Possess (The Syndicate: Crime and Passion Book 1) (12 page)

M
axim

M
y arms tightened
around her instinctively, my body rejecting the idea of her leaving before my mind had fully processed it.

“No,” I finally said, squeezing her even tighter.

Both of those things were impossible. Senna couldn’t be pregnant. Senna couldn’t leave me.

But Senna, my precious little flower, shook her head. “Yes, Maxim. I am. I am pregnant. And I am leaving,” she said, looking up at me with determined eyes.

Neither should have surprised me.

I had fucked her every chance I could, my attempt to make up for the decade I hadn’t touched her, knowing I could never make up for lost time, knowing I would never have enough of her. Yet not once, not a single time had the thought of what could happen entered my mind.

Senna was pregnant, carrying my child inside her. My lungs collapsed with my exhaled breath, the sheer joy of that realization squeezing the air out of my lungs. Before, I knew I would have thought of this as a complication, something to be attended to, cleaned up, and I might still, but in this moment, I felt joy I had never thought possible, felt a lightness at the thought Senna and I had created another life.

“You’re pregnant,” I said.

She nodded.

“But you’re not leaving,” I said, certain about that if nothing else. Senna’s place was by my side. There were no other options.

As I spoke, I pulled her closer to me, noticing when she laid her body against mine, her full, soft breasts pressed against my chest, her fingers clutching at my biceps.

Her eyes told me that she was determined, but her body told a different story, one where Senna was as addicted to me as I was to her, where nothing mattered, not the Syndicate, her past, the dangers I, and by extension she, faced.

Where the only thing that mattered was this, us together. I released my hold on her but then touched her, filling my hands with her full breasts and then dropping them and lowering her pants. I wanted her naked, wanted to touch every inch of her skin, but there was no time for that slow exploration.

Near manic with the need to touch her, I ran my hand up her soft thigh and stopped at her center, smiling down at her when I found the wetness there. Her eyes had softened the way they did when I touched her, bright with pleasure but still loose, happy. But there was a sternness in her expression, one I chose to ignore. Because we had this. She couldn’t deny it, and she couldn’t leave.

As I stroked my fingers along her wet slit, Senna reached for my belt and opened my pants, her hand trembling with her need. The first touch of her soft hand against my cock made me even harder, and when she pulled me out, stroked her hand up and down my length, I couldn’t wait to be inside her for another moment.

I removed my hand from between her legs and then quickly walked her back to the bed and pushed her down. Her breasts jiggled when she bounced against the bed, the sight momentarily distracting me. But only momentarily. My throbbing cock was needy, seeking, so I grabbed her legs and spread them wide, placing one on either of my shoulders.

The sweet, musky scent of her soaking pussy filled my senses, and I looked down between her legs, wanting to see the proof of her desire, see the truth of her feelings for me.

“You can’t go, Senna,” I said, voice tight with need as I pressed my cock against her opening.

“Yes, Maxim. I have to,” she replied, her voice also tight, with both need and steely determination.

“No,” I said, breaching her, her slick pussy opening to accept my solid-steel length.

The delicious friction of her silky walls against my skin squeezing me tight was better than it had been even the first time. When I’d taken her then, I’d been driven by passion, by a decade of unexpressed desire, but I hadn’t known then what I felt for her.

Hadn’t known that I loved her.

But I knew now, and that awareness made this physical coming together that much better. That she wanted to leave made it that much more urgent.

She couldn’t, couldn’t make me live my life without this, without her.

I thrust until my pubic bone hit hers, both of us crying out when my cock filled her completely.

“I’m leaving, Maxim,” she said.

“No,” I replied, and then as I began to thrust, I reached between our bodies and strummed her clit, stroking and squeezing the hard nub between my fingers.

“I’m leavin—Ahh…” Her sentence trailed off in a deep moan when I pushed my thumb into her ass.

“No,” I said. “You’re mine, Senna.”

