Pledged (40 page)

A month later, the chapter resurrected itself as Zeta Delta Xi, “an independent, co-ed fraternity founded on principles of equality.” Since then, the Zetes have continued to refer to their female members as brothers—as Paul said, “leaving no question about the full and legitimate membership of women members.” Zete is now an open-minded house under the guise of a fraternity. Like any other fraternity, during my visit the brothers played beer pong, a popular fraternity drinking game during which a team tries to bounce Ping-Pong balls across a table into the other team’s full cups of beer—a quick way for brothers to get drunk from beer tasting like sweaty Ping-Pong balls. (The brothers were careful to play at an off-campus location, given that drinking games are prohibited at Brown houses.) The brothers who surrounded us, however, were a mix of races, genders, and clothing styles. A Zete in a wheelchair explained, “This was a fraternity that would accept me as a person.”

“It just felt different here,” Faye said. Although her mother was in Alpha Epsilon Phi, Faye said she never considered rushing a sorority because it would be “unnatural” to isolate herself in an all-woman house when the rest of society isn’t that way. “I couldn’t stand to live only with women. I think I’d go nuts,” she said. “Zete is a very accepting, not exclusive house—there aren’t cliques. Zete women are liberated and aren’t afraid to be themselves.”

When I asked Faye if she believed she had missed out on a sorority experience, she said she found something better than a sorority sisterhood: she found a pressure-free place to belong. “I definitely feel like I belong to something. That’s new for me because I felt like I didn’t belong for so long. And it doesn’t put pressure on me to live with the girl-group power kind of thing,” she said. “I don’t need a sisterhood because I have a brotherhood, a peoplehood, a siblinghood. I have a supportive, gender-nonspecific family.”

Going “local,” as the Zetes did, is a popular alternative for women seeking a sisterhood outside of the twenty-six national sororities. At schools across the country, dozens of local single-sex sororities wear Greek letters and gather, hold meetings, and live in off-campus houses. The members of the local sororities with whom I spoke were just as involved in and enamored of their sisterhood as the national members were. “Being in a local is better because there are no national dues and we can pledge girls whenever we want,” said a local sister at a New Hampshire university. A local sister at a Pennsylvania school explained that she preferred a sorority that did not have to follow Nationals’ rules—a double-edged sword that lets the local girls evade, say, dress codes, but also leaves them unsupervised during events that may involve hazing. “In a local you don’t have to answer to national reps. It makes us unique,” she said. Locals, she said, escape the way people try to apply stereotypes of one campus’s national sorority to every chapter, even though the chapters vary by campus. “We’re more independent. It’s more intimate.”

Melody Twilley’s sorority at the University of Alabama is also a local. Given the intolerance she experienced within the Greek system, I wondered why she would want to model her organization after the white sororities on her campus—and, for that matter, why she needed to institutionalize her relationships at all. Why did she need a sisterhood rather than a club?

“Well, that’s not as much fun. You don’t get to keep secrets from everyone else! It’s like being in a gang, but not illegal. You have stuff that identifies you as part of a group,” she said. “We knew we were going to be a Greek sorority. You can’t be recognized by the university if you don’t take men unless you’re part of a Greek organization.”

Keeping in mind that her group had not yet been officially accepted into the Panhellenic community on campus, I asked if Melody considered her fellow Alpha Delta Sigmas sisters. “Oh my God, yes. If we’re not sisters, I don’t know what we are. We have gone through more than any of the sororities on campus could understand. We’re sisters because we’re friends. I don’t have any friends who are like family here who aren’t in my sorority. These guys are like my family on campus.”

“What does sisterhood mean to you?” I asked.

“It means having a family that you don’t have to love,” she replied, “but you do anyway.”

Advice Dispensed

APRIL 11

SABRINA’S IM AWAY MESSAGE

Gettin’ mah hair did

SABRINA AND CAITLIN WERE SITTING ON THE BATHROOM
counter at
Louie’s, their favorite bar, drinking and chatting with a few sisters when Bitsy walked in.

“Bitsy,” Caitlin asked, “where exactly did you get pierced?” The other sisters circled Bitsy with interest while she cleared her throat. Several sisters had gotten similar piercings since Bitsy had done it in September, but Bitsy was widely considered the Jedi Master of nether-region rings.

