Postcards from the Past (18 page)

Harry was silent, which somehow made her even more defensive.

‘You can see what I mean, can’t you, Hal?’

‘Yes,’ he said, after a moment. ‘I can. But you really like Clem, don’t you?’

‘Yes,’ she said, almost irritably. ‘Yes, I really like Clem.’

‘And it’s clear that he really likes you. It’s just that it’s, like, a terrible waste, that’s all.’

‘But you see my point?’ she insisted. ‘OK, I admit that I could easily fall in love with Clem but I’d want to be romantic and happy and silly with him. How do you do that with a seven-year-old watching? I don’t want a sensible, motherly role. I’m not ready for that, Hal. I want children but after I’ve had fun first. I’m not ready to move from complete single freedom into being a stepmother.’

‘Then it all comes down to whether you do actually fall in love with Clem, I suppose,’ Harry said thoughtfully. ‘You’d have to love him enough to want to make some kind of compromise work. Clem knows that, which makes it tricky for him.’

‘What d’you mean?’ She glanced sideways quickly at Harry.

He shrugged. ‘I like Clem. He’s reserved but he’s got a great sense of humour and it’s clear he really fancies you. He’d be much more proactive if he wasn’t bringing so much baggage with him. It must be really difficult for him, too. Would you rather we hadn’t arranged to go over for tea tomorrow?’

She shook her head. ‘No. And anyway, Jakey really wants you to see his toys or whatever. You certainly made a hit, and it’s easier with you there, Hal.’

‘Well, I shan’t be for much longer so you’d better make the most of it, Tills,’ he said.

Now, she wonders how it will be, meeting Clem at the vicarage tomorrow; seeing him in his home. It will be so difficult to act casually. The door at the foot of the stair opens and Harry calls up to her.

‘Supper’s ready, come and get it,’ and Tilly goes out and downstairs to join them, determined to put her anxieties aside for the evening.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

When they arrive at the vicarage for tea, however, Clem isn’t there. Jakey is bouncing on the trampoline, watched by a woman with that familiar silvery-gilt fair hair, those narrow dark blue eyes that sometimes look brown. She turns quickly as Tilly and Harry come in through the gate and Jakey shouts a welcome and bounces even higher. The woman waves, coming to meet them.

‘Clem’s a bit late,’ she says. ‘I’ve just brought Jakey back so we’re waiting for him.’ She holds out her hand. ‘I’m Dossie. Clem’s mum.’

Tilly and Harry introduce themselves whilst Jakey shouts louder, bounces higher still and does clever tumbling tricks, showing off.

‘You’ve made a huge hit,’ says Dossie to Harry. ‘He tells me that you live in South Africa and you’ve seen elephants and tigers and lions in the wild.’

‘Courtesy of Kruger National Park,’ says Harry, grinning. ‘Hi, mate,’ he calls to Jakey, and goes to admire his acrobatics, leaving Tilly with Dossie.

Tilly feels ludicrously shy; for once she can think of nothing much to say, but Dossie is quite natural.

‘Rather a dreary little place, isn’t it?’ she murmurs, indicating the bungalow. ‘The sixties were such a terrible time for building. You can see why Clem can’t wait to get back to the Lodge. He and Jakey nearly froze to death this last winter. Appalling metal windows that don’t fit, and wait till you see the lino in the kitchen.’

Tilly is surprised and amused. ‘It’s not very pretty,’ she agrees cautiously.

Dossie snorts expressively. ‘Never mind. It won’t be for long. Would you like a cup of tea or shall we wait for Clem? He had a baptism, and I expect somebody’s pounced on him. One of the drawbacks of the job. Everyone wants a piece of you.’

When Dossie smiles she looks like Clem, and Tilly smiles back at her.

‘Let’s wait for Clem … Or will he have had enough tea, do you think?’

‘He’ll be awash with it,’ says Dossie cheerfully. ‘Let’s get the kettle on. Or I could leave Jakey with you and go on home.’

Tilly hesitates, confused. She doesn’t know whether Dossie would rather go and whether Jakey would make a fuss if she did. How late might Clem be?

‘Well, let me show you where everything is,’ says Dossie, seeing her hesitation. ‘And we’ll take it from there. The kitchen’s dire, I warn you.’

‘Where do you live?’ asks Tilly, following her into the bungalow.

‘We’re at St Endellion. My parents and I run a B and B. We’ve been there for centuries but it’s a nice old place. It’s about twenty minutes away so we have Jakey at half-terms and holidays, and when Clem needs a break.’

