Please Don't Take My Baby (24 page)

‘Tracy’s social worker will be seeing Tracy later today,’ Rachel added, by way of reassurance.

I nodded dumbly. I could see that Erica and Rachel were struggling with the decisions they were having to make, and I knew I had to stay focused on Jade and help her all I could.

‘Until now Jade’s been doing very well at Grasslands, hasn’t she?’ I said, looking at Rachel and Erica. ‘She’s established a good routine for Courtney; she’s taken her to the clinic regularly, and Courtney is always clean and nicely dressed.’

‘Jade has been making progress, yes,’ Rachel said. ‘It’s a pity she’s so easily led.’ Which of course had always been Jade’s problem.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jade said through more tears, all anger now gone. ‘I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise. I know I acted stupidly. Please give me another chance?’

I heard the desperation in her plea and, not knowing what had been said before I’d arrived, I looked at Rachel. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I asked: ‘You’re not going to take Courtney into care now, are you?’

Rachel took a deep breath. ‘Not now. I’m meeting my manager this afternoon.’

‘Grasslands doesn’t suit everyone,’ Erica added. My fears grew, for I knew that Jade losing Courtney had just taken a big step closer.

‘Oh, Jade,’ I said quietly under my breath, feeling my eyes mist.

No one said anything for a while and an eerie silence weighed heavily in the room. My thoughts circled as I tried to think of suggestions that might help Jade to keep Courtney, maybe a possible alternative to living at Grasslands, but Grasslands had been the only alternative and Jade’s last chance. And Jade knew that.

The silence was broken by the bleep of an incoming text message. Erica took her phone from her pocket and, having read the message, looked at Rachel. ‘I have to go now,’ she said. ‘The foster carer has arrived for Jason.’

My heart clenched and Jade’s tears flowed.

‘I’ll see you downstairs in a minute,’ Rachel said to Erica.

Erica stood and nodding a goodbye left the room, presumably to supervise the handing over of Jason to the foster carer. I thought of Tracy and swallowed hard.

We were silent again; then without looking up, Jade said quietly, ‘I want you to go now, Cathy.’

I didn’t think she meant it. I thought she was embarrassed by what she’d done and was really asking for a hug, and reassurance from me that I would stand by her. I didn’t move, but then she said: ‘Go now, please.’

‘Jade, if you really want me to go, love, I will,’ I said.

‘Yes. I do,’ she said, still not looking at me. ‘I don’t want to see you any more, ever again, so go.’

Stunned, I looked at Rachel, who nodded for me to leave. ‘Don’t worry, Cathy,’ Rachel said. ‘I’ll stay with Jade for a while and make sure she’s all right.’

There was nothing else I could say or do and I had to respect Jade’s wishes. Standing, I said to Jade: ‘Shall I phone you later?’

‘No,’ she replied without looking at me.

After placing the carrier bags of ‘goodies’ I’d brought beside the sofa, I crossed the room and let myself out. Hurt and hurting for Jade, Tracy and their babies, I went slowly down the stairs and into reception. Erica, together with another member of staff and a foster carer I didn’t know, were standing in a small group facing each other. The foster carer had Jason in her arms and was asking Erica about his routine. When a baby or child is taken into care as an emergency, it is often the foster carer who has to find out all she can about the baby or child. The three of them glanced over as I crossed reception. As I opened the outer door I heard the carer say: ‘We’re new carers. This is our first placement. My husband and I are very excited.’

And I thought of Tracy and what she must be feeling, having just lost her baby: certainly not excited. But that’s the nature of fostering: one family’s gain is another family’s loss and misery.

Jade had said that she didn’t want to see me again and that I shouldn’t phone, so I didn’t – for the rest of that week. I thought she might have felt she’d let me down (as well as herself and Courtney), and also that she needed time alone. Although I didn’t hear from her she was never far from my thoughts. I hoped against hope that the future wasn’t as bleak as it appeared and a way could be found that would allow Jade to keep her baby. I thought about texting Tyler to see if he had any news but I decided if he wanted to be in touch with me he would.

