Playing the Hand You're Dealt (15 page)

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Authors: Trice Hickman

BOOK: Playing the Hand You're Dealt
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Chapter 11
Emily . . .
 
 
 
 
Standing in My Friend's Shoes
 
T
oday was one of the most wonderful yet intensely exhausting days of my life, and it all started yesterday when Samantha came walking into my empty, newly renovated home and shouted, “Surprise!” as Bradley walked in behind her. I was unpacking a box and was so stunned that I had to blink to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Bradley was the last person I had expected to see.
Samantha had been trying to play matchmaker for me, and because her other efforts to hook me up hadn't worked out, she decided to contact Bradley. I couldn't believe she didn't warn me first, but instead of getting upset, I bit my lower lip and tried to be polite.
A part of me felt guilty about the constant communication I had been having with Bradley. After I sent him the card and fruit basket last month to thank him for the wonderful design work he'd done, he called and thanked me back, beginning a series of nightly phone conversations.
Talking to Bradley felt comfortable and allowed me to open up about things. I told him about the loneliness I felt without my mother, the adjustment of starting a new job, and the frustration of getting the house in order. Samantha and Ms. Gerti had been wonderful and supportive, but I didn't want to constantly unload my burdens on them, so I accepted Bradley's calls. It was something I now regretted. I knew it was selfish, and that was why I felt so guilty. Although I had made it clear to him that I wasn't interested in resuming a romantic relationship, I had used him as a sounding board, knowing deep down that he wanted more.
Earlier in the morning when Samantha and I walked around the corner to Starbucks to get coffee and danishes before everyone arrived, I told her where things stood. “Even if I wanted to be with Bradley, which I don't, I'm living here now and it wouldn't be fair to him because he doesn't like long-distance relationships.”
“Girl, if you took him back he'd quit his job, sell his house, pack his shit, and move straight up I-395 in a heartbeat,” she said. “He even told me that he's looking at jobs up here.When are you gonna realize that you got it like that?”
Having it like that with Bradley wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was right in front of me.What I wanted was exhilarating, if not exceptional. What I wanted was the only man who had ever been able to stir the intoxicating blend of love and lust deep inside me that made me feel whole each time the sound of my name escaped his lips. What I wanted was her father. But how in the world would I ever be able to look Samantha in the eye and tell her the truth?
When we returned to my house with breakfast goodies in hand, it was Samantha's turn to experience shock. We walked through the door to find her ex-boyfriend, Tyler Jacobs, shaking hands with her new man, Tyme Alexander! Samantha looked as if she'd seen a ghost. It was one of the very few times she'd ever been rendered speechless. I had to admit I was shocked, too. Samantha's face went pale and I had to remind her to breathe.
After tense introductions were made, it became obvious to Tyme that his new woman had a past with Tyler. I pulled Samantha into the kitchen so she could gather herself. “Just relax, it's going to be all right.”
“It's not that easy,” she sighed with anxiety. “How would you feel if you were in the same room with one man who you'd slept with and another who you planned to sleep with?”
I had no idea that ten minutes later I'd be standing in my friend's shoes.
Half of me had hoped that Ed would come by today, and the other half prayed he wouldn't. When he walked in I could see his eyes search the room as he scanned all the men until he landed on Bradley. He was trying to place him, and when he did, I saw the memory register in his steel-trap mind. Although they'd never met, I knew Ed recognized him as the man who'd held my hand as I cried on his shoulder during my mother's funeral. Ed noticed everything.
When the guys began to unload my furniture from the rented U–Haul, my mouth went dry when I saw Ed and Bradley bringing in my sofa, chitchatting like old friends. I could see that Ed was questioning him like a witness on the stand because Bradley was doing most of the talking, responding to what I knew were carefully crafted questions on Ed's part. He was like that. He could get you to talk about things without you ever realizing you were giving him information. He had done the same thing to me a few times.
Bradley must have given him an earful because Ed kept glancing at me all day with an expression that I couldn't quite place. It was unnerving. My only relief was that I had a house full of people to distract from the effect that he always had on me. At one point, Ruben asked if I was okay. I made up an excuse, telling him I was a little tired from all the moving.