“Well. So I didn’t get my clit pierced. I got my hood pierced.” Bitsy rounded her thumb and forefinger and held up her hand so everyone could see. “This is your clit.” She pointed. “This is your hood—it’s this little piece of skin. One ball goes here and one goes here, and since this ball sits on your clit, it’s called a clit ring.”

“How long did it hurt for?” asked Caitlin.

“Not long. Every time you pee, you clean the wound, so it healed quickly,” Bitsy said. “I’m getting my nipple pierced tomorrow.”

“Can I come get my hood pierced?” Caitlin asked, to Sabrina’s horror.

“Definitely.”

“Do you guys want to do it, too?” Caitlin asked the other sisters. Several were enthusiastic.

“Why would you do that?” Sabrina said, though she already knew. Caitlin was struggling to prove her growing independence from her mother’s control. In Sabrina’s opinion, it was a bizarre way, but at least it was something Caitlin wanted to do for herself that her mother would never discover. Caitlin’s mother probably didn’t even know it was possible for a girl to get pierced down there. “I’ll just keep you company,” Sabrina said.

The next day, the other sisters (now sober) all conveniently had something else to do.

At the piercing salon’s front desk, the receptionist brought out a mold of a vagina spiked with various rings. “Point to the area you want pierced,” she said to Caitlin.

“Bitsy!” At Caitlin’s call, Bitsy stepped forward and pointed to one of the rings.

When they got to the piercing room, the man with the needle told Caitlin to strip. She handed Sabrina her denim shorts and underwear, and put her feet in the stirrups. Bitsy rushed around the chair to Caitlin’s feet, where she watched the proceedings intently. Noticing how tense Caitlin was, Sabrina began to sing an old Prince song to her; Caitlin always laughed when Sabrina sang because she couldn’t carry a tune. As Caitlin squeezed her hand so tightly it hurt, Sabrina tried not to think it strange that her friend was lying half naked next to her while a strange man was piercing her hood.

Afterward, Caitlin and Bitsy turned to Sabrina. “Do you want one, too?” they asked her.

“Hell, no.”

ON A WARM MID-APRIL EVENING, CAITLIN AND SABRINA
joined Amy and Beth to prepare for Spring Formal. This time, Sabrina planned to attend. Sabrina hadn’t spoken to her professor since she broke up with him in February. She wasn’t angry with him—he was just another guy whom she had dated, and from whom she then moved on. She had forced herself to stop thinking about him by going to Greek parties, drinking more, and telling herself that she would do fine on her own. Gradually she found that she was happier when she was with people her own age. Over the last six weeks, Sabrina had hooked up with a fraternity brother and two non-Greek friends with whom she and Caitlin often smoked. Because none of the boys were Formal-worthy, Amy had convinced Sabrina to go to Formal with Jake. Amy would take one of Jake’s gay friends instead.

“Hey! What are y’all wearing tonight?” Amy asked when Caitlin and Sabrina walked in wearing T-shirts and boxers. Amy was sitting in her Victoria’s Secret robe watching MTV as Beth pinned up her curls.

“I don’t know. I don’t like my dress anymore. I gained weight,” said Sabrina.

“Honey, it’s only Jake,” Amy smiled. “He’ll be more concerned about everybody’s dates anyway.”

“It’s not the boys I’m worried about,” Sabrina said.

“Oh, yes.” Amy realized Sabrina was referring to the Alpha Rhos, who were far more critical of each other’s looks than any male would be. “And the photos.” Amy started to sing “Sweet Home Alabama” into her flatiron.

“Head back!” Beth yanked Amy’s shoulders. As she lurched backward, Amy grabbed a protein bar from the table. “What’s with you and the protein bars?” asked Beth. “There are four boxes in your room.”

“I can eat only protein bars this week because I ate so much last week,” Amy said, taking a bite.

“I think this is the first time I’ve participated in my sorority all year,” Sabrina said as she handed out “pre-pre-game” drinks.

“No, you did Homecoming stuff,” Amy pointed out.

“I’m talking about fun party stuff,” Sabrina said.

Beth finished Amy’s hair and abruptly stood up from her perch on the couch, screaming, “Agh! There’s a bra on me!” A lacy black bra was hooked to the back of her sweater just far enough out of reach that she couldn’t swat it off. The girls doubled over in hysterics.

“Hey, that’s mine!” Sabrina gasped.

“How’d it get there?” Beth asked.

“I put it there!”

“On my back?”

