Pleasure Me (30 page)

“Then why deny yourself—or me for that matter—the pleasure of experiencing it again?”

The heat of his caress sank its way through her skin until it warmed her blood and sent a tingling sensation spiraling through her body. Sweet heaven, the mere touch of the man’s mouth against her skin was more arousing than any kiss she’d ever exchanged with any of her lovers. She gently pulled her hand free of his grasp.

“There is more than pleasure to consider.” Her heart beat erratically in her breast at the passion she saw burning in his gaze. “My lifestyle has never been viewed as . . . respectable . . . in some circles, but I have always been discreet.”

“So the gossip does bother you.”

She shook her head in denial. It was difficult to put into words that it wasn’t the actual comments that bothered her. It was how they reinforced her own feelings about her age. She’d never been one to really care what the Set thought with regard to most situations, but this was different. She was struggling with the fact that she was no longer young.

There wasn’t a sign of gray in her hair, and her skin was still wrinkle free, but it was coming. She’d seen it happen to others—almost overnight, and the Set had mercilessly shoved them aside for younger women. Without patrons, their incomes had dwindled to nothing, consigning them to a life without home or family.

For the first time, she realized she’d been hoping that she wouldn’t be one of those women. Deep inside she’d actually believed in the possibility that her life would be different than that of others she’d seen disappear into obscurity. The realization that it wouldn’t left her feeling alone and frightened.

“What are you really afraid of, Ruth?” His astute question made her mouth go dry.

“I’m afraid that when you leave—” She raised her hand as she saw him frown. “It’s inevitable. You will leave. And when you do, the price I’ll pay is going to be dear.”

“Do you think I’ll break your heart, Ruth?” The intensity behind the question alarmed her. It was unexpected, and the answer that fluttered in the back of her head scared her.

“No.” She shook her head vehemently, despite knowing it was a lie. “I learned a long time ago to protect myself from unrequited affection. But it’s the way you make me feel that I like far too much.”

He leaned toward her, and the spicy scent of his cologne filled her senses. It reminded her of last night and falling asleep in his arms. The memory was exactly what she meant when it came to liking how she felt with him.

“Tell me how I make you feel, Ruth.” The smooth velvet command drew a frisson across her skin and she fought to suppress a shudder.

“You make me feel alive . . . and young.”

“Young?” He caught her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his gaze. “You’re obsessed with this idea that age is a number. It’s not.”

“For a woman in my position it is,” she said firmly. “Age and beauty are what my livelihood is based on. Without them, the only option left to me is retirement. Something I intend to do shortly.”

“There is another option.” His blue eyes studied her intently as his thumb rubbed its way across her lower lip. “You can let me provide for you.”

The statement made her stiffen with a mixture of shock and resignation and she jerked her head back from his touch. She’d been right. Last night had dramatically changed their relationship. Deep inside, she’d known this might happen where he was concerned, but she’d chosen to ignore the possibility rather than consider what she would do if he offered to be her patron.

“I won’t take no for an answer, Ruth.” His beautiful mouth thinned to a hard, stubborn line as his gaze challenged her to try and defy him.

“And you have the audacity to call me stubborn,” she snapped with frustration.

“When it comes to you, yes I am.” There was a gleam of something dangerous in his eyes that made her heart slam violently into her chest as he put several feet between them again. “I’ve wanted you from the first time I saw you. I think I’ve always known you were meant to grace my bed. I simply didn’t know how to accomplish the task given my—my inexperience.”

Despite the strength and resolve in his voice, she was certain he’d almost revealed his dark secret. Whatever his shame, she knew it tormented him, and her irritation vanished as her heart made her want to reach out to him. Afraid that her ability to read him might prove embarrassing for him, she moved to the small window that looked out on the dingy home fronts across from the orphanage.

