Please Don't Stop The Music (24 page)

I
stood up. ‘You spent all this time being a man of mystery, and
suddenly there’s no shutting you up is there?’

Another one of his sudden, beautiful smiles. ‘Better believe
it.’

Watching him sitting there, one ridiculously long leg folded
over the other in his groin-challengingly tight jeans, I almost
weakened. The urge to tell him everything, to let him know me
properly, rushed over me. At that point I realised I was
dangerously close to loving Ben Davies.

‘
Can
you lend me the money for a taxi so I can go and get Jason his car
back?’

‘
Are
you changing the subject?’ His smile had faded and the tightness
was back in his eyes.

If it had been anyone but Ben then maybe
everything would have come tumbling out, the whole sordid story.
But it was Ben. And if I told him – he might not like me any more.
But I owed it to him, didn’t I, to explain why I wouldn’t –
couldn’t
– get any
closer than this? To tell him that I was leaving, maybe to tell
him
why
. And
suddenly the thought of being without him made my breathing faster,
my palms sweatier. ‘No.’

His face relaxed again. I began to realise
how much it had cost him to confide in me. ‘That’s good.’ He
unfolded himself and stood looking down at me. ‘Look, when you’re
ready – hey, I can recommend telling someone. Telling
me
.’ He shook his head
slightly. ‘Let’s go pick Jason up and I’ll drop you off at Rosie’s
to get your stuff together.’ I made an old-fashioned face at him.
‘What? I need you here to field the phone calls! Where’s the
problem?’

Quickly I turned my face from him so he
couldn’t read my expression.
Move in here?
With a man I …
My mouth was dry. But then
it would be easier to run from here, and Ben wouldn’t be quite so
omnipresent as Rosie. I’d be able to pack and go without him
suspecting a thing.

‘
Just promise me if Jason says anything about ice cubes, blank
him. Or you can hit him if you like.’

‘
Ice
cubes?’

‘
Trust me, he’ll mention them.’ I took a deep breath. I could
do this. I really could.

Chapter Fifteen

Just
before he got into the car with Ben, Jason pulled me aside. ‘Jem,
got something to tell ya.’

‘
You’re not pregnant, are you?’ The drive
over had contained a lot of silences. Ben was clearly waiting for
me to talk, to share my soul with him as he’d shared his with
me.
What the hell was I going to
do?

‘
Nah. Why, you offering to impregnate me? ’Cos I’d give good
money for that if I din’t think your Mr Davies would rip me head
off and shove the mushy end up me shitter.’ Jase looked around.
‘Where’s Rosie?’

‘
Giving Harry his tea. What is it?’

Jason put his mouth to my ear. ‘Took a trip out to Harrogate
today. Had a picture to deliver so I took the van –’ a head-jerk
towards Jason’s horrible, fuel-guzzling Landrover. ‘Be glad to get
the car back, I mean yeah the van’s useful, but bloody hell it
don’t pull nothing but sheep. Anyhoo. While I was over there –
yeah, awright mate! Keep yer wig on.’ This shouted across to Ben
who was leaning his elbow on the horn of the little car and making
hurry up motions with both hands. ‘Popped around to Saskia’s little
shop, din’t I? And guess what I found? Round the back someone’s
been having a great big bonfire. There was empty boxes piled all
over an’ a lovely big mess of burned-up paper.’ He arched an
eyebrow. ‘Three guesses wot it was she’d bin burning? And two of
’em are a waste of time.’

‘
Rosie’s cards?’

‘
Got
it in one, my love.’

‘
And
the staff let you see this?’

Jason looked sideways under his hair. ‘Aw,
come
on
. This is
me you’re talking to! What kinda sex symbol would I be if I
couldn’t charm a few little shop assistants? And, incidentally
whilst taking a little peep out in the yard, getting one helluva
shag off Saskia’s mate, Christine. Now there is one
hungry
lady. And, I may
add, one who used to be an actress.’

‘
What?’