Tilly thinks about this as she stares round the small kitchen: so Clem has a support group close at hand and Jakey has a grandmother and great-grandparents.

‘There’s a cake in this tin,’ Dossie is saying, as she fills the kettle. ‘I cut a couple of slices off for Mo and Pa, but there should be enough. Clem tells me you’re in IT and doing clever things for Chi-Meur.’

‘Well, not quite yet but I’m working on it. And there is certainly lots of material to work on. It’s a fantastic place, isn’t it?’

Tilly looks for cups or mugs and Dossie swings open the door of a Formica cupboard above the working surface, indicating the piles of crockery.

‘Chi-Meur is gorgeous. Everyone wants to make a success of it and there’s so much support.’ Dossie finds teabags and brings milk from the fridge. ‘Have you met the Sisters yet? Oh, that sounds like Clem.’

There are voices in the garden and shouts of greeting from Jakey. Tilly turns almost apprehensively, wondering if Clem will mind her rootling in his cupboard, and sees him standing in the doorway watching them. His wary expression is so utterly that of a young male wondering if his mother has put her foot in it with someone that matters to him that Tilly nearly bursts out laughing. It is clear to Tilly that Dossie is thinking exactly the same; she is looking at her son with amusement.

‘Hi,’ he says. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

‘We thought we might start without you,’ Dossie says. ‘But now you’re here I can get back to Mo and Pa. I’ve booked Wednesday out for Jakey. It is Wednesday, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. Thanks,’ Clem says. ‘He’s having tea with a friend tomorrow, and Sarah’s offered to have him for Tuesday straight from school. If you could do Wednesday it’ll be great. I’m OK Thursday and Friday.’

‘Fine,’ she says. ‘I’ll see him on the way out.’ She smiles at Tilly and passes Clem in the doorway, reaching up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. ‘’Bye, Tilly. Respect the cake.’

‘Oh, I shall,’ Tilly assures her, suddenly wishing that Dossie wasn’t going.

After her initial reaction, her amusement at his wary expression, Tilly is struck now with the difference between the Clem in his jeans, eating fish and chips, and this tall young man in his clerical collar. He looks austere, remote – and she is seized with another attack of shyness.

‘It must be difficult,’ she says at random, ‘trying to juggle your work and Jakey.’

He nods, coming right into the kitchen, putting his small case on a chair. Tilly turns to make tea, deciding to take the initiative, feeling extremely surprised at herself standing here in Clem’s kitchen with mugs and spoons and teabags as if it’s all quite usual.

‘I’m lucky to have Dossie and Mo and Pa so close,’ he says. ‘I couldn’t manage without them. Sarah helps after school sometimes, and so do some of the other mothers, but holidays and Sundays would be impossible.’

He leans with his back to the sink, watching her.

‘Dossie’s made a cake,’ she says, ‘but we wondered if you might have overdosed on tea.’

He grins, and at once the austere, remote Clem vanishes. She beams back at him, suddenly at ease.

‘I’m on a permanent caffeine high,’ he admits, ‘but I’d like a cup of tea. And some cake. Thanks.’

Neither of them remark on the fact that she’s making herself at home and Clem opens a drawer and produces a cake slice and some forks.

‘Does Jakey drink tea?’ she asks.

‘I try to keep him on milk,’ he says, ‘but the Sisters got him into bad ways, I’m afraid.’

She laughs. ‘Sister Emily?’

‘The same,’ he agrees ruefully. ‘Her experience of small boys was limited and he rather got the taste for tea and coffee early on. If we’re lucky he won’t think about it and he’ll just drink his milk. He tends to show off in front of company and he’s developed a huge crush on Harry.’

‘So where do we have tea?’

He opens a door into a big room, which doubles as a sitting-room and dining-room. A rather beautiful old merchant’s chest stands against one of the walls, which have been freshly painted, and there is a sliding door opening into the garden. Tilly puts the cake and some plates on the pretty, drop-leaf table; Clem follows, carrying the mugs of tea and Jakey’s milk on a tray.

‘I’ll call them in,’ he says. He looks slightly embarrassed, as if he is suddenly aware of his role as host, and Tilly realizes just how much she likes him.

‘Go on, then,’ she says, ‘and I’ll cut the cake. Harry will be starving. He always is.’

Alone, Tilly stares around the room. She wonders if it is Dossie who has tried to introduce the feminine touches: an Indian cotton throw draped across the sofa; the bowl of dwarf daffodils on the bookshelf. A plush, striped rabbit, with long ears and legs, reclines on a cushion in the corner of an armchair and some toy racing cars are ranged on the low square glass-topped table beside it. Tilly feels as if she is spying, as if she has some unfair advantage, and then the others come into the hall and she turns quickly to cut the cake.

