Precious Anathema

Precious Anathema

By T.L Manning

Copyright 2013 T.L.
Manning

Smashwords
Edition

All rights
reserved

This eBook is licensed for
your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or
given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook
with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each
recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this
author.

Dedication

This book is dedicated
to

My sisters

Cynthia, Jessica, Jennifer,
Karie,

Wendy, Joann, Ingrid,
Amber,

Nicole and Sonni
Jo.

For teaching me that we make
our own path

In this life, and nothing is
too hard as

Long as we have
love

Also by

T.L. Manning



The ‘Night’ series

Book One

Red Sky at Night

Book Two

Wolf Moon’s Blue
Hour

Book Three

Black Haze over
Aurora

Book Four

Silver Laced
Nightmares

Special Thanks

I need to take this time to thank some
pretty amazing people for helping me

See this dream come true. First and foremost
I want to thank my whole family, for being beside me through all
the years of struggles, crisis, and celebration. From the first
book I was read as a child to the last time I had a breakdown over
a review I hope you know I love you all.

Jeremiah, My loving husband who never gets
tired of hearing the same playlists over and over again to keep me
in the moment (sorry honey, I love you) For being my rock when I
crumble, and always telling me how proud you are I couldn’t do this
without you.

Gabriel and Delilah, You are mommy’s angels.
You give me more to write about every day. I couldn’t do any of
this without the love you have shown me. You are my biggest fans
and my biggest inspiration. Mommy loves you to the moon and back
times infinity.

Casey, Aaron, Justin, Amber and Jen, I love
you all so much and love that we get to share this life together.
Thank you for being my family and friends.

Jessica, Cissy, Keith, Heather, Rick, Karie,
Eric, Lukin, Joann, Brandon, My family by choice I love you all
with every ounce of my being and wouldn’t trade you for the world.
Thank you for choosing me to be part of all your families.

Allison, Jillian, Alexis, C.W, Brynleigh,
Leo, Taylor, Violet, Cheyenne, Keisha, Marc, Elizabeth, Kendra,
Sara, Bryan, Keith Jr, Aubree, my giant characters trapped in such
little people. I love you all so much and I hope if nothing else
you see that ANY dream can come true if you believe enough. Thank
you for sharing my dream with me.

Mom, Arthur, Dad, Ona, Thank you for
teaching me about life and love, for my imagination and my courage
I love you more than I can say, forever.

Ginny, Dallas, Denise, Laurie, Rob, Carol,
Leo, Grammy Joann, my .5 parents, I love you so much. Thank you for
allowing me into your hearts; I am a truly blessed woman.

Belinda, Papa, Betty, Len, Uncle Phil,
Grammy E, Uncle Bobbi, and of course my Grammy <3 I know you are
not here to see this dream come true but thank you every day I am
alive for believing in me and when I get to where you are we will
have some coffee and talk about it. I love you.

So many friends new and old that have really
helped me along the way as well, without them I would be lost.
Thank you for the never ending encouragement and support, I love
all of you!

Wendy, Rebecca, Kim, Beth, Katie, Jaime,
Angela, Sarah, Natalie, Ashley, Katrina, Shaina, Amber, Bill, Will,
Fae, Andrea, Scott, Matt,

Allisha, Sonni Jo, and Mariah.

We pulled into the parking lot; I
could see her inside the car by the front door. I hung my head as
the tears came, I didn’t want to get out of the car, and maybe if I
stayed where I was I could make time itself stand still. I watched
people walk by her and go inside, some looked and others turned
their faces away unable to bring themselves to see her this way.
She had gone from being the most beautiful woman I had ever known,
to this. Her beauty could no longer be seen from inside that cherry
pine box with gold handles for the pallbearers to carry her with
style. I had my door opened and slowly made my way out of the car
as they came to get her. I stopped in my tracks, I had to see
everything. They opened the door and slowly took her out of the
hearse and walked inside carrying her, I just stood in that spot
long after they took her in. I was an orphan now and the thought
washed over me until it consumed me. Someone took my hand and
walked me inside, I didn’t bother to look to see who, and it didn’t
really matter because it wasn’t her and I knew it. I took my seat
and even though I was surrounded by friends I felt completely alone
as I stared at the floor, unable to look up once they opened the
box. My eyes closed as the funeral director began speaking, I
couldn’t listen. My mind drifted off to one of the last talks we
had with each other.

*

“
Ella, come sit with me
honey.” She pulled the blanket up so I could crawl in beside her.
She refused to go the hospital to die, and as the days went on I
hated her for that. I crawled into bed with her and she put her
arms around my shaking body. I was fighting back tears with
everything I had. She put her face right beside mine so I could
feel her nose on my cheek. “I know you’re pissed off honey, and
it’s ok. I’m pissed off too. It’s not supposed to be this way, we
are supposed to have more time and it’s not fair to you.” I
couldn’t stop the tears as I hugged her so tight, burying my face
into her chest I howled in anger.

“
You can’t go; I can’t let
you go Mom. You’re my Mom; you need to be here for me, for selfish
fucking me! I need you, I still need you and God doesn’t. It’s just
not fair Mommy, college, sex, marriage, children. I need my Mommy.”
She squeezed me so tight, I had not spoken of my feelings till that
moment and they poured out of my heart begging her to stay with
me.

