Possessions (29 page)

Leslie and Bruce had joined forces to fill a box with Dungeons & Dragons books for Todd and Jennifer. Todd lay on
his stomach and plunged into them. “This is for you,” Jennifer said and watched as Katherine opened a large box and sat in stunned silence. “For New Year's Eve,” the card said. “Compliments of Heath's, Leslie and Bruce. Have a ball.”

“Oh,” Jennifer sighed in a long breath as Katherine held up the dress—a billowing white taffeta skirt and a black lace top, the collar a high lace ruffle, the sleeves ending in lace ruffles two inches long. “More parties,” Jennifer said, but she could not resist the dress. “It's so beautiful! Will you save it, so I can wear it someday?”

“Of course,” Katherine said. “But you'll have your own wonderful dresses by then.” She held the dress and imagined herself wearing it, dancing in it. Folding it carefully in its box, she thought, New Year's Eve. With Derek.

She caught herself. A new year. Promises and resolutions. Without Craig.

“We'd better go!” she cried, springing to her feet. “The whole family is going to be there and Victoria does not like people to be late to her parties!”

They hurried. Jennifer and Todd were thinking of a stack of presents, but Katherine, with thoughts of a new year, was reflecting that she had lied to her children. How could anything ever be the same again? If Craig came home tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day, how could they pick up their lives and behave as if they were the same people? They couldn't; of course they couldn't. She'd lied, to herself as well as Jennifer and Todd.

She felt a moment of panic.
We've gone too far.
They couldn't find their way back; they would all have to begin again. Her stomach was churning as it had when everything was coming to a close in Vancouver; all this time she'd thought they could pick up the pieces of that other life and put them together again, but now that had come to a close, too. She could only go forward. It felt, Katherine thought, as if she were lost again, looking for guideposts and a helping hand.

But on the bus she told herself it wasn't the same. She was learning to find her own guideposts. And for a helping hand—if she wanted, she had more than one waiting for her. At a family Christmas dinner at Victoria's.

Victoria answered the door, wearing a full-length gown of silver-blue Italian silk velvet, and greeting Katherine with an
embrace so warm that everyone was reminded of her carefully correct one only six months earlier. Coming up behind her, Derek took Katherine's hand with a familiarity both exciting and disconcerting. Todd and Jennifer were gone in an instant, taken by Carrie and Jon to see their new Lionel train, set up in the study, leaving Katherine, as before, to face the rest of the family.

There were greetings and kisses. “Oh, my, oh, my,” said Tobias, kissing her on both cheeks. “‘lovely lady, garmented in light from her own beauty.' Shelley, my dear, and you are a poet's dream. May I bring you champagne?”

But Derek was ahead of him. He brought Katherine a brimming glass and a plate of oysters and celeriac. “Are you occupied with Tobias or can we finish a conversation we began the other night?”

“Derek,” said Tobias gravely. “I am overcome by your subtlety. But I am leaving; I must search for a book.”

“The tiniest bit rude,” Katherine said lightly. “Or do I exaggerate?” She saw Ross watching her with a frown. But Derek's hand was on her arm.

“Only a trifle. Shall we finish that conversation?”

Melanie was standing by herself, near the piano. When Katherine looked at her, their eyes met.

“Derek,” Victoria said, coming up to them. “Will you help Tobias search the library? He seems to have lost Dickens.”

“Dickens?” Katherine repeated. Derek shrugged, briefly tightened his hand on her arm, and left.

“A family custom we are reviving tonight,” said Victoria. “When Craig and Jennifer and Ross and Derek were growing up, we would begin Christmas Eve in the afternoon, reading Dickens'
Christmas Carol—
is something wrong, Katherine?”

“No.”
I shouldn't be surprised. His roots are in this family.
“Craig always read that to Jennifer and Todd at Christmas.”

“So he didn't entirely forget us.” After a moment, Victoria beckoned to Ross. “Craig kept up our Christmas readings.”

“Did he act out the parts?” Ross asked Katherine.

“All of them. He was very good.”

“So is Tobias,” said Ross.

