Pleasure Me (2 page)

“You’re stubborn. That’s why. Stubborn, right down to the core, you are. Always so certain that man was the best you could do.”

“He was the only man who seemed remotely interested at the time as I recall,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I can no longer fool myself, Dolores. My age has begun to show.”

“Nonsense.” The maid snorted with disgust. “You still have the figure of a young girl, and a face as lovely as an angel’s.”

“Thank you, Dolores. You are a true friend, loyal and blind to the obvious.”

She winced at the truth. It wasn’t necessary to look in the mirror to know that her looks weren’t what they once were. She knew she was still an attractive woman, but her days of garnering accolades for her beauty were long gone.

“
Harrumph
. My eyesight is as good as it was twenty years ago.” The maid straightened her shoulders, hands clasped in front of her, and scowled down at her. “There are plenty of men who would be more than happy to enter a room with you on their arm. You’re far too hard on yourself.”

The woman’s chiding lifted her spirits slightly as she contemplated the way Lord Mackelsby had complimented her several nights ago. Marston had even spared enough time to leave Ernestina Fitzgerald’s side to come claim her as if she were a piece of property he owned. The analogy had been accurate at the time. Marston paid her bills and as such was entitled to her full attention.

But now he was gone, along with her monthly allowance. She released another sigh. It wasn’t the money that troubled her as much as the fact that Marston, like her lover before him, had left her for a younger woman. No matter how much she fought it, the knowledge threw her into a state of despair.

She swallowed back another rush of tears. Crying would do little good, and there were more important matters to consider than her bruised ego. She stood up quickly to pace the floor in front of the fireplace. The children had to come first. Whatever it took, she’d find a way to purchase Crawley Hall or another estate like it.

In addition to the few trinkets Marston had given her, she owned several other pieces of jewelry she could sell, but she knew it wouldn’t be enough. She breathed a sigh of resignation. In order to fetch the remainder of the Hall’s purchase price, she would have to sell her house outside of Bath. She cringed inwardly at the thought before dismissing her regret. She could just as easily retire to Crawley Hall as anywhere else.

“I think it’s time I sell some of my investments.”

“What?” Dolores’s horrified astonishment made her smile.

“My jewelry should fetch at least half the sale price of Crawley Hall, and selling the country house should make up the balance
and
hopefully pay for the necessary improvements to the Hall. If that’s not enough, I can easily rent the town house. There should be sufficient monies from my annual annuities to support me, as long as I’m careful with money.” Ruth glanced around the parlor wondering how much the house would rent for. It was in a reasonably fashionable district, which should make it an attractive offering.

“But you bought the house in Bath for your retirement, my lady. And if you rent this house, where will you live?”

“I shall live at Crawley Hall.” She saw her longtime companion flinch, and quickly moved forward to grasp the older woman’s hands. “And you’ll come with me, Dolores. And Simmons, too. You do want to come, Dolores, don’t you?”

“Yes, my lady.” The maid’s expression of fear disappeared. “I just thought perhaps you might not have need of me anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She sat down next to the woman and squeezed her hands. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Who else will keep me on the straight and narrow?”

“This is true, my lady. Although I think you’ve a heart that’s far too big for your pocket where those children are concerned.”

“They haven’t anyone else to look after them, Dolores. I can’t simply abandon them as Marston has me.”

The words were a vivid reminder of her current state of affairs, and she fought off the wave of self-pity threatening to wash over her. As much as she wanted to give in to the emotion, she refused to do so. She’d always been practical in her outlook, and it was time she accepted the fact that her days as one of the Set’s darlings were quickly coming to a close. Marston leaving her for a younger woman would make her an object of pity among the Marlborough Set, something she would abhor. The appearance of Simmons at the parlor doorway interrupted her train of thought.

“Lady Pembroke has arrived, my lady.”

As the butler stepped aside, Allegra Camden, the Countess of Pembroke, swept into the salon as Simmons retreated from the room. The smile on her face only enhanced her younger friend’s beauty, as Allegra took her outstretched hands in hers then kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m sorry I’m late, but Shaheen and the children took longer than usual with breakfast.”