“No, on the couch. I was wondering what had happened to it.” Sabrina plucked the bra from Beth’s back. “Do you have a clippy thingy?” she asked Beth shyly. “I wanted to put my hair half up today.” She turned to Caitlin. “And could you maybe give me a little makeup?”

As Caitlin led Sabrina into her bedroom, Amy said to Beth, “Can you believe Sabrina’s getting her makeup done?”

“Tonight I want to be pretty, too,” Sabrina said.

“Put on a little shimmer stuff,” Amy suggested before muttering to herself, “I need to fix my ‘boobage.’”

Sabrina settled on Caitlin’s bed and closed her eyes, opening them just in time to see Caitlin about to poke at her eyelid with an eye pencil. Sabrina flinched. After several more attempts to introduce Sabrina to eyeliner, Caitlin applied subtle hints of eyeshadow, mascara, blush, and lipstick. When she was finished, she handed Sabrina a mirror. Sabrina’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Hey, I look pretty!” she said, surprised at her first foray into cosmetics.

Amy came in wearing a resplendent plum gown and heels that matched her eyes. “We’re going to be late for pre-game, girls. Let’s go,” she said.

Caitlin looked at her plastic cup. As she and Sabrina followed Amy out the door to a satellite house, Caitlin muttered, “What’s the point of getting to pre-game on time if we’re already pre-pre-gaming?”

At the pre-game, Sabrina stayed close to Andrea, the newly initiated sophomore with the funky wardrobe. The two of them watched from the periphery as Alpha Rhos glided around the room in Armani and Chanel dresses, with their “Louies” and “Kates”—Louis Vuitton and Kate Spade handbags—on their arms.

“I don’t know about this sorority thing,” Andrea whispered, rattled by her sisters’ phony tinkling laughter and the judgmental way they eyed each other’s outfits.

“I was really skeptical after I was initiated, too,” Sabrina told her. “I know you’re intimidated by the older sisters, but you shouldn’t be. Since there are so many girls in the house, it’s going to be hard to fit in the moment you walk through the door.”

“But what if I have to miss a bunch of meetings?” Andrea asked.

“Don’t sweat it. You have to keep your priorities straight. A sorority is a good experience, but you don’t have to let it take over your life,” Sabrina said. “Over time, you’ll be more confident about being in the sorority. I am.”

After that conversation, Sabrina felt more connected to Andrea. Simply having another confidante gave Sabrina herself greater strength in the house—not enough to confront the more ignorant sisters, but enough to make her sense that she remained in Alpha Rho for reasons other than a living space. This year had taught Sabrina both that she could survive in a sorority without taking it very seriously and that she was not in Alpha Rho for all 160 girls. She remained a sister because of the ten or so girls who meant something to her and reminded her that though the real world, like many of her sisters, may not be kind, she would always have allies to help her succeed.

Sisterhood without the Sorority

BY THE END OF THE YEAR, SABRINA’S FEELINGS ABOUT
sorority life hadn’t changed much. She didn’t believe that the concept of a sisterhood squared with reality. “Sisterhood is a form of structure, drama, and friendship. It has given me some structure in my life, with regular meetings and events that help me plan my schedule. It’s an organization that I met my best friend through,” she said. “But it’s also a thing where you have a lot of people ‘there’ for you only superficially. That really hits home for my situation. I don’t think people really care about each other wholeheartedly or make an effort to be ‘sisters.’ I’ve noticed that many people in this house are so selfish. For them, being friends with another person depends on how that person can fit into their lives or benefit them.”

For Sabrina, the value of belonging to a sorority wasn’t in the sisterhood. She was grateful that Alpha Rho had introduced her to Caitlin and Andrea. But after a year of living in the sorority house, she had to grasp to find a reason that made her time in Alpha Rho seem worthwhile. “I feel ambiguous about it. It’s an elitist institution. I know that I would have had an awesome college experience had I not joined. I’ve had a lot of negative experiences in Alpha Rho and in that sense it sucks sometimes, but it’s teaching me more patience. At least it’s a way for me to learn about people,” she said. We talked about the ways some of the sisters had treated her and about how the extensive sorority commitments took both time away from her studies and money from the funds she used to pay for her education by herself. “The way I see it, [these negatives are] just a part of life. I feel like from now on, I’m always going to have to juggle commitments and somehow you have to make them work out. So this is practice, I guess,” she said. “Maybe once I’m in the real world I’ll have an easier time being independent than my sisters.”