Power of the Pen (15 page)

Lauren:

The next week I had not heard from Zach at all. Not that I was looking to hear from him or anything like that. New Year’s Eve was upon us, and Gab and I were at
The Em
, celebrating. Her hottie was out of town with a family crisis, so it was just us two. It was nearing 11:30 PM, so the party started pumping and it was packed. We danced with each other, other guys, other girl circles, and then came back to each other. I hadn’t had this much fun in a while. It was great to get my mind off of things I couldn’t control, so I decided to focus on the things I could control: me, my future, my life, and my choices.

I had Becky record me so I could send in some samples of my work, along with my stats on my blog to the local and national news stations. We even started to do vlogs and videocasts to give me more exposure and practice. The reviews were off the charts. There was no real reason for my anonymity; I just wanted to put a shield between what I did and who I am. What I failed to realize was that who I am, determines what I do, and those things do not have to necessarily be separate.

As I was dancing, something caught my eye at the bar. It was Sheree with another woman, and they were laying into this guy. I could not see him, but I knew that was her, but with pink hair this time. Before I realized it, my legs were moving, and I was moving towards her.

“Oh no, Lauren. Come on, it’s about to be a new year in 10 minutes.” Gab was yelling behind me.

“You still at it?” I seethed at Sheree, only to be momentarily shocked that the guy they were laying into was Zach.

Goddamn.

“Fuck you, you fat bitch. I was just talking to your man about his choice of fat women and look,” she waves her hand towards me and Gab, “and then fat women appear.”

“He’s not my man, and what you won’t keep doing is coming into my territory with your shit. Now go dance or get the fuck outta here.”

“Love,” Zach grabbed my elbow, “I got this.”

I looked at his hand on my elbow, then at him. “Nope. I got this one.”

“Ohh, look at this shit. He cut you loose and you still holding on.” Sheree and the blond laugh at the stupid joke.

“Okay, that’s enough Sheree. Nobody did anything to you, so stop this.” Gab chimed in.

“Stop this,” Sheree mocked.

She was clearly drunk, but I didn’t care. I was no fighter, but I swear she knew how to call that side of me out.

“Go on Sheree,” I said.

“What? The great Lauren? What you going to do if I don’t. Huh, see if your man will pull me off of your ass again.”

“Naw, I was pulling her off of you.” Zach corrected and took a sip of the drink.

It seemed like it was happening in slow motion, Sheree grabbed the nearest drink on the bar table and started to lift it up to throw in his face, but I beat her to the punch. I pushed the glass towards her, so it spilled on her dress, and then I grabbed her by her hair and started to drag her towards the front door. She was trying to fight it, but my grip was lethal. Her friend must have tried to hit me or something, but over the loud music, I heard Zach growl, “Touch her and that will be your last.”

After I had got Sheree to the door, Charlie showed up with his trusty bat and her friend.

“You’re banned. I do not want to see you in here again.” He clapped the bat with his hand. “Ya hear me?”

“Fuck you,” Sheree shrieked. “Fuck all of you.”

She and her friend stalked off screaming and yelling about something. Charlie turned to me and asked, “You alright?”

“I’m cool.” I smiled at him.

As soon as I put the smile on my face, I was being pulled in the back of the hallway towards the coat room.

“I told you I had it,” Zach growled.

“Letting catty women curse you out because of me is not
having it
.” I made quote signs in the air with my fingers.

“Love,” He sighed, but I close my eyes at his term of endearment for me.

It was bringing back old memories that I had been working daily on trying to forget and moving forward with my life.

“Zach, if that is even your real name. Ple--”

“Stop! That is my name. I haven’t lied to you about anything except keeping that I write as Z. Hays from you. That’s all.”

“Fine, so can we please not do this? I don’t like that bitch Sheree, okay. I wasn’t coming to your rescue. I didn’t even know it was you.”

He took a step towards me, effectively pinning me against the way. There was nowhere to go as any movement would be touching him and I did not want to do that.

Too late.