“It’s quite all right.” Ruth returned her friend’s affectionate greeting then turned to her maid. “Dolores, bring us some tea, please.”

The older woman bobbed her head and left the room to do as Ruth had asked. With a small gesture, she invited her friend to sit down. Her movements elegant, Allegra sank into a wingback chair as Ruth took a seat on the settee across from her. A frown on her face, her friend eyed her carefully.

“Something’s happened. Are you ill?”

The concern in Allegra’s voice tightened her throat, and she shook her head. “No. I’m fine.”

“You look rather peaked.” Allegra leaned forward then suddenly gasped. “You’ve been crying.”

Before Ruth could say a word, her friend sprang to her feet in a soft rustle of expensive silk and joined Ruth on the couch. Taking her hands in hers, Allegra studied her with an expression that said she intended to get to the bottom of whatever was troubling her.

“Tell me.” The command didn’t surprise her. Allegra had always been as protective of her friends as they of her. She sighed.

“Marston has left me.” Saying the words made tears well up in her eyes again. She blinked hard, fighting them back. The man wasn’t worth the effort.

“Oh, my dear. I’m so sorry, but I confess I never liked Marston at all. He has never treated you with the respect you deserved.”

“I’ve been a fool.” Ruth drew in a deep breath and shook her head.

“You most certainly
have not
. You did what you thought you had to do to survive.”

“No, not survival . . . a refusal to admit the truth. I am old, Allegra.”

“
Nonsense
. You’re only four years older than me, and you
look
younger.” Her friend sent her a look of admonishment. She rejected the observation with a shake of her head.

“He left me for Ernestina Fitzgerald. She’s at least fifteen years younger than me.”

“And the woman is twice as dim-witted as Marston. The two shall make a handsomely dull pair.” The disgust in her friend’s voice made Ruth choke out a laugh.

“See, you agree with me,” Allegra said with great satisfaction. “There are plenty of men who would find themselves enthralled with you. And when you attend the Somerset ball this evening I’ve no doubt you’ll see how quickly men will flock to your side.”

“I couldn’t possibly go this evening.” She stared at Allegra in horror. “Marston will be there. He’ll have Ernestina with him, and everyone will know he left me for her.”

“Well, they’ll notice it more if you’re
not
there. You know as well as I do the sharks will close in the moment they smell blood.” Allegra eyed her sternly before suddenly flashing a wicked smile in her direction. “Besides, what better time to announce how delighted you are that Marston has finally found someone who equals his intellectual standing in the Set?”

This time Ruth laughed easily. “When you put it like that, it’s easy to see I’m crying over the man for no reason at all.”

“Precisely,” Allegra said firmly.

She forced herself to smile at the woman seated next to her. No, there was no reason to cry over Marston’s departure. But her lost youth? She had no doubt there were far more tears still to be shed for that loss. How had it happened? It seemed only yesterday that Allegra had invited her, Bella, and Nora to stay with her while her friend weathered the scandal that had made her the renowned courtesan she’d been before her marriage to the Earl of Pembroke.

How could twenty years pass in the blink of an eye? She didn’t
feel
old. Her hopes and desires were still the same, although the ones buried deep inside her seemed doomed to go unanswered. She envied Allegra and the happiness she’d found with the earl. Her gaze drifted up to where her portrait hung over the fireplace. The Viscount Westleah had commissioned it when she was twenty-three. They’d spent almost three years together before they’d parted as friends.

Westleah had bought this house for her then taught her how to manage the generous allowance he’d given her. It was how she’d made several sound investments that would ensure her retirement wouldn’t be one of abject poverty as was that of so many other women like her. She had simply hoped to have a little more time before being forced to retire.

