Prairie Wife (28 page)

After one more night at the boardinghouse, this time with Cay and
Toby on the floor, they rose before daylight, packed the wagon, and set out
with the three horses tied to the rear.

The light snow that fell didn't hinder the boys who sat in the
back pretending to shoot Indians.

Amy smiled at Jesse on the seat beside her, and he took her
mittened hand.

"Our family is really growing now, Amy."

She leaned into him. "Is my father ever going to be
surprised."

***

The closer they drew to home and the more Amy thought over
everything that had happened, the more she worried about what had made Cay run
away. She considered what she'd said that had hurt him so. She loved Cay. She
hadn't meant to feed his insecurities. She'd just been so afraid. Afraid of the
new baby. Afraid of hurting Jesse more. Afraid she didn't deserve to have children.

Saying what she had so that he could hear it was quite likely
proof that she couldn't be trusted with kids. All she'd ever wanted was a
husband to love, a home and children. Lots of children. Amy drew her coat tightly
around her and felt the chill air seep into her bones. She'd nearly ruined
things with Cay. Now she'd taken on Toby. She might make more mistakes. Might
make mistakes with the new baby. That thought terrified her. Could she do this?
Could she really do this?

Mr. Quenton's photographs had been unavoidably realistic. She'd
seen herself, her father, Jesse, the hands all looking so natural and so
genuine. Pictures pointed out details. They were memories a body could see.

And some of those memories haunted her. Those she'd wanted hidden.
Those she couldn't face.

Still couldn't face.

But they were there, nonetheless. And each feeling she admitted
drew her closer to those she couldn't allow. Dark memories just under the
surface. Huge responsibilities. And the worry of a new baby.

A baby.

Amy let herself really think about it, finally. Just like Rachel,
she would have a tiny life to nourish and cherish. She was being entrusted with
a life much more helpless and needy than Cay or Toby.

That grave in the photograph proved how well she'd done the last
time.

The station came into view, and the boys scrambled to stand behind
her and hold onto the back of her seat for balance. Jesse smiled ear to ear,
and Cay shouted, "There's Sam!"

Inside, Amy was a jumble of doubts and regrets, but she plastered
a smile to her lips. All along she had

thought she'd let things go, but just as Jesse accused time and
again, all the turmoil had been right there inside her, waiting for her to open
herself up and let it churn.

She felt so different from others. Like the shell of a person she
pretended to be on the outside, while underneath hid the real person, the Amy
no one would love or accept if they knew her true identity. She felt alone in
her guilt.

Now that all these emotions had been stirred up, it took a lot
more effort to tamp them down. Determinedly, she chose to lay all that aside
and share the joy of this reunion, as well as the introductions.

Sam met them in front of the stables, a grin on his face. He
opened the double doors and stood to the side. Biscuit gave an excited yelp and
appeared from the interior, tail wagging.

"We've been waitin' for you," Sam called.

Jesse led the team inside.

Sam helped Amy down and hugged her soundly. "How'd you do,
girl?"

"Just fine, Daddy."

Cay bounded down from the wagon and ran to where they stood.
Biscuit sniffed at his ankles and trotted alongside. He paused to pet the
animal's fur and received a lick on the chin. "I'm back, Sam!" he
called, standing up and taking a step forward.

Sam released Amy and hooked the boy around the neck, bringing him
up against his coat in a gruff hug. Cay's hat fell off and Sam ruffled his
hair. When Sam released him, Cay picked up Biscuit.

Sam's attention centered on the other young person who still stood
in the bed of the wagon. His curious gaze shot to Amy.

"Come on down, Toby," she called, and gestured for him
to join them. "This is my father, Sam Burnham."

Toby approached the older man hesitantly. Biscuit barked at the
new arrival and Toby glanced at the dog in Cay's arms, but spoke to Sam.
"How do, sir."

"Toby helped us find Cay," Amy told him. "We asked
him to come home with us."

"I see," Sam replied, but it was obvious he didn't.

She would tell him all about it later.

Jesse closed the stable doors and unloaded the crates.

Cay set down Biscuit and picked up a stack of brown-paper-wrapped
packages containing their new clothing. "Where's Toby gonna stay?"

Amy turned toward Jesse, who paused in his work and removed his
coat. They studied each other thoughtfully. They hadn't discussed sleeping
arrangements. She didn't want Cay to feel they were crowding in on him, but
neither did she want Toby to think he wasn't part of the family. And the only
empty bedroom would be needed for the baby. Of course, the baby could always
sleep in their room for some time....

"Can he bunk with me?" Cay asked. "I'd like havin'
the company."

Relieved, Amy smiled. "I think that would be perfect."

When Amy pushed open the kitchen door, Rachel and Mrs. Barnes were
drying and stacking dishes from the noon meal. Her arms were filled with
packages.

"Amy!" Rachel ran forward. "Sam told us you'd be
back today."

Amy dropped her packages and spontaneously hugged the young woman,
then found herself giving Mrs. Barnes a hug as well. Mrs. Barnes looked
surprised, but she didn't let Amy's greeting fluster her.

"Something agreed with you. You seem different."

"I am. And it's so good to be home. I ate out at a restaurant
every day we were in Fort Crowley. But by this morning I was ready to be in my
own kitchen. She took off her coat and hung it. "Where's that little
girl?"

Catherine, as Jack and Rachel had named her, was sleeping soundly
in a cradle beside the fireplace, a soft knitted blanket tucked around her. She
lay with her head to the side, her fists at her ears and her dark lashes
against her cheeks. Amy's heart tugged at the sight. She reached out and her
finger grazed her tiny knuckles. "She grew while I was away."