He grabbed my wrist and put them next to my head and held them to the wall. My breathing was labored as his cologne felt like it was in my pores, causing me to be drunk in him.

“Why?” He asked.

I looked into his eyes and why did I do that. Now I was lost. “Why what?”

“Why do you do this to me?” Zach was growling through his teeth. “Why do you invade my thoughts, my mind, my body, my soul?”

“10,” the crowd shouted.

“You have everything of mine.”

“9.”

“What else do you want?”

“8.”

“Tell me, Lauren.”

“7.”

“I can’t get over you.”

“6.”

“You won’t let me.”

“5.”

“I don’t want to.”

“4.”

“I’ll do anything.”

“3.”

“Even stop writing.”

“2.”

“You can have everything.”

“1.”

“You already have my heart.”

“
Happy New Year’s
!” the crowd screamed as Zach’s lips landed on mine.

It was a hard, wanting kiss. His hard body pressed into mine as I pushed my body back into his needing more. Craving more. We kissed probably the entire time they screamed Happy New Years. My hands were still against the wall, but his knee was parting my legs and I surely rubbed up against him. He pulled away from me and dipped his head so our foreheads were touching.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He apologized.

No words escaped me as I was catching my breath. He was whispering in my ear. I could only imagine how we looked in that hall.

“Happy New Year.” He pulled back to look me in the eyes and declared, “I love you.”

My mouth dropped open, then his eyes shifted down to my lips. He blinked, let me go, and left while I stood there stunned.

Oh, My.

Lauren
:

The next afternoon, I was feeling quite sick. When I went to get my mail from the mailbox, there was a ribbon wrapped around a letter with my name on the front. It did not go through the postal office; someone put it in my mailbox. Slowly I opened it and read.

Lauren, my love,

My full name is Zachery Oliver Hughs. I was born in Charlotte, North Caroline to Carol Hughs and an unknown man that people think might be the sheriff. My mom didn’t really care for me, so I left at the age of 18 and joined the army.

That’s it for today.

Love you.

Zach

Wow!

The man surely knew how to keep you in suspense. I wanted to know more, and I almost called him, but then I remembered it said,
that was all for today
. So maybe tomorrow he’d have something else. The next day, I was trying to play it cool and see if I could catch him, but he must get there really early in the mornings because a letter tied in red ribbon was in my mailbox.

Lauren, my love,

When I went into the army, I got into a fight with a guy named Tank. Our sergeant bunked us together and we became friends. He introduced me to all of his friends and we became inseparable. We traveled, visited each other’s families, and almost died together a few times. We were a family.

That’s all for today.

Love you,

Zach

He never mentioned these guys before? I was patiently waiting for the next day, to hear the rest of the story.

Love,

My brothers are Tank, Tub, and Laser. They were all stand-up guys who happened to be black, but amongst us, there was no color, just brotherhood. I was on leave and decided to go to Paris by myself as a bet from Laser. When I returned back to the base, I learned that their convoy was blown to pieces and they all died.

That left just me.

Love you,

Zach

Oh my gosh.

Dammit
.

Enough.

I got in the Rover and drove over to his place. His truck wasn’t there, so I waited for an hour in the truck. I even started a new book called the
Across the Tracks
by Xyla Turner. It was about an interracial relationship like I should have, if we could both be in tune. I was so engrossed in the book and Lisa running to Maryland, that I didn’t even hear the truck pull up or see him at my truck’s door. I jumped back and he held his hands up. Once I opened the door, he asked, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I just,” I sighed. “I got your letters and I wanted to know more and say I’m sorry for your loss of your brothers. I could tell they meant everything to you.”

He looked away and nodded.

“How are you dealing with their loss?” I was curious.

“Therapy and writing.” He looked back at me.

“I see.” It just got awkward.

He continued to stare at me.

“So, I’m sorry about being all possessive about my brothers. Clearly I hadn’t known about yours and I get it. It was selfish of me, but I get it. They are all yours. No matter what.” I smiled.

