Playing My Love (8 page)

  As I walked away, I could hear Holly say that I was a liar and Cathy agreeing with her.

  When my mum stalked into the school an hour and a half later, I knew I was in big trouble.  She gave me a cold look,
and then went into Mr Evans' office for a chat.  When they emerged fifteen minutes later, the only thing she would say to me was to 'get in the bloody car'.

  "Well, I hope yo
u're happy?  You've been suspended for three days to give you time to reflect and cool down.  How could you do this to me, now of all times?"  she said as we pulled out of the school grounds.

  "But mum, she was saying horrible things"  I started to say.

  "I don't want to hear it, Alison!  Don't you think I've got enough on my plate without having to deal with you as well?"  she snapped.  On top of my already frazzled emotions, it proved too much and I started to cry.  She drove on for a couple of miles.

  "STOP YOUR BLOODY CRYING, ALISON, JUST STOP IT!"  she screamed, making me jump with the ferocity of it.  I did stop, staring at her in shock.  She'd never raised her voice to me in such a way before.  Without warning, she suddenly swerved into a car park and stopped the car.  "Right now, I need complete peace and quiet.  I don't want to have to deal with
your snivelling, so you just hold onto it until we get home and then you can go to your room and cry as much as you want.  The same goes for school.  The next time someone upsets you, you just walk away and deal with it in private, do you understand?  I will not be taking any more time off work to come and deal with your shit.  Suspended!  For aggressive behaviour of all things!  I'm so disappointed I can't even bear to look at you right now."

  "Yes
, mummy"  I said quietly.

  We drove the rest of the way in silence, and when we got home, I went to my room and cried into my pillow.

  I never cried in front of my mother again.

PRESENT DAY

  "It's okay, you don't have to wait for me.  You go on home and I'll follow when it's done"  I said to Gray through his window.  My car wouldn't be ready for at least another quarter of an hour and I felt like I needed a bit of breathing space.

 
Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother!

  I brushed the thought aside quickly.

  "Are you sure?  I don't mind coming in with you?"

  "I'm sure.  Go on
home and relax.  You can make a start on dinner if you want?" 

  Gra
y had been wanting to make a pheasant stew from scratch for a while now, and had hung one in the barn a few days ago (which luckily hadn't been taken by any of the wild animals during the evenings) and although I wasn't entirely sure if he was ready for skinning and gutting it, I was leaving him to it!

  "Okay.  Should I follow the instructions on
Youtube or just go with my manly hunter's instinct?"  he asked and I stared at him, wondering how serious he was.

  "Uh, I'd go with
Youtube darling.  Just in case."

  He nodded in agreement, looking deep in thought before I kissed him goodbye.  As I watched him go, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, feeling guilty even as I did.  I'd
only ever cried in front of Gray three times, today being one of those three.  The first had been on our wedding day and they'd been tears of joy.  The second had been when he told me he had the big C, and I think I only cried out of sheer shock, taken completely by surprise.  And now for a reason that I wasn't yet willing to admit to myself.

  I was also thinking there was a strong possibility we'd be eating take away tonight.

FOUR MONTHS AGO

  "Darling?  Can you help me with the shopping?  I'm afraid I got a little bit carried away!  I only went in for some bread and olives
, ended up spending nearly fifty pounds!"  I called out as I struggled through the door to our apartment.  His car was in our parking space downstairs so I knew he was home, although I couldn't recall him saying he was taking half a day off today.

  There was no answer so I dropped the most cumbersome of the bags and kicked the door shut.  As I went through to the kitchen to start pu
tting it all away, I saw him stood in the lounge looking out of the window at the bleak grey buildings opposite.

  "Hey Doc, how come you're home early?"  I asked, ditching the shopping and going over to give him a hug.  He didn't answer or move in response to my embrace.  "Doc?  What's going on?  Is everything okay?"

  "Ali…"  his voice was barely a hoarse whisper.

  "Jesus, darling, you're scaring me!  What is it?  Turn around and tell me what's wrong?"

  When he did turn around I wished he hadn't.  His face was ashen and his eyes haunted.

  "Ali…you're going to need to sit down.  I have something to tell you"  he said robotically.  I shook my head.

  "No.  Just say it, whatever it is."  I wasn't sure what I was expecting to come out of his mouth next.  Maybe something along the lines of a friend had passed away, or that our bank had been compromised and we were penniless.  There was a long pause.

  "I have cancer.  They've given me less than a year."

  Nope.  Was not expecting
that
!

  "Wha
t…hahaha…"  I laughed nervously, sure I'd misheard.  Doc sucked in a shaky breath and I saw he was about to cry as his eyes filled with tears.  I involuntarily took a step back, swallowing thickly.

  "It's inoperable.  I have cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.  I…"

  "Stop saying that!  Why are you…no, there must be something…we should…"  I couldn't breathe properly and my brain was malfunctioning where sentences were concerned.

  "I didn't want to worry you, so I went for the tests on my own.  I thought…"

  "No.  No, no, no.  No!"

  "Yes. I'm sorry darling.  I'm so sorry!  I…" 

  I watched in horror as Doc, always so strong and dependable, suddenly crumbled before my very eyes.  Sobs wracked him as he fell onto me, his arms around my shoulders pulling me into him as he buried his face in my hair.  I didn't know what to do, what to say.  But I held him as my eyes released a torrent of tears that seemed to fall for a long, long time.

  By the time I found the shopping the next day, the frozen food had all melted by the front door.

  I just stepped calmly over it.

PRESENT DAY

  I crouched down and peered through the window of the jeep that had caught my attention from inside the showroom.  It looked nice, and seemed far more practical than my gas guzzling BMW that was still being fixed.  Plus the engine was half the size, so it would be more economical as well.

