Playing the Perfect Boyfriend (Gone Hollywood) (18 page)

But she
hadn’t
been sure.

Now, at the airport, waiting to board, with Isak at her side, she just felt adrift. Lost at sea.

The perfect emotion to embark on her future as a Viking. Or potentially a Viking’s wife, if things played out the way she knew he wanted them to.

“Stockholm is beautiful this time of year,” Isak said as their gate called for first-class passengers. “It’s surrounded by water, and the shoreline is awash in color. The older part of the city is filled with history, classic buildings, fountains… You’re going to love it.”

Jade’s lips curled in a small, quiet smile. Small enough he wouldn’t notice any hint of other emotion in it—wouldn’t see her heart breaking with every step. “I’m sure I will.”

“And Danderyd is lovely in its own right. A lot more space, yet you’ll be very close to my family. So if you need anything when I’m on location, they are a call or a walk down the street away.”

“That close?”

“The municipality is less than thirty square kilometers of land. Er…a bit over ten square miles.” He handed their tickets to the gate attendant.

“That’s…pretty small.” She hated small towns. They reminded her of where Mom had settled after the divorce. Everyone knew everyone, and all too often actually cared about no one.

After stowing their carry-ons, Isak settled next to the window. Jade tried to look at him as her future. The man was beautiful—stunning, really—and he truly cared about her. From helping her after she twisted her ankle to coming back two years after she’d told him to leave and acting as if no time at all had passed…all of it pointed toward someone strong, loyal. The kind of man who would always be there.

That was what her mother had never had, why she’d fallen apart. If Jade was going to settle down, she wasn’t going to risk what happened with her parents. She needed someone solid whom she could count on. It was why she was trusting in him now when she felt so very broken.

“Are you all right?” Isak’s brows knit together.

She forced herself to nod.

“I know this is all very sudden for you, but it isn’t for me. I promise we can make this work. As much as I thought about you the last two years, I know you thought of me as well. Otherwise you would have been just as you were before—one-night stands and meaningless flings. Dean proves we’re on the same page now, wanting the same things.”

And she’d never, ever be able to explain Dean to him honestly. The last eight weeks would be a secret standing between them forever.
The perfect way to start our new life.
The mental sarcasm made her stomach churn with guilt. But feeling something was better than feeling nothing at all, right?

Across the aisle, a teenage girl’s iPod started blaring Halestorm’s “Better Sorry than Safe,” the chorus echoing through the cabin before her exasperated mother grabbed the machine and turned it off. Jade couldn’t hear the reprimand; the lyrics reverberated in her head, carving the words in her mind. Her heart thudded in time with the beat she’d only heard for a moment. It was as if that one simple line brought her back to the reality she was living.

Watching the scene between mother and daughter play out with that as her soundtrack, she whispered, “I’m not my mother.”

“What’s that?” Isak asked distractedly.

Her entire body shaking, she twisted back around to face him. “I’m not my mother.” For the first time with him, she wasn’t afraid to say exactly what was on her mind. “She was the one who wanted stability, safety, but that’s never been me. When I left home, I had a camera and a dream. I busted ass in a town where dreams go to die, and I raised mine from the grave more than once.”

“I don’t understand, but I appreciate your success and your drive. They are things I love about you.”

And there it was—that damn word. She took Isak’s hands in hers. “And you deserve someone who will love all the things about you. My mother would have. But as much as I’ve feared how her life wound up…I’m not her. I’m the girl who had been having meaningless flings right up until the moment you walked back into her life. And safety…it doesn’t appeal to me. I need to challenge myself, to jump without a net—that’s how I feel alive.” That was why Dean trying to show her that he could give her the same things as Isak had felt so wrong—he’d shown her exactly what she
didn’t
want out of life.

“What are you saying?”

The last of the passengers had just boarded the plane, and they were getting ready to close the door. She had to do this now, or she’d spend the next fifteen hours watching Isak hate her. “I’m saying I was wrong. My work-in-progress isn’t finished, and I need to get back to it, whatever the cost.”

“Jade. You’re being irrational. If it didn’t work, what makes you think you can change that?”