He put his head down.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Uh, nothing.” He raised his eyes to meet mine again.

“So, can I, uh, come up?” I asked.

“Uh, no. I’m not ready.” He quickly added.

“What?” I was started to feel dumb for coming.

Maybe I read too much into his notes, but he called me love. Said he loved me. And now?

Shit.

“Oh, okay.” I reached for the car handle. “Then, I guess this is goodbye.”

He moved quick and grabbed the door handle to shut it, causing his body to collide with mine.

“No, it’s not like that. I just have a plan, and I want to stick to it. Okay? Can you trust me?” His eyes pleaded with me.

“Trust is built, Zach. I did trust you once, but you threw that away.”

“Right, so let me help you rebuild your trust in me, okay?”  He moved the loose strand of hair out of my eye and continued, “Please, give me that?”

“How?” I asked, honestly wanting to know the answer.

“You’ll see.”

He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

“I’ll be in touch,” he said as he backed away from the truck.

Feeling slightly chastised, I got in the truck and drove home. Why did I even go over there in the first place?

SIGH
.

******

The next day and every day following that until January 30th, there was a letter in my mailbox detailing different things about him. None of them were any longer than a paragraph, but there was always something about him that I did not know. Even the bad things. Like how he has killed and even though it was for his country, those things still haunt him in his sleep. He shared about his mom, whom I could absolutely smack, and different things about his brothers that were funny, sad, and even downright crazy. Every day for a month, he shared a little bit of himself with me.

About midway through the month, I would blog a little bit about myself to the world; including things about me that nobody knew, so I could address other topics, like AIDS awareness. I discussed how my father died, how we handled the situation as a family, and the importance of getting tested. I even talked about how to handle your parents divorcing, due to infidelity, at an early age, how not to choose sides, and to continue to have a relationship with both. I also tagged Zach on a few of my messages, so he would get them, if he looked. I was not sure where this was leading, but his last letter that arrived on the 30th simply said.

Lauren,

I love you more than I can ever say, show or believe. You have my heart, love.

Zach

Tears dropped from my eyes, as I tried to read it over and over again. Without thinking, I posted on my blog.

You have my heart too! I love you.

There were several men and women who responded that they loved me too, but I hoped the one I needed to see it, actually did.

ZACH:

Today was the day. I had been planning, waiting, and hoping that Lauren would stay with me through this process. I had to let her know who I was from the beginning, so she understood the man that stood before her now.  For thirty days, I shared little pieces of me and now for the finale.

After two knocks on the door, her assistant opened and said, “Hey Zach, she’s in the kitchen.”

Okay
.

As I was about to enter the kitchen, she was coming out with a tray of fruit.

“Oh,” she jumped.

“You got that,” I went to put down my package. 

“No, no. I got it. Just wasn’t expecting you here.” She looked different.

“You look thinner?”

“Oh yeah, Becky has me doing the fruits and veggies thing for the month and I like it!” She exclaimed.

“Doesn’t she look fab?!” Becky beamed.

“She looked fab before.” My eyebrows raised in confusion.

“O-kay,” Becky replied, “So, I’m going to go Lauren, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No, come back next week,” I said.

“What?!” Becky exclaimed.

I turned to her, not repeating myself. Lauren must have nodded her head or gave her a signal to get gone because she said, “O-kay. Have fun guys.”

Once the door was closed, I took the tray out of her hand and put it on the table.

“Have a seat,” I pointed to the sofa.

She sat and I followed with my package.

“This is for you.”  I handed it to her.

She opened it, took off the red ribbon I had it wrapped with and opened the hardcover book. She flipped through a couple of pages and then stopped.

“Zach,” she gasped.

I sat back to watch her beautiful lips murmured, “To my love, Lauren. You are my life, my heart, and my world. This is us. Love you, Z.”

Her head swiveled to me, “What is this?”

“Keep reading,” I goaded her.

