Power of the Raven (11 page)

His body was pressed intimately against hers, and she knew he was ready. All she’d have to do was kiss him again. Yet fear held her back. Her feelings for him were so intense they were nearly overwhelming. In his arms, she’d turned into someone she scarcely recognized.

She took a step back. “I…can’t.” Unable to look into the fire that still burned in his eyes, she turned away and walked to her suitcase. It took her a moment to be able to say anything else, but hearing him start to leave, she glanced back at him with a shaky smile. “You promised to show me Copper Canyon this morning, remember?” she said. “Once you’re sure the bear’s long gone, maybe we can walk around?”

“Bear won’t hurt you.”

For a moment she was sure his words had more than one meaning. Looking away, she forced her tone to stay light. “The bear likes
you
but it might see me as an early lunch. I’m better tasting than that poor creature it was carrying.”

He smiled slowly. “You’re right about that, but Bear won’t take what’s not his.”

Lori took an unsteady breath. “Let me put some shoes on,” she said, tearing her gaze away. The way he was looking at her made it impossible for her to think.

“If you have boots, wear them. The sun’s coming over the ridge right now, and snakes might be coming out to lie on the rocks to warm up.”

“I have shooties—low boots,” she said. “Give me a chance to wash up and I’ll join you in a sec.”

It took her longer than she’d said, but by the time she met him in the living room her pulse was beating at a normal rate again. “When I pictured myself living a rural life, I’d see dogs, horses, cattle and even sheep—but I never factored in the wild part of nature. Now that I’ve seen it up close, I’m absolutely certain that I can do without bears the size of tanks, and snakes,” she said and smiled.

“Everything, including bears and snakes, are part of the pattern. The challenge is to find your place within that.”

His confidence seemed so unshakable. An instinct she didn’t quite understand assured her she would be safe with him no matter where they went.

They soon left the house, taking a trail that led upward from the canyon floor toward the steep mesa to the east.

“
Hosteen
Silver would take this same trail every morning,” he said. “Then, as the sun rose, he’d take a pinch of pollen from his medicine pouch and throw it up into the air as an offering to Dawn.”

“Do you do that, too?” she asked.

“When I’m at the ranch, yes, but that doesn’t make me a Traditionalist like he was. I’m what some call a Modernist. I respect the old ways and honor the beliefs of my people, the
Diné,
but not at the exclusion of modern conveniences or technology. Like most Navajos, I go to the doctor if I need to, but I don’t necessarily exclude a
hataalii
from that picture.”

“You walk between two cultures,” she said with a nod.

He nodded. “There’s balance in being a Modernist, too.”

When they reached the cliff, she followed him up the steep trail. A colorful wall of sandstone rose to their right at a near vertical angle. The tilted layers of ancient sedimentary rock, weathered at different rates, provided a shelf of rock, a natural path up the canyon wall.

She concentrated on where she placed her feet, aware of the steep drop-off to her left, and wondered just how high they were going. The only times she’d risk a look down into the canyon was during breaks when they were standing still. Otherwise, it would make her feel disoriented.

She concentrated on the path before her until Gene stopped at a wide spot in the trail.

“Look around us,” he said. “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? This is Copper Canyon at its best.”

Illuminated by the early-morning sun, the canyon wall to the west was streaked in reds, oranges and earthy tans. Farther down, still in the shadow, those same walls became a palette of dark blues, purples and deep browns.

“And look up,” he said.

As the sun continued to rise in the east, the trees above them seemed to glow in brilliant blue-greens.

“When I was a kid, if Wind was still, or blowing just right, we’d hear
Hosteen’
s prayer to the dawn drifting down the canyon. We’d make out the words ‘
Hozhone nas clee,
’ now all is well, and, somehow, we knew it would be because he was part of this land and it was a part of him.”

“This place is part of you, too,” she said. “It taught you to be hardy and resilient, the same qualities that enable the desert to survive.”

Gene nodded slowly. “All that’s true, but
Hosteen
Silver gave me an even greater gift. He taught me that if I believe in myself, I’d never know failure, because I’d see each setback as just another stumbling block I’d need to overcome.”