I pulled out and then thrust hard, my cock filling her pussy, my thumb filling her ass. In and out I moved, hard, fast, and with the urgent need to show her that neither of us could live without this.

She couldn’t.

I wouldn’t let her.

“No,” I said again, this time the word low, a whisper that felt as if it had been ripped out of my throat.

I anchored my hands on her hips and then thrust harder, her entire body shaking with the force, her pussy creaming until her juices coated the inside of her thighs.

Her walls tightened around my shaft and then began to flutter as she came, and when I looked to her, I saw the tight pleasure on her face, a face that I had studied and learned and loved. As I looked down at the body I craved, treasured, I came, shooting my cum deep inside her.

I stayed inside her, unwilling to break the connection between us. After a few moments, Senna opened her eyes and met mine, and the expression I saw there froze me.

The feeling that came over me was one I hadn’t felt in as long as I could remember. When I looked at her, I saw her resolve and felt my vulnerability. I pulled out of her and rebuckled my pants, watched as she did the same.

This moment was the one I had so desperately wanted to avoid. This moment was the reason I had sworn to never love anyone, to never care. Because when Senna looked at me, I knew she was about to break my heart.

And I knew I was powerless to stop her.

“I’m leaving, Maxim,” she said.

I swallowed my automatic denial, and instead took a different approach.

“Why do you insist on these games?” I asked, making my voice as icy as I could. “You know I wouldn’t tolerate this from anyone else. My patience is not limitless, little flower.”

Where most would have heard the menace in my voice, reacted to it, Senna simply smiled. “You’ve always been very charitable toward me, Maxim. I hope that continues.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I said, anger threatening to get the best of me.

“You really don’t understand?” she said.

“No, Senna. I don’t.”

She looked heartbroken, something that only made me more angry. “Maybe you will one day.”

“You’re not leaving,” I said flatly, sick of this conversation.

She shook her head. “I am,” she said sadly.

“You think I would let you leave me? Let you take my…baby,” I said.

She looked even sadder but wise. “You can barely say the word, Maxim. And I don’t know if you’ll let me, but I hope you will. You can tell yourself it was your idea. Say it long enough, and you’ll believe it. I know that.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I yelled, having lost my battle with my rage.

“I tried the same thing. I told myself you could love me, told myself we could build a life, a family. Told myself that this world, your world, was one I could live in. Told myself that for so long I believed it. But I was a fool. I didn’t listen when you told me it wasn’t possible. I’m listening now, Maxim,” she said. “There’s no room for me, for us, here. So I’m leaving.”

“I’m just supposed to let you go? Pretend?” I said, my rage, the hurt, blinding me.

“We’ve been pretending for ten years, Maxim. This won’t be any different,” she said.

No different? She thought it would be no different, that I could go from having her in my life, my bed, to nothing, and I could move on like nothing happened? That I could live without her and our baby?

I glimpsed her, saw her rigid stance, the way she held her shoulders bunched tight, her face a serene but steely mask of resolve.

She did believe that. Believed it one hundred percent.

“How will you survive without me? Gonna find someone else and hope they are as charitable? You going to let him fuck you for your room and board like you did me?” I asked, my voice taking on a nasty edge that was more a reflection of the anger at my increasing panic at the thought of her going.

Senna didn’t flinch, but I could see her disappointment in me, though it wasn’t a fraction of the disappointment I felt with myself. She pursed her lips and then began to speak.

“I won’t survive without you, Maxim, not at first. But I’ll figure it out,” she said.

“And how will you eat while you ‘figure it out’?” I asked.

“I have the things you’ve given me. If you let me keep them, I’ll sell them. That should give me a start and enough to take care of myself for a while after the baby comes. Then I’ll figure something out,” she said.

“And what if I don’t let you keep them?” I asked, knowing that such a ploy wouldn’t work but desperate to try anything. I’d never take her things from her, and even if I did, she’d find a way to care for herself. Still, I wasn’t beyond suggesting otherwise, especially if doing so gave me a chance, no matter how small, to make her stay.