She flipped a few more pages and read,

“Bitch,” I exclaim, wiping the salty Martini from my face. Footsteps started to retreat, as I tried to wipe my stinging eyes free of the drink I would never conceive of ordering, yet alone drinking. Women drank what I ordered them. Period…”

She gasped, and continued,

“My haze was broken when I saw movement in a car. A woman’s head emerged from somewhere in the car and she was looking directly at Yasmine and me. She was in the driver’s seat with her hands on the steering wheel, as if she were ready to leave. Her mouth was open, her cheeks were flushed, and she looked like she belonged on the cover of Ebony Magazine with her medium-sized afro…”

“This is us!” She exclaimed again.

“Yeah, love. This is us.” I confirmed.

“Who is the woman that threw the drink in your face?” She asked.

I laughed, then shook my head. “I have no idea.”

She shook her head, then asked, “What is it called?” She turned it over and scanned the front.

“
Power of the Pen
,” I answered.

“You published this already?”

“No, I wanted you to read it first.”

Tears were in her eyes as she turned each page slowly skimming over the chapter. She murmured a little, but most of it was just her reading to herself. 

She read, “Don’t rip my favorite jeans” and then laughed out loud. “You don’t listen. You ripped them anyway.”

My heart was warm as she continued to go through the book.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“I know you are an excellent writer, so I’m sure it is good. I want to read it now.” She looked at me, “Can I read it now?”

“Yes, I want you to read it now.” I looked around the clean, uncluttered house. “I can come back.”

“No, please stay.” She pleaded. “I wrote something to, but it’s really short. You can read that while I read yours.”

My eyebrows rose. “You wrote a book? Good for you. I’m glad you are going after what you want.”

She smiled. “Well, it’s just a short story and I was stressed out, so I wrote.” She lowered her head.

“Well, it’s still good. I’d love to read it.”

Lauren smiled and went to her computer to her desk, opened a drawer and pulled out the manuscript.

“Here you go and I’m going to go in the room and read yours, okay?” She handed it to me. “Stay, though, okay?”

“Yes, I’m not going anywhere.”

******

Around 5:00 PM, Lauren emerged from the bedroom with the book in hand. She walked swiftly towards me as I sat on the sofa with tears in her eyes. Throwing the hardback book on the table next to the couch, she moved the notes from my lap and climbed on, crashing down on my lips. She kissed me like a woman deprived of food. It caught me off guard, but I quickly caught up as I wrapped my arms around her waist and squeezed. For over a month, I had not been able to touch her like this, so this was dangerous. Once I got control of the kiss, I ripped her shirt in two and pulled it off. Picking her up, I carried her towards the bedroom while she bit on my neck to mark me.

“Love,” I growled.

She moaned against my skin and I threw her on the bed and took off her tights with panties bunched up with them. Lauren lay there with her legs bent and knees open, inviting me in. Ripping off my shirt and my pants, right before I grabbed the condom, I pulled her up and said, “Come here.”

Lauren grabbed my hand and stood up next to me. Once my pants were off, I put the condom on, and then bent down to pick her up by her thighs.

“Zach,” she purred.

“Love,” I groaned, “Slid up and down on my cock.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Yes.”

Once I lifted her and guided her on my hard, throbbing cock, we both let out a satisfied,
life-is- content, we-can-die-now
whimper. It simply just felt right. She and I, together, forever. We were there. At that moment, I saw her in every moment. Our house, in our yard, on our deck, in our garage, in our garden, on our wedding day, with our first, second and third kid, with our dog, and for our twenty year anniversary. She was in all of those moments with great clarity. Her big brown eyes landed on me and I swear she could see it too. She kissed me with no rush or haste, just a settled peck, that told me she was mine.

Holding onto her butt, I slid her up and down my cock with slow, measured strides. She moaned and pulled my ears. Whispering sweet nothing in them and biting on my chin.

“Zach,” She cried.

I groaned, “Love.”

She was so wet and tight, pulsing around my cock.

“Come for me, love.” I bit her shoulder.

I moved her against the wall so it could help support her as I stroked in and out of my personal heaven.