Please Forgive Me (42 page)

Leonie grabbed her things, not needing to be told twice.

‘Charming,’ Adam said, when they went outside.

‘Don’t mind Marcy, her bark is worse than her bite, and she’s been brilliant to me this last while.’

‘So – a florist’s?’ he queried, raising his eyebrows. ‘How did that come about?

Leonie shrugged. ‘She was looking for staff and I needed a job. Anyway, forget about how I ended up here, how on earth did
you
? How did you find me?’

‘I’ll tell you all when my teeth stop chattering,’ Adam said, and she noticed for the first time that he was only wearing a T-shirt. ‘Bloody hell, so much for California being warm and sunny. It’s like bloody Siberia here!’

‘You get used to it,’ she said thinking back on how she too had found the climate difficult at first. ‘But maybe we should go for a coffee somewhere and help warm you up.’

They stopped off at a cafe nearby, and as she sat at the table as Adam paid for their coffees, Leonie was tempted to pinch herself. Adam was here in San Francisco, and by his own admission, he had forgiven her! She couldn’t believe it and was dying to find out what was going on, or more importantly how he had found her. It had to be Grace of course.

‘It was Suzanne actually,’ Adam admitted once the coffee had warmed him up.

‘What?’ Leonie didn’t know what to make of this and once again, she shifted uncomfortably at the memory. ‘Adam, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for all of that, and especially for my part in it. I should never have – ‘

‘I know – I got your letter.’

She looked away, feeling kind of silly all over again. Inspired by Nathan’s letters to Helena, a while back she’d written one of her own.

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am.
 
You have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you, at least not intentionally, but I made a big mistake, a huge mistake this time.

I realise there’s no going back, and I’m not asking for that; I just wanted to let you to know how much I regret what happened, and how I wish from the bottom of my heart it never happened, or that I hadn’t caused it. But it did, and it’s all my fault, and I would do anything to have the chance to go back and undo it all.

But I can’t.

I know I don’t have any right to ask, but I hope you’re OK?

I’m really not sure what else to say. Just know that I never meant to hurt you, and I’m so very, very sorry.

Please forgive me.

Leonie.

Having once again sworn her friend to secrecy, she’d given it to Grace during her visit here and asked her to send it on to Adam.

‘Although I’m sure he couldn’t care less now one way or the other,’ she’d told her at the time.

‘I’ll make sure it gets to him anyway.’ Grace promised.

That was weeks ago, when she and Alex were still in the midst of trying to find Helena, and like Nathan, Leonie felt that she needed to do something to atone for her own behaviour. She had no idea what Adam would make of it, but it had certainly made her feel a bit better, temporarily at least.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she repeated now, tears in her eyes.

‘Hey, as I said before, it’s OK.’ Adam insisted. ‘Yes, I was angry at the time, actually livid would probably be a better description, and very hurt too, but…’ He swallowed hard, and Leonie knew that whatever about the anger, the hurt certainly hadn’t gone away. ‘Anyway, as I said I’ve sort of come to terms with it.’

‘Well, I know it’s probably none of my business, but do you mind me asking what happened after you … I mean when you … I’m sorry I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say.’

‘You’re wondering if I took your suspicions any further? Well of course I did.’

He went on to explain how, following weeks of denial and downright anger, most of which was directed at the by-now absent Leonie, he eventually plucked up the courage to confront Andrea.

‘She vehemently denied it at first, until I started threatening her with DNA tests and legal action,’ he said, his jaw tightening. ‘Then she caved. Said she wasn’t quite sure herself at the time, because she and Billy had been on a break when we got together, so she’d just assumed…’ He exhaled deeply. ‘But as you say, you’d want to have been an idiot not to notice the resemblance. In her defence, she says that it was only when Suzanne got older that she realised she’d made a mistake. But by then of course I was already paying maintenance and Suze and I had a close relationship, so what could she do? I try to keep telling myself that she genuinely didn’t set out to hoodwink me, but at the same time I just can’t say for sure.’