“Tobias is memorable,” Victoria said. “He'll read it after dinner, for anyone who wishes to listen. If you would like . . .”

“Perhaps I will.”

Victoria nodded and moved away. Ross was searching Katherine's face. “You look wonderful,” he said. “I'm glad you're doing so well.” He put out his open hand, as if asking forgiveness.

Melanie appeared at his side. “Claude is looking for you,” she told Ross. He hesitated, then apologized to Katherine, and left. Melanie and Katherine faced each other. This time, there was no bright flare; this time Katherine could hold her own. And Melanie did not look well. Beneath heavy makeup her face was drawn and her eyes heavy, and her full-length orange dress looked garish beside Katherine's black one. But she smiled so gaily that Katherine found herself smiling back. “How you look,” Melanie murmured. “Amazing. I might not have recognized you.” Katherine had to strain to hear her voice. “Is it the fog? Or sexual variety? I understand either one improves the complexion, though in your case so much is improved you must be having a great deal of variety.”

Katherine's smile disappeared. Her head felt constricted.
What have they been saying about me, among themselves?
Across the room, a movement caught her eye. Victoria had raised her hand to her hair, and as Katherine looked her way, she winked. Katherine was dumbfounded. Serene and regal in her tapestried palace, Victoria winked. Katherine's head cleared; she smiled gratefully and turned back to Melanie. “I had help from generous friends,” she said pleasantly. “Instead of ambushes from insecure women.”

“Why you little bitch.” Melanie's smile became rigid. “If you think you can talk that way just because Derek has been squiring you around, keeping tabs on you so he'll know where your husband is—”

“What?”

“Oh, come. Come now. You can't think he's been seeing you for your charm and wit. Derek? Who can have any woman he wants? I know Derek so well—if you didn't have a wandering husband who needs careful handling if he wanders back, Derek would have trouble remembering your name.”

Katherine drained her glass of champagne. “Perhaps Derek takes me out because I provide relief from relatives who know him so well. Excuse me,” she added icily and crossed the room to refill her glass.

“What did you do to Melanie?” Derek asked. He took Katherine's arm with a possessiveness that ran along her skin like warm fingers. She saw Melanie watching, and Ross, too, and pulled away. “And what are you afraid of?” he added.

“Not knowing the truth. Derek, why do you—?” She stopped. This was not the time to ask him. “Where are the children? Have they been banished?”

“I'm afraid not. Victoria and Tobias plan to turn them loose on that Everest of gifts beneath the tree. Shall we find a quiet corner away from flying Erector sets?”

“I'd rather stay; I enjoy watching them.”

“Criticized and judged,” he murmured. “We wouldn't have stayed away long in any case. I want to watch you open your presents.”

She looked alarmed. “Why? Derek, we didn't bring anything elaborate.”

“Then we shall send you home,” he said lightly. “I like what you've done with your scarf.”

She had draped it around her neck, the fringed ends hanging down her back, altering the look of the black cashmere dress. “I'm glad,” she said. “I was afraid black would be too somber. No one else is wearing it.”

“No one else looks like you. What did you say to Melanie?”

“It isn't important.”

“If I ask about it, it is important.”

“Then I'd better practice my answers. Thank you, Tobias,” she said as Tobias appeared behind her and kissed her cheek.

“Meaning, you thank me for my kiss?” asked Tobias. “Or for diverting you so that you need not answer Derek?”

“You, at least,” said Derek, “are never at a loss. How dull that must be, Tobias. Katherine, we sit together at dinner. I'll see you then.” He went off and Katherine saw him silhouetted against the window with Melanie.

She closed her eyes briefly. In half an hour, the family had entangled her in its web. “I've been talking to Ross,” said Tobias. “‘We boil at different degrees.'”

“Who does?” Katherine asked.

“Ralph Waldo Emerson, since he wrote it, but I meant that if I were as angry as I think Ross is, I would boil over. But Ross controls himself. Now what, we ask, is Ross angry about?”

“I don't think it's my business.”

“It is, however, mine, as I am the family biographer. Have you heard rumors of an impending divorce?”

Katherine remembered what Victoria had said. “No,” she answered.

