Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind (17 page)

Most women have moody days before they actually begin their cycle and for that reason they often don’t connect the dots. They think, “My life is driving me crazy,” and fail to realize that life is the same as always, they are the ones that are different. I urge women who have not yet gone through the change of life to mark this time on their calendars each month and pray ahead of time that they will not be easily offended due to hormone changes in their body. I urge men to mark it on their calendars also and use wisdom. This is a great time of the month to send flowers to your wife or give her extra encouragement and it is not a good time to correct her or be moody yourself.

Women should get more rest at that time of the month if possible and absolutely avoid trying to solve a crisis. The world has given this monthly event a name. It is called PMS, which means premenstrual syndrome. Whatever we decide to call it, the truth is that it is a time of the month when some women need to be cautious not to be offended, but to simply realize they are emotionally tender and need to be careful about the way they behave.

Women can experience varying degrees of the same thing during the change of life, so that is also a time to use caution and wisdom. Try to be patient because eventually that time of life will pass and things will return to normal.

Think about It

What increases your tendency to be offended? Is it being tired, being stressed at work, financial pressure, relational difficulties, or something else?

Life Is Precious—Don’t Waste Your Time!

I have learned that any day I spend angry and offended is a wasted day. Life is too short and too precious to waste any of it. The older a person gets, the more they usually realize that, but I am sad to say that some people never learn it. The society we live in today is filled with angry, easily offended people who are stressed-out and tired most of the time. Jesus tells us we are not “of” this world (see John 8:23); we do live in the world, but we are not to be
of
the world in terms of behaving the way society does and reacting to situations the same way it does. Jesus teaches us a better way to live. I always like to say that Christianity begins with accepting Jesus as our Savior and then it is continued in a lifestyle based on His teachings. Jesus told the disciples that although the law said, “an eye for an eye,” which meant whatever someone does to you, do it back to them, now He was saying to forgive your enemies, to love and pray for those who used and abused you. The people who heard Him were amazed, they had never heard of such a thing.

He taught them many other things that would be an entirely new way of living, but it was one that would produce a quality of life they previously had not known.

We can choose to live according to God’s Word rather than to live the world’s way or to give in to fleshly thoughts or emotions. The Bible tells us to walk in the Spirit (see Galatians 5:25) and in order to do that we must manage our emotions rather than allowing them to control us. We must take responsibility for our responses to daily events, especially the little offenses that tempt us to be angry.

Making the decision to not be offended does not always change how we feel about the way we were treated. One of our biggest problems is that we usually allow our feelings to direct our choices and thereby never get around to making the decisions we need to make. We must realize our feelings will eventually catch up with our decisions, so we need to be responsible to make the right decisions and let the feelings follow. Becoming established in the thought
I am difficult to offend
can prepare you ahead of time for any offense you may face. It will set you up to forgive and release the offender, which will keep you out of the snare of unforgiveness.

A wise person refuses to live with hurt feelings or offense in his heart! Life is too short to waste one day being angry, bitter, and resentful. The good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that our sins are forgiven and I believe we have been given the ability to forgive those who sin against us. Anything God has given us, such as forgiveness and mercy, He expects us to extend to others. If it comes
to
us, it should flow
through
us—and that should be our goal. When we are offended, we need to quickly call to mind the fact that God has freely and fully forgiven us, so we should freely and fully forgive others.

Think about It

Is there an offense you have been holding onto? If so, write it down on a piece of paper. Then rip it into tiny pieces and throw it away.

Don’t Drink the Poison

Many people ruin their health and their lives by responding to offenses by drinking the poison of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. In Matthew 18:23–35, Jesus tells a story about one man who refused to forgive another. At the end, He makes the clear and strong point that those who do not forgive others get “turned over to the torturers” (see Matthew 18:34). If you have, or have ever had, a problem forgiving others, I’m sure you can attest to this truth. Harboring hateful thoughts and bitterness toward another person in your mind is indeed torturous.

You may have heard the saying, “Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person.” We are not hurting the one who hurt us by being angry at them. The truth is that most of the time people who offend us don’t even know how we feel. They go on with their lives while we drink the poison of bitterness. When you do forgive those who offend you, you are actually helping yourself more than you are helping them, so I say, “Do yourself a favor and forgive!”

We think,
But, it is so unfair for me to forgive them and then they just have no punishment for what they did
.
Why should I have the pain while they get the freedom?

The truth is that by forgiving, we are releasing them so God can do what only He can do. If I’m in the way—trying to get revenge or take care of the situation myself instead of trusting and obeying God—He may sit back and allow me to try to handle things in my own strength. But, if I allow Him to deal with those who offend me by forgiving them, He can work good out of it for both parties concerned. The book of Hebrews tells us that God settles the cases of His people. When we forgive, we put God on the case (see Hebrews 10:30).