She smiled tightly. “I’ll figure something out.”

I looked at her again with a sudden realization. She meant it. She was going. I’d thought of this day before over the years, knew that I would be broken without her, but it had been abstract then, a horror that I wouldn’t allow to come to pass.

But it was coming to pass now.

Senna was leaving me.

Her distant expression, her certain voice, the crushing reality that I couldn’t change her mind and didn’t have the capacity to make her stay made it impossible for me to remain in this room.

So I left without saying another word.

T
hree Months
Later

S
enna

I
turned
the corner and walked down the street, my eye on the small house I was determined to make a home. My arms were laden with the purchases I’d made during my shopping trip, and I was completely exhausted, but my heart still sped when I looked at the house.

It wasn’t fancy or new, but I loved it all the same. I’d spent more than two weeks in a hotel after I’d left Maxim, kept an anxious eye on my funds, but I’d refused to settle on just any place. I’d seen over twenty houses, but none had felt quite right. When I had first approached this house, I had been unimpressed, and had almost passed on the chance to walk through it, tired after a long day of house hunting. I’d pushed on, though, and as I had roamed through the house, I had become more and more excited.

There was nothing about the place that should have drawn me in as it did, but it felt right, felt like the place I wanted to raise my child. I hadn’t regretted the choice for a single second. I hadn’t fully settled in, but I knew I was in the right place.

I narrowed my gaze on the porch, letting myself smile but then quickly suppressing the expression as I began to ascend the stairs. After a quick glance at my visitor, I set my packages on the porch and then reached for the key and unlocked and opened the door.

I moved to reach for the small box that sat on the porch, but Adrian stepped in front of me and snatched it up.

“I got it,” he said as he grabbed the box, a baby monitor that I had found on sale, and took it inside the house.

When he’d shown up on my doorstep two days ago, I hadn’t even blinked. I hadn’t seen him, or any of the others that I knew watched, but I’d always known they were there and figured it was a matter of time until Adrian made his appearance.

After Adrian put the box in the second bedroom that I was setting up as a nursery, he came to stand in front of me, not looking at me directly.

“I got the paperwork,” I said. “Maybe after the baby comes, I’ll go to school or get a job.”

He nodded. “The name’s clean. You won’t have any trouble with it.”

“Thank you, Adrian,” I said.

He nodded and then stood for a moment longer. More than anything, I wanted to ask the question that burned on the tip of my tongue, but I held back, not sure if I could accept the answer.

I hadn’t seen Maxim since the day I’d told him I was going to leave, but even still, I hadn’t believed he would let me go, not so easily. But he had, had made no attempt to stop me. Though I’d immediately noticed that some of his men followed me, I didn’t know if Maxim had sent them. It was just as likely that Sergei or Adrian had.

That question had plagued me, and I’d wondered if he was keeping his distance, looking out for me from afar, or maybe he had simply moved on, had begun to pretend as I had suggested.

Adrian cleared his throat, and I realized I had been standing there, stuck in my thoughts about Maxim. I desperately wanted to ask, but I wouldn’t put Adrian in that position. Besides, Adrian being here was a good thing. The loneliness got to me, especially at night, so I was happy to have someone to talk to, someone who knew me, understood me, even if it wasn’t the person I wanted most.

“Take care, Senna,” Adrian said, lifting his hand to barely touch my shoulder before he pulled it away and left.

I watched as he turned, walked down the block and then turned the corner, soon out of sight. The sadness that had relented for the few moments Adrian had been there came back full force, and I had to keep myself from running after him, telling him to take me back home, back to Maxim.

No, I couldn’t do that. I laid a hand on my stomach, felt the tiny flutter, and my resolve increased. My baby deserved more,
I
deserved more than Maxim could or was willing to give. We deserved to be more than possessions. We deserved his love, and I wouldn’t settle for anything else.