As he watched the desert below, she watched him. It was impossible not to be drawn to Gene, this man who was as strong as he was gentle. She remembered how it had felt to be pressed against his hard chest, and how she’d clung to his shoulders for the strength to stand. Everything in her had yearned to give in.

Afraid that he’d somehow guess the turn her thoughts had taken, she leaned against the cold rock face, her feet spread out in front of her.

As she took a breath, she heard a dry shaking rattle. The distinctive sound reverberated with deadly intent. The only time she’d ever heard a rattlesnake had been on a nature show on TV, but listening to it up close was far, far worse. If death had a sound, that was it.

“Don’t move,” Gene said softly. “I see it.” He pointed to a recess on a flat rock just behind her. “Its body has a bulge, and it’s still sluggish from the cold. It caught something last night, probably a mouse, so it’s not interested in you. It’s looking for a warm spot to lie in while it digests its food. Take a slow step to your right. You’ll free its path so it can move out into the sun.”

As she edged away, Gene began chanting, the cadence and rhythm making it sound like a prayer and song all in one.

Though it took all her willpower not to just jump away, she inched aside until Gene held up one hand. The second he did, she stopped.

Gene stepped forward and forced Lori to hug the rock as he placed his body between her and the snake. She wanted to protect him by making him edge away, but any movement at all now would only enhance the danger to both of them.

The rattler, now silent, slithered up the path several feet, then moved out onto a flat boulder beneath an overhang now illuminated in sunshine.

“Everything’s okay now, but you’re still being watched,” he said, “so don’t move in that direction.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she said, starting back down the trail. “That beautiful chant—was it a prayer or a song?”

“Both. It’s called a
Hozonji,
a good luck song, but the exact wording has to remain a secret between me and the powers I called upon for help.
Hozonjis
are passed down in families, and in my case, it was a gift from
Hosteen
Silver.”

Noticing how quickly she was moving, he reached for her shoulder, slowing her down. “You don’t have to hurry. The snake won’t chase you.”

“I know you’re right, but I hate snakes. They’re such sneaky creatures.”

He shook his head. “Snakes will only strike a human if they feel threatened. They’re neither good nor evil. They have a right to hunt for food, and they help man by keeping the rodent population down. They’re part of the circle of life.”

Lori shook her head. “In this, we’ll have to agree to disagree. They’re sneaks. At least a bear comes at you in the open, face on.”

“That’s because Bear has strength on its side. Snake uses stealth because it’s the best weapon it has. As the earthly manifestation of the Lightning People, Snake is said to have the power to bring rain to the desert. That’s why they shouldn’t be killed.”

She said nothing for several long moments, then turned her head to look at him. “When you said you had a way with animals, I never dreamed that included bears and snakes.”

“Everything’s connected. Knowing that is how we maintain the
hózh.
”

“I don’t know what that means. Will you explain it to me?”

“It’s living harmoniously and in perfect balance with everything that surrounds us,” he said as they stepped onto the canyon floor. “It’s seeing the pattern in the threads that connect all of life. The effects of even one careless act can be very far-reaching, like ripples in a pond.”

She thought about what he’d said. “How does evil fit into the pattern?”

“Nothing is completely evil,” he said. “Evil is just something that resists being brought under control. Once it’s in check, it becomes part of the pattern again. Everything in life has two sides, and each is needed to balance the other.”

“So by helping me, you’re honoring the pattern because you’re keeping evil in check?”

“Like that, yes.”

“I’m glad we’re friends.” One thing was certain. No matter what happened, she’d never forget Gene.

Almost as if he’d guessed what she’d left unsaid, he brushed the side of her face with his palm. “There’s balance between us. You’ve brought something very special into my life.”

When he didn’t elaborate after a few seconds, she asked, “What special thing did I bring into your life?” She reached for his hand as they walked back to the house.

“Softness,” he said, then brought her hand up and kissed it. “I’m sorry that you’re in trouble, but I’m not sorry that you stepped into my life—though I wish it hadn’t been in front of my truck.”