Think about It

How does forgiveness help you?

Forgive… for YOUR Sake!

Mark 11:22–26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working, so we can conclude in contrast that forgiveness enables faith to work for us. The Father can’t forgive
our
sins if we don’t forgive other people (see Matthew 6:14, 15). This is an illustration of the biblical law stating that we reap what we sow (see Galatians 6:7). Sow mercy, and reap mercy; sow judgment, and reap judgment. Sow forgiveness toward others, and reap forgiveness from God.

There are still more benefits of forgiveness. For one, I’m happier and I feel better physically when I’m not filled with the poison of unforgiveness. Serious diseases can develop as a result of the stress and pressure that result from bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Our fellowship with God flows freely when we’re willing to forgive, but unforgiveness serves as a major block to communion with God. I also believe it is difficult to love people while hating or harboring anger toward others. When we have bitterness in our hearts it seeps out in all of our attitudes and relationships. It is good to remember that even people we want to love may suffer when we hold bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. For example, I was very angry and bitter toward my father for abusing me and I ended up mistreating my husband who had nothing at all to do with the pain I had encountered. I felt that someone needed to repay me for the injustice in my life, but I was trying to collect from someone who could not pay and had no responsibility to do so. God promises to pay us back for our former trouble if we turn the situation over to him, and if we don’t, then we allow Satan to perpetuate our pain and take it from relationship to relationship. Forgiving our enemies sets us free to move on with our lives. Finally, forgiveness keeps Satan from getting an advantage over us (see 2 Corinthians 2:10, 11). Ephesians 4:26, 27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a
foothold
before he can get a
stronghold
. Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive when you are offended.

Think about It

List three benefits that you will receive by forgiving.

A Key Issue for Desperate Times

Some people say over and over, “I am just touchy and I get my feelings hurt easily. That is just the way I am and I cannot help it.” This is what they believe about themselves, and this belief controls their words and actions, which is so unfortunate because it is so ungodly! It is also an excuse to continue the wrong behavior.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to become a person who is difficult to offend. Satan desperately tries to prevent us from making spiritual progress. If he can keep us focused on who we are angry with and what they did to offend us, then we cannot focus on God’s Word and His plan for us, and we will not grow spiritually. Once again let me remind you that Satan is fishing, hoping to catch someone in his trap; don’t take his bait!

Most of us sense that we are living in desperate times among desperate people and we should be more careful than ever before to not let our emotions take the lead role in our lives. Instead of being quick to become angry or being easily offended, we must take the Bible’s advice and be wise as serpents and gentle as doves (see Matthew 10:16). In other words, we should be spiritually mature, patient, kind, and gentle with others and wise enough not to allow them to offend us. We cannot control what people do to us, but through God we can control the way we respond to them. The world seems to be getting darker and darker; everywhere we look, we hear and read about people whose anger leads them to do drastic, even tragic, things. We want to represent God and express His love in these difficult days, and to do so, we will have to guard our hearts diligently against offense and anger. Building a new mind-set that you are not easy to offend will be very helpful to you and all those you love.

This principle is also very important to teach our children. One of the reasons it was so difficult for me to forgive was because I never had it modeled in front of me. All the people I grew up around stayed angry most of the time and if anyone ever did anything to hurt or disappoint them, their natural response was to angrily shut that person out of their lives forever. What we do in front of our children affects them even more than what we say, so remember to set a good example for them. Take every opportunity to teach them the importance of prompt and complete forgiveness. If you train them early not to be easily offended, you can save them years of pain and frustration.

Think about It

In your own words, why is it important to become a person who is difficult to offend?

Power Pack

“Great peace have they who love Your law; nothing shall offend them or make them stumble.”

Psalm 119:165

“For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:14, 15

“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].”

1 Corinthians 13:7

POWER THOUGHT

5

I love people and I enjoy helping them.

“I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another.”

John 13:34

T
he Roman philosopher Seneca made a statement we all need to remember: “Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.” I would add to that, “Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity to express love.” Everyone on Earth needs love and kindness. Even when we have nothing to offer others in terms of money or possessions, we can give them love and show them kindness.

If I could only preach one message, it would probably be this: get your mind off of yourself and spend your life trying to see how much you can do for others. From start to finish, in all kinds of ways, God’s Word encourages and challenges us to love other people. To love others is the “new commandment” Jesus gave us in John 13:34, and it is the example He set for us throughout His life and ministry on earth. If we want to be like Jesus, we need to love others with the same kind of gracious, forgiving, generous, unconditional love He extends to us.

Nothing has changed my life more dramatically than learning how to love people and treat them well. If you only incorporate one power thought from this book into your life, I urge you to make it this one: “I love people and I enjoy helping them.”