Living here in the East End could have just as easily been her fate, but providence had made life much easier for her. She should be grateful for what she had, and not long for the dream she’d always kept buried deep inside her. She’d be a fool to reject Garrick’s patronage. But would she be an even greater fool for accepting? Her feelings for him were already far stronger than she liked.

“I have something for you,” he said quietly.

She looked over her shoulder to see him pull a jeweler’s box out of his coat pocket. It reminded her of the one she’d returned to the jewelers several days ago unopened. He popped the lid of the box open and waited as she closed the distance between them. The design of the white tulip earrings nestled in the satin interior of the box matched the brooch he’d given her. A second apology.

The white diamonds sparkled in the subdued lighting of the storage room, and she would have been a liar if she’d said she was unmoved by the beauty of the earrings. The custom-made jewelry showed what a thoughtful lover Garrick was. Not even Westleah had ever given her jewelry custom designed for the purpose of an apology.

She closed her eyes for a moment. She’d made up her mind about him several minutes ago, but she’d not realized it until just now. It was probably the worst decision she’d ever made, but her feet were already on the path to hell, and there was no turning back. The heat of him washed over her body as he leaned into her. His lips brushed across her mouth then her cheek as he nibbled his way to her ear. A shudder streaked through her as he gently abraded her earlobe with his teeth.

“Give me your answer, Ruth.”

“Yes,” she whispered as she turned her head and sought his mouth.

Heat exploded and spiraled its way through her body the minute their lips met. He pulled her into his embrace, his hands cupping her face as he teased her mouth apart and his tongue danced with hers. With a skill that belied his inexperience in the bedroom, he kissed her slowly and deeply. The caress was maddening in its restraint, and she murmured a protest as he pulled away from her. He stepped away from her with a shake of his head, and her mouth went dry at the desire burning in his gaze.

“As much as I want you right now, sweetheart, I have a commitment I need to keep.”

Disappointment seeped its way through her, and she nodded with an understanding she didn’t feel. The fact that she didn’t want him to leave signaled her need to keep her head where he was concerned. She’d never clung to a lover in the past, and she refused to do so now, even if it was exactly what she wanted to do at the moment.

“I shall see you later this evening,” she murmured as she started to move past him. His hand grasped her arm as she came abreast of him, and he turned her to face him.

“No. Stay with me.” He smiled at her. “I always read to the children every week at this time.”

The explanation made her stare at him in surprise. Garrick’s commitment was far from the frivolous engagement she’d immediately assumed he’d scheduled. She didn’t know why it surprised her so much, except that it was unlike anything her other lovers had done. They’d all donated their funds, but never their time, to a charity. That Garrick was donating not only his money but his time to the children in the home revealed a great deal about his character.

It was one more aspect that made him so very different from any other man she’d ever been with. It endeared him to her. Unable to resist the charm of his smile, she placed her hand in his and nodded her acquiescence. The moment his smile widened to a grin, her heart skidded out of control. It was a vivid reminder that she traveled a perilous road and would have to guard her heart well.

Her hand clasped in his, she allowed him to lead her through the orphanage to a bright, cheery schoolroom where a young woman was drawing letters on a blackboard. The minute the children saw Garrick, the room erupted with squeals of delight. He released her hand and the children immediately surrounded him.

It was clear they adored him, and in the back of her head, a small voice whispered all the reasons why. Oh how easily she could lose her heart and soul to this man. Garrick accepted the book the young teacher offered him and smiled his thanks. The moment he turned back to the children, Ruth caught the look of adoration on the young woman’s face. The teacher’s reaction to Garrick wasn’t surprising, but the strength of her own territorial reaction alarmed her. She quickly brushed the emotion aside and focused her attention on Garrick as he sat on a stool and opened up the book.

“Now then, what shall I read today?”

He glanced around at the children who had gathered at his feet and arched his eyebrows as a chorus of suggestions resounded loudly in the room. Garrick looked down at the boy who was tugging roughly on his trouser leg.

“Yes, Arthur?”