“
Delilah, I have had to
learn the hard way that life isn’t fair to any of us. We make it
how we want it, and you are everything I ever wanted. I don’t want
you to hide how you feel from me anymore, it’s ok to be mad and
it’s ok to cry.” I couldn’t stop once I started, and then I felt
the warm tears from my Mother falling on my cheek.

*

I felt a hand take my elbow and raise
me from my chair, I was numb all over, and had missed all the nice
words people said about my Mom during my daydreams. I was walked in
front of her; I looked down and closed my eyes again shaking my
head. I couldn’t do this, I wouldn’t survive this. I turned around
and just told myself to keep breathing. A line started to form as
people came to pay their respects. A man stood in front of me with
that same pathetic look on his face, ‘poor, Ella’

“
I am so sorry Delilah; if
you need anything please call me.” His cold hand took mine and a
chill swept through me. Allison stood beside me as she always did.
My Mom and I had moved to Nebraska before I turned three months
old, and when my Mom stopped at a local store for directions to our
new home she met Wendy, a cashier at the only gas station in town
and became instant best friends. When Wyn showed up two days later
with her five month old daughter, Allison and a welcome basket they
became the best of friends. Ally and I had been inseparable since
that day, and today was no exception, with her arm around my back
keeping me upright, letting me know that she was with me. We were
complete opposites; Ally and I. She had shoulder length dark brown
hair and blueberry eyes; I was a vibrant ginger with ever changing
hazel eyes. She played sports, and I had a hard time walking and
chewing gum. She had always been amazing at math, and I thought
letters and numbers had no place in the same math problem. I sang
in the chorus, wrote in journals, and had never had a boyfriend.
Ally has always been popular with boys; I have always been the
‘
friend’
, and
being kissed by Lewis in third grade didn’t really count even
though she liked to bring it up with a
wink
if I got down about myself.
Ally started to develop in fifth grade and hasn’t stopped since.
I
think
I started
to develop since I made it out of an A cup bra over Christmas
break. We were complete opposites, and we liked it that way. I
squeezed her hand as I looked over the line waiting to see me, it
was long and this was the first of many ‘I am Sorry’ statements I
would hear today. No one knew what to say, but no one wanted to
just stand there either. I couldn’t look behind me; it was too hard
to see her like that. It was her, but it wasn’t really. No amount
of makeup could bring the life back into her face, the shine in her
smile or the love in her eyes, so it wasn’t her. Not to me anyway.
Being an only child, and no blood family other than her all we had
were each other, and now she was gone. With every handshake I heard
‘I am Sorry’. I wanted to scream at them.

‘
You didn’t kill her!’ Why
were they so sorry? I saw Wyn in front of me and broke down. I
couldn’t look her in the eye; we had both lost something so great.
I put my face down and looked at her hands in mine.

“
Delilah, listen to me. You
need to make sure you finish senior year so you can head East for
Emerson in the fall, that’s what she would want and I am going to
make sure you do Honey.” She squeezed my hand and tears flowed. I
had not thought about my early acceptance to Emerson in two months,
since we got the news about Mom, that it was cancer, it was too
advanced, and it would kill her. I remember sitting in the room
holding her hand when the doctor walked in, she squeezed my hand
and smiled at him. I knew she was scared, scared to die and she was
still smiling. As he started to talk I heard the word Cancer and
everything went dark. I saw his face, the first of many pathetic
faces I would see over the next two months. He said that it was too
advanced, it was in her lymph nodes and they couldn’t stop it. Mom
never cried she never got mad; she never seemed to notice even as
she got sicker with every passing day. She tried to keep doing
everything she had done so nothing would change, then I found her
on the bathroom floor at three in the morning, and everything
changed. I felt my hands clam up as Wyn held them and I smiled at
her, that’s what she wanted, just to know that I would be
ok.

“
I will Wyn I promise.” I
hugged her and felt my knees weaken under me.

“
Ella, listen Ally and I
are coming to stay with you for a few days Honey, you won’t be
alone ok?” I nodded and she sat back down in her seat, Wyn and Ally
were my rock and I didn’t know what I would do without them. The
last person finally sat down after what seemed like an hour of ‘I
am sorry’ and I just stood looking at the wall in the back of the
funeral home. A room full of people all looking at me, this red
haired, awkward girl who was about to be an eighteen year old woman
all alone in less than one month’s time. Every face felt sorry for
me, and I hated to see that so I looked at the wall as the director
said his last words about my mother. Ally held my hand and we took
our seats, I closed my eyes as we sat down. I couldn’t look; it was
all too much for me. I saw her face, flawless as always. Long dark
hair and beautiful almond shaped blue eyes looking back at me. She
was smiling; she always smiled and attracted attention wherever we
went. She was more like my Mom than I had ever been, I never had
attention the way they did; they could make the devil himself smile
just by being themselves. It had only been a few days and it felt
like I had missed her forever, already. The funeral was over, I
didn’t recall much of it, but everyone was standing up and began
talking. I sat in my chair, unable to move. I closed my eyes
reminding myself to breathe in and out as my mid began to race with
images and memories of my Mother.

*

“
Ella, we are going to be
late honey. Hurry up would you?” We had been planning this trip for
months, and as usual I had waited till the last minute to pack for
the weekend. We were heading out the city for two nights of fancy
dresses and pampering. Mom had been so excited that she even rented
a limo to take us to the hotel. She acted more like a twenty one
year old college girl than a thirty seven year old mother of a high
school senior. I ran out of my room with an overfilled
suitcase.