Please Don't Take My Baby (5 page)

Leaning slightly over her bed, I said: ‘Jade, it’s Cathy. Shall I help you to get changed and into bed? Are your night things in your bag?’ I guessed they would be but I didn’t like to just start rummaging in her bag to find them. With a younger child I unpacked their bags when they first arrived, but at Jade’s age I needed to respect her privacy. ‘Jade, love,’ I tried again, gently stroking a few strands of hair away from her face. ‘It’s Cathy. Would you like to get changed so you are more comfortable?’

Still nothing. She was clearly in a very deep sleep. I then decided it might be best to leave her for now to have a sleep. I’d cover her with the duvet, leave the light on low, and listen out for her. She’d probably wake before I went to bed. I reached to the foot of the bed and began drawing up the duvet. Suddenly I jumped with fright as a loud noise shot from the bed: a hundred decibels of rap, scaring me silly and blasting Jade awake.

‘Oh my god, Ty!’ she cried, waking, sitting and answering the phone with one movement. ‘I was asleep. Oh my god, where am I? Help!’

‘You’re safe,’ I reassured Jade. ‘You’re with me – Cathy.’

‘Oh yeah,’ she said, now fully awake and realizing where she was.

‘That’s quite some ringtone,’ I said. ‘I nearly jumped out of my skin.’

‘I usually put it on silent at night but I fell asleep.’

‘I know you did, love. You must be exhausted. Let me help you unpack and then you can have an early night.’

Jade nodded and swung her legs off the bed. Tyler was still on the other end of the phone and Jade said to him: ‘I’ll phone you later, Ty. I’ve got to unpack.’

She closed the phone and put it on the pillow. She looked pale and tired, and my immediate concern was for her to have a good night’s sleep. ‘What time do you usually go to bed?’ I asked as she yawned.

‘Any time, really. It doesn’t matter. It was difficult sleeping in a single bed with Ty.’

I’d have thought it would have been impossible given the size of Jade’s bump, and contrary to what Jade said about bedtime not mattering, it did matter. I knew that in pregnancy it was just as important to have enough sleep as it was to have a good diet; otherwise the expectant mother could become run down.

‘I think you could do with an early night,’ I said. ‘How about you go to the bathroom and have a wash and change while I unpack your bag?’

‘Do I have to have a bath?’ Jade asked, as a small child would.

‘No, I think that can wait until the morning if you’re very tired. Just have a good wash and do your teeth, then have your bath tomorrow. You’re not in school, so there’s no rush in the morning.’

Jade nodded and yawned again.

‘Are your nightdress and wash bag in your bag?’ I asked.

She nodded, but remained sitting on the bed and making no move towards the holdall.

‘Shall I find them for you?’

‘Yeah, please.’

I unzipped the holdall and her wash bag and towel immediately came into view. I took them out and passed them to her. ‘Do you have a nightdress or pyjamas in here?’

‘I use those pink leggings and that T-shirt,’ she said, pointing to the items in the holdall.

I took out the wash-faded pink leggings and a very large pale pink T-shirt, on which was emblazoned a bright pink pig. I thought one of the first things I would buy Jade would be some maternity nightwear, which would be more comfortable and make her feel good.

‘You know where the bathroom is?’ I asked, passing her the leggings and T-shirt.

‘Yeah. You showed me earlier.’

I smiled. ‘There’s toothpaste and soap in there. Call me if you need anything. I’ll unpack the rest of your bag while you’re in the bathroom.’

I gave Jade my hand and helped her off the bed, and she ambled out of the bedroom and to the bathroom while I set about her unpacking. Jade didn’t appear to have any maternity wear at all but there were two more pairs of black stretch leggings and two big sloppy jumpers, which I supposed were just as good. They were clean, although bobbled from being worn and washed repeatedly. There was also a bra, some pants and six soft toys. Indeed most of the bag had been taken up with the cuddly toys: two teddy bears, a panda, a kangaroo, a monkey and a lion. They were clearly childhood favourites, for they were well worn and ear-chewed. I thought it said a lot about Jade that, being essentially a child herself, she’d packed these cuddly toys to the exclusion of practical items like more clothes. At the very bottom of the bag I found the antenatal appointment card that Rachel had mentioned. Opening it, I saw that Jade’s next appointment was scheduled for Wednesday at one o’clock, which was a good time, as it meant it didn’t clash with me collecting Paula from school.

I folded Jade’s clothes into the chest of drawers, arranged the toys on the bed and then zipped shut the now empty holdall. It would be useful to take with us tomorrow when we went to Jade’s house to collect some more of her belongings. I noticed there’d been no photograph of her family in her bag and I’d suggest to Jade she bring one from home. I’d found before with children I’d looked after that in all but the severest cases of abuse from parents, a child usually finds it reassuring to have a photograph of their natural family with them and on show.

