look at me,” he insisted, ruggedly. I peeked up, my eyes impaling into his smoky, black ones. “Don’t you dare apologize to
me.
This isn’t your fault, you hear me? You were drunk, and I should’ve never played along. But I did and that’s on me. I abused my position and it won’t happen again. I want you to know I’m sorry. I didn’t want to stand you up today, but after careful consideration, I think this might be our last session.”

His words kicked me in the chest. “What? No. Absolutely not.”
 

“What we did wasn’t cool. I have a certain code of conduct I have to abide by and,” he lowered his voice, “getting you off is certainly against them. You’re a victim of sexual abuse. I should’ve never taken it that far with you. I fucking took advantage of you, and for that I’m sorry.” We didn’t break eye contact as he looked at me with regret.

“You took advantage of me?” I asked, aggravated. “You can’t be serious?” He didn’t answer me. “Fuck your code of conduct. We did nothing wrong. I’m not paying you to do shit for me, I’m not your client, and you sure as fuck didn’t take advantage of me. You gave me something I needed.
You
made me feel like I wasn’t a goddamn victim. You let me forget about everything that has happened to me. You helped me, whether you want to believe it or not, you did.”

We’d done nothing wrong. We were two consenting adults who wanted to talk dirty to each other and that wasn’t against any rules.

“I understand how you feel,
but …,
”

My hand shot forward to stop him. “I won’t talk to anyone else, but you. You’re the only person I feel comfortable with. You’re the only person I’ll confide in.”

I threw my hands up and tears pricked at my eyelids. I didn’t want to get emotional, but the thought of him leaving me was just too much. I’d only been around him a short time, but I was getting attached. I looked forward to seeing him with each meeting. It was the highlight of my day.

“You believe me,” I croaked. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for that? Do you know how long I’ve waited for someone to be Team Elise? You did that, and I’ll be damned if you think I’m going to let you go without a fight. We won’t have phone sex again. That was a one-time thing. But you will keep seeing me. Now shut up, forget about last night and let’s talk.”

He grinned. “Alright then, Ms. Bossy pants. I’m here to stay.”

“Damn straight,” I replied, returning his smile, and all of the tension in the room burned away.

“I think we left off after the guy came into your room and forced himself onto you,” he said, getting straight to business.

“Well, shit. You go from leaving me to this? No warm-ups?”

“I stay, you give me want I want.” He stopped, his choice of words hitting. “Wow, that didn’t sound right.”

I laughed. “I know what you meant. Get your mind out of the gutter, doctor, and get over what happened with us.”

I was trying to convince myself to do the same thing. The ridiculous fantasy I’d had of Weston being with me was ludicrous. That could never happen and the quicker I realized that, the better.

“All day yesterday and all night, I fought with myself wanting to know everything you’ve been through.
 
I wish I could’ve been there to save you. There were other men, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know how many?”

“Seven,” I told him quickly. I had the number down.

His brows furrowed together and his glasses fell down his nose. “Seven different men have raped you?”

“Yes,” I answered, a dirty taste hitting my tongue.
 

“And how many men have you been sexually active with?”

“Twenty-two,” I answered in shame, waiting for the look of disgust to cross his face. I’d had more men inside of me than years I’d been alive.
 

 
“Is that counting the rapes or willingly?”

“Counting them, the ones I’d had sex with because my dad had forced me to go on dates with them, and the random guys I screwed. All of them.”

I didn’t want to make the rapes count, but I did. It was embarrassing revealing that to him, but I didn’t want to lie. He’d stayed to help me. I needed to be honest.

 
But he didn’t flinch at my number. He just looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. I wasn’t sure which one was worse: pity or disgust.

“It would’ve been twenty-three if you would’ve hung up on me last night,” I added. “So thank you.”

I wasn’t lying, either. If I would’ve never met Weston, I would’ve went home with one of the guys who bought me a drink last night. I was sure of it.

“Did you know any of the men who raped you?”

“No, but I’ve seen a few of them around the city and at business dinners with my dad, but I never knew them personally. It would normally happen before he’d start doing business with him.” Want a business deal?
Here have yourself a young pussy
was basically my dad’s company motto.

“I don’t understand. Why would your dad insist you were having sex with older men if he wanted to hide this?”

I took a deep breath, preparing to add more screwed up shit to my fucked up mess. “One guy, he didn’t take the bait. He’d told my dad it was messed up and against the law for what it was doing. Later, I found that guy and I fucked his brains out. That man was Peter Kline.”

He hadn’t succumbed to my dad’s demands and it was the hottest fucking thing I’d ever seen. Nobody said no to him. They’d tuck their tails in between their legs, get on their knees and suck his dick if he demanded it. They had no backbone, but I couldn’t criticize them. I was the same way. And that’s how I ended up with my sexual history. I wanted to own men. I wanted to control them. Just like him.

“My dad got pissed when he caught us together. The guy hadn’t made the deal with him, but he’d still managed to get a piece of me without my dad getting the benefit. So he pressed charges against Peter, sent me to Sun Gate and told them I was fucking one of his co-workers and abusing narcotics. When I got there, I told them that I’d willingly fucked Peter Kline, but my dad had allowed other guys to rape me.

They told my dad what I’d said, and of course, he told them I was lying for attention, and to get out of there. I had a history, and I was sure he’d cut a check for them, so they didn’t care. That’s why I can talk about Peter, but not the others. I was willing with him. If I ever accused any of the other men of it later, there would be evidence that I enjoyed fucking them because I’d done it before. My dad would tell them I was doing it for attention.”