Finally, on Friday, I texted Jade, saying simply:
Thinking of you, love Cathy x
.

She didn’t reply.

A month went by and I heard nothing from Jade, although I knew that she and Courtney were still at Grasslands. Jill, whom I saw regularly in connection with the child I was fostering, saw Rachel at the council offices between meetings, and Rachel told Jill that Jade was still at Grasslands, but she didn’t say any more. I cautioned myself not to read too much into what appeared to be good news, and that I should try to distance myself from Jade and Courtney, but it was very difficult. As a foster carer I’m often asked if I get attached to the children I look after. Of course I do. Foster carers couldn’t properly nurture and care for the children we look after if we didn’t get attached, and it didn’t matter that Jade was nearly an adult. I was attached to her and Courtney and I worried about them and missed them just as I would a much younger child.

Then in the second week of November I was shopping in a department store in the mall. Christmas gifts were starting to appear in the shops and some shops even had Christmas music playing. I was examining a box of holly-scented candles when my phone bleeped with a text message. Returning the box to the display, I took my phone from my bag and was amazed to see a text message from Jade:
u cn ph f u stil wn2 Jade x
. Which took me a moment to translate into:
You can phone if you still want to Jade x
.

Thank goodness, I thought, relieved I had finally heard from her. I left the store and went into the high street to phone her where the reception was better and my conversation couldn’t be so easily overheard.

Jade answered her phone immediately.

‘Great to hear from you, love,’ I said. ‘How are you?’

‘OK,’ Jade said. ‘How are you and the kids?’

‘We’re all very well, thank you.’

There was a long awkward silence, so I began talking – telling Jade that I was shopping with Christmas in mind, and snippets about Adrian, Paula, my parents and our cat – in fact anything that filled the silence and avoided me asking Jade if Courtney was still with her. Then, to my utter relief, I heard a baby in the background.

‘Is that Courtney?’ I asked.

‘Yes, and I’d better go. She’s just woken from her lunchtime nap. Cathy, will you come and visit me?’

‘Yes, of course. Are you still at Grasslands?’

‘Yes. Same flat.’

‘So is everything all right, then?’

She hesitated. ‘I won’t know for a while yet. They’ve done me a contract. I’ll explain when I see you.’

‘OK, love. I’ll check in my diary and text you a date.’

‘Thanks.’

The phone went dead and I stood for a moment in the high street considering what Jade had said. While Courtney was still with her, which was clearly good news, whether they could remain together apparently still hung in the balance. Once home I would check in my diary and text Jade the first date I was free. I returned to the shop but my heart wasn’t in shopping any more and I was soon driving home again.

Two days later I arrived at Grasslands, carrying a bag of ‘goodies’. I was nervous; it had been over a month since I’d last seen Jade and we hadn’t parted on the best of terms. If Jade had been a younger child who’d rejected me on a previous visit I’d simply have forgotten it, but with someone of Jade’s age I had to respect the fact she was an adult, with a personality of her own, and might not be ready to completely make up and move on.

I pressed the buzzer to her flat and a minute later her voice answered: ‘Come on up, Cathy.’ It was lovely to be here again.

When I turned the corner at the top of the stairs Jade was waiting by her open flat door with Courtney in her arms. I went over and hugged and kissed them both. Jade turned and led the way into her flat. But while she was pleased to see me, once inside I thought I detected a certain reserve in her manner, as though she was putting some distance between us. Courtney, of course, was her usual chirpy self and seemed to remember me. Now ten months old and standing she was very inquisitive of everything around her. Jade said she was into everything and she couldn’t let her out of her sight even for a moment. I was more than happy to sit on the floor and keep Courtney amused while Jade talked to me.

Jade talked generally about her and Courtney, and amongst other things told me that now Tyler had started his apprenticeship he could only get over to see her and Courtney at weekends, but he phoned on the other nights and Jade sent him pictures of Courtney on her phone. Jade said she’d made a new friend at Grasslands, a girl called Sapphire. Perhaps my expression gave away my apprehension, for she quickly added: ‘Don’t worry, Cathy. She’s sensible. We won’t get into trouble.’

