Point of Impact (35 page)

I will go to the office, he decided. He had a desk to clear out, farewells to be said, and there was some paperwork
to be attended to. It was the one place that made him happy and though the happiness it gave him now was phony, he realized, he could not deny it. All right, I’ll go, he thought. Have to anyway, sooner or later. Might as well be now.

Nick drove downtown and parked in the usual lot and went upstairs by the usual elevator. God, it was so familiar. He couldn’t believe he’d never do this again. He walked in, through the foyer and the door marked
GOV’T EMPLOYEES ONLY
and down the corridor. In all the offices people were already busy. Clerks filed or worked at computer terminals, secretaries typed, special agents bustled about importantly. Nick knew the rhythms of the place, knew exactly what the men’s room smelled like, and which of the three people who tended the coffee machine made the best coffee, and when the supervisory agent would be in and how long he took for lunch and what happened when he came in and what happened when he did not, and who was testifying in court that week and who was not. He knew the fastest way out; he knew where the rifles and the M-16’s were stored for SWAT usage; he knew who was designated SWAT team leader on the Reactive Team that week (it was a rotating duty); he knew who was new to the office and who was due to be shuffled soon, and who was producing and who wasn’t and—subtly different—who was thought to be producing but actually wasn’t.

And he loved every damn bit of it.

He entered the big room where the agents sat at their desks. In a police station it would have been called a Squad Room, but here it was simply known as the bull pen. It was surprisingly empty today, because of course Howdy Duty had drawn primarily on New Orleans agents to staff the big stalk in Arkansas. Nick went to his desk, took his key out and opened it.

On a normal day, this was when he’d take off his
pistol and put it in the upper-right drawer. Today he had no pistol.

Instead, he opened the big central drawer. So little to show. A few files from cases he’d vetted for others, a few pencils, a few notepads. That was it. It was so empty.

Ahead of him, tacked on the burlap of the cubicle wall, was a picture of Myra, taken five years ago. It was an extreme close-up and she was smiling in the sunlight. You couldn’t see her disability. She looked like a bright, pretty young woman who had her whole life ahead of her.

On the desk itself was the
Annotated Federal Code
and the huge green
Federal Bureau of Investigation Regulations and Procedures
, plus assorted carbonized forms for reporting incidents, for logging investigative reports, for filing for warrants, and a small pile of pink message slips, which, riffled through quickly, revealed nothing at all worth noting.

“Nick?”

He looked up. It was a guy named Fred Sandford, another special agent. Nick didn’t know him well; he hadn’t made the trip to Arkansas.

“Hi ya, Fred.”

“Hey, just wanted to say, was real sorry to hear how it went down out there for you. I’m sure there was nothing you could do.”

“I just did my best,” he said, “and it didn’t quite pan out.”

“Wanted to tell you, my brother is a police chief in Red River, Idaho. You always were a good detective, Nick. I could give him a call. Maybe he’s looking for someone.”

“Ah, thanks. I’m not sure at this point I’m going to stick with law enforcement. Too much hassle for too little satisfaction and too little money.”

“Sure. Got you. If you change your mind—”

“I appreciate it, Fred, really I do. I’m thinking about going back to school, getting my master’s, and maybe taking up teaching. Something nice and quiet.”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

With that, he was alone again. He took the picture off the wall, retrieved his abortive
LANZMAN
file, hoping that one last scan might reveal a pattern where nothing else had. But it was another big zero. The reason why that poor guy was whacked in that motel room near the airport so horribly all that time ago would remain completely unknown, RamDyne or no RamDyne. Somebody else got away with it. Too bad. You were trying to reach me, and somebody put a big finger on you with about a million bucks worth of electronic gear, and it’s just going to fall through the cracks, like seventy-one percent of the crimes in this country, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

Hap’s secretary, an officious woman named Doris Drabney, came by next. There was no sympathy in her eyes or face, but then there was no sanctimony either. There was simply nothing. “You’ve got some paperwork to sign,” she said.

In spite of himself, Nick was slightly frightened by her.

“You mean about the, um—”

“The suspension, yes. Please stop by my desk on the way out.” And she turned and left.