After a full day of sweaty, back-breaking labor, we finally emptied the entire truck of all my things. Slowly, the room cleared as everyone began to head out, tired from hours of rigorous lifting. Bradley asked me to join him and his relatives for dinner, but I declined. Although he was disappointed he took it in stride, understanding that I had lots of work left to do. I invited him over tomorrow, and that seemed to lift his spirits. But I knew his enthusiasm would be short-lived because I planned to reiterate that while I appreciated his friendship, that was all we would ever have.
Finally, my house was empty, except for Ed and me. He offered to stay and put together my new computer desk in my home office. After he finished he came downstairs looking slightly tired but still devastatingly handsome. I stopped the work I was doing and offered him my thanks along with a cool drink. I thought I'd be nervous with just the two of us in the house, but to my surprise I wasn't. Just as I had welcomed Bradley's unsolicited calls, I welcomed Ed's company.
We sat on crates beside each other and laughed and talked for an hour. It was the first time we'd ever engaged so much and for so long without me feeling uneasy. Generally, being around him had always carried a strained and tiring fatigue, having to keep up a veil of pretense that hid my longing. But last night I felt like I could be myself—my goofy, silly, dry witted self. I showed Ed the real me and he liked it.
But suddenly our conversation took a serious turn, on his prompting. He brought up Bradley and his suspicion that my ex wanted more than just friendship. He said he'd only mentioned it because he cared about me. I smiled inside and told him that I knew he did. Our words echoed in my ear because they were revealing.
All the doubts and questions I had concerning the way Ed felt about me were erased. We confirmed our feelings without being specific. We didn't have to spell it out because it was already there—on my face, in his eyes, lying on our tongues ready to leap forward. After eleven years, we finally acknowledged what had been hanging over us. But very quickly our moment returned to the undeniable heat that always managed to rise between us, pulling us back to the sensible side of ourselves that protected us from making a mistake.
When Ed told me he had to leave, I knew that he didn't really want to go. I didn't want him to leave either, but we both knew it was for the best. I closed the door and watched from my window as he drove away, all the while my heart still pounding as if he were standing next to me. A half hour later my phone rang.
“Girl, I'm in love!” Samantha yelled into my ear.
“With who?”
“Who do you think?” She laughed. “Tyler and I are back together, just like that,” she sang through the phone.
“I knew it, I knew it! I could see something brewing between you two the minute you laid eyes on each other, and so could everyone else, for that matter.” Then a thought occurred to me. “What about Tyme?”
“Like you said, everyone saw it, and he did, too. I'll call him tomorrow.”
“Wow,” was all I could say.
Samantha went on to tell me how she and Tyler had rekindled their flame, and she was going to see where it would lead. After we ended our call, I opened the lone bottle of wine that I'd stored in my refrigerator, poured a glass, and then went upstairs to relax in my tub. I drew a hot bath and soaked. The welcoming water felt good to my skin. I was happy for my best friend, but I was also excited for myself. I smiled at the thought of Ed, and how much I wanted him to hold me, how good it would feel to rest in his arms. Now that we'd all but verbally confirmed our attraction, I didn't have a clue about our next move, or if there would even be one. I knew he cared about me, he'd said that, but it didn't necessarily mean love. And I certainly couldn't speculate on how it translated to his marriage.
Ed's marriage was the colorful elephant I'd danced around for years. Rather than think about Brenda, I concerned myself with how Samantha would react if she found out that I was in love with her father. Focusing on Samantha's feelings helped to absolve me from my guilt of wanting to engage in a relationship with a married man. Either way, I knew I was caught in a no-win situation.
After what seemed like hours, I rose from the tub and wrapped a big, soft towel around my tired body. I walked over to my suitcase, rummaged through the pile of clothes inside, and pulled out a pair of panties and a T-shirt. I slipped them on, secured my hair into a ponytail, and then crawled into bed.
As I relaxed under my fresh-smelling sheets, all I could think about was Ed, and what I would do the next time I saw him.Then a thought crossed my mind. Besides the birthday party next weekend, when would I see him again? Now that I was no longer living in his house, our interaction would be limited. When I was under his roof I had avoided him, but now that I was in my own place I wanted to see him. I'd been so preoccupied with moving out that I hadn't thought about the trade-off—not seeing Ed on a daily basis.The relief I thought I'd feel was replaced by a sudden sadness. I couldn't win for losing.
As I closed my eyes and settled into sleep, I let my worries drift away with the rest of my tired muscles. And like that, I stopped worrying about the future of my relationship with Ed and what it might hold. After the moment we shared tonight, anything was possible. My dreams could come true or my nightmares could spring to life.Today was over and tomorrow was a new beginning.
Chapter 12
Samantha . . .
 
