Pose (Club Kitten Dancers Book 2)
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Authors: Sophie Stern
Sophie Stern
Copyright © 2016 by Sophie Stern
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Contents
For my readers
May you find someone who makes your heart dance
Kasey
I’m standing in the courthouse watching my best friend exchange vows with her one true love, and all I can think is that I’m jealous as hell.
I want someone.
Anyone.
I want someone to think I’m worth marrying, worth fighting for, worth loving. Don’t get me wrong: I’m happy as fuck for Bailey and Cooper, but sometimes…
Sometimes I wish it was my turn.
Bailey deserves every happiness in the world. She deserves some joy. I’m happy for her. Really, I am. She and Cooper have been through hell together, what with dealing with her insane mother and crazy ex-boyfriend and all. Not to mention his deployment. That ordeal lasted a full six months, but they made it.
Most people thought they were crazy for trying. A lot of people thought there was no chance in hell the two of them would survive six months apart with such a new relationship, but Bailey and Cooper proved them wrong.
He’s back, and they’re getting married, and their world is perfect.
But mine isn’t.
The bride and groom kiss, then turn to me and James, the groom’s best friend, for hugs. We share this awkward, bumbling group hug. It’s totally weird, but it’s Bailey’s wedding day. We can all be weird for Bailey on her big day. That’s what friends are for, right?
“You look beautiful,” I murmur.
“Thanks, Kasey,” Bailey says. She’s got tears in her eyes as she squeezes me once more. “I just wanted today to be perfect. I wanted to look perfect. I think I pulled it off.”
“Of course you did. You look marvelous,” James says, looking at Bailey with appreciation.
“Hey, back off, buddy,” Cooper punches James playfully. “You might be my best friend, but that’s my honey.”
“I know, I know.” James flashes Bailey a grin. “You know you’re all he talked about on deployment, right? Constantly. He talked about you constantly.”
“It wasn’t
all
the time,” Cooper protests.
“It was all the time.”
“Really?” Bailey squeaks. Cooper nods and Bailey throws herself into his arms. They start making out like crazy and the courthouse personnel look very uncomfortable all of a sudden.
I respect that she and Cooper didn’t want a big wedding. They didn’t want anything too crazy. The two of them just wanted to celebrate their love in a simple, special way. Bailey and her mom don’t really talk anymore. I don’t even think she invited her to the wedding, so no one felt guilty about having a small celebration.
When it’s my turn to get married, I’ll probably do the same thing.
Only, maybe I’ll get married on the beach.
Or under the stars.
Or in a quaint, countryside church.
It’s not like I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it or anything. The truth is that I don’t think anyone will be fighting to marry me. I don’t think I’m really the marrying type. Even if I was, I don’t know who in their right mind would want me.
I’m pretty damaged.
But this isn’t the time to think about things like that. This is the time to think about my very best friend and her special day. This is the time to think about how happy Bailey and Cooper are going to be. This is the time to wonder whether they’re going to tear off each others’ clothes right now because they’re
still
making out.
Finally, the judge starts clearing his throat and his secretary’s blush covers her face so brightly she looks sunburned. Cooper and Bailey pull apart long enough to thank them. Neither one of them looks embarrassed. Then we head out of the room.
“Reception at Spaghetti Sal’s?” I ask once we’re all in the lobby of the courthouse. It’s the best Italian restaurant in town and it’s Bailey’s favorite, but she shakes her head.
“Actually, um, I think Coop and I are going to get out of here,” she blushes.
“Nice,” James slaps Cooper on the back, but he just rolls his eyes.
“Hey, it’s our wedding day,” Cooper gives Bailey a big, sloppy, super-romantic kiss. “Can you blame us for wanting to get to the hotel?”
“Not at all. Have fun, you two.” I kiss Bailey on the cheek.
“You sure you don’t mind?” She whispers, making sure I’m okay. This is why I love Bailey: she’s a doll. Even though she’s been through a lot to get to her happy ending, she really cares about other people.
“Of course! It’s your wedding night. You two deserve to be alone. Go! And make sure you tell me all the details tomorrow.”
Bailey giggles and takes Cooper’s hand. The two of them are laughing as they head out the double doors of the courthouse. I watch them disappear from my sight, then I turn back to James.
“Dinner?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. I don’t even hesitate before I nod. It’s only 4:45, but I’m starving. Besides, I could use a stiff drink.
Or five.
Or a bottle of wine.
“Do you want to go to Spaghetti Sal’s?” I ask him hopefully.
James laughs and I’m caught off guard by how sexy he looks when he laughs. He’s got short dark hair that’s cropped close to his head. He’s in the military, but he doesn’t look intimidating the way I imagine airmen to look. He’s muscular, but he’s not huge. He’s not really big, at least not when it comes to muscles. He’s still pretty damn tall, and that’s saying something because I’m not petite.
I might be slender, but that’s because I spend all my free time running around at work or dancing at Club Kitten. I’m still tall for a woman, and James is taller than me. I’d guess he’s close to six feet. I’m 5’8” and I still have to look up to him.
It’s kind of nice.
He makes me feel tiny, but in a good way.
He doesn’t fit the picture of what I think a military guy should look like. Judging from Army commercials and Marine movies, he should be twice the size he is now. I like that he’s fit, but not enormous. He’s no giant.
He’s not going to hurt me.
Bailey mentioned James had been in the hospital for a few months and only recently got out. I wonder if that has anything to do with his appearance. Maybe he lost some muscle mass when he was in the hospital. I’m not sure. Either way, I like the way he looks. He’s hot, but approachable. If I saw him working out in the gym, I wouldn’t freak out and run away.