*   *   *

When Tilly and Harry leave, Clem feels oddly flat.

‘I like Harry,’ says Jakey.

He climbs into the armchair, picks up Stripey Bunny and lolls against the cushion. He looks suddenly weary. After tea the four of them walked down to the beach where Jakey and Harry played a very long and energetic game of football.

‘I have to say,’ Clem murmured to Tilly, watching them, ‘that, if I could afford a nanny, this time round I’d have a bloke. It’s exhausting, keeping up with a seven-year-old.’

He’d spoken briefly of those early years in London, after Madeleine had died, and how he’d given up his training for the priesthood and gone back to his former job in IT so as to earn enough money to pay for a nanny for Jakey and build up a reserve so when the opportunity arose he could sell the flat and take his chance to get out.

‘It looks like it’s paying off,’ Tilly said, not looking at him, but watching Jakey and Harry racing together on the beach.

He wanted to say to her that he could see that a relationship with a priest must be fraught with difficulties – that when he was chaplain at the retreat house it would be a rather different scene – but he didn’t know where to start.

‘I hope so,’ he said at last. ‘I shall be priested in June and then I shall go back to the Lodge, to Chi-Meur, and take my chance on how it works out as their chaplain.’

‘It sounds as if it might be … well, very challenging. In a good way,’ Tilly added quickly.

‘And more privacy,’ he pointed out. He wanted her to see that; it was important that she realized that it wouldn’t be such a goldfish-bowl environment.

Now, he looks at Jakey.

‘Bedtime,’ he says, with that sinking feeling that he’s got a fight on his hands.

Jakey clutches Stripey Bunny tighter. ‘I want to watch
Kung Fu Panda,
’ he says. ‘No,
Madagascar.
Harry’s seen lions
and
giraffes
and
hippopotamuses in the wild.’

He drops Stripey Bunny and scrambles to find the DVD, and Clem watches helplessly, wondering how Tilly would fit into this scene, knowing that it will take a very long period of adjustment, assuming she’s prepared to try it. And why should she? She’s such a gorgeous girl; she must be besieged on all sides by young, single males. Jakey flourishes the DVD.

‘Please, Daddy. Just some of it. Pleeeeze.’

He’d like to say: ‘What do you think of Tilly? Do you like her?’ but he knows that Tilly hasn’t really registered on Jakey’s radar.

‘OK.’ He is too tired, too dispirited, to argue. ‘Fifteen minutes, but then that’s it and I don’t want any arguing, Jakes. OK? Promise?’

Jakey nods solemnly. He can see that Daddy’s just a little bit on edge and that it wouldn’t be a good idea to push his luck. He puts the DVD in, and presses buttons, fetches Stripey Bunny and they sit on the sofa to watch
Madagascar
companionably together.

‘Harry’s uncle has a dog called Bear,’ he tells Clem. He leans against him, resisting the temptation to put his thumb in; he’s a big boy now. ‘He says we can go and see him. He’s absolutely huge. Nearly as big as a bear. His grandfather has a dog as well called Bessie. I want to see them.’

Clem thinks about this. It might be a good idea to see Tilly on her own patch; maybe it would give her confidence. Perhaps he might have more of a chance with her … His spirits rise a little.

‘OK,’ he says, putting his arm round Jakey. ‘We’ll do that.’

‘Cool,’ says Jakey contentedly.

*   *   *

‘Please don’t go away, Hal,’ Tilly pleads with Harry as they drive home. ‘I think I might just have a faint chance if you stay. Jakey utterly adores you.’

‘He’s a great kid,’ says Harry. ‘Don’t be such a coward, Tills.’

‘But I am a coward,’ she cries. ‘It’s a huge thing. They’ve had seven years together, just the two of them. How on earth can I bust in on that?’

‘You don’t bust in on it. You take it very slowly so that Jakey gradually becomes used to you and then realizes that he likes having you around. He spends quite a lot of time with Clem’s family, by the sound of it, so you’ll have plenty of chances to be on your own with Clem. Stop panicking. You really like him, don’t you? Clem, I mean. Surely it’s worth a try?’

‘I do like him,’ she answers. ‘I really do, but this is really freaking me out.’

‘Well, the next step is to get them over here. Jakey wants to see Bear and Bessie. We’ll make a plan with Billa and Ed.’

Tilly looks sideways at him, marvelling that one so young can have such a calming effect. She wonders if Dom was like this at twenty-one.