 
 
 
That Was All I Needed to Hear
 
I
was like my father, in the sense that not too much could throw me off my game. But when I looked dead into the eyes of the only man besides my daddy whom I had ever loved, respected, and admired, I felt as if I was going to lose my balance. There in front of me stood Tyler Jacobs. Over the years, I wondered from time to time if I would ever see him again, but I tried not to dwell on the thought because of the hurt and pain I had caused him.
Emily and I had just returned from a Starbucks run when we walked into her living room and saw Tyme shaking my ex-boyfriend's hand. “There's my girl,”Tyme called out to me as Emily and I hesitated for a moment, completely at a loss for words. Tyme introduced me to his cousin, Jason, but when he attempted to do the same with Tyler, that's when things got funky.
“No need for intros.” Tyler smiled as he looked into my eyes and extended his hand. “Samantha and I are old friends.”
Even though Tyler's statement was casual, it was loaded with meaning, and Tyme could sense it along with everyone else in the room. When I shook Tyler's hand I felt a strong, liquid heat spread through my body . . . and I hadn't even touched my coffee! At that moment I knew it was going to be a long day.Thank goodness for Emily. She carted me off to the kitchen, calmed me down, and gave me the encouragement I needed to go back out and face the music and the men.
A minute later we heard the doorbell ring and I sprang forward, glad to have a distraction. I greeted Emily's flaming next-door neighbor and his fine-ass boyfriend as they breezed into the room. Another round of introductions was made, but it did nothing to cut the tension that filled the air. I decided to focus on the brazen Latin lover and his man, who looked like a dead ringer for Tyson Beckford.
“Samantha, it's so nice to finally meet you,” Ruben said to me with a smile.
Ruben fiddled with something in his hand, and when I looked to see what it was, it turned out to be a beautiful crystal hairpin. Next thing I knew, Ms. Thang whipped his silky shoulder-length tresses up into a perfect chignon in one quick swoop. I couldn't have replicated his move if my life depended on it.This queen was one bad bitch! After a few minutes of conversation I fell in love with Ruben. He was a straight-up trip, in a very good way.
I chatted with Ruben while trying to avoid the stares of both Tyler and Tyme. Tyler was as cool as an ice cube, glancing at me with a slight smile as he talked with Emily and Bradley. But Tyme was more than a little put off because of the obvious vibe I had with Tyler.
We all settled on the floor and dug into the coffee and danishes. Tyme sat close to me, an attempt to stake his claim, while everyone else tried to ignore our strained body language. When Daddy walked into the room I felt myself jump for joy. He seemed mildly out of sorts, but then I realized it was probably because he was bewildered to see Tyler in the room. So after I introduced him to everyone I ushered him outside. I gave him the lowdown on the situation with Tyler, and as Emily had done, he imparted some good advice that helped me suck up my emotions and walk back into the room with a more level head.
After we finished eating, we went to work moving Emily's furniture off the large truck and into the house. An hour or two later I asked Tyme to make a beverage run for water, beer, and soda. He looked at me with suspicion, but then decided to go. Two seconds after he walked out the door, I approached Tyler. “What's goin' on?” I smiled.
“It's been a long time.You look good, Sam.”
Damn, I wanted to melt. “So do you.”
Our chemistry was instant. Tyler stood in front of me, inspecting me from head to toe while I did the same to him. He hadn't changed a bit. His café au lait skin still held the same boyish good looks that framed his sexy goatee when I last saw him six years ago. His modest dimples and large brown eyes made me want to crawl into his arms. Everything about this man turned me on. Even the few small blemishes that teenage acne had left behind on his cheeks managed to look like pure bliss on him.