“Yeah,” he says, pacing his hand on my lower back. “Let’s go get some spaghetti. I’ll drive.” James and I only recently met, so I don’t know him very well. I like the way he treats me with a careful attention, though. The move to touch my back might be casual, but coming from him it feels intentional. He’s letting me know he’s in control. He’s letting me know that he’s got this, and I love that.
A girl could get used to this kind of care.
We head outside to his car and climb in. I buckle up and he goes around to the driver’s side. I notice he walks with a bit of a limp, but he still seems able to get around okay. Old war injury, maybe? James is probably close to Cooper’s age: mid-20s, maybe. He seems too young to be damaged, but he’s an airman.
Things happen, right?
I don’t know the ins and outs of what actually happens during a deployment. I know some things. I know there’s a lot of death and lot of fighting and a lot of boring work. I know there’s stress beyond comprehension and I know being in the desert changes you.
Did it change James?
He starts the car and pulls out of the courthouse parking lot. I peer at him as he begins to drive. What was he like before he left? Something tells me he used to smile a lot more than he does now. James is a freaking gorgeous specimen of humanity. There’s no doubt about that.
But he’s wounded in some way. It’s obvious from his tight expression, from the way his brow furrows, from the tense muscles in his face. Even when he’s relaxed, even during the wedding, he seems wary, on guard.
Maybe he’ll tell me about it over dinner.
My thoughts shift to Bailey. Bailey. My sweet roommate is now married and enjoying wedded bliss with her new husband. By now, Cooper and Bailey are probably halfway to their hotel. I wonder if they’re actually going to make it there before they start fooling around. Part of me doubts it. They were apart for six months, after all. I know they’ve been catching up, but something tells me they’re going to be spending most of their impending free time together.
“So, what kind of work do you do?” I ask James casually. There’s a chance he won’t be able to tell me anything at all, depending on whether or not his work is classified. I know that there’s a lot Cooper can’t tell Bailey. When he was deployed, they talked pretty frequently, but he could never tell her where he was, what he was working on, or who he was working with. Everything was really hush-hush.
James tenses at my question, but then he relaxes. Maybe he won’t tell me.
“Actually, I’m on medical leave right now,” he says after a long moment of silence.
“What’s that?”
“It means I’m not working because I’m injured. Soon I’ll be medically discharged from the military, so I won’t have a job at all anymore.” There’s that tightness in his face again. This isn’t something he would have chosen for himself. He doesn’t want to get out.
Why would a perfectly perfect specimen of manliness like James be medically discharged?
What could possibly be so wrong they wouldn’t want him around?
“What the hell?” I ask, suddenly mad for him. He was overseas for six months! They’re just going to boot him? What could he have possibly done to get the shaft like that? “Why? Why would you be medically discharged? You look pretty damn fine to me,” I blush at my outburst and at the fact that I basically admitted I think James is super hot.
“Because,” he doesn’t seem to notice my admission of desire, and soon I found out why. James has darker things on his mind. “I lost my leg.”
***
At the restaurant, we sit in awkward silence and order our drinks, then the waitress leaves so we can choose our meals.
I stare at the menu, but I’m really thinking about how stupid I feel. Of course he lost his leg. That’s why he limps around. That’s why Bailey has made all these comments about his self-esteem. That’s why he’s being discharged.
Fuck.
How must that feel? If James is anything like Cooper, the military is his entire life. He’s not going to want to just give that up. How could he? Worst of all, the choice is being taken from him. He doesn’t get to decide if he reenlists or not. He doesn’t get to choose whether or not he continues working.
That choice has been stolen.
I barely know James at all and I’m pissed for him. I feel like he’s been robbed of his future and robbed of his time and robbed of his fucking body. This isn’t fair. Bad things are supposed to happen to bad people: not people like James.
“Kasey? Are you okay?” James’ voice draws me back to the present and I manage to nod, but he’s not buying it. “If you have any questions, sweetie, you can just ask.”
“What are you talking about?” I blush, feeling bad I was basically spacing out on our sort-of date. It’s a date, really. It has to be. It feels like one. Maybe we just met, but this is definitely a date. He didn’t have to come to dinner with me. He could have made up some excuse and gone home, but James said he wanted to come out with me.
We’re two young, attractive people at a great restaurant having dinner.
Maybe it’s not a date.
My lifelong insecurities start washing over me. Maybe he just felt bad that I wanted to go eat, but no one would come with me. Maybe he felt sorry for me. We sort of just fell into hanging out. This wasn’t planned, not like a proper date. If Cooper and Bailey had come along, it definitely
wouldn’t
have been a date, but they aren’t here, are they?
“My leg,” James smiles kindly. “If you have any questions, you can ask me.”
“What makes you think I have any questions about your leg?” I shrink back in my seat, suddenly completely embarrassed.
I have about a million and nine questions about his leg.
Did it hurt? That’s a stupid one. Of course it fucking hurt.
How did it happen? I wonder if he was on a mission. Was there an IED? Was he attacked? Was it friendly fire? What? Was he saving a baby from a burning building? What caused this hot, sexy airman to lose something so important to him?
Most importantly, I want to ask him if he’s okay.
I don’t mean physically.
Of course he’s not okay physically. He’s not bleeding out or anything, but his life is very different now without his leg. He has to think about everything he does. Fuck. I bet he doesn’t even get to run anymore.
“You haven’t said a single word since I told you I lost it.”
“You drove the car,” I blurt out, suddenly thinking of the most pressing question possible. I don’t know why, but at this moment, I just have to know. “How did you drive the car when you don’t have a leg?”
“First of all,” he says, his voice decidedly lower than mine was a minute ago. “I have a prosthesis. Do you know what that is?”