I nodded: ‘So you’ve been allowed to stay at Grasslands?’

Jade then explained about the ‘contract’ Rachel had drawn up and which Jade had had to sign. It was essentially a set of expectations (rules) that the social services had set out in respect of Jade’s behaviour and her parenting of Courtney, to which she had to adhere in order to stay with Courtney at Grasslands. These included Grasslands’ rules as well as some extra undertakings: for example, that Jade stopped smoking so that she could better manage her budget. The contract was similar to a ‘home-rules contract’ with which I was familiar and which is sometimes used by parents and foster carers to modify unsafe behaviour in teenagers. The consequence of breaking a home-rules contract is usually loss of a privilege: for example, the teenager is stopped from going out in the evening. The consequence of Jade breaking the contract was far more serious, for Rachel had made it clear this really was her very last chance.

As Jade talked, I realized that the reserve in her nature was more a matter of maturity. She appeared less impulsive and seemed to be finally growing up and accepting her responsibilities as a parent. She admitted: ‘Seeing Tracy lose her baby did it for me. I never thought they’d take her but they did. Mum says that was my wake-up call.’

I thought Jackie was right. I asked Jade if she’d heard from Tracy, but she hadn’t and she said she was worried about her. I reassured her that Tracy’s social worker would make sure she was all right, but that was the only reassurance I could give her, for I didn’t know what had become of Tracy.

Jade made us a sandwich lunch, which to my surprise had lettuce and cucumber in it. ‘Very healthy,’ I said.

She laughed. ‘Yeah, the staff here are impressed too, but I still like my fry-ups, and chocolate biscuits.’

When it was time for me to leave, I didn’t simply assume Jade wanted me to visit her again; I asked her. She said she did but not every week. ‘I need to do this alone,’ she said. ‘To prove to them’ – the social services – ‘and me I can do it.’

‘I understand,’ I said. ‘Text me when you want me to visit. You’re doing very well.’ But how many times had I praised her before and then been disappointed?

I hugged and kissed them both goodbye at the door and I came away feeling fairly positive, although I cautioned myself on being too optimistic. I subsequently told Jill of my visit but not Adrian and Paula. I was protecting them again, just in case the worst happened.

At the end of November I received a text message from Jade asking if I’d visit again, and I went two days later and stayed for a couple of hours. She still seemed to be making good progress and I allowed myself a little more optimism.

I visited her again a week before Christmas, when I took presents for her, Tyler and Courtney, and included in the bag of goodies sweet mince pies, a chocolate Santa and a chocolate yuletide log. Jade was thrilled with all the chocolate and thanked me. She’d decorated her living room festively with a small artificial Christmas tree with lights and had hung some garlands from the ceiling. It looked very nice. Jade told me that all the girls at Grasslands had been given some extra money towards Christmas decorations for their flats, although apparently some of the girls had spent the money not on decorations but on make-up, so I was pleased Jade (and Sapphire) had used their money correctly.

‘The room looks lovely,’ I said again. ‘You’ve done a good job.’

‘Thanks. I did it while Courtney was asleep, so it was a surprise for her.’

Jade was excited and looking forward to Christmas, which would be Courtney’s first. They were spending Christmas Day at her mother’s and then on Boxing Day, Tyler was coming to Jade’s flat. ‘Tyler and me are going to make sure Courtney has a proper family Christmas,’ Jade said. ‘Just like the ones you see on the television.’ And from the way she said this I thought that perhaps her Christmases as a child hadn’t always been everything she’d hoped.