“ ‘The Ugly Duckling,’ please, my lord. It’s Hannah’s favorite.”

“All right then, ‘The Ugly Duckling,’ because Hannah likes it.”

Garrick smiled at the little girl sitting next to the boy, an odd expression flickering across his face as he opened the book. It was the sign of a man remembering his past, and his own efforts to look out for his siblings. Quietly finding a chair in the far corner of the room, she sat and watched Garrick enthrall the children for the next half hour with his reading of Hans Christian Andersen’s popular fairy tale.

When he’d finished, the children immediately beseeched him to read another story. He laughingly refused to give way to their demands, his hand tousling several of the children’s heads. It was an affectionate gesture, and Ruth suddenly imagined him with several dark-haired children of his own clinging to his legs. He would make an excellent father.

The thought made her chest constrict with a sharp pang. The fact that she had no children was her deepest regret. It made her envy the woman who would eventually bear Garrick’s. His wife would be an extremely fortunate woman. Her throat tightened as his gaze met hers across the room.

There was an intimacy in the brief glance that took her breath away and made her feel as though she were the only woman Garrick would ever desire. She stiffened at her sudden wish that something more than desire existed between them. It was a reckless thought. One that would cause her terrible heartache in the future. She needed to keep reminding herself that their liaison would endure only as long as his desire for her lasted.

That fact would have been easy for her to accept when it came to any other lover. But when it came to Garrick she was certain that her heart would not go unscathed. Her body warmed as he drew closer to her, and she didn’t hesitate to link her arm with his when he offered to escort her out of the room. The future be damned. She would allow herself this one last pleasurable affair before she retired to Crawley Hall. For once in her long life, she would consider her own needs just as much as she would her lover’s.

A wild frenzy pitched its way through his blood as Garrick thrust into Ruth one last time then convulsed violently inside her. With equal intensity, her body clutched at him, extending the pleasure of his release. He opened his eyes and stared down at the blindfold across her eyes in frustration. How could he know he’d pleased her when he couldn’t read the emotion in her gaze?

With a grunt of self-disgust, he withdrew from her and left the bed. He quickly cleaned himself, and as he pulled his trousers on, he glanced over his shoulder at Ruth. For more than a week now, she’d willingly allowed him to blindfold her every time they made love. He was now beginning to realize how unfulfilling it was not to be able to look into her eyes as he brought her to a climax.

And he had no doubt of his ability to do that. He’d experienced her over and over again in the last few days since she agreed to be his mistress. He’d memorized every inch of her. She was etched into his senses in a way he never dreamed possible. He returned to the bed to remove the scarf from her eyes, while he gently cleaned the remains of their lovemaking from between her thighs.

The soft sigh she released pulled his gaze to her face. She was smiling at him, and the bolt of emotion blasting its way through him made him tense. It was a sensation he couldn’t afford to feel. Lust was the only thing he could allow himself to feel where she was concerned. It was bad enough he hid his body from her. The last thing he needed was to learn how to hide his heart from her as well.

“Have I told you before what an apt pupil you are?” There was more than a hint of satisfaction in her voice, and he could feel a smile tugging at his mouth.

“On more than one occasion,” he said with amusement, his black mood lightening considerably. “But then I’ve been tutored by an exceptional woman.”

She laughed, and he loved the sound of it as it filled his ears. His gaze swept over her exquisite curves, relishing the sight of her. She looked far younger than her forty-one years, and he wished she could see herself the way he saw her. How any man could be so easily parted from her was beyond his comprehension.

It would be a long time before he was willing to part with her.
If ever.
He quickly crushed the small voice threatening revolt in the back of his head. He lay down next to her and propped himself up on his elbow while he stroked her softly rounded belly with his forefinger.

“I think I shall enjoy having you as my mistress very much. Always at my beck and call whenever I have need of a new lesson in the art of seduction.” He paused to smile wickedly at her. “And I am certain I shall require a great many lessons.”