Pregnant! By My Best Friends (2 page)

The kid laughed and ran off.

There was a moment of silence between me and Joel.

He broke it. "What the fuck were you doing, Holly?"

"Helping the kid."

"By climbing a tall ladder without a spotter and then flailing and falling face first onto the concrete?"

My eyes went wide. Joel was never like this. Him at the basketball game, that was him in everyday life.

"You could have cracked your skull open, Holly! You could have killed yourself!"

Behind his anger, I noticed fear.

"Thank you, Joel. I just wanted to help the kid."

"I get that. Why are you doing it like this? Fuck, you could have a muscle tear!"

I rubbed my thighs. Yeah, they didn't like that one bit. "You seemed to think I was fine."

"I wasn't sure, so I cut out on the game to check up on you. God, I'm so fucking glad I did."

He hugged me. He pulled me right onto his chest. I could feel his heart beat. He stroked my hair with his free hand, going down my back. "You need to take better care of yourself."

Overwhelmed, I fell back to my old defense. Sarcasm. "When did you become my Dad?"

"So stupid, you have no idea how much people care for you, do you?"

I swallowed. I remembered my mother, and how she would be screaming if she found me with my brains leaking out.

Colin, god he loved me. I knew it. Joel, though?

Joel was stroking my back, and I peeked up at him. I've never seen him like this. We were friends, I expected him to call me an idiot and never let me forget it. Here, though? He was screaming and terrified. It wasn't the concern you showed to a platonic friend.

One you were in love with, however? The shock that was in his face when he saw me kissing Colin, it was something I'd never forget.

I closed my eyes, and just enjoyed his heartbeat against my cheek and being in his arms. For now, I'd enjoy being here, embracing the love I couldn't have.

Today...

Every day, I was reminded of them. They were my best friends, and what I feared the most. The only thing more terrifying than being around them was being without them.

Fully dressed for school, I headed down the stairs. I still had a good ten minutes before I had to take off, so I plopped on the couch.

Even the couch gave me wonderful, terrible memories.

Alan.

Two months ago...

"Tell me this is some cruel practical joke. You can't be serious about this," I said into the phone, pacing around my living room. "Why didn't you do anything to stop her?"

I paused, and then stopped.

"Sorry, I know. I'll be okay."

I clicked it off, and then collapsed.

My mother was dead. A sudden car accident. She wasn't drunk - and it wasn't anyone's fault except the asshole who t-boned her. I was looking for someone concrete to blame, and my Aunt was right there. Some guy I'd never meet who's currently in a coma wasn't exactly a good target to vent my frustrations.

Still, why?

She was only visiting my Aunt to help her with her kids as she was dealing with some minor surgery. She'd was supposed to be gone a week. I didn't expect seeing her leave was the last time I'd get to see her.

She was the only one to love me. My father was a deadbeat who was never around. My aunt? She barely paid me any mind. I was lucky she even called to tell me.

My family was pretty much gone. Just like that.

A knock echoed through the house. The door. I peeked through the hole - Alan?

I opened the door. "It's a bad time, Alan."

His was a look of shock. I guess it wasn't every day you saw your friends in a sobbing mess barely standing on their own two feet.

"Talk to me, Holly." He forced his way in.

"I don't want to deal with anyone right now. Just leave."

"What's going on? I doubt you're chopping a metric ton of onions."

Did I really want to dump this on him now? He, as well as my other friends, were like sons to her.

The keyword was like. I was actually her daughter. They could go home and still have a family that cared about them.

"Holly. Talk to me. I'm not just going to leave you crying alone without good reason."

I heaved a breath. "Fine. Mom's - uh - passed away."

"Shit. Really?"

"Why would I be crying over a bad joke?"

His eyes closed.

"You can see, I want some time for myself. Please, I don't mean to be rude, Alan."

"I'm definitely not ditching you now, Holly."

"Huh?"

"I believe you said that emotional teenagers who just experienced a major tragedy shouldn't be left alone. It might lead to rash decisions."

"I'm not going to kill myself," I said.

"Probably not. You can do better by your mother than wallowing in your self pity, though."

"That's exactly what I want to do. You don't want to hang out with me right now. I'm capital D depressing right now."

He rubbed his chin. "You really not going to let me pay you back for four years ago?"

"Huh?"

"My father passed. I was devastated. You were there, giving me a shoulder to cry on. I'll never forget that, Holly. I didn't feel worthy, but you were right there for me, not judging me. Just being there was so much."

I swallowed. "You don't have to pay that back, Alan. I'll be fine."

"I want to." He walked past me and went to sit down on my couch.

I let out a breath. "I guess I'm not getting rid of you." I sat down beside him on it.

"C'mon. Let it all out. It's not like I'm going to run to the other guys and tell them you're a crybaby."

I stared at the floor as I spoke. "She was the last of my family, really. Everyone else doesn't give a damn about me. She was the one who pushed me succeed in my studies, who helped pay for my college."

"She was pretty awesome. Made a mean cookie."

"She did. A hell of a cook. I'm surprised I'm not super fat from her. Those cookies were so, so good."

"There we go, a smile. Was that so hard?"