I heard the bathroom door open and then Jade’s footsteps on the landing, and she reappeared. She was wearing the pink leggings and T-shirt that acted as her nightwear and, having had a wash and brushed her hair, she looked a little fresher, but she still looked tired.

‘I’ve put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom,’ she said.

‘Thanks, love. I do the laundry each morning. I’ve put your clean clothes in this drawer,’ I said, pointing. ‘And your cuddly toys are on the bed. You’ve got quite a collection there.’

Jade looked at her toys and smiled. It was the first time she’d smiled properly all evening and her whole face lit up. I thought she should smile more often, but then she was probably very anxious and worried about the future.

‘I love my cuddlies,’ she said touchingly, sitting on the bed and stroking the panda. ‘They’ve all got names. These are Bert and Betty Bear,’ she said, touching the two bears. They’re named after my aunt and uncle who died. The panda is called Chi Chi. I got her when I went to the zoo with the school. The kangaroo is Hoppity and the monkey is Melvin. My brother called him that. And the lion is Simba from
The Lion King
. I love that film.’

‘So do I,’ I said, smiling. ‘We all like our cuddlies here too, even Adrian, although he wouldn’t admit it.’

Jade nodded. ‘I’m going to buy my baby lots of cuddly toys. I’ve already started a collection at home.’

‘Have you started buying the other things you’ll need for the baby too?’ I asked. ‘There’s a lot to prepare for.’

‘I have some nappies but that’s all,’ Jade said. ‘I haven’t had much money. But now I’m in foster care I get an allowance, don’t I?’ And it crossed my mind (somewhat unkindly) that maybe this was the reason Jade had come into foster care. She wouldn’t be the first teenager to put herself in care, or whose parent(s) had purposely made her homeless, aware the state would find her somewhere to live, pay for her keep, and also give her an allowance. However, Jade quickly added: ‘But that’s not why I’m in care.’

‘Good. Because the allowance isn’t much. As soon as I receive it I’ll pass it on to you. But it’s only enough to cover essential items.’

‘Rachel said I need to get essential items and not spend any more on baby toys.’

‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘There’s a lot to buy. Usually the hospital give you a list of what you need at one of the antenatal appointments.’

‘They might have,’ Jade said nonchalantly. ‘But I’ve lost it.’

‘No worries. We’ll get you a copy when we go for your appointment next week. I was also thinking we could go shopping together one day – buy you some maternity clothes and also some baby things. You want to be prepared well ahead of time.’

‘Yeah,’ Jade said. ‘Ty’s not interested in shopping, and Mum’s always busy.’

I felt that although Jade was tired she was in the mood to talk, so I sat on the bed next to her. ‘Being a mother keeps you very busy,’ I said. ‘Your mum has your younger brothers and sisters to look after.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Jade said.

‘Do you know the sex of your baby?’ I asked out of interest. ‘Did they tell you at the hospital when you had your scan?’

Jade shook her head. ‘It was too early when I had the first scan. Then I missed the second scan. Ty wants a boy so he can play football and take him to see the matches, but I want a girl so we can talk and be best friends.’

I thought that while this was a delightful view of parenting it was also worryingly naïve and didn’t take into account the many years of hard work, patience and dedication that lay ahead for Jade (and Tyler). ‘Do you know when your next scan is?’ I asked.

Jade shook her head.

‘We’ll ask when we go to the clinic next week. Your appointment card is over there.’ I pointed to the bookshelf where I’d put the card. ‘I’ll make a note of the time and date in my diary too.’

‘I’m going to love my baby and give it lots of attention,’ Jade suddenly said. ‘I’ll show my mum she’s wrong.’

‘Wrong about what?’ I asked.

‘She wants me to give up my baby for adoption. What does she know?’

I thought Jade’s mother probably knew quite a lot about babies, considering she’d had five of her own, but I didn’t say so. It was important I kept the line of communication open to establish a relationship with Jade, and agreeing that her mother might have a point wouldn’t endear me to her.

‘Your mum’s probably worried how you’re going to cope,’ I said. ‘I know I would be if you were my daughter.’

‘I’ll manage, and I’m going to be a better mum than she is,’ Jade said. ‘I’m gonna give my kid everything it wants.’

Where to begin on the subject of parenting? I thought. I took a breath and chose my words carefully. ‘You know, Jade, part of being a good parent is that as well as giving your child love, attention and presents, you put in place boundaries and say no when you have to. That’s what makes a child grow up to be a responsible adult who knows right from wrong. If a parent doesn’t put in place boundaries, but gives in to the child all the time, the child grows up to be very self-centred and doesn’t know how to share or behave.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Jade said. ‘But I’m going to be there for my kids.’