On Christmas morning Jade texted me, wishing us all a very merry Christmas or rather
a vry mrry xmas xxx
. The next time I saw her was near the end of January, a couple of days before Courtney’s first birthday. I took presents and a card for Courtney, as well as the usual bag of goodies, and Jade hid the presents away until it was Courtney’s birthday. I also gave Jade some new clothes for Courtney; she was growing so quickly that Jade was struggling to manage on her budget (even though she had stopped smoking). She’d been buying second-hand clothes for Courtney and herself from charity shops. Encouraged by the staff at Grasslands, Jade was planning a little birthday party for Courtney and had invited six other mothers and their babies to come to her flat at two o’clock on the afternoon of Courtney’s birthday. Jade told me the staff were going to help her make some fairy cakes and jellies for the party, and there’d be sandwiches and soft drinks too. She also said that Meryl, the teacher from her old school, was going to visit the following week.

I saw Jade once in February for a couple of hours and everything seemed fine; then in March I received a text message:
I’m MovN
: which meant
I’m moving
. My heart sank until I understood the rest of the message –
We’re bn givN a fl@. wl txt wen settld. tnx 4 evryting lov Jade x
– which meant:
We’re being given a flat. Will text when settled. Thanks for everything Love Jade
.

I knew that being given a social-housing flat was a big step forward. This was independent living for Jade, so the social services must be confident enough that she could parent her baby without the supervision that Grasslands offered. But I also knew that after moving, Courtney would still be monitored by the social services and possibly stay on the child-protection register until the social services were certain she was in no longer in any danger. I told Jill of this new development and she was pleased. I also told Adrian and Paula, for although they were now involved with the new child we were fostering they still talked about Jade, Courtney and Tyler, and from time to time asked how they were, just as they did with most of the children we’d fostered. While a child might leave a foster family, they never leave our hearts or memories.

Two months later – in May – I received a text from Jade:
cum n vzit wen u wnt
which I easily translated as:
Come and visit when you want
. She’d included the address of her new flat, and when I looked at the postcode more carefully I thought it must be on the estate where her mother lived. I texted back:
I’d luv to visit. R u lving close 2 ur mum?

Yes. 5 mins wlk frm mum’s
, she replied, which was fantastic for Jade.

I decided not to take Adrian and Paula on my first visit, so I chose a weekday when they would be at school. There would be plenty of opportunity in the future for them to see Jade and Courtney when I knew for certain they would stay together.

Jade didn’t text me a list of items she’d like in her ‘goody bag’ as she usually did, so I included her favourite crisps, chocolate biscuits and cake and the essential nappies, fruit, etc. I usually put in. I found the road where she lived easily and parked the car in one of the designated bays at the rear of the flats. I went down the walkway and to the front. It was 11.25 a.m. and Jade was expecting me at 11.30. Jade had already texted me that her flat was on the third floor, and I took the stairs, which smelt vaguely of disinfectant but were clean and freshly painted.

Arriving at the top, I went part way down the corridor until I came to flat twenty. I pressed the bell and waited, nervously twiddling the carrier bag at my side. The door opened and to my astonishment Tyler greeted me.

‘Hi, Cathy!’ he said, stepping forward and throwing his arms around me in a big hug. ‘Welcome!’

‘Tyler, how nice to see you,’ I said as he released me and I could breathe again.

‘Come on in,’ he said. ‘I took the day off work so I could see you. Do you like our flat?’

‘So you live here too?’ I asked, surprised.

‘I do,’ he said, jumping around me like an excited puppy. ‘This way!’

He pushed open the first door that led off the hall and I followed him into the lounge, where Jade was sitting on the floor showing Courtney how to do a large-piece jigsaw. Jade immediately stood and came over and kissed my cheek; then she said to Courtney: ‘Look who’s come to see us. It’s Aunty Cathy.’

Courtney looked up at me, made a good attempt at saying Aunty Cathy, and then, standing, toddled over. ‘Hello, darling,’ I said, picking her up and hugging her. ‘Aren’t you a big girl now?’

‘Mummy,’ she said pointing to Jade.

‘That’s right. Clever girl,’ I said.

‘And who’s this?’ Tyler asked, grinning and pointing to himself.

‘Daddy,’ she said clearly, which obviously pleased Tyler. He clapped, grinned and danced around her, which made Courtney chuckle. I put her down, as she wanted to be on the floor.