Tyler was the perfect mix between smooth sophistication and the rugged streets. He was a clean-cut “good guy” with an edge. He was born in Brooklyn, on the good side of the borough. His father had been a prominent pediatrician, and his mother a tenured professor at NYU. His family was similar to mine—educated, well-to-do black folks who took pride in being educated and well-to-do. But his parents were a bit different from the rest of their social milieu.They were down for the cause, the kind of people who volunteered at soup kitchens and shelters. They used to take Tyler with them because they wanted to teach their son about life outside the walls of their luxury brownstone.
After his parents were killed in a car accident, he moved down to Virginia where he was raised by his mother's sister. His parents had left him a sizeable trust fund that had matured when he turned twenty-one, and even though I had no idea of his exact net worth, I knew he was quite comfortable and didn't have to work if he chose not to. But he loved what he did and wouldn't give it up for the world. He'd founded his nonprofit organization, Youths First Initiative, after graduating from Morehouse so he could continue what his parents had instilled in him before they died. Today,YFI was one of the most highly respected youth organizations in the country.
Tyler wasn't your average guy, he was special. He was intelligent, compassionate, and giving. And that was part of what had attracted me to him in the first place—that and his six-foot frame and tight, lean body. Standing in front of me, he looked fine as hell in his worn, loose-fitting cargo shorts and white
I Love New York
T-shirt.
I was sweating like a field hand from lifting boxes, and my makeup and hair had taken a slight beating from the hot sun and humidity, but I still looked cute in my pink shorts and matching tank with silk appliqué.You know I gotta bring it! Although I had to admit, I should've taken Emily's cue and slipped on some comfortable sneakers instead of my wedge-heel sandals because my feet throbbed like they were on fire. But like I said, I looked good, and I could tell that Tyler thought so, too.
When our eyes finally locked and I concentrated on his, I couldn't believe what I saw . . . a smile! This man who I'd hurt so badly in the past and hadn't seen in years was looking at me like a long-lost friend. I tried to compose myself. “So,” I began as I put my hand on my hip, “you came to town just to help your friend move furniture?” I already knew the background story because Tyme had told me, but I asked anyway because it was a start to a conversation that had ended six years ago.
Tyler shook his head and smiled. “Not entirely. I'm in town for a national youth conference that starts this Monday. I decided to fly in a few days early and just chill for a minute, so I let my boy, Jason, know that I was coming up.That's when he asked if I'd help his cousin,” he paused, clearing his throat, “because his girl needed a favor.” He said the last part with a smirk.
“I see,” I replied.
Tyler and I chatted as we lifted boxes and moved furniture. I found out enough to know that he was still single and that he'd be in town until the end of next week. He was curious about me, too, but he didn't ask a lot of questions. There were too many ears milling around. I told him I was moving back to DC in a few days, and for some reason he smiled in response. We continued talking and exchanged looks filled with a combination of comfort and caution, but after Tyme returned we kept our distance.
It was late afternoon when we finally finished unloading the truck. Emily had spent the last few months buying just the right furniture to decorate her new home. She had eclectic taste, and I could see that everything was going to be beautiful once she set it up. As we brought in the last of the boxes, I was already plotting my next move—how I could ditch Tyme and hook up with Tyler later tonight.
Now I knew exactly why things had never felt right with Tyme. Normally, I would've slept with a man like him on the first date, or shortly thereafter. But I'd known him for weeks and we hadn't done jack. The vibe had never hit me, and that's because without me even knowing it, his connection to Tyler, though it was distant, made it feel wrong. I usually made terrible decisions when it came to men, but thank God I had trusted my gut in this situation.