“Exactly, Isak.
We
didn’t work, not really. And neither one of us can change that, but I know I’d rather be sorry than safe. You deserve someone who appreciates everything you have to offer. Who
values
how solid and good you are. I won’t say you deserve better than me, but you deserve someone more right for you than me. And I deserve someone who’s right for me.” Leaning over, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “
Adjö
.”

Likely too stunned to say anything, Isak sat there, silent, his mouth open in a small
O
as Jade yanked her carry-on from the overhead and hobbled toward the flight attendant. “Don’t you dare shut that fucking door. I have to go jumping without a parachute, and I’d rather do it metaphorically than from thirty thousand feet.”

Chapter Nineteen

Considering the time, Jade had decided to stay at a hotel near the airport Monday night. First thing Tuesday morning, she’d called Vicky.

“You’re not in Sweden, are you?”

“Obviously.” She shoved the small bag of toiletries
into her carry-on
. Supposedly the airline had unloaded her bags and she could pick them up this morning.

“Need a ride?”

“Also obvious. Since I kind of gave up my condo, I also need a place to stay for a few days—maybe more than a few days. I’m hoping only a few days.” God, what if he didn’t forgive her?

“I’m sure we can work something out. I’m in the midst of planning a wedding that is in desperate need of a photographer.”

She resisted the urge to groan, but if nothing else, she still had her best friend and her career. “I’m also going to need some co-conspirators, so you’re on. I’m at the Crowne Plaza.”

“Heading out in five.”

Jade was shaking when she hung up the phone. Help she had in spades, but she didn’t have a plan. Hell, she barely had a concept.

Sure, she could show up at the condo and just beg him to forgive her. But there was a good chance she’d given up most of her life and wouldn’t get it back. If she were in Dean’s position, there was no way a simple apology would fly. She needed something big, splashy, something he couldn’t ignore.

She stared at her phone, forcing herself to scroll past Dean’s number. Years and years worth of Hollywood contacts. And then came Chaz.

It was a bad idea. He could ruin everything if he mentioned the text to Dean, but she had to get information, and he was her best source. She tapped in a message and hit send.

Hey, in the rush to leave, I forgot there was an email about doing a last-minute shoot with Dean for some teeny-bopper magazine. Since I’m their point of contact, do you know his availability? Maybe this weekend?

The wait until her phone buzzed felt like forever, like Chaz was telling her to fuck off in all the ways Dean hadn’t been able to.

Texting mid-flight? Technology is a beautiful thing. He’s booked up pretty solid this weekend with screen tests for that movie he’s doing.

That’s right—the role he’d been willing to pass over to spend time with her. How had she been so blind as to ignore something like that?

He took the part, then?

This time Chaz’s response was quick.

Yeah. They’re casting his co-star. First cuts this week, screen tests all weekend. Want me to find out his schedule moving forward?

Now that she had her information, she had to shut down this particular line of bullshit before it took on a life of its own.

No. I’ll email them once I’m settled and see if they can work with a later shoot or want to bump it by a month. Thanks.

Jade tapped her phone against her chin. Screen tests. Screen tests…

After dragging her carry-on to the lobby, she pulled out her laptop and logged into the wifi. A quick search brought up the casting call for the movie. Shit.

Female lead: 20-25

That wasn’t going to work.

…

Dean had taken to sleeping in the guest room. The memories were too raw to spend the night in the bed he’d shared with Jade. In fact, other than the kitchen, he pretty much lived in the guest room.

Not that he was even at the condo much.

Between the lack of sleep last
week and trying to adjust to reality without her around since moving back to the W, he’d been off his game at work. Today it had finally been bad enough that the producer had told him to get his shit together or they’d find someone who could.

He tossed his keys on the console table and walked into the kitchen, guided only by the glow of the light over the stove. One yank on the fridge door, grab a bottle of beer to go with the takeout in his other hand, shut the door, back to the guest room.

If he had leftovers, they could be tossed in the morning. He didn’t need to go out there again tonight. Opening the containers, he speared a piece of chicken with a chopstick and shoved it in his mouth. A fork might have been a good idea, but he’d make do with what he had.