‘
Do we know anyone who might, possibly, have
needed someone to
pretend
, just as a joke you
understand, to be – oh, I dunno, a social worker, say? To pop round
to someone’s house and tell them that their baby wasn’t being
looked after proper?’

I
gawped at him. ‘What, and you got this out of her while you were
screwing? Your sex talk needs a lot of work.’

He
waggled his eyebrows. ‘We got chatting, all right?’

‘
Before or after?’

‘
Hey, I don’t just love ’em and leave ’em, I put the hours in.
And a few other things I could mention …’ He rubbed at his
crotch.

‘
I
don’t know whether to admire you or despise you
totally.’

‘
Just don’t tell Rosie, thass all. Saskia’s still got her
churning those cards out like there’s some kinda world shortage.
You tell her it’s just so that Saskia can warm her chilly tits I
reckon she might go into meltdown.’ And with a little skipping run
Jason took off towards the Audi, where he and Ben could be seen
greeting each other with blokey slaps.

I
went into the cottage to find Rosie spooning mush into Harry’s
happily open mouth. ‘You look like a mother blackbird.’

‘
Believe me, worms would be cheaper.’ Rosie put down the spoon
and turned around. ‘But the health visitor said he’s such a hungry
baby, weaning would be the best thing. Wow, Jem. You look –
different.’

‘
You
only saw me this morning.’ Self-consciously I raked my hands
through my hair and smoothed my cheeks. ‘How different?’

‘
I
don’t know. Sort of glowy.’ She covered her mouth slowly. ‘Oh, God.
Does this mean you and Ben …? Oh, Jem, is he absolutely
fabulous?’

‘
No,
he’s a complete pain in the arse,’ I retorted, thinking of Ben’s
irritating attractiveness.

‘
Pain in the … oh.’ Rosie blew out a long breath. ‘You mean –
anal sex?’

‘
You spend far too long with Jason, do you
know that? Ben and I, we’re just friends. He’s been –’ how to
describe what had gone on between Ben and me? – ‘unburdening
himself in my direction, that’s all. And,’ I added hastily. ‘Not in
a wanky way, either. God, we
both
spend too much time with Jase.’

Rosie shrugged and turned back to Harry,
loaded spoon back in hand. ‘All I’ll say is that
something
is making you
pink-cheeked like you’ve been lit up from inside. I’m not going to
pry into what’s been going on, apart from asking what the hell all
that stuff about a fire was.’

I
explained about Ben’s shop, watching Rosie look more and more
distressed as I went on. ‘But there’s a good side,’ I put in
quickly, seeing the tears start up in her eyes. ‘Ben’s asked me to
stay at his place for a while. So you could put Harry into his cot
in my room. It’d give you a bit more space and you won’t have to
worry about him rolling himself out of the carry cot any
more.’

Harry grabbed at the spoon, annoyed at the
slow service. A kind of porridgey slush flicked over Rosie and me,
and she began dipping the spoon back into the jar in jerky little
movements. ‘You aren’t telling me everything, are you?’ A quick
look at my guilty expression. ‘If you and Ben aren’t screwing fit
to bust there must be something else going on. Blokes like him,
they don’t just ask women to stay. Not without
some
kind of Special Services. Is it
something to do with the fire?’

Without saying anything I reached into the pocket of my
jeans. Drew out what I’d found lying in the rubble and discarded
papers outside Ben’s shop. Uncurled my hand and showed it to
her.

‘
Yeah that’s one of the seed heads I use for my cards.’ Her
attention went back to Harry again.

‘
I
found it. Underneath some of the stuff the fire brigade had piled
up outside the shop.’

‘
At Ben’s?’ Rosie’s eyes met mine and I saw
understanding slowly dawn. ‘What? You think …?’ I dropped the
pink-sprayed seed head onto the table. ‘But that’s stupid. Why
on
earth
would
Saskia set fire to Ben’s shop? That’s – yes, it’s more than stupid,
it’s ridiculous.’ She lifted Harry from his seat.

