Polar Reaction (16 page)

They massaged one another, matching strokes, sighing their mutual pleasure. After several minutes, Jamie leaned his face close to Brendan’s ear. “I want to taste you.”

“Jamie.” Brendan bit his lip, his eyes closed, his cheeks tinting. Jamie found himself moved by the older man’s shyness but obvious desire. He let go of Brendan’s cock and twisted himself on the bed until he was upside down, his mouth poised at Brendan’s groin, his own cock near Brendan’s face.

He licked a ring around the crown before taking the hard, hot shaft between his lips. Brendan moaned his approval. Jamie licked his way down until his nose met the soft down of Brendan’s pubic hair.

“Whatever you’re doing, it’s fucking amazing.” Brendan groaned, pressing his face against Jamie’s stomach, so far ignoring his erect cock. Jamie focused on pleasing Brendan, on drawing those sexy moans from his lips. He milked the shaft with his throat muscles until Brendan was panting, his hips swiveling.

Jamie pulled back from Brendan’s cock long enough to say, “Take me in your mouth.” It wasn’t a request. He needed to feel Brendan’s tongue and lips on his cock. Brendan obeyed, licking tentatively over the head and then taking the shaft partway into his mouth. He gripped the base of the shaft and drew his hand up to meet his lips.

“Yes, yes. That’s it.” Jamie lowered himself again, taking Brendan’s length as he went. Brendan kept his lips around Jamie’s cock. Jamie began to thrust. Brendan gagged but held on, which turned Jamie on. While he felt completely submissive with Tuck, something about the novice Brendan brought out a certain dominance in him.

Reaching down, he grabbed Brendan’s head, holding him in position as he guided his shaft deeper into Brendan’s mouth. At the same time, he kept Brendan’s cock deep in his throat, pulling back only long enough to catch a breath before impaling himself once again.

Spasms shuddered through Brendan’s body. Jamie could feel them in his own body, as if the two of them were directly connected by some kind of erotic kinetic force. When Brendan began to ejaculate, Jamie’s body followed his lead. He held Brendan’s head, not permitting him to pull back while he thrust and spurt into his captive mouth.

Only when he was completely spent did he release Brendan’s head, allowing him to fall back against the mattress. He, too, released Brendan’s cock and scooted back around so they were again face-to-face.

A trickle of semen glistened at the corner of Brendan’s mouth. Jamie leaned forward and licked it away.

Brendan’s eyes were pure gray in the suffused light of the room. “Whoa.” Brendan shook his head.

“Whoa?”

“Yeah. As in, whoa, that was amazing.”

Jamie smiled. “I wasn’t too rough? Making you swallow?”

“That was pretty intense. I’m not used to being out of control like that. Maybe it’s what I need, though.”

“Yeah. I understand.” He did understand, completely. Brendan, even more so than himself, was used to controlling every aspect of his world. He liked to break things down in a lab, solve riddles, answer questions and then write it all up in neat, comprehensive reports.

Sex wasn’t like that. It could be messy, even dangerous. There was a risk when you put yourself out there. He’d taken a risk coming to Brendan. Brendan had taken a risk in accepting him.

All at once Jamie understood he’d done the right thing by coming alone. If Tuck had come it would have been about him, about him and Brendan. Jamie would have been on the sidelines, no matter how much the other two tried to include him.

He recognized he hadn’t ridden all this way just to confront Brendan and force him to own up to his behavior. He’d come for himself. To prove something to himself. Because what he’d just shared with Brendan had nothing to do with Tuck.

Yes, Tuck was still there, hovering in each of their hearts, but by meeting Brendan alone, by confronting him on his own terms, Jamie had learned something important. He wasn’t just Tuck’s consolation prize, or someone Brendan had tolerated during the blizzard in order to be near the true object of his desire.

No, in coming here alone Jamie had proven to himself he was part of the three, as important in their romantic triangle as either of the other two. The realization gave him a new sense of power and release. Jealousy no longer had a place in his heart.

He reached for Brendan, drawing him into a tight embrace. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thanks for letting me in on my own terms. Thanks for taking the chance.”

“Thanks for giving me the chance.”

