Pocket Kings (17 page)

Frank Dixon:

Sorry, I wasn't able to find the list you need. I don't know if there is such a list. Clint is in the Lake District in England for a month and when he comes back I'll ask him.

By the way, I read
Plague Boy
when it came out. One day I was reading it on the train and this weird guy walked up to me and told me that
he
had written it! I looked for the author photo to verify but there wasn't a photo so I guess he was just some creep.

Oh well. Just thought I'd let you know that.
J

Courtney Jane Bellkamp

Th
e Reno Brothers Literary Agency

Bubbly Brit Bird:
haven't seen you around for a while, luv.

Pest Control:
lost the internet here for a while.

Bubbly Brit Bird:
for 6 days?

Pest Control:
y. for 6 days.

Bubbly Brit Bird:
and you're telling me the truth, philly? promise?

Pest Control:
i promise, georgy-girl. i missed you.

Bubbly Brit Bird:
too bad you couldn't call.

Pest Control:
my wife looks at the bills. don't know how i'd explain a call to england.

Bubbly Brit Bird:
i know. but it would be so sweet to hear your voice, that's all.

Pest Control:
if you heard it right now you might not think that.

Bubbly Brit Bird:
oh, of course I would!

Frank:

Hey you! Good news/bad news/good news.

Th
e good news is that
——
is still in. His agent
really
wants him to star in
Plague Boy.
Th
e bad news is that even if
——
is in,
——
is now 100% definitely out. He just committed to the sequel of his last picture.

However, there's a chance now that
——
might want to costar. His agent read the script and really loved it. He told me that
——
and
——
have tried for years to get together on a project and this just might be it. Also, Pacer Burton and
——
are friends, so that's good.

I'm in New York Sept. 5–Sept. 9. We'll set something up!

Barbara

Chip Zero:
Are you sure you don't want to fold, Swede?

Bjorn 2 Win:
Why? Should I?

Chip Zero:
Well, let's put it this way. I have 2 Kings and 2 Queens right now. One of the Kings is a club as is one of the Queens. I own this hand so much that I'm holding the deed for it right this very second.

Bjorn 2 Win:
I don't believe you would still use the same tired tactic.

Wolverine Mommy folds. Mrs. Foldin' Caulfield folds. Bjorn 2 Win raises $100. Chip Zero raises $100. Bjorn 2 Win calls.

Chip Zero:
I don't get it. Do you
like
losing money to me?

Th
e turn card is an Ace of Clubs.

Chip Zero:
Okay, so now look at what I got. Ace-high club flush. Why do this to yourself? I know you slaughter horses . . . but why slaughter your own bank account? Why make luncheon meat of what little that remains of your self-esteem?

Bjorn 2 Win:
Maybe I have a full house, Aces full of Kings.

Chip Zero:
Yeah, and maybe I'm Greta effin Garbo.

Bjorn 2 Win raises $200. Chip Zero raises $200. Bjorn 2 Win calls.

Th
e river card is a King of hearts. Bjorn 2 Win raises $200. Chip Zero raises $400. Bjorn 2 Win calls. Bjorn 2 Win shows 3 Aces. Chip Zero shows a Full House, Kings full of Queens. Chip Zero wins $2,800.

Bjorn 2 Win has left the table.

yo, frankie!

long time no see. wanna go out and get a few burgers and beers just like the old days, boooooooy? we could hit a few of our old stomping grounds if they're still around.

bad news: i'm getting divorced. very sad. vanessa and i tried but couldn't make it work. i feel terrible for the kids. when we go out I'll hit you with all the gory details.

lonnie

ps: does harry ever come to nyc? if so, maybe the 3 of us could get together and relive the glory days that never were. and then, what larks!

lonnie b.

Frank

Guess what? I found some tony downtown publishing house just gullible enough to hire me. So I'm back in business! I was thisclose to working at the Wok & Roll in the local mall. Sadly, there will be no more daily golf for me. I shall miss it. I was quite hooked!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Toby Kwimper

TriHo Books, Inc.

Toby:

Every time I see the word “tony” I can't help but think of the posh well-to-do golf-playing, tennis-playing swell Tony Newport in
Love: A Horror Story.
How come not 1 single solitary reviewer ever pointed out that clever pun? What, they didn't get it? And how come not 1 single reviewer mentioned that the name of the coffee bar in
Plague Boy
was Max Perkins and that there was once a very famous editor named Max Perkins? And back to­
Love
again: Why did not 1 reviewer mention that the names of the two movie body doubles in the book were Bill Wilson and Golyadkin? Were they not familiar with Poe's doppelganger story William Wilson and Dostoyevsky's doppelganger story
Th
e Double, whose main character is named Golyadkin?! Nope. See, Toby, if you're a “good” writer, an “important” writer, if you're “postmodern,” if you're “self-conscious” and “post-ironic,” then critics appreciate your witty wordplay and cutesy literary references; if you're not 1 of the lucky, the blessed, the darlings, the privileged, the cream of the crop, the proud, the few, the chosen, the elite, the anointed, the sanctified, the A-list, then they find them stupid if they find them at all. Critics! 20 years of schoolin' and you're still writing book reports. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all and let God sort 'em out is what I say.

Good luck at your new job. Knew you'd land on your feet.

Frank

Plague Boy

by Frank W. Dixon

Amazon.com Sales Rank:
#710,949 in Books

Yesterday:
#674,283 in Books

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

Not a Book 4 Kids!

Reviewer: Justin J. (Waco, Texas, USA)

I can't believe this book! I thought I waz getting a book about my favarite detectives from Bayport but this was about a man in New York who spreads dezeases. I finished it but it wasn't good and there were a lot of dirty parts. Kids shoudn't be reading this type of stuff!

History Babe:
I'm on top of you now, moving up and down on your enormous shaft.

King of Kings of Hearts:
Ohhhhhh you feel so good. So good. Keep doing it.

History Babe:
I bend down to kiss you, put my tongue all the way down your mouth, you suck on it and suck on it, and I play with my clit while I slide up and down your cock.