Pointe of Breaking (21 page)

The papers deemed my last night’s performance as the
Broken Ballerina
. It couldn’t have been truer.
New York Times
threw in the word
Prodigy
with the broken ballerina part, but it was just hype. Nevertheless, Mr. Scott sent us a notice last night that Focal Pointe was adding more shows. More shows? They were already in negotiations with an advertising company to get the word out. I should have been thrilled, but the idea of putting myself through that emotional turmoil over and over again...

My hip popped as I pushed through the fourth embody of an arabesque. Squaring my shoulders, I stared into the mirror to critique my form. My black leg warmers obstructed my view on the exact height of my leg. I stretched my leg back further, bound and determined to see the tip of my pointe above my head.

Upon standing, I traced the smooth wood of the Barre as I stared into the mirror. Black circles lined my eyes. My lips were the softest color of pink. If my skin were any paler, I’d look sick. Thank goodness for ponytails because I could just pull my hair back and not deal with it or its lack of luster. Wearing nothing but a blue sports bra and matching spandex, I couldn’t hide from the truth. I couldn’t keep it up. The emotional and physical drain on my body, visiting hell, day in and out, simply to showcase the worst side of the razor-toothed sentiment of love.

When I looked past my reflection, I saw
him
leaning against the door frame in his usual faded jeans and shirt. I didn’t know how long Leo had been watching me. It didn’t matter. His haunting gaze still gave me pause. Staring into his eyes was like seeing his soul. After weeks of closing my eyes and remembering them, I’d forgotten how powerful his stare was in reality. He looked at me like I was the only person in the world—in his world.

“Adeline, I’m sorr—”

“Sorry? Sorry!” I didn’t bother turning around. My glare was just as potent through the mirror.

I didn’t know if he was more shocked because I raised my voice or that he actually expected me to what? Run to him like I had forgotten about everything? I ground my feet into the floor so I wouldn’t do just that.

He gradually approached me like he was afraid I’d leave if he got too close.
He
was the one that could leave! This was my world.
He
didn’t belong!

He placed his hands on either side of the Barre, on the outside of mine. “I was,” he sighed. “Angry…lost even.”

I snapped my jaw tight and ducked out from under his arms. I strode over to my gym bag and pulled out my phone. After scrolling over to the picture of him and his girlfriend—or not girlfriend, or whatever the hell Sasha was to him—I threw it at him. He glanced down at my screen and muttered Felicia’s name like it was a curse word.

“You must not be angry at her!” I barked.

“Sasha is nothing. She is out of the picture.”

“So why do I have a
fucking picture
of you two on my phone?”

He scrubbed his hands through his messy hair. “Felicia and Sasha came by. Nothing happened. I didn’t even want to see them. I sure as shit didn’t know they were taking pictures.”

Shying from the truth that I’d been reliving our time together every single freaking day I said, “For what it’s worth, you two are meant for each other.”

“We aren’t together!” he yelled, throwing my phone. It broke to pieces on the floor. “Fuck.”

“Thanks a lot.” I fought the urge to pick it up.

Accompanied by someone who could buy a new phone any day, I would not scramble to piece together a two-year-old phone that I’d already taped together once. I would not salvage it, not in front of him.

“I’ll get you a new one.” He rubbed his hand on his neck.

“I don’t need your help,” I snarled, turning my back to him.

“But you’ll take Blake’s?” His voice was poisoned with jealousy.

I stopped dead. All the blood rushed from my face. Had Blake told him? I doubted it, unless he wanted to mess with Leo. The only other person who knew was Ivan. I glanced up at him, wanting to know who’d betrayed me.

He approached me with a calm coolness, yet underneath, his demeanor was fueled by anger. “That’s right. I know. So what? You were sick of fighting and ran back into the arms of—”

“I was going to starve!” I immediately wished I hadn’t said anything.

I didn’t want him to see me weak, hurt, or vulnerable. He didn’t need to know that if it weren’t for Ivan, I would have lived off of sugared coffee. He didn’t need to know about the eviction notice, about the water-damaged floor, about anything. Tears burned my eyes when his gaze dropped to my stomach. He took his sweet ass time looking me up and down. The longer time passed, the softer his expression.

I hated that look.

I didn’t want his pity.

He whispered my name and took a step closer to me. I held up my hand as if to say
back off
because I didn’t trust my voice. I’d distanced myself emotionally, and with each step he took, he closed in on that gap as well.

My lip quivered. “You meant nothing to me.”

The pity in his gaze was over shined by pain. “Liar.”

“Leo, you have no idea what the truth looks like.”

“I know I meant
something
to you. You have to understand, there are things I
can’t
control.”

“Like what?” I snapped. “Common decency? Because I could tell that something was going on when you lost it during our audition!”

“Ivan kissed you! Of course I was going to react!”

I narrowed my eyes. He wasn’t lying—not about being upset that Ivan had made a move on me. But I knew—
knew—
there was more to this. It wasn’t just the kiss that made him lose it. “Did you forget that I’d pushed Ivan away? I didn’t reciprocate that kiss! Ivan just got caught up in the moment! And you… You were the one who ended it because of white collar drama!”

“White collar drama?” he asked with a growl.

“Well, it has to be some privileged problem or Sasha is getting to you, but
I don’t have a clue
because you didn’t tell me!”

“What do you want me to say, Adeline? We’d just met. We
barely
know each other! You expect me to tell you every dirty little secret I’ve ever had? This shit is beyond us!”