Chapter Seventeen

“Hey, Tuck, what brings you to the fourth floor? Trying to steal my latest breakthrough?” Paul Holmes, who ran the lab where Jamie conducted most of his research, slapped Tuck on the back with a guffaw. He and Tuck engaged in a good-natured rivalry between labs, though Tuck suspected Paul took the competition for publishable results far more seriously than he did, and that his glib bonhomie was less than sincere.

Though he’d told Jamie he wouldn’t be home until late Monday evening, in fact he had left very early that morning, hoping to surprise Jamie in the lab and take him to lunch. He’d missed him to distraction over the seemingly endless weekend. He’d almost left the night before, and would have except for various family events he felt obligated to attend.

“I was here to see Jamie Hunter. Is he around?”

Paul assumed a mock scowl. “Don’t tell me he’s the mole who’s been leaking our State secrets to the enemy.” Tuck offered a thin smile and took a step forward into the large lab, hoping to find Jamie himself. Paul moved forward, partially blocking his way. “Actually Jamie is out sick today.”

Tuck frowned. He’d talked to Jamie the night before and he hadn’t mentioned feeling ill. Poor kid—he was probably languishing at home right now.

Paul was watching him, a quizzical expression on his face. As far as Tuck knew, no one at work was aware of their relationship and he’d just as soon keep it that way. He kept his voice noncommittal. “That’s too bad. I hope he’s better soon. No big deal, I’ll email him. Thanks.”

He himself had a vacation day and no desire to stop in at his own lab. He took the stairs, pulling out his cell phone as he went. So much for surprising Jamie at work. He’d surprise him in his sickbed instead and minister to him with hot chicken soup and a long, lingering blow job to distract him from whatever ailed him.

When he got to Jamie’s place, he used his key and entered the small but bright living room. In case Jamie was sleeping, he didn’t call out a greeting. Eager to see him, he stepped over the sill of the bedroom but instead of a sleeping Jamie, he saw the bed was neatly made, with no evidence of Jamie anywhere.

There was no one in the bathroom either. He walked through the small house, ending in the kitchen, which was empty and clean, not even a cup in the sink from morning coffee. Where was Jamie?

A sudden unwelcome thought slithered its way into his consciousness. Was Jamie with another man? Had he pretended to have work at his lab on Saturday in order to sneak off with some other guy the minute Tuck wasn’t around?

Tuck shook his head. That was ridiculous and he knew it. Jamie had never given him the slightest reason to doubt his fidelity. They’d spent nearly all their spare time together, so when would he even have a chance to find someone new?

Shit, if anyone had been coveting someone else, it was him, mooning over Brendan and not even trying to hide it from Jamie. Jamie had been endlessly gracious and patient with him over that, and here he was, suspecting his lover the instant he couldn’t track him down.

I’ll just call him
. What’s the big deal? Maybe he decided to take a mental health day. Run some errands. Nothing wrong with that.
He’s not required to report his every move to me.

He flipped open his phone. It rang five times before going to voice mail. Tuck started to leave a message but decided he didn’t want Jamie to feel he was checking up on him. They’d see each other soon enough.

~ * ~

“Just give me a few minutes alone with him, okay? Then he’s all yours.” Jamie put his hand on Brendan’s thigh and squeezed. “You’re doing the right thing, I promise. The right thing for all three of us. I’m proud of you.”

Brendan smiled back uncertainly. “Let’s just hope Tuck is on the same page.”

“If he isn’t, it’ll be up to you to put him there.”

Jamie climbed out of Brendan’s car. They were parked in the parking lot of Tuck’s apartment building, Jamie’s motorcycle safely stowed in the U-Haul they’d rented for the purpose. They had left early that morning and driven straight through, stopping only to use the bathroom, stretch their legs and grab a sandwich for the road.

Jamie had called Tuck around seven thirty that evening to see when Tuck would be returning to Monterey. When Tuck told him he’d come home early and had wondered where Jamie was, Jamie had almost told him. Instead he said only, “I’ll be home by nine. I’ll tell you everything then.”

“Are you okay, Jamie?” The warmth and concern in Tuck’s voice nearly melted Jamie on the spot, but he’d only answered that he was fine and couldn’t wait to see Tuck.