Being without him was hard, near impossible, and I’d miss him forever. I also hadn’t decided what I would tell the baby about him when the time came.

But I would build us this new life, and I would do it without him, no matter how much it hurt.

M
axim

“
M
axim
, are you sure about this?” Sergei said.

I clenched my teeth and then nodded tightly. “Yes,” I said. “You’ve been looking for a way to move up in the Syndicate, and this is it. If you don’t want the opportunity, I’m happy to give it to someone else.”

Sergei frowned, but then nodded. “I’ll do it.”

“Good. I’ll make the arrangements,” I said.

Sergei stood, waiting, and after several minutes I looked up at him again. “Was there some other business?”

He met my eyes, held them for a moment before he spoke.

“When are you going to drop this charade and bring Senna home?”

I stood slowly, keeping my motions smooth, easy, though I had almost instantly seen red, the anger deep, instant at his mention of her name.

“I should cut your heart out for even mentioning her,” I said through clenched teeth, unable to suppress the quick surge of anger.

“Like you cut out your own?” Sergei said.

I reached for him, in that moment having decided that Sergei was as good an outlet as any for the frustration that was long past the boiling point.

He made no effort to get out of my way, and instead just watched me, showing a maturity and calm I hadn’t seen in him before. It was enough to calm me, if only for the moment.

“Don’t speak of her again,” I said, every mention of Senna, every thought of her, making the pain of her absence burn anew.

“Can’t promise that, boss. You told me to stick to what I believe and deal with the consequences. I’m sticking with this. You need to end this, Maxim,” he said.

“Senna is none of your business. Neither am I,” I said, pissed off beyond belief that he even dared mentioned Senna but proud of him for speaking up, despite how angry he knew doing so would make me.

“Nope. Senna happens to be a friend of mine, so she is my business. And everyone is walking on eggshells, afraid you’re going to flay them for the slightest infraction. Not having Senna around has ruined your always-lovely disposition. You’re fucking up, Maxim.”

I started to reach for him again but I dropped my hands. What he said wasn’t completely untrue, and though I tried my hardest to keep my emotions in check, each day grew a little bit longer, my sadness at her absence got a little bit worse, and my patience got a little shorter.

“There’s another reason I’m saying this,” he said.

“What would that be?” I said.

“I’m worried about you. We’re friends, Maxim. You know, friends?” he said, lifting his face in a smile.

“No. I don’t,” I said, knowing that this type of meddling had played no part in friendship as I understood it.

Sergei seemed to disagree. “Bullshit. You know exactly what I mean, and whether you want to admit that we’re friends or not, the fact is you need to bring Senna home,” he said.

“And then what?” I asked, speaking the thought that had been at the top of my mind before I could stop it.

Sergei looked at me, his expression as serious as I could ever remember seeing it. He shrugged. “I don’t know. You just go on like usual, I guess, but she’d be back where she’s supposed to be.”

I felt the frown tugging down at my face, and Sergei narrowed his gaze on me.

“You disagree?” he said.

“I think you make it sound so simple,” I replied.

“I’m the dumb one, so maybe you can explain the complexity I’m overlooking,” he said.

Though he’d just professed his own stupidity, I still saw the keen intelligence in Sergei’s eyes just as I always had. I also saw what he was doing, giving me an opportunity to explain my thoughts under the facade of me lecturing him, which allowed us to have this discussion while avoiding anything that might look like a heart-to-heart.

“What you’re overlooking is Senna is a liability,” I said.

He nodded his agreement. “Yeah, but she always has been. That didn’t stop you before.”

“It should have,” I replied.

“It didn’t,” he said without pause. “So why the change?”

I turned away and then looked at Sergei again, unsure of what to do. I’d already said too much, but taking this further… Still, I
wanted
to talk to someone, needed to know that I hadn’t been completely wrong, because the feeling that I had, got stronger each day.