‘Good. Weren’t your parents there for you?’

Jade shook her head. ‘Dad comes and sees us sometimes but he always brings his new girlfriend and I hate her. Mum works and then she sees her boyfriend most evenings. She ain’t there much either.’

‘So who looks after your brothers and sisters when your mum is out?’ I asked, for I knew from the referral that Jade’s siblings were all younger than she was.

‘Me usually,’ Jade said. ‘Now she’ll have to find someone else to be her skivvy, ’cos I’ve got me own life to lead.’ Jade shifted position on the bed to try to get more comfortable.

‘Did you have a lot of responsibility at home?’ I asked her gently.

‘Yeah, but I love my brothers and sisters. I didn’t mind really. I miss them.’

‘You can still see them,’ I said. ‘You can go home and visit, can’t you?’

Jade looked down into her lap and began tugging anxiously at her sleeve. ‘Mum’s pissed off with me. She says I’m a bad influence on the kids and I should stay away. Since I told her I was pregnant we’ve argued non-stop. She told me I was a silly cow for putting myself in the club. She said I’ve made the same mistake she did and I should have known better. She got pregnant when she was my age, when she was drunk. Two nights ago we had our worst row ever and I called her a slag, so she chucked me out.’

‘Oh dear,’ I said. ‘I think you were both angry with each other. When you’ve had time to calm down and cool off I’m sure things will be better. Have you spoken to your mum since you left and went to Meryl’s?’ I asked.

‘No.’

‘If your mum’s there tomorrow when we collect your clothes, it might be a good opportunity to make up,’ I suggested.

‘No, I don’t want to see her yet. We’ll go in the morning. She doesn’t get home from work until one o’clock.’

Which I had to accept. I couldn’t force Jade to see her mother. ‘What work does your mum do?’ I asked.

‘Cleaning. She cleans offices early morning – six to nine, and then rich people’s houses until twelve. She has a sleep in the afternoon.’

‘So who looked after your brothers and sisters in the morning and took them to school if your mum was at work?’

‘Me. And I ain’t doing it any more. Who takes your kids to school? Because it won’t be me.’

I smiled. ‘I wouldn’t ask you to. Adrian goes by himself or with friends, and I take Paula.’

‘Just asking,’ Jade said. ‘Cos I know some foster carers take liberties with their foster kids and use them as cheap labour.’

‘Do they?’ I asked, shocked. ‘I don’t know any foster carers who treat their children that way.’ However, I did know that foster carers and social workers often got a bad press on the estate where Jade lived.

Jade didn’t answer but pulled a face and stretched out her legs to try and get more comfortable. ‘I’ll be glad when I’ve had this baby,’ she said. ‘No one told me how uncomfortable it was going to be being pregnant. It keeps kicking me, the little sod.’ She shifted again and then took hold of my hand and placed it on her swollen stomach. ‘Here, feel this,’ she said.

I had the palm of my hand gently resting on the outside of her T-shirt and for a moment there was nothing. Then suddenly I felt the wall of her stomach bulge and tighten as a little fist or foot kicked out.

‘Isn’t that truly wonderful?’ I smiled. ‘Don’t you think it’s incredible the way new life has grown within you? It’s a little miracle.’

But Jade wasn’t impressed. ‘I’ll be glad when it’s out,’ she said. ‘Then I can walk and sit proper again.’

We continued talking for a while longer, and Jade asked me about childbirth and if it hurt. I reassured her, saying that while the contractions would be uncomfortable she wouldn’t suffer, as pain relief would always be available at the hospital. She said she wanted Tyler to be with her when she had the baby but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be there and kept making excuses.

‘He’s the dad. He should be there,’ Jade said adamantly.

‘It would be nice if he could be there,’ I said. ‘Although I can understand that at his age he might not feel he could. Who will be with you as your birthing partner if Tyler can’t do it?’ I asked.

‘Me mum was going to but we’re not speaking now. So I guess I’ll be by myself.’

‘Jade, love,’ I said, patting her arm, ‘I’m sure you and your mum will have made it up long before your baby is born, but if by any chance you haven’t, and Tyler decides he can’t be there, I will be with you. If you’d like me to.’ Although Jade would have left me by the time her baby was born, there was no way I wanted her contemplating having her baby without the support of a birthing partner.

‘Yeah, OK,’ she said easily as though she was agreeing to go to the cinema or shopping with me.

We chatted some more – about everyday things – and then Jade said she was ‘knackered’ and wanted to go to sleep. I saw her into bed, making sure she was comfortable and fetching the glass of water she asked for.