After checking his phone, he opened his email. Nothing from Jade. Chaz had mentioned talking to her briefly and that he’d come up in conversation—something about a new shoot—but he’d heard nothing. It hadn’t stopped him from checking repeatedly since she’d left on Monday. Five days and not a word.

He needed to just accept the fact that she was gone. She’d done almost exactly what she’d promised when they made their arrangement in the first place. How could he be angry with her for following through? He’d been the only one to get attached, which meant he needed to get unattached—and fast, considering tomorrow he had to pretend to be falling in love with a bunch of different girls.

On the upside, according to the subject line that had popped up, the screen tests were only running tomorrow rather than all weekend, as originally planned. He opened the email from the casting director. Thirty-one candidates. It was going to be a long-ass day, but it was still better than a long-ass weekend.

He was about to close the email when he glanced at the number again. Thirty-one. Granted, he didn’t think there was a standard number for callbacks, but thirty-one seemed…off. It was also Jade’s age, at least for a couple more weeks. The fact that he thought those things in rapid succession meant he desperately needed to get a grip. He couldn’t keep seeing reminders of her in everything or he’d go crazy.

“Dude,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “You’re overthinking this. Fucking eat your dinner, relax a little, and get some damn sleep.”

He tried, but eventually he braved hitting the kitchen for another beer, and then a third. Finally, he fell into a fitful slumber.

…

What the hell had she been thinking?

Jade looked around the room at the thirty other women seated there. She looked young for her age, but a lot of these women looked positively pubescent. And not a single one was bigger than a size two. Was this fucking movie supposed to take place in a
high school?

It didn’t matter how much she tried to calm her nerves. Every time she thought she had a grip, one of the women would glance her way, look her up and down, and then shake her head, or roll her eyes, or whisper to her neighbor who would then repeat the process.

Hell. She’d called in every favor she had in this damn city—begged favors from her best friend’s husband—all to put herself in some level of hell that she’d never known existed.

She was well aware Hollywood was superficial. Her business was a part of that, making everyone as gorgeous as possible. Perfection for the public eye.

It was such a pretty lie that she’d almost forgotten she wasn’t one of the beautiful people as far as most in the industry were concerned. The women around her didn’t have any problem issuing the reminder.

Except the one sitting next to her. Blonde with fading pink highlights, she seemed as out of place as Jade herself. “Don’t I know you?”

Shit. She hoped not. “I doubt it.”

Jade had dressed the part of sexy librarian for the screen test. Not for the casting people, but for Dean—a reminder of their first night out. This was a look that undid him, and she needed every weapon in her arsenal today.

Pinky frowned, biting her lip. Then her eyes suddenly went wide, and she whispered, “I
do
know you. There was a picture of you in
OKAY!
splitting a sundae at Ghirardelli’s with…” Her gaze darted to the door across the room, the one separating them from those doing screen tests—from Dean. “Weren’t you dating him?”

So much for whispering. Four little words, and in an instant, Jade went from being the casting joke to either the most envied or most reviled woman in the room. Results varied from face to face.

She smiled at Pinky. “Don’t believe everything you read. When I walk through that door, there’s no telling what his reaction will be.”

And, like that, she realized exactly how wrong this plan could go.

I should have just waited for him outside the door to the condo.

…

“Halfway through. You holding up okay?” Austin, the casting director, nudged Dean’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I’m just hoping the camera is seeing more chemistry than I am.”

Austin laughed. “Don’t you worry. We’ll find someone who works.” He frowned as he glanced toward the door. “Probably not her, though.” Clear
ing his throat, he plastered on a smile. “Austin Englund. I don’t remember you from the initial round. Are you sure you’re in the right room, Miss…”

“Easler. Jade Easler. If you take a look, you’ll see that I was recommended by Marcus Nightbridge.”

Dean spun, his mouth hanging open in a way that probably made him look like a dying fish, but he didn’t care. She was here, in L.A. But more than that, she was
here
.