‘
I
know.’ I chucked Harry stickily under the chin. ‘It’s just
circumstantial. And maybe I’m seeing ghosts that don’t exist. But,
and I hesitate to make this dreadful pun because I’m not Jason,
there’s no smoke without fire. And now, I’m going to pop over to
the workshop to collect some bits and pieces. Thought I might have
a crack at making something specific for Saskia’s shop. Maybe a
tiara?’

Rosie sniggered, falling into step alongside me, Harry
winding sticky fingers into her hair. ‘Tiara! Mind you I reckon she
already thinks she’s Victoria Beckham.’

‘
You’ve seen the house, she probably does. But Alex is so far
off being David Beckham it’s amusing.’

The
sniggering stopped as we approached the barn. ‘You will still keep
coming over here, won’t you?’

‘’
Course.’ I unlocked the main door and went into the office.
‘I’ll need some sane company anyway and because I’m referring to
you and Jason as sane company I hope you’ll infer that Ben is not
exactly Mr Stability.’

‘
Yeah, well, stability can be boring as hell.’ Rosie’s voice
vanished into Jason’s workshop as she searched for Harry’s chair.
‘Conventional is over-rated. I reckon a fling with a rock star
would set you up nicely.’

‘
He’s not a rock star.’

‘
He
was. He’ll still be raking in the royalties. Might be again one day
if you can persuade him to pick up a guitar once more. Never know
your luck, Jem, you could be looking at a life on the
road.’

My
heart squeezed. ‘Not going to happen.’ I opened my
e-mail.

‘
The
fling? Come on, wake up and hear the music, the guy is so hot for
you that he’s going to spontaneously combust if you give him the
push.’ She saw my expression, tinged blue by the light of the
screen. ‘What’s up?’

My
throat was burning and I had to whisper. ‘Look.’ I turned the
screen around to face her. ‘Someone has reported me for fraud.
Repeatedly not delivering goods that have been paid for. eBay are
suspending my listing.’

I
sobbed into Rosie’s ample shoulder. She patted my back as though I
was Harry. ‘Oh, Jem.’

‘
I’ve done nothing wrong.
’ Couldn’t tell her that without eBay I had no way of selling
anything when I moved on. That I’d been relying on sales from the
internet to keep me going while I set up somewhere new. And then it
wasn’t just that, it was everything. It was Ben and his awful
secret, his fragility, and my knowledge that I wanted him so much
all I could do was run away. ‘
Now
what am I going to do?’

‘
If
you need some cash I could lend you –’

‘
It’s not just the money. It’s – oh, Rosie,
I don’t know what I’m doing. Ben is …’ Ben is everything.
Everything that I’m afraid of, everything I’ve ever wanted. All
those secret desires that I’ve hidden for so long underneath so
many layers that now even
I
don’t recognise them.

‘
He’s told you why he quit the band?’

I
could only nod against her shoulder.

‘
And
it’s not drugs?’

A
head-shake, which spread snot along her dress.

‘
You
could take it to the papers.’

I
jerked my head away from her. ‘Rosie!’

She smiled. ‘Yeah, thought so. For God’s
sake, just
tell him
. Tell him you’re in love with him. Everything else will work
itself out.’

‘
Is
that experience talking?’

Another smile, achingly sad this time. ‘Afraid so. It’s just
that sometimes things take longer to work out.’

‘
Anyway, who says I’m in love with him?’ I wiped my eyes on
the back of my hand.

‘
Jemima, you’re broke and you won’t sell the most valuable
thing you’ve got. The information about Ben. There’s press and
music papers and fans, they’d all pay really good money for the
inside story on the Philadelphia débâcle. But you won’t even think
of it.’ She shook her head and the section of her hair which wasn’t
covered in porridge bounced around her face. ‘If that ain’t love,
well.’

‘
When I wasn’t here did you get visited by the Wisdom
Fairy?’

‘
Only Jason, and he’s not eligible on the first count. I think
the second might be negotiable. Just do it, what have you got to
lose?’

Only my freedom
, I
thought.
My ability to run, to get out
whenever things got awkward.