“Well, I’m at my place right now,” Tuck informed him. “Want me to head over to Carmel?”

Jamie said no. He wanted Tuck to stay where he was. It would be better that way, given what Jamie had planned.
Please God,
don’t let me fuck this up. Don’t let them fuck it up.

Tuck had the door open before Jamie could get out his key. He took Jamie into his arms, not even bothering to close the door. They held each other close.

“I was worried, Jamie.” Tuck spoke softly into Jamie’s hair. “When you weren’t at work and then I didn’t hear from you…”

“I’m sorry, Tuck. I never meant to make you worry. I didn’t realize you’d come home. I—I had somewhere I had to go.”

“It’s okay. As long as you’re okay. As long as
we’re
still okay.” Tuck stepped back to look at him. Jamie saw the question in his dark, brooding eyes.

“Oh, Tuck. We’re definitely okay. We’re better than okay.”

Tuck let out a deep breath. Jamie could feel his relief and felt bad for having made him worry.

Jamie turned to shut the door behind him.

“So are you going to tell me where you were?” Tuck’s voice was light but Jamie sensed the tension still lingering.

“I went to see Brendan.”

Tuck stared at him, a play of emotions washing over his face. Scowling, he demanded, “You what? Without me? Behind my back?”

“Without you, yeah. Behind your back, no. I realized I had to see him alone. It wasn’t something I’d planned out beforehand, but when you left it just came to me it was what I had to do.”

“Okay.” Tuck said the word slowly, clearly still trying to work through just what was going on. He walked toward a chair and sank into it, crossing his arms protectively over his chest.

After hours in the car, Jamie didn’t feel like sitting down. He paced in front of Tuck, determined to say what he had to say. “I love you, Tuck.”

Tuck tilted his head at this apparent non sequitur. “What?”

“I said, I love you. I’ve never said it before. I wanted you to know that in no uncertain terms.”

Tuck frowned. “Sure you have. We say it every day.”

“No we don’t. We say, ‘love you’ when we’re saying goodbye. That’s different.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Jamie waited a beat, expecting, hoping Tuck would say it in return. Instead Tuck demanded, “Is this to do with Brendan? Did something happen I should know about? Don’t fuck with me on this, Jamie. I swear to God.”

Now it was Jamie’s turn to frown. This wasn’t going how he expected. He tried again. “I’m not trying to fuck with you. Yes, something happened you should know about. But not the way you mean. I didn’t go there with the intention of seducing him behind your back, or anything like that.”

Tuck gripped the arms of his chair and leaned forward, speaking earnestly. “I’m just confused, I guess, about why you felt you had to see Brendan without including me. I would have gone with you. Shit, I’m the one who wanted to contact him and you said to let it go.”

“You’re right. This wasn’t a premeditated thing.” Jamie paused, aware of the reproach in Tuck’s words, trying to frame his thoughts. “Listen, what happened between us when we were stranded, it wasn’t just about you and Brendan, or for that matter you and me. Maybe it started out that way, but it became about the three of us.

“That said, it was always you in the middle. You were the driving force, the attraction that held Brendan and me together. I mean, face it. If it had been just Brendan and me stuck there, no way would this have happened. I never could have penetrated his het reserve. I wouldn’t have had the nerve to even try.

“And since we’ve been back, you’ve been the one pining for him. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I mean, you’re the one who couldn’t let him go, who kept your love for him alive in your heart, while I was the supposedly sage one dispensing the wise advice to let him go.”

Tuck started to respond but Jamie cut him off, eager to get it all out there. “I was lying to myself, Tuck. I was lying to you. I hadn’t let him go either. I’d only tried to push him out of my heart because I was afraid of what it might mean for you and me. I was afraid if he came back onto the scene, the dynamic would shift again from us to you and him, with me relegated to the sidelines.” He paused but forced himself to continue. “I guess I wanted you all to myself.”

“So what made you change your mind? Why not just let his memory die a natural death?”

“You being gone. I had time to think. I realized I had to see him, face-to-face. At first I thought I was just going there to give him a piece of my mind. To demand who the fuck he thought he was to just disappear after what we’d shared. But when I got there, when I actually saw him, I realized I was fooling myself. I realized I was as in love with him as you are.”