The soft rattling of china caught her attention, and she turned her head to see Dolores entering the room with tea. The woman set the tray on the round table in front of the settee, and eyed her carefully for a moment. With a quick shake of her head, Ruth indicated she was fine and reached for the teapot. The maid, somewhat satisfied with Ruth’s silent assurance, released a soft grumble then left the salon. Eager to talk of something other than her future, Ruth smiled and offered her friend a cup of tea.

“Motherhood and marriage suit you, my dear. You’ve found a happiness most can only dream of.”

“I
am
happy, Ruth. If you had told me five years ago that I would be living such a wonderful life, I would have laughed at you.”

Neither one of them said it out loud, but for a courtesan to find love, let alone marriage, was a rare thing. The soft glow on Allegra’s face emphasized how happy her friend was despite the trials she’d endured in the Moroccan desert. Allegra had only shared some of the pain she’d experienced, but she knew her capture at the hands of Pembroke’s enemy had taken its toll on her friend.

Every so often, a dark emotion filled Allegra’s eyes that said the trauma would never leave her. When Lord Pembroke was present, he seemed to instinctively sense his wife’s distress and was immediately at her side. Robert, she would never grow accustomed to his Bedouin name, Shaheen, was devoted to his wife and children. The sound of a teacup clinking loudly against a plate pulled her out of her reverie.

“We’re not going to let him get away with this.”

“What?” Ruth sent her friend a puzzled look.

“Marston. Tonight, we’re going to see to it that everyone thinks Marston a fool for leaving you to take up with that flibbertigibbet Ernestina.”

“And exactly
how
do you propose to accomplish that?” she asked in a skeptical tone.

“Do you remember how Mrs. Langtry stood out among the rest of the Set by wearing a simple black dress before Bertie took her under his wing?”

“Lillie Langtry stood out because she was beautiful, not because she wore a simple black dress to catch the eye of the Prince of Wales. I’m reasonably attractive, but far from beautiful.”

“Nonsense. You’re lovely,
and
you have presence, Ruth. When you enter a room everyone stops to look at you. And that mysterious smile of yours makes men eager to discover all your secrets. Tonight you’re going to use that to your advantage.”

“And
how
, pray tell, am I going to do that?”

“Dolores is going to modify that hideous monstrosity of a dress Marston insisted you wear to his house party last winter.”

“The purple one with the enormous pink flowers?”

“Yes.” Allegra’s smile broadened. “The dress matches your eyes beautifully, but the flowers are horrendous. When Dolores makes the changes I have in mind, everyone will think Marston a fool for choosing Ernestina Fitzgerald over you.”

“Such a transformation seems highly unlikely, but I suppose a miracle is always possible,” she said with a skeptical laugh.

“Well, I for one believe in miracles,” her friend replied quietly. “And so should you.”

She met Allegra’s affectionate look with a doubtful smile, but her friend’s words were still in her head hours later as she climbed the steps to the Somerset town house. She should have known better than to question Allegra’s determination. With Dolores’s skillful sewing and Allegra’s vision, the two women
had
managed a miracle. The result was a daring dress that emphasized her ample bosom and rounded hips. But most of all, it was devoid of any lace, flounces, ruffles, or bows.

The sleeves, what little was left after Dolores had finished, barely clung to the edge of her shoulders, mere slips of material. The entire dress was one of stark simplicity, but symbolically, it represented her casting Marston off. The flowers, the ruffles, every decoration on the dress that had once weighed down the satin were gone, with the exception of a trail of pink flower petals bordering the hem. It would give her enormous satisfaction to point out that Dolores had refashioned Marston’s ostentatious choice into something much lovelier.

Her maid had pulled the original flowers apart to tack the pink trimming along the edge until they appeared to be actually falling off the hem. Before the night was over, they would be crushed and dirty. A silent sign of how unimportant Marston was to her. At her throat was the amethyst necklace she’d worn in the portrait Westleah had commissioned.

Her only other extravagance was a mauve-colored feather fan. As she entered the house, a tremor streaked through her as she caught sight of Marston entering the ballroom with Ernestina on his arm. In a mechanical fashion, she undid the frog loops of her cape, allowing the footman to gently remove it from her shoulders.