“Oh. That’s right. I forgot there was an addition.” Austin looked at Jade like he didn’t even see her, like there was no way she could be a romantic lead. Dean was pretty sure the man had never been so wrong. “Dean, let’s get going. We’ll start from your line ‘why don’t you just go home?’”

Shit. He actually had to do the scene with her—and it was an argument. They’d already played that one out, and he really hadn’t liked how it ended the first time.

But this was his job. Whether he liked it or not, he had to be a professional, and Jade knew that. It was the reason she hadn’t wanted interruptions at her studio, and why she had to know how badly this would throw him. What the hell was she doing?

Austin pointed Jade to her mark on the floor, and Dean hit his.

“And…action.”

He blew out a slow breath and did his best to put on the character of angry leading man. “Why don’t you just go home, then? You came here thinking small-town life would solve all your problems, but instead you just brought them with you. We don’t need them, and I damn well don’t need you.” Turning his back to her in that instant was the hardest thing he’d had to do in a long time.

Then her hand fell on his arm. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I carried my problems with me because I didn’t know how to let go.” What the hell was she doing? That
was not
her line. “I did it because I’d never known what life without them could be like…until you.”

At the casting table, Austin was flipping through the script like a madman, hunting for words that weren’t there. Dean didn’t care if he yelled cut and stopped the cameras from rolling. Whatever this was, they were going to play it out to the end. He turned back toward Jade, drinking in the sight of her like a man dying of thirst. One who knew this might well be his last drop of water. “Your point?”

“I shoved you away and kept you at arm’s reach because I was scared. I was terrified if you knew where I’d come from and what kind of baggage I brought with me that you’d run, just like every other man in my life. As much as I claim to be honest all the time, I was always pretending with people, just like you. The world saw a woman who had everything together when I was really only held up by stubbornness and determination.”

She stepped off her mark, moving toward him. “But you saw that in me, even before I showed it to you. You looked at every facet of me and embraced it all. The sheer fact that I felt like I could confide in you was the thing that scared me most of all. So I hid, and then I ran. But the only person in the world who has ever made me feel complete just by being who I already am…is you.”

Austin was moving toward them, likely planning to break this up, to ruin everything. Fuck that. “You’re more than complete. You’re amazing.” Dean took a step toward her, closing the distance.

She bit her lip and dropped her gaze toward the floor, like she was afraid of what she’d see in his eyes if she looked at him. “I never left. I got off the plane before it even moved from the gate. I couldn’t bear the thought of not waking up next to you in the morning or not falling asleep with my head on your chest. And I would have hated myself forever if the only time I’d ever said I loved you was in a fever dream that might not have been real.”

She loved him. Not like. Not loved some random therapist-accepted part of his personality. She loved
him
. For a long minute, he couldn’t respond. He couldn’t do anything other than stare at her, thanking every lucky star he’d ever wished on as a child for bringing him Jade.

He must have stood silent longer than he thought, because she took a step back, and only then did he notice the tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m…sorry for wasting your time.”

She spun and rushed to the door. Thankfully, his words made those damned five-inch, fuck-me heels skitter to a stop. “You forgot your last line. As I recall, it’s something about asking me to kiss you and make a promise to grow old and gray together.”

Her delay was a lot shorter than his. A single tear escaped as she turned around. “Kiss me, damn you.”

In three long strides, he closed the distance between them, covering her mouth with his, tasting her, savoring her, secure in the knowledge that this wouldn’t be the last time. It was the first of many more to come. When their lips finally parted, he swiped her tear away with his thumb, and she leaned against him, holding him tight.

The sigh that escaped her lips was peaceful, happy. “But I am never going gray, and this is the
last
time, in all the years I plan on us being together, that you’re going to call me old. Got it?”

“As long as I’ve got you, we can figure out anything else.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, not caring about Austin or the screen tests or anything else. “I love you, kitten.”

“Love you, too, tiger. Now how long until you can take me home and remind me what being in love feels like?”

For what felt like the first time in forever, he laughed, the sound rolling through him. “Home sounds good. Better than good. As for the other…” He held her at arm’s length, hungrily taking in every glorious inch of her. “I think I have a lot of overdue books. You might have to take the fine out of my hide.”