“You saw him…” Tuck’s voice was wistful and filled with longing.

Jamie’s heart constricted, a lingering fear of what he might be setting himself up for flaring again. He pushed it away, determined to move forward with his plan. If Tuck craved Brendan over him, it was better to know now and cut his losses, however much it hurt.

He drew a deep breath and plunged on. “He’s still in love with you, Tuck. He might be in love with me too. It’s hard to know what he’s really feeling and thinking at this point. But we definitely connected. I got some insight into him, into what makes him tick. He’s been working through some pretty intense stuff about himself and who he is—you know, the kind of stuff most of us figure out in our teens or early twenties. Seems like he’s just now getting to it.”

“So what now? So you connected, that’s great. You say he’s in love with us, both of us. We love him, but he’s a thousand miles away. Where do we go from here?”

Jamie closed his eyes, praying Tuck would be cool with what he was about to say. “He’s here, Tuck. I brought him home with me. He’s waiting to see you.”

Color rose in Tuck’s cheeks and he sat up straight, his hands clenched at his sides. “He’s here? Now? Jamie, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted you to know first that I’d been there. That we’d connected on our own. That Brendan and I love each other, not because of you, or in spite of you, but as a part of what the three of us share. Or what we could share if we made the commitment.”

Tuck was standing, pacing now as nervously as Jamie had been a moment before. “He’s here? Where is he? Is he in the lobby? Don’t tell me you made him wait on the back of your motorcycle.”

“No, we drove down in his car, actually. We towed the motorcycle. He’s down there probably going nuts by now. I didn’t just want to spring him on you, unannounced.”

Tuck looked so nervous it would have been comical if the stakes weren’t so high. Jamie moved toward him and took him into his arms. Tuck stood rather stiffly though at least he didn’t pull away. Jamie kissed him lightly on the lips and dropped his arms, stepping back. “I did this for us, Tuck. Please say you understand.”

He held his breath, part of him wishing he’d never gone to Seattle, though he knew in his heart he would do it again. Finally Tuck spoke. “Jamie. I love you too. Don’t ever doubt it. And thank you. Thanks for doing what I should have done.”

Jamie felt weak with relief. “I knew you’d understand.” He opened his arms and this time Tuck stepped into them, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Jamie disengaged this time, worried now about how Brendan must be feeling alone in the car. “He’s waiting. Let me go get him. It’ll be better that way.”

Tuck looked down at himself, stroked his stubbled cheek and ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, okay. Yeah.” He was wearing a rumpled button-down shirt and a pair of denim shorts, his long, muscular legs bare.

Jamie laughed. “Don’t worry, you look gorgeous. Touch of lipstick maybe, and you’re good to go.”

“Ha ha. Get out of here.”

Jamie left the apartment, his heart tapping with nervous anticipation. Whatever happened next, it would be up to Tuck and Brendan.

Tuck changed from shorts to jeans, mainly for something to do.
It should have been me. I should have been the one to go to him.
And yet he hadn’t. He could claim it was because Jamie had been so convincing that they should let it go, but he’d be lying to himself. Jamie hadn’t even been in the picture the first time Tuck had let Brendan slip away.

After they’d connected that first time during the Blue Glacier Project, he’d sent a few oblique half-hearted emails, hinting at his longing without ever coming out directly and telling Brendan the truth about his feelings.

When he’d had the great good luck of landing the polar research assignment, he’d blown it yet again, and would have lost Brendan for good if it hadn’t been for the blizzard. It had taken Jamie, the youngest in years but perhaps the wisest or at least the most honest of the three, to confront Brendan and, hopefully, bring him back into their circle of love.

There was a soft knock at the door. He moved toward it, wondering why Jamie would bother to knock. His heart was beating too fast, his mind still trying to process the fact he was going to see Brendan in the flesh after two months of dreaming and missing him.

He opened the door and there Brendan stood, his blond, wavy hair flopping forward and curling over his ears, his gray green eyes wide. He was wearing a dark blue T-shirt beneath a khaki jacket, straight-legged black denim jeans hugging his legs and the sexy bulge at his crotch.

Tuck’s heart skipped a beat and then began a strong, steady thrum. He took a deep breath. “Brendan. Hi.”