‘I’m so sorry Adam. I should never have even suggested anything, especially when I know how much you love Suzanne. I opened a can of worms that should never have been touched, I know that now, but at the time, all I could think about was how she’d deceived you and I was angry about that. I was so caught up in the immorality of it all that I didn’t stop to think how the truth coming out would affect you or Suzanne or any of us really.’

‘I know that, but I don’t mind admitting that for a long time, I swung wildly from directing my fury from you to Andrea and back again. It was like you’d both let me down somehow. And caught in the middle of it all was Suzanne, this poor confused and innocent little kid who knew nothing about what was going on. Once I got the truth from Andrea, I’m ashamed to say I pretty much cut the two of them out of my life. I didn’t want to see or speak to Suzanne and she couldn’t understand why her father suddenly didn’t want to see her anymore.’

Leonie had tears in her eyes. ‘The poor thing, I can only imagine.’ And it was all her fault.

‘But as I said, once I’d calmed down and tried to put things in perspective, I realised that to all intents and purposes she
is
my daughter, Leonie. And I love her very much. I’ve been caring for her and about her for the last fifteen years, and I couldn’t give that up overnight just because the DNA wasn’t right.’

‘I know, and that night, the night it…all came out,’ she said reddening, ‘I realised that too. Problem was I realised it too late, as I’d already led you so far down that path… it was almost like a runaway train, and I couldn’t stop it.’

‘That was something I only realised afterwards too. You didn’t actually say anything about Billy that night, did you? You just suggested it.’

She nodded. ‘Suggesting it was bad enough. It was none of my business and I had no right.’

‘Well, I can’t say I’m glad that it happened, or that I don’t feel a complete idiot for being taken to the cleaners by Andrea after all this time. Rest assured that that maintenance she was so fond of has been completely choked off now and she was lucky I didn’t choke her with it.’ He gave a wan smile. ‘But at the end of the day, I don’t regret it either because it helped her raise Suzanne into the young lady she is today.’

‘So what happened?’ Leonie asked, recalling what Grace had said about Suzanne moving in with Adam. ‘Did you tell Suzanne the truth?’

Adam gave her a strange smile. ‘Actually no, because as far as I’m concerned she is my daughter. As for Billy, apparently he hasn’t a clue one way or another, and I doubt he’d care either way. You were right; he is bad news and a very bad role model for a girl her age. So having talked it out, Andrea and I eventually came to an agreement not to say anything. Of course, she’s happy enough to keep it quiet, as she knows there’d be ructions if it all came out now. Maybe we will tell Suzanne one day, but now is not the time, not at such a fragile age.’

Leonie nodded, understanding. While for Adam’s sake she was horrified at the scenario, and not entirely in agreement about the ongoing deception, it wasn’t really up to her to decide. And Adam was right; landing such a bombshell on Suzanne wasn’t in the teenager’s best interests, at least not for the moment.

‘So as I said, I cut her off for a while, but as this happened to coincide with your leaving, she assumed it was because I was heartbroken.’

Leonie smiled. ‘Well, I’m glad I did something right!’

‘She wasn’t wrong you know,’ he said, his tone growing serious. ‘Yes, I was angry about what had happened, but when the dust settled, I realised I’d taken it out on you when it wasn’t your fault at all. But by then you seemed to have disappeared into thin air and I had no idea you’d left the city, let alone the country! For a while I just assumed you’d gone to stay with either of your folks to lay low for a while and let me get it all out of my system.’

‘I guess I should have at least let you know what I was doing. But the truth was, Adam, I wasn’t quite sure myself and I didn’t honestly think you’d care. I just wanted to get away from what I’d done, I wasn’t even sure where and somehow I just ended up here.’ She blushed. ‘It’s stupid, I know, but I’ve always found it easier to just get away and put all the bad stuff that behind me. Anyway, you never answered my question. How did you find me? It couldn’t have been the letter … you mentioned something about Suzanne?’