“Sergei,” I said, meeting his eye, holding it until I was sure he understood how serious this was, “not a word of this to anyone. If even a single syllable of this conversation gets out, I’ll—”

“I know, Maxim,” he said, cutting me off with an impatient wave. “You’ll cut me to pieces and feed my body to ferrets. Got that part. Keep going.”

I glared at him, but then shook my head. “She’s pregnant,” I said.

For a second his eyes went bright and he smiled. “Congratulations!” he exclaimed, but his smile dropped quickly. “She needs to be back here now.”

“She disagrees,” I said.

“She doesn’t get a vote in this matter,” he said vehemently, his expression telling me he couldn’t believe I was allowing this situation.

I couldn’t believe it myself, but this was where we were, Senna and my unborn child away from me. Because of her need for something I couldn’t give.

“Senna has never been my prisoner, Sergei, despite how it may have seemed,” I said.

“I know. You love her too much for that,” he said as though it was the clearest, most transparent thing in the world.

It was.

I hadn’t accepted it before, but hearing Sergei speak the words I had thought countless times solidified them, made them real.

“I do,” I said. “Love her too much to force her to stay somewhere she doesn’t want to be.”

Sergei frowned, shook his head.

“What?” I asked.

“I thought I understood you, but I gotta say, I never saw this coming. You fucking bulldoze over anyone and anything, Maxim. Of all the times for you to go soft, think about shit like feelings and what someone else wants, you choose now, when the woman you love, your baby for God’s sake, are at stake,” he said.

“That’s precisely the issue,” I said.

“Okay, still not getting it. Can you spell that out for me?”

“You’re right. I do bulldoze over anyone and anything, don’t give a fuck about doing it either. I don’t want to do that with her, but I don’t know how
not
to.”

I met his eyes again, trying to convey to him how screwed up I was. I had no idea how to have the kind of relationship Senna wanted, the kind she deserved, so letting her leave had seemed like the right choice. Now I questioned that decision, and Sergei’s expression told me he agreed.

“You and she can work it out. You’ve done it before. I don’t see why that can’t continue,” he said.

He watched me, his expression serious as I stayed silent. “Just think about it, Maxim.”

Then he turned and left.

Reconsidering my previous stance, I started to go after Sergei, but stopped, weariness making the effort seem like far too much. Instead, I went to the empty bedroom, one I hadn’t slept in since the day she’d left, and retrieved the box I had tucked into the top drawer.

After I opened the box, I looked down at its contents. I’d only opened it before when I had something to add, but now, I simply needed to see the items inside.

Eight flowers made of the finest jewels and metals.

I remembered each one, the year I had given it to her, the place I had bought it. She’d gotten rid of all but the first and last, and I hoped that meant something.

As much as I hadn’t wanted her to sell any of them, as much as her doing so, her not being here, hurt, I was proud of her too. I’d always known she was strong. She was finding her way without me.

The next afternoon there was a knock at the door and I looked up as Adrian entered.

“She’s fine,” he said when he came to a stop in front of me.

I nodded, knowing that was what he’d say but still relieved to hear it anyway. He would have come sooner if there was a problem, but I appreciated his updates.

In the hours after Senna had left, when I’d still been in the middle of wallowing in my anger and disbelief, Adrian had put a team on her, one that had followed her ever since. I never asked about her or demanded reports, but Adrian always checked in, told me just enough so I knew she was safe.

He turned to leave but I stopped him. “Adrian.”

When he stood still and again faced me, I paused, considering. Pride should have kept me quiet, but I needed an answer, so I asked the question.

“Can you tell? About the baby, I mean?”

I had stumbled over the words, stuttered, given away my emotions, something I hated, but something I couldn’t avoid.

Adrian looked at me, almost glaring. Then he finally said, “You should go see for yourself.”

Then he left me there, alone save my longing for her and the need to know about my child.