Nick watched her march off. There was something rigid and jointless in the way she moved. She was one of those people who’d just let the Bureau sink into her life until it filled her whole personality. Until it became her personality. She was a lifer in the worst possible way, so gone in the life no other was even possible.

Well, he thought, that won’t happen to me. God knows what will, but that won’t.

And suddenly he was out of things to do.

He looked down at his meager cardboard box of belongings. Then he looked around for a friend, a colleague, someone to embrace or to give him a look or to signify that he was still loved, or, hell, that he was still
alive
. But everywhere in the office the other agents seemed preoccupied. A kind of hush had fallen over them.

Yeah, sure, I get it, he thought.

He went to find Doris Drabney, sitting stiffly at her desk.

“Yes, yes, you’ve got, let’s see, you’ve got to sign
this
and
this
and … oh, yes,
this.”

Numbly he signed the forms. One had to do with his Government Credit Union account, one had to do with his GEICO insurance policy, which would cease to be in effect thirty days from today, and one required a formal acknowledgment that he was being placed on indefinite leave without pay pending a meeting of the review board in re his case blah blah blah.

“Is that it?”

“That’s it. You’ll be notified of the hearing.”

I’m history, he thought.

“And your last paycheck is being held until you return the pistol.”

“What?”

“Nick, that Smith & Wesson Model 1076 you lost during the incident of the speech. That was government property. Remember, you filed a lost-line-of-duty item report. And it was turned down? I sent the response to you in Arkansas. You’re being billed for the pistol. It’s four hundred fifty-five dollars.”

He just looked at her.

It’s probably an ingot mulched in with Bob Swagger’s bones, he thought. Or somewhere in a soggy swamp, or
in some ocean somewhere, wherever Bob had been before he died.

He turned to leave.

“Oh, and you’re supposed to see Sally Ellion in Records, too.”

Ach! Sally! She was a slight, pretty, very Southern girl with what people all called “personality”; she’d had a hundred boyfriends in her time, and was always dumping one for another and then the new one. He’d always liked her somehow, even if she scared him a little bit. What on earth could she want now?

“What for?”

“I haven’t the slightest.”

So, it came down to this last thing. He went to find the young woman, who of course was on break, and had to wait for half an hour feeling stupid and preposterous until she came back from the cafeteria. At last she hove into sight, beaming pep, with a small roll in her shoulders as she walked. She’d probably had a date every night in her life, Nick thought; her Saturday nights were one long festival. She probably dated quarterbacks and shortstops. Looking at her, he sank a bit deeper into his depression.

“Hi, uh, Sally, uh, someone said—”

“Nick, hi! Did I keep you waiting? Gosh, I’m sorry. Those fingerprint techs; they just wouldn’t let me get out of the cafeteria.”

Great. He’d been hung up here like a fish on a line, Howard’s newest trophy, for the office to admire, while those lazy clowns were trying to make time with Sal.

“Well, anyway,” she went on. “I have this thing for you. It just came in today. Where have you been? I called out to Arkansas yesterday and they said you’d gone, but you didn’t check in last night.”

“Uh, I sort of awarded myself a night off. You know, a little R and R, for a job well done.”

“Shhhhh,” she said. “Don’t say that out loud. Someone might hear you and not realize you were joking.”

“I’m beyond hurt at this point. Anyway, what’s up, I really have to—”

“Well, it’s only partially official. I wanted to say something to you. I just wanted to tell you how much I admired what you did with your wife. How you stuck with her. I think that’s neat. Not many men would have done such a thing.”

“Oh,” said Nick, taken aback. “Oh, well, it seemed like the kind of thing you sort of had to do, that’s all. You know, I don’t like to quit on things. I like to stick with them. That’s all. Stubborn. Stupid, but stubborn, just like a mule.”

She laughed.

“Well,” she said, “that’s neat. Not many like that. Lots of people just quit on you.”

“Ummm,” Nick grunted, having run into a conversational brick wall and splatted against it. “Yeah. Ummm.”

“Anyhow,”
she said, after a minute when it became obvious first of all that she wanted him to say something like, “Gee, why don’t we go out for lunch or a drink sometime?” and second of all that he didn’t begin to possess the vocabulary for such a thing, “
anyhow
, I thought you might want to know, it came.”