"Yeah," my smile quickly fading. "I remembered that I wouldn't be getting any of them anymore."

"Damn. Distracting you would have been a victory."

I shook my head. "I just feel so alone. Like it's just me against the world."

"That's not true."

"How?"

"You have me. Colin and Joel too."

"You're my friends. Not the same."

"Nonsense. They'd both be over here with me if I called them."

"Then why don't you?"

Alan paused. "Cause I wanted to tell you how I feel. Joel and Colin? They care for you. They really do. But I, um,"

Cogs spun in my head. I knew where he was going with this.

"Holly, I, um, this is really hard to say," Alan said.

My jaw was hanging. I knew what he was trying to say.

"Holly, I love you." He spit out super fast, like he was embarrassed to admit it.

His eyes turned away from me. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry."

Hearing those words should be a sweet wonderful feeling. For me, though, it was agonizing. Did they had any clue what I was dealing with? Having three men want to give you their hearts, and have you be deathly afraid to take any of them for what may happen with the other two?

"It's okay, Alan." I forced myself to reply. "We can't though. I care for you. A lot. I care for Joel and Colin as well - a lot."

"Then why don't you -"

"Do I have to spell it out? I don't want to push any of you away. Teenage boys are probably one of the most jealous things on the planet. I don't want to lose any of you from my life."

Alan looked away. "Just follow your heart. Forget what other people think."

"I have been. I'm doing what I think is best. I want you in my life, Alan. But that's all it can be."

I may as well have pulled out a gun and shot him. It took him some time to reply. "So, that's what it is. I understand."

"You're not taking this the wrong way?"

"This conversation never happened, Holly. You hungry? I'll get you something. Food should disperse the agony a bit."

I nodded.

"What'll it be? Chinese? Fried Chicken? Pizza?"

"Chinese sounds good."

He jumped up and headed for the door. He didn't even ask what I wanted.

It wasn't him ditching me after shooting him down, as some would often expect of such teenage relationships. He'd be back in less than a half hour.

He knew what I wanted. He cared so deeply, he probably knew me better than I knew myself.

Maybe that's why he believed me.

I hated the truth I was forced to tell him so damn much.

Today...

"Hey guys," I called out as I caught up with the three of them.

I broke their focus as I approached. I guess they were having a spirited discussion when I wasn't there.

"Holly," Colin said. "Looking as pretty as ever I see."

I blushed hard. "Complimenting me? I can point out four or five flaws in my appearance for you to mock."

"What are they?" Joel jumped in. "Cause all I see is a beautiful girl."

"What's gotten into you guys," I stammered. "This is all out of nowhere. Flirting with me is not your style. I'm your friend, not your lover."

"Maybe that can be arranged," Alan said, elbowing Joel in the gut.

"Not you too, Alan."

"Hey, sometimes I want to call things as I see them," Joel added, as he stood to start our walk to the school. "Maybe we're buttering you up for more booze for our little party tonight."

It was the last day of high school. We had graduation in a week or two, but as for actual schooling, we were done until we went to college.

Our separate ways to college. The boys one way, me another. Ugh, why couldn't Dad be less of a deadbeat?

Walking with them, I was reminded again, being forced away from them may be for the best. Being so close but so far was terrible.

There's this term called the friendzone I hear get thrown around. Usually, it's used by an idiot, usually a guy, who has no idea how attraction works. The girl only sees them as friends, and nothing more. They keep doing small kindnesses, buying her things, and the like, and are appalled when the girl still isn't attracted to him.

Was there a term for when you forcefully freindzoned yourself from people who actually love you? That you love back?

I meant it when I was truly following my heart. If I was told to pick between them, well, I don't think a could. If someone put a gun to my head and demand I pick, then they may as well pull the trigger.

"What are you guys mumbling about?" I asked, as I trailed behind the pack.

They stopped. "Nothing," Joel said.

"Yeah," Colin piped up, "Nothing. Just man things."

"Man things? First you flirt with me out of nowhere, then you're excluding me from conversations. I know I don't have a penis, but did you forget the decade of friendship we had?"

"You got us, Holly," Alan replied. "We're working on something special for you. A surprise."

"What is it?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?"

"Curse you and your logic."

I followed a little closer, but they grew quieter as I approached. Damn, they were good. I wanted to know what they were planning. Where would it pop up?

"Just trust us, Holly. It'll be the best surprise ever," Colin said.

The three laughed, ans they shared their little knuckle bumps.

"I'm not allowed to do the secret handshake either?"

"Holly, we're afraid you'd go hysterical," said Joel. "Have to keep those girl hormones in check. Who knows when you'll explode after your time of the month?"

I punched Joel square in the spine. He stumbled forward laughing. "That's more like it." This is what I was used to. Casual sexism was just a running joke between us - they respected me too much to believe that shit. "I understand, you boys have to have your man time. My boobs threaten your harmony."

"They actually totally do," Alan looked back and told me.

I stopped. I realized that actually, that was unironically right. I loved them, and didn't want them to fight each other for me.

Why couldn't I have met only one of them? I could have my best friend. We'd fall in love, and we'd have probably fucked a bazillion times by now.