She laughed. “I guess that’s one instance where evil brought something good.”

“Now the rest is up to us.” Before she could answer, he gestured toward the house. “Get ready to go. We’ll pick up breakfast along the way.”

Lori glanced around her, then sighed softly. For some reason she didn’t quite understand, the thought of leaving Copper Canyon saddened her. “I wish we didn’t have to go. I like it here…with you.”

“Yet when we’re together you always pull away.” He looked into her eyes, as if searching for an answer there. “What are you most afraid of—me, or you?”

Deep inside she knew the truth, but facing it now jolted her to the core. “I…” Seeing the slow simmering fire in Gene’s eyes filled her with desire.

“The feelings between us are real. Listen to your heart.”

“I don’t doubt the feelings—I just don’t trust them. Love has a dark side. I learned that lesson as a kid.”

“I trust you—trust me,” he said. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

Lori swallowed hard. He’d repeatedly risked his life for her, and just moments ago, he’d placed himself between her and harm.

“You’re right. You deserve more from me than secrets.” She took a deep breath, gathering her courage. This was something she’d never discussed with anyone. She’d buried the past deep inside her, or so she’d thought, but some things refused to stay hidden.

“My mom and dad adored each other,” she began at last. “Everyone called them the perfect couple and they were constantly being invited to parties. Then one day, out of the blue, they came to tell me that they were splitting up. I don’t know what happened between them, obviously it was something big, but I saw love turn into hate practically in the blink of an eye.”

“It happens,” he said, “but not knowing why made that even tougher on you.”

“That’s true,” she said, then after a beat continued. “Things went downhill fast from that point on, too. After their divorce I became surplus goods, the kid no one wanted. They each had new partners and I was part of the old. More than anything I wanted them to love each other again, but all I did was come between them. I became the one thing they could use to manipulate each other. What they did hurt me deeply, but more importantly, it changed me. I don’t know if I’m still capable of trusting in love. To this day, I’ve never been able to give my heart to anyone without keeping a part of me safely out of reach.”

“And you won’t accept anything less than all from yourself, or another, for the same reason. You want a commitment that means something, above and beyond words,” he said, understanding. “But the future is always shifting and changing. It’s hard to get a bead on a moving target. Love requires a leap of faith.”

“How about if we take things one tiny leap at a time, at least for now?” she asked with a tremulous smile.

“I can handle that.”

His acceptance of her just as she was left her yearning to touch him, to assure herself that he was real. Gathering her courage, Lori stood on tiptoe and brought his mouth down to meet hers. Her kiss, intended to say thank-you, turned hot in a heartbeat.

For one magical second, she forgot to be afraid and simply surrendered to the longings that drew her to him.

Sensing it, he parted her lips roughly and deepened the kiss, ravaging her mouth, claiming it until the heat took them both to that precarious edge.

His chest heaving, he groaned, then released her.

“You didn’t like it?” she asked, surprised that he’d let go of her.

“Like it?” He swore softly. “Woman, I want to seduce you right here, right now. The ground beneath us is hard, but I promise that, after a moment, all you’d feel is me giving you pleasure.”

His words left her weak at the knees and aware of everything about him. His face was tense, his body hard. He was ready, and holding back was nearly killing him.

Temptation shimmered in the air, whispering of needs as old as time. Desire tightened its hold on her.

He ran his index finger down the side of her face, then traced her parted lips. “Just one yes and I’ll make the desert sunrise brighter than the noonday sun. I’ll show you the power of a touch and make you melt against me.”

His voice caressed her, sparking her senses. She licked her lips, her mouth dry, her body thrumming with needs too powerful to ignore. “I…”

Hearing the hesitation in her voice, he took another step back. “You’re not ready.” He took a deep breath. “Have you ever…”

“I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you mean—not that there have been many men,” she added. “When I was younger, I experimented, thinking casual sex would be enough. It never was, not for me. After the glow faded, it left me feeling cold and more alone than ever.” She paused, struggling to find the right words. “It was like being given a glimpse into paradise, only to be told I didn’t meet the requirements and couldn’t stay.”