Playing with Fire (14 page)

He carefully unwound himself, attempting not to wake her up. He needed to get far away fast, before he did something he would regret.

That he could even think of sex was actually big news. The past week or two was the first time there’d been any sign of life below his belt since the fire. He’d wondered if he’d gone half-dead himself. Maybe one of these days he’d do something about his physical needs, but not with Macey. She wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl, and that’s all he’d be able to manage. There was no way he was going to involve himself in anything that required emotions or follow-up.

He tried to roll away but was stopped by a weight against his legs. What the…? The “weight” shook as it scratched itself, and Derek shooed Burnaby out of the way as quietly as possible. When he stood, the dog stood. Oh, happy day, the pup likely needed to go outside to take a leak.

Derek stretched his arms over his head, again wondering at how soundly he’d slept. He had a sneaking suspicion that the cause still lay there slumbering, oblivious.

Oblivious was good.

There was no way to deny that he was attracted to Macey. Ever since she’d been back from Asia, he’d seen her in a different light. She’d blossomed from being like a little sister into a very sexy woman he couldn’t ignore.

But he had every intention of trying.

He made his way to the partially open sliding-glass door and was about to hit his thigh to summon the dog, but there was no need. Burnaby galloped over to him, tail going ninety miles an hour. Derek wished he could get so excited about
anything.

Macey had tossed the leash by the door, so he bent down and fastened it to the dog’s collar.

Burnaby surged forward as soon as the screen door was open, and Derek held tightly to his leash. Someone needed to teach this dog who was in charge.

They were soon heading north on the beach, the dog trying to be in the lead until he’d find something—various somethings—interesting enough to sniff at.

“You need obedience school, dog.”

That caused another couple wags of the tail and Derek’s lips curved upward in spite of himself. He reached down and scratched Burnaby’s head.

They spent a few more minutes with the dog raring to go and Derek trying to hold him back before he decided what the heck.

“You wanna run, boy? We’ll run.”

He started jogging and Burnaby barked once. They picked it up into a near sprint and went for several minutes, pounding the sand side by side.

By the time they stopped, they were at the edge of the developed part of the beach. Walking another quarter of a mile put them technically out of the city limits and into a coastal area protected from development, covered by windswept dunes and patches of sea grass. Broad bands of pinks and oranges spread across the dawn sky and the untouched shore stretched out for miles ahead of them. Never-ending waves and an invigorating breeze were their only companions out here.

Derek had never ventured up this far. The only place he went besides the bar was his running route, a circuit of a few blocks. Same every time. He’d been missing out.

He and Burnaby settled on top of one of the dunes and stared out at the peaceful gulf, both breathing heavily. Derek let go of the leash and the dog remained by his side in comfortable companionship.

Derek wouldn’t have appreciated the scenery before now, he suspected. Something was different today. If he’d known sleeping on the floor was the answer, he would’ve crawled out of his chair long ago. Too bad the floor wasn’t the real reason for his rested state.

It could only be Macey. He would never admit it to her, but voicing what had happened during the fire had caused a strange kind of cathartic release, painful as it had been. Before last night he’d never told a soul what had happened.

Yeah, talking had been important, but even more so was Macey. She was so unselfish. So damn caring by nature. He didn’t deserve anything from her and could only hope to someday, somehow repay her for everything she did for him.

He cared about her. Too much. She’d definitely changed in Asia, grown up inside and out. Since she’d been on the island, he’d been drawn to her physically. She was alluring enough that even in his grief and guilt he couldn’t help but take notice. It seemed the attraction wasn’t entirely one-sided, either, based on the two times they’d kissed. But that was as far as it could go. He was too afraid of hurting her, even if these had been normal times and he wasn’t consumed by the tragedy of losing Julie. Macey deserved a good man, and that wasn’t him. Not anymore.

He lay back on the sand, supporting his head with his arms, and took in the lightening sky and the splotches of cumulus clouds floating overhead.

Macey was right about one thing. It was time to start finding his way back to life. He needed to do it on his own and leave her out of it, though.

Burnaby sighed and lowered his chin to Derek’s thigh.

“You and I just might do all right together, dog.”

In her not-quite-awake state, she allowed herself to imagine there was something more between them.

She’d been hyperaware throughout the night of his arm draped over her. The heat of him along her back. Just…him. So close to her.

As she became more alert, the stillness of the condo registered in her brain. Derek wasn’t here. Maybe he’d gone to get breakfast for them.

Something seemed off as the silence dragged on, and it finally hit her that Burnaby was gone, too. Hopefully, Derek had taken him for a walk. Another smile curved her lips. It appeared the puppy was making progress. Weakening him. And she hoped she was doing the same.

She sprang up from the makeshift bed with more optimism and energy than she’d had for ages. After searching all over for something to tie her tangled hair with, she remembered she had a clip in her purse, and put it to use. Then she went into the kitchen and started cleaning up the mess from her wasted cooking adventure.