“How badly you lie, Katherine.” Tobias sighed. “Did you know that William Congreve wrote, ‘Tho marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools'?”

She laughed. “No. But he's probably right. Sometimes.”

“More often than not. I am across the table from you at dinner. Will we be able to talk?”

“Why wouldn't we?”

“Derek might monopolize you. Well, well, look at that; he came after all.”

Katherine followed his gaze. Jason and Ann were coming in from the vestibule and close behind them a tall, handsome man, lean and darkly tanned, an older, silver-haired Ross and Derek, who ignored everyone to come directly to Katherine. “Curt Hayward,” he introduced himself. “My son has told me about you. So have others.” Holding her hands, he stood back to look at her. “Lovely. You have brought consternation and pleasure to this family. I understand Craig sends you money but keeps his whereabouts a secret.”

He resembled Derek more than Ross: sleek and polished, aloof, smoothly charming.

“He is in Canada,” Katherine said.

“A large country. Ah, here is Jason. We'll talk later, Katherine. I want you to know how pleased I am, for both of you, that Derek had the inestimable good sense to step in where he perceived a vacuum. Jason, a merry Christmas to you.”

Shocked, Katherine raised a hand to call him back, but Ann was hugging her, telling her how glad she was to see her. Katherine barely heard her.
He thinks Derek and I are sleeping together. Do they all think that?

Jason and Curt shook hands; brothers who barely resembled each other. In a whisper, Ann confided, “They've seen each other only three times in fifteen years. They never were close, you know. Brothers, of course, but not friends. That was their father's fault: Hugh always preferred Curt. Jason never forgave him for that. Fathers shoudln't favor older sons, don't you agree? It leaves scars that never heal.”

Involuntarily, Katherine looked from Ross to Derek just as Victoria, standing beside the tree, clapped her hands. “We shall distribute the gifts. Polk, please bring in the children.” She looked doubtfully at the vast array of packages. “Derek, will you organize them? Tobias and Ross will help. I shall watch.”

The next hour was a flurry of wrapping paper, ribbons and shouts of glee. The gifts for the children ranged from books and clothing to Erector sets and skis and, for Jennifer and Todd, a present that struck them momentarily dumb: a complete home computer with a video screen, disc drives for recording, games and school programs, and its own printer. Jennifer read the card aloud. “From Derek.”

“It's too much,” Katherine said to him. “We can't accept . . .” Her voice trailed away. If he had told her in advance, she would have refused it, but now, as Todd and Jennifer looked at her with faces like two bright suns, she could not take it away.

“Mom!” They scrambled to their feet and rushed to her. “Come look at it! We can play games and do math and write papers for school and do puzzles—”

“How about a thank you?” Katherine said.

“Yeh, but who to? The card says Derek. Who's Derek?”

“Why, sweetheart,” Melanie said in tender amazement. “You mean you haven't met your mother's very good friend Derek? He's standing right next to you.”

Katherine's face was hot. “You met last June. When we were here the first time.”

Todd looked up at Derek. “You're who Mom goes out with at night? And you bought us the computer?”

Derek held out his hand. “How do you do? Yes, I bought it.”

“Maybe we shouldn't take it,” said Jennifer reluctantly. “It's an awful big present from somebody who doesn't even come in the house when he takes Mother out.”

“Jennifer!” Katherine exclaimed.

“Well said.” Derek smiled faintly. “I shall come inside, most properly, from now on. With your permission.”

“Don't ask me!” Jennifer protested. “I don't have anything to do with it!”

“Maybe you could help us with the computer,” Todd said. “Learn how to program it and stuff.”

“No.” Derek's face was expressionless and for the first time it occurred to Katherine that she had never heard him laugh. “But if you have trouble with the instruction book, I'll give you the name of someone in my company who can help.”

Rebuffed, Todd stepped back. Then his face lit up. “Bruce! He runs the whole computer at Heath's! I'll ask him!”

“Todd,” Katherine said.

“Oh. Yeh. Thanks a lot. We really—thanks a lot.”

“Thank you,” Jennifer said politely. “If you'd like to use it sometime, please do.”