“Tell me, Richards, how much time has to pass for a person to truly know another? How much time has to pass before you can look someone in the eye and share those precious secrets with? How much time has to pass…” I couldn’t say it. I bit my tongue to keep the backstabbing word from slipping out.

I hated him.

I hated that I’d ever loved him.

“I don’t know!” he yelled out in frustration. “All I know is that the moment I laid eyes on you, everything in my life fucking changed.”

“Change is a real bitch. Sasha was right. I’m not a part of your world, and I don’t want to be.”

I snatched my bag and stormed out, avoiding my reflection in the mirrors. The lie of me not wanting to be a part of his world was written on my face. I couldn’t put myself through this—not if I wanted to survive him.

Before I exited, he grabbed a handle on my bag, keeping me in the room with him. “I want you to be a part of my life, Adeline. More than anything else…than anyone else.
I need you.
You’re all I think about, all I focus on. I can’t get you out of my head.”

“Which is why you couldn’t be bothered to return any of my calls?” I snapped back, holding onto my anger and ache. To burn for another—damn it! I couldn’t handle another bout of self-destruction. I ached, ached all over, but I refused to let him see anything but my resentment. I was done showing him how he affected me. I owed it to myself to let him go and live my own life. Refocus without him. Just like I did after losing my sister.

He swallowed—hard. “Until I knew what was best, I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I might not stick around for weeks while you debated this?”

“It occurs to me now,” he whispered. His grip tightened on my bag strap like he couldn’t bear to let me slip through his fingers. Then he let go. Through the reflection in his eyes, I could see the torment. He didn’t want to let me go, but he was letting me make that choice. “I’m sorry, Adeline. I’m not perfect.”

“No, you’re not.” I walked away.

“I saw the show last night.”

I froze.

He knew.

“Your dance was about describing love, but I only saw heartbreak. Adeline…” He choked on my name. “I can’t stop hearing the pain you felt when you screamed out. And I knew that was because of
us
.”

Much ink had been spilt in efforts to describe love. Countless sonnets were dedicated to a beloved. Canvases decorated the finest museums; each a testament to express absolute devotion. The very emotion that drives us into each other arms will forever be exemplified in the arts. Yet, when I expressed this impossibly beautiful feeling using my body as a medium, he only saw heartbreak.

“Forgive me,” he whispered, “
Please.
”

A gasp betrayed me. I had wanted,
needed
, to hear those words. They cut through me, but it was the desperation behind them that truly stung like a knife piercing my soul.

I hadn’t objected to his request. I couldn’t move. I didn’t dare move forward. Of everything in my life, I knew that Leo Richards would be my biggest regret. If I walked away now…if I walked away from him…

“
Please, forgive me
,” he uttered again, walking up behind me.

His words caressed me as his hand slipped over mine. When I didn’t object to his ghostly touch, he grazed the small of my back. His fingers traced the bare curves of my waist. I could almost make myself believe I was imagining it. He stepped so close I could feel his breath on my neck.
He moved so that my back was pressed against his chest. My legs refused to run, to take me away from him. And when I stayed, he pried the bag out of my hands and silently pleaded for me to listen to him. Hear him...

…
forgive him.

Every single muscle of mine was rigid. I couldn’t survive another tease, a taste of what he made me feel and then not get
everything
. I wanted everything. I deserved everything. To live without it all was torture. It was better if I never knew his touch.

“It’s too late.”

“Adeline.” He whispered my name like it was an admission of love…and the biggest secret he had to tell me. “You mean something to me...everything to me. Let me prove it to you.”

My composure was slipping. I was shaking when he dropped the bag by my feet. My lip trembled. My legs wavered. When I looked up into the mirror, I caught my breath. He stole it. The heartbreak in his gaze was unbearable. The affirmation of his apology was compounded by the look in his eyes.

I reached for the mirror and traced the curvature of his face. It was cold under my fingertips, but it would be the closest I could go to him now. I’d made my choice.

And I chose wrong.

“We can’t…even though…” I lost my composure. A single tear trickled down my cheek.

He slipped his hands over my stomach, sending shivers throughout my body. “We can. I want you more than anything else in my life.”

“I promised Blake—”

Upon mentioning his name, he spun me in his arms, stopping me perfectly so that his lips met mine. The determination of his kiss gave me pause. Before I could stop myself, I had rolled up against him.

I pulled away. “I promised Bla—”

He silenced me again. I pushed my hands up against his chest, pulling off his jacket. I traced my fingers over his bulging arms. When it dropped, the realization hit me. If I was going to do this, it would just kill me all over again. My promise to Blake…he’d do anything to ruin me. He was powerful enough to make my life a living hell. The angst encompassing me would be nothing compared to his doing.

“Blake will…”

He pressed my back up against the mirror. The cold shocked the words from my lips. His mouth was on mine before I could warn him of the repercussions for being with a girl forever indebted to Blake. He wouldn’t tolerate this.

Again, I broke away from him. However, he spoke before I could get a word out; his voice radiated with purpose and adoration.

“I’ll kiss you until you’ve forgotten how I’ve hurt you and you’ve forgotten his name,” he vowed and grabbed the sides of my face like he was prepared to never let go.

He refused to pull away, to break contact with me. It was like he thought that if he let go he’d lose me. The longer his lips caressed mine, the weaker my protests became. He was relentless. He clutched my hips, rolling his thumbs just over my waistband. The sensation was undeniably the best thing I’d ever felt. Yet. When my lips became too swollen to kiss, he moved onto my neck, dropping kisses down to my shoulder. Each time his lips pressed against my skin was like an affirmation of his love.