The condo wasn’t messy, really, beyond Derek’s bedroom, but she could tell he hadn’t spent much time taking care of it. A thick layer of dust covered every surface. Using a damp towel, she got rid of it.

She located an ancient vacuum cleaner in the hall closet and ran it over the floor of the carpeted rooms. As she worked, she found herself periodically checking out the sliding door to see if Derek and Burnaby were on their way in.

By the time she heard the door open, she’d scrubbed down the counters and tile floors, shined the mirrors and fixtures, and was working on the master bathroom.

Burnaby reached her first, at high speed, of course. She rubbed the sides of his face and baby-talked to him, letting him land a couple of licks on her cheek, which made her laugh.

Macey expected Derek to follow the dog in to find her, but he didn’t appear. She headed to the kitchen. When she saw him, her heart fluttered.

He stood in the doorway, his back to her, looking out at the sparkling gulf. He’d taken his shirt off and held it in one hand, a can of pop in his other. He apparently hadn’t heard her behind him. She couldn’t help gaping at his body like a groupie, admiring his muscled arms, his wide shoulders, that powerful back. His skin shone with moisture and he was breathing fast, as if he’d been running.

From this view, it was easy to see the hero he was—the man who could handle any emergency situation. How could the man she saw have stopped believing in himself, maybe even stopped believing in life? Macey hoped with every fiber of her being that he was on the way to finding meaning in something. Any little thing.

“Hey,” she said.

He started and faced her. “Figured you’d gone home.”

She didn’t know what she’d been expecting from him, but it was definitely a little more warmth. Not so much indifference.

“I’m leaving soon. I have to open at work. Just thought I’d tidy things for you.”

Derek glanced around the open-concept dining area, kitchen and living room. Instead of a grateful smile, he frowned. “Why’d you do that?”

“Because it needed it.”

“You didn’t have to.” He meant what he said. He wasn’t giving her the obligatory polite objection.

“It was no big deal.”

He walked around her and threw the now-empty can in the trash under the sink. He hadn’t yet met her eyes.

“You better get out of here if you’re going to make it on time.”

She flinched. He really wanted her to leave. He couldn’t care less whether she got to The Shell Shack on time or not; he just wanted her out of his condo.

Macey tried to hide the fact that she was stunned. Tried to cover her hesitation as she absorbed his between-the-lines message.

“Right. I’m leaving.” She picked up her purse from the kitchen counter and nearly tripped over the dog.
Crap.
The dog.

“What about Burnaby?” She reached down and ruffled the fur on his neck, more to comfort herself than him.

“He can stay.”

She looked up sharply in surprise.

Derek wasn’t happy about it, she could tell. That was fine as long as he gave the dog a good home.

Had she dreamed up last night and the intimacy they’d shared?

“There’s a small bag of food here, but he’ll go through it in about two days.” Derek nodded.

She pressed her lips together in frustration. “Did I do something wrong, Dare?” she asked, hating that her voice went high and squeaky.

He didn’t answer her for so long she thought he was going to ignore her altogether. At last, when tears had filled her eyes and her throat had developed a lump the size of the Gulf of Mexico, he shook his head.

“Just have a lot to think about.”

Something snapped inside of Macey. She was not going to stand by and let him retreat yet again, not after last night. She slammed her purse down on the table.

“Yeah. You do. Specifically, about how you treat the people around you. The very ones you’ve tried so hard to piss off so we’ll leave you alone. When are you going to get it through your head that I’m not going to leave you alone, no matter how mean or indifferent you are to me?”

She could feel the heat in her face but wasn’t about to back down.

“What do you want from me, Macey?”

“What do I
want?
Are you kidding?”

“You think since you stayed overnight I should let you move in? Is that why you cleaned the place?”

She took a slow, calming breath that actually didn’t do a thing to settle her down. Her head throbbed in time with her pulse. “I don’t want anything
from
you. I want something
for
you. Something like peace of mind. A flash of happiness now and then. That’s all I want, Derek. Forgive me for cleaning. I was trying to be nice, but that seems to be a foreign concept to you.”

“I didn’t ask you to be nice. Matter of fact, I made it very clear I wasn’t up for a visit when you came to town.”

She picked up her purse again and hurried down the hall.

“Macey. Wait.”

She ignored him, walking straight out the door. Tears burned her eyes again, but this time they were tears of anger. Regardless, though, she wasn’t going to let him see her cry. Not this time. He’d seen her in tears countless instances over the years, but they had never been caused by him. This was different.

She walked along the edge of the street the whole way home, kicking the heck out of every rock she came across, imagining each one was Derek’s head. His stinking, self-absorbed, hard head.

Neither one of them could afford to let her have expectations about anything concerning him. The sooner she understood that, the better. He just wished he’d found a way to get that point across without being his trademark asshole self.

He leaned down to Burnaby, who’d meandered over to his feet and dropped, pooped out from their exercise.

“I’ve rethought things, dog. Compared to a woman, you might make a damn fine roommate. I’ve got two steaks in the fridge. Let’s have some lunch.”