  As I stepped back to view it from the front, the car next to it caught my eye.  It was a tidy little
black Vauxhall Astra and three letters on the number plate were BLE.

  "Billy"  I muttered to myself, amused.  I looked back to the jeep,
deep in thought.  Impulsively, I hurried back into the showroom.

  "Excuse me, I'm interested in doing a part exchange on that jeep"  I said quickly.  The salesman's eyes lit up.

  "For your BMW?  I'm sure we can work something out!"

  "Great!  And I want to know how much of a deal you'll give me on the Astra next to it as well."

  His smile widened and he sent the receptionist to get me a coffee while he spent the next fifteen minutes buttering me up and sorting out various bits of paperwork.

  I texted Darcy, asking for her address and date of birth, and if she had a spare half hour free this afternoon.  She sent me back the relevant details, asking me curiously why I needed them, but saying she was free until three.  That gave me less than two hours.  I told her I was coming over and that I'd be there in ten minutes.

  It happened fast enough that I couldn't change my mind.

  When I pulled up outside her
flat in Billy, my heart was pounding.  All of a sudden, my impulsive purchase seemed insanely extravagant and ridiculous.  I barely knew the girl!  What if I was about to royally offend her?  I watched as she hurried out smiling, and I got out to greet her, giving her a nervous hug.

  "Hey
, City Girl!  What's with the down grade?"  she asked happily.

  "Do you like it?"  I asked, having second thoughts.

  "It's gorgeous!  Hey!"  She laughed, pointing at the number plate.  "Billy!"

  "That's what I thought!  So, um, do you want to take him for a spin with me?"

  "Yeah, sure."

  "Great!  You drive"  I said, hopping in the passenger door before she could object.  She hesitated a moment, then jumped in behind the wheel and put her seatbelt on.

  "Alison, are you
sure
?"  she asked, but before I could reassure her, she turned the ignition on and put it in gear, grinning at me.  "Too late!"

  I smiled, then gave her directions to the garage, saying I'd left my bag there.

  "Oh my god, this car drives so nice, it's like sex"  she said after about a mile.  I laughed.

  "Sex?  Maybe I've been doing it wrong?"

  "Maybe you have"  she said, winking at me.  I was glad she was driving because there could easily have been another accident.  I sat on my hands, just to make sure they didn't go anywhere near her sensitive knees, and then I cleared my throat.

  "So what did the insurance company say?"

  "You won't believe this!  Nicki took me out there this morning to get my stereo and stuff out of it, and it wasn't there!  There was a note on the tree saying it had been towed away by some farmer who claimed I'd crashed it on his private land or something.  He wants two hundred and fifty pounds because I apparently damaged the fence, and he's holding the car as collateral until I pay up.  Can you believe the cheek of it?"

  "Is he allowed to do that?"  I asked, incredulously.

  "I have no idea.  Probably.  There's so many laws regarding private land, and I did leave it in his field.  And I
did
destroy his fence"  she added with a smirk. 

  "What are you going to do?"

  "Well, even if I had the money to get it back, I'd still need to get him fixed.  But"  she paused as she checked the way was clear at a roundabout, and didn't continue until we'd gone across it.  "There's this guy at college who's doing a mechanics course.  He said he'll fix him for free."

  "Really?  That's great!"  I said, my heart pounding.  She sounded like she'd been trying to sort out getting her old car back, and
it suddenly occurred to me that there might be some deep sentimental value attached to it.  We were approaching the garage now, and I wondered if it was too late to reverse the deal or something?

  "Mm-hm.  All I have to do is have sex with him.  I mean, he's not really my type, but sometimes a girl's
gotta do what a girl's gotta do and just take one for the team, right?"  She pulled in and parked up, turning to face me.  Her eyes were twinkling until she saw the envelope I was holding out to her and she took it, looking puzzled.  "What's this?"

  "Please, open it.  It's for you"  I said quickly, and looked away as she took it from me and tore it open.  There was a pause.

  "I don't understand?  It's the log book for this car?  Why are you…holy
shit
!  It's in my name?  Alison, why is Billy registered in my name?"

  "I…
please, just don't have sex with that mechanic?"

  "What?  Oh my god, I was just fucking with you!  I can't accept this!  Jeans and a top is one thing…"

  "It's not a gift!"  I interrupted.  "It's a down payment.  I want guitar lessons in exchange."

  "
For the rest of your life?"  she asked incredulously.  I blushed, embarrassed (but relieved about the mechanic.)  This wasn't going well.  In fact, I couldn't tell if she was angry or just overwhelmed.

  "
I was thinking two or three lessons a week for about a year?  If they were ten pounds per lesson, it would more than pay off what Billy cost, and I got him as part exchange with that jeep for my BMW, so it's not like I had to pay anything out for it."  I sighed and looked out of the windscreen.  "Look, I obviously can't force this on you, but I genuinely want guitar lessons, and you need a car.  I guess I just figured we were both in a win-win this way.  But it's up to you."

  Darcy glanced around the interior of the car, weighing things up before she met my gaze with her own, then she nodded slowly.

  "I'd be an idiot to say no to that.  Okay, City Girl, you got yourself a deal!"  she said, holding out her hand.  I shook it.

  "Phew.  Cos it's sort of already in your name and everything"  I
said smiling, just as I noticed Phil the salesman approaching the car.  I wound down the window.

  "Hey, glad I caught you.  We found the spare set of keys for this car"  he said happily, passing them through the window.  I took them and held them out to Darcy.

  "They're yours now"  I said.