Tyme walked over to me. “Want to go out to dinner or catch a movie later?”
My first inclination was to tell him the truth. But Tyme was a decent guy, and I wanted to be mindful of his feelings. I would have the opportunity to tell him the real deal at a more appropriate time. So I looked at him and said, “I'm wiped out. I think I'll just head home and call it a night.” I threw in a little yawn even though I wasn't the least bit sleepy.Tyler cut me a quick glance and nodded like he knew what was up.
A slight air of tension filled the room again, as it had earlier this morning, and sensing that things were a little too close for comfort, Ruben and Roger left, but not before giving me two air-kisses and warm hugs. They were a great couple. Then Jason announced that he was taking Tyler back to his hotel, and why did he have the nerve to look directly at me when he said it? Tyme was pissed.
Nearly an hour later, I was beyond tired as I walked outside and opened the door to my little red convertible. I sat behind the wheel and was about to put my key in the ignition when my cell phone started chirping
The Godfather
ringtone that I'd set last night for Carl's number. “Shit!” I mumbled. I sat back in my seat and listened to the music before his call rolled into voice mail. I took a deep breath, then leaned forward to start my engine when my phone rang again. This time it wasn't the ringtone from hell. I looked at the caller ID and smiled. “Hello,” I answered in my best “sexy” voice. Tyler's number hadn't changed, and I was so glad I'd never deleted it from my contact list.
“Can you talk?” he asked.
“I wouldn't have answered if I couldn't.”
“What're you doing right now?”
“Sitting in my car in front of Emily's house, getting ready to head home.” I was smiling into the phone and I knew Tyler could hear it in each word I spoke.
“Instead of driving home, why don't you come over to my hotel room like I know you want to You already know where I'm staying.”
Yes, I knew where he was staying because I'd overheard him mention it loudly to Daddy when they were talking earlier this afternoon. And he was right again, his hotel room was exactly where I wanted to be! “You want me to come over now?”
“Sam, I just want to talk.”
“I'm sweaty and I need to take a shower.”
“They have running water over here.”
That was all I needed to hear. I turned on the engine, put my car into drive, and headed straight for the Palomar hotel.
When Tyler answered the door I was taken aback because he was still wearing his dirty clothes from this afternoon. Before I could censor myself, my thoughts flew from my mouth. “You left Emily's house over an hour ago. Why haven't you cleaned up?” I could smell his sweaty man-scent from where I stood.
Tyler chuckled. “Sam, you haven't changed a bit.”
“Sorry,” I said as I looked around his room, “but I heard they have running water up in this joint.”
We both laughed, and it calmed me. Tyler walked over to the edge of the bed and took a seat while I joined him. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Jason had to make a few stops before he dropped me off and it took longer than he thought. I just got back here when I called you, and I didn't want to jump in the shower because I thought I might miss your knock on the door.”
I nodded.
“So, why aren't you out with your boy?” he asked, looking at me through seductive eyes.
“Because I wanted to be here with you.”
We sat in silence. I was dying for him to say something, but because I was the one who'd fucked things up between us, I knew I needed to be the one who took the first step. I tried to look into Tyler's eyes the same way he was looking into mine, but I couldn't, so I focused on the lamp sitting on the nightstand as I struggled to speak. “Tyler, I'm so sorry for the way I hurt you,” I began. “There were so many times when I wanted to call you and apologize for what I did, and just ask for your forgiveness. Besides my father, you're the only man I've ever loved.”

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