"She's such a good baby," Rachel told her proudly.

Amy turned back to pick up the wrapped bundles and place them on
the table. "I have gifts."

Rachel came forward with a hand pressed to her breast. "For
us?"

Without wasting a moment, Amy untied and unwrapped, revealing her
purchases. "These are for you," she said, presenting Mrs. Barnes with
a pair of white gloves and a belt with a filigree buckle.

The woman carefully dried her hands before accepting the
accessories with obvious pleasure. "I have just the dress to wear these
with—thank you, Amy."

"And this is for you." She handed a stack of fabric with
spools of matching thread atop to Rachel. "I'll help you, and we can make
dresses for you and for Catherine."

"This is too generous," Rachel said with tears in her
eyes. She'd gotten by with very little until she and Jack had started earning
wages at Shelby Station. New dresses must seem like a luxury to her.

"I couldn't get along without either one of you," Amy
said truthfully. "And I don't just mean the work you do." She knew
she'd never been quite so forthright with her feelings, and Mrs. Barnes wore an
expression of appreciation and pleasure.

"I have a few things for Adele and Maggie, as well," she
said. She wrapped the last items and set them aside. There was something else
she needed to say. Gathering her courage, she faced the two women. "I'm
going to have a baby."

"Oh! A baby!" Rachel squealed and hugged her again.

Mrs. Barnes gave Amy an assessing look of concern. "Is it
going to be all right?"

The woman had been around Amy long enough to know this was a
change of heart. "It's going to be all right," she assured her.

After wiping the corner of her eye on her apron, Mrs. Barnes said
with all sincerity, "I'm so happy for you and Jesse."

Amy read relief on the woman's face.

The commotion of feet hitting the porch floor and the dog
excitedly barking arrested their attention.

Amy drew a fortifying breath. "There's someone else I need to
tell you about."

Both women eyed her curiously.

Just then the back door opened and Cay burst through the opening,
Toby on his heels. "Is there any dinner left?" Cay asked.

The two women looked at the pair of boys in surprise. Then both
smiled and hurried to bring the youngsters a meal.

Toby ate like there was no tomorrow, and for much of his life he
hadn't been certain there would be. Amy had excused his manners until now, but
she knew she wouldn't be doing him any favors by not teaching him correctly. In
order not to single him out, she would incorporate mealtime etiquette into
their lessons. True, they would be sharing a table with the hands most of the
time, but many city travelers came through. Besides, Cay and Toby would be
young men someday, and they should know how to present themselves.

That evening, she set the table for the four of them— Jesse, Cay,
Toby and herself. She poured drinks, placed a napkin at each setting and served
apple strudel. With patient tutoring, she taught the lads to use their napkins,
eat slowly and swallow each bite instead of washing it down. Apparently amused
by her calm lesson, Jesse listened with half a smile and joined them in each
step.

"When you're finished, thank the cook and ask to be
excused."

"What for?"

Toby's puzzled frown almost made her laugh. "Simply say,
'Thank you for the fine meal. May I please be excused?'"

Toby leaned toward Jesse and said man to man, "I din't pass
no gas."

To his credit, Jesse kept a straight face. "A lad asks
permission to leave the table, son."

"Oh." Toby sat back and looked at Amy. "Fine
strudel, ma'am. Best I ever et. Can I be 'scused? Er, please?"

"Thank you, Toby, and yes you may. You boys wash up now and
get ready for bed."

"I already washed this mornin', din't I, Cay?"

"We wash before bed, as well. When the weather's warm, you
can wash at the basins on the back porch. When it's cold, you take a pitcher to
your room and use the bowl. Water's on the well on the back of the stove. And
clean your teeth."

"Again?"

She nodded.

"I ain't never knowed people what washed and cleaned so much.
I don't know how you got any skin left."

"As you can see, our skin is all still intact, so it won't
hurt you a whit," Jesse replied.

Cay filled a pitcher with water and Toby followed him out of the
room. Their feet sounded on the stairs.

"This is all new to him," Jesse said.

"He's doing well." She picked up their dishes.

"I'll be checkin' the buildings and the animals now."

In his absence, Amy washed up their dishes and worked on the
finishing touches of her dresses. She probably wouldn't be able to wear them
for long. A funny feeling made her stomach dip. She would have to open the
chest of clothing she'd packed away and bring out the clothes with drawstring
waists and over-shirts to accommodate her growth. With the last hem in place,
she heated the iron and pressed both dresses.

She'd carried them upstairs and hung them in her wardrobe, Jesse's
voice drifted after her. Peering into the hall, she discovered him standing at
the opening to Cay's—to the boys'—room. She joined him and they stepped inside.

Cay and Toby were seated on the bed in their union suits. Amy went
to the chest at the foot of the bed and took out another blanket. "You
might be needing this." Both of them scrambled under the covers, and Jesse
helped her settle the blanket over the boys.

For a few seconds an awkwardness hung over them, but she refused
to revisit the same mistakes she'd already made. She had never come in and
wished Cay a good-night. She'd been uncomfortable with that—he wasn't a small
child, after all, and she hadn't wanted to embarrass him. But he needed to know
he was cared for and wanted. Everyone needed to know those things. She was
starting over right now with both of these youngsters, and she could only pray
they would accept her affection.

Because she stood nearest to Toby, she bent to tuck the covers
around him. "I'm glad you came home with us. We'll all have to get used to
each other, and some things we'll just have to work out. But this is a new
start for all of us."

His eyes were dark in the glow of the lantern. He simply returned
her gaze.

"Good night, Toby."

"Ain't nobody called me that since my ma," he said.

"Well, it's your name, and it's a fine name." She bent
and kissed his forehead.