Her eyes were bright and sweet. She was so pretty. It angered him that she should be so pretty on the last day of his career and she was just prattling on about things he didn’t understand.

Nick blinked.

“Huh?”

“You know. Don’t you remember the last time I talked to you?”

He couldn’t begin to put it together again in his head.

“You wanted that file from Washington, but they wouldn’t send it because you weren’t cleared.”

He remembered asking her about it in the hallway at some point or other.

“Yeah?”

“Well,
I
put you in for the clearance.”

“You
put me in?” he asked, incredulously. “But that needs a supervisor’s signature and, uh, I mean—”

“Oh, Mr. Utey signed it. He wasn’t sure what it was, and anyway he was so busy I don’t think he cared and you were his right-hand man and everything.”

It suddenly occurred to him with a stupendous flash that Sally Ellion was so busy being the office’s favorite girl that she hadn’t caught on quite yet to the fact that he’d gotten the sack.

She smiled again.

“And you got it. The clearance.”

“Uh huh,” he said, not quite sure where this was going.

“And so they just authorized a printout. I just got it from the printing room.”

She handed him a thick sheaf of computer-printed paper.

It was marked
TOP SECRET/SENIOR SUPERVISORY PERSONNEL ONLY
.

Nick looked at it.

It was the RamDyne file.

Shreck, alone in his office now, was surprised how little elation he felt. It reminded him of the way it was when he came off a hill in Korea in 1953, when he was seventeen years old. Not relief, not guilt, just simple numbness. He knew it was classic postcombat stress syndrome; depletion, emotional and physical, and as you recharged you went into a kind of torpid state.

But it had only happened to him that one time in Korea, because he was so new to it. In all his other operations, as they wound into the triumph or bitterness but always survival, he’d felt incredibly lightened, charged, made whole again. This fucker Swagger had really gotten under his skin; a tough
guy, a dangerous guy, just the sort of guy who could bring it all down.

When the phone call finally came, it was something of an anticlimax. Dobbler had managed to meet the Bureau contact without difficulty and was handed the actual forensic lab report, complete with X rays. From then on, Dobbler just babbled to Shreck, couldn’t control himself, spoke too plainly, dithered and yammered too much. But the gist got through. The X rays checked. Everything was fine. Bob was dead. It was over.

Shreck felt some lightening of feeling, but not much. He was not a man of many pleasures; only duty and mission were pleasures. But this really was his finest triumph. He thought maybe he’d go shoot sporting clays this weekend. Maybe he’d buy a new car. But mainly he wanted to—

The secure phone rang.

He looked at it for a long second, before picking it up.

“Shreck.”

It was Hugh Meachum.

“Colonel, we have a problem.”

LANCER CLEARANCE NECESSARY

IF YOU ARE NOT LANCER CLEARED, IMMEDIATELY RETURN THIS FILE TO ITS JACKET, SECURE IT, AND RETURN IT TO ITS POINT OF ORIGIN. YOU MUST NOTIFY THE LANCER COMMITTEE IF YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED THIS FILE IN AN UNAUTHORIZED METHOD
.

Nick looked at it dumbly. In his years in the Bureau he’d bumped into a few strange commands, but he’d never hit this one before. He blinked, but the warning would not go away; there it was, big as life, all caps, booming out at him. He felt extremely guilty. Practically from birth, Nick had obeyed rules, signs, orders,
directions, speed limits, legal technicalities, everything. Yet at the same time the illicit thrill of what he was about to do was giddy and sweet, even if it brought his breath from his lungs and made his head ache where he’d smashed it against the truck door.

He sat in his basement. It was well past nine, and after waiting all afternoon he’d at last come down the stairs, turned on the overhead light and settled into an old lawn chair. The air smelled of moisture and wood and oil. The bare bulb wobbled slightly. There was no other sound.

Lancer, he thought, taking one more deep breath.

Lancer? He knew that in their many years of uneasy operational coexistence, the Bureau and the Agency had many times bumbled into each other. And sometimes, under strict control (at least in theory) the Agency would do something that was technically in violation of the law; thus the Lancer Committee had to be that elite group in high Bureau quarters that was kept informed of these transgressions and made certain that no Bureau operatives moved forward aggressively to apprehend the perpetrator, thereby blowing an Agency scam or endangering Agency personnel.