‘Yes. Well, as I said, when I eventually came to my senses, she insisted on coming to stay with me for a while, so she could try and help take my mind off my broken heart.’ He laughed. ‘But she could see firsthand how miserable I was – especially after getting that letter – and when she asked what had happened I told her that we’d had an argument about the wedding, and that you’d left me. She’d cottoned on to the fact we’d gone through a rough patch when I lost my job, and she put two and two together and decided that it was all her fault for asking for too much money.’ At this Leonie’s eyes widened. ‘I don’t know, I guess she’s more savvy than we gave her credit for. Anyway, it took me ages to convince her that it wasn’t about that, but she wouldn’t listen. After that I think she made it a bit of mission to try and get us back together. But in order to do that, she had to do what I couldn’t – find you.

So to cut a long story short, one day in town, she bumped into Ray – she knew him from that time he and Grace came to dinner, remember?
 
Well, he revealed that he was minding the twins while Grace had gone to San Francisco.’

‘But Grace never said a word!’ she exclaimed, thinking that surely her friend would have given her some kind of warning.

‘To be perfectly honest, I doubt Grace even has a clue that Ray let it slip. As I said Suzanne can be very persuasive, and though some combination of guile and trickery, she also managed to get out of him that you worked in something to do with a florists or gardening. Don’t ask me how she did it; clearly she learned a few tricks from her mother – she certainly didn’t get it from me anyway,’ he joked, but still Leonie could see the pain in his eyes.’

‘I don’t believe it! How could she have possibly got that much information out of him?’ But Ray could be a bit naïve, and Suzanne was indeed very persuasive.

‘Come on its Suzanne we’re talking about here? You know as well as I do that she can be a demon for getting her own way! But however she managed it, she managed it, and after that it was only a matter of googling every florist or nursery in the entire city, and then phoning them up to find out if an Irish girl called Leonie worked there. She did that herself, and found you within a few days.’ He shook his head, a mixture of pride and disbelief in his eyes. ‘I think she’s got a good future as a detective or something.’

Leonie was amazed. She should introduce her to Alex; she could do with someone that resourceful and cunning in her line of work!

‘And you came all the way over here to find me? Why not just phone?’

‘Because I know what you’re like, and I knew from the letter that you’d blamed yourself for everything that had happened. I wanted to tell you personally that everything was OK. And hell, I fancied the trip, as we never got to go on that honeymoon. But mostly, because Suzanne insisted upon it.’

‘She made you come all the way out here?’

‘She said you’d been very good to her recently,’ he said, a question in his eyes and Leonie deduced that Suzanne must have been grateful she hadn’t grilled her too heavily about being on the pill, or told her father about it. She smiled, pleased that Suzanne thought highly enough of her to help try and get her and Adam back together. ‘And she reckoned it was the only way I could convince you to come back. But I suppose there was a side of her that fancied the trip too so we waited a few weeks until she could get the time off school.’

Leonie blinked. ‘You mean she’s here with you?’

‘Yep. We’re staying in some hotel down by Fisherman’s Wharf, is it? And while I’ve spent the last few days staking out Flower Power in the hope you’ll be there, she’s been going mad buying stuff in Gap, and has me eating in all these mad places like Forrest Gumps...’

‘You mean
Bubba
Gumps,’ Leonie corrected laughingly. ‘I can’t believe you and Suzanne came all the way out here to find me!’

‘And hopefully bring you back too,’ Adam said gently and she looked up.

‘Do you really mean that?’ she said, her heart singing.

She wanted more than anything in the world to go back to him and the life they’d had before. Of course she’d miss this city, her job and especially Alex and Marcy, but being with Adam was much more important. OK, so Marcy would be probably be a bit miffed about leaving her in the lurch, but she was sure Alex would be fine. Anyway, she was certain they would all keep in touch, and there were always visits too…

Adam reached for her hand. ‘Why else do you think I came all the way out here? It wasn’t for the sunshine, let me tell you.’

‘Well, I wasn’t sure, I thought maybe you might have just wanted to tell me how things panned out, just you know… so I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.’

Adam shook his head fondly. ‘Maybe back there I should have made things clearer by asking for a bouquet of red tulips.’

‘Why red tulips?’

He gave her a disappointed look. ‘What – you don’t know? Some florist you are.’

‘Honestly, I don’t know,’ Leonie insisted, trying to rack her brains once again. Red roses yes, but red tulips? ‘What do they signify?’