Play Date (Play Makers Book 3) (20 page)

Kerrie’s eyes swam too. “Oh, God.”

“It reminded me of the way my father was with my mom at the end. So unselfish.” Rachel waved a hand to show that those words weren’t enough. “After that, I went back early every day, just to stand there and listen to pure, unadulterated love. I think that’s why she’s so demanding. She can’t possibly help everyone, so she’s obnoxious about making us help our
selves.”
She tried to laugh but only half succeeded, so she ended with a simple, “You’d like her.”

“I already do.”

Rachel felt a new wave of tears, mostly because Kerrie and Beth were such opposites, yet so much alike. Tenderhearted to a fault. A trait that turned one of them into a dominatrix in order to survive, while the other chose complete denial.

“Rachel?”

She looked up, surprised. “Yes?”

“I ate all the appetizers while you were crying. Let’s order something else for you. And guess what?”

“What?”

“That was smart, telling me about that poor little boy. Compared to him, I have it good, right?”

“Compared to him, we’ve
all
got it good,” Rachel agreed. Then she reached across the table and squeezed Kerrie’s hand. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you and Sean. Did you see him again this week?”

“We had so much fun,” Kerrie admitted. “It’s tough to impress these NFL guys since they get so much action. But I did what I could.”

Rachel paused for Agnes, who had arrived to take their order. “I’ll have salmon and French fries, thanks.”

“Me too,” Kerrie said. “And we need more appetizers. Use your imagination, Agnes.”

The waitress nodded and ran away.

Rachel smiled. “I was worried Sean might be stressed out. I mean, it’s his coach. That’s a big deal.”

“Can you imagine the headlines?” Kerrie agreed. “I want to protect him from that.” Her tone softened. “He’s so noble. Like a knight in shining armor, right? It would destroy his reputation as a good guy, at least for a while.”

“Or at least, it would cause tension on the team,” Rachel imagined out loud. “Do you think Coz could keep it professional? Or would it be too awkward?”

“I don’t think
either
of them could keep it professional. That’s the problem. Sean would end up on another team. And imagine how his new coach would react. Never able to trust him, knowing he betrayed the last coach, and not realizing Coz deserved it.” She sighed. “And he wouldn’t be friends with John or Bam anymore. I couldn’t bear to watch him go through that.”

“They’d still be friends,” Rachel murmured, intimidated. “I just assumed he’d stay on the Lancers. There would be a period of embarrassment, obviously. But you honestly think he’d have to switch teams?”

“Sean’s sure of it. And Coz doesn’t like him—or Spurling—to begin with. So yes, I don’t think he’d be a Lancer the next day.”

All Rachel could see was the wedding. Sean and Bannerman in their tuxes, lined up behind their quarterback, sharing the most important day of his life. It would destroy them to lose that, wouldn’t it?

They’d lose the Triple Threat. But they’d still be friends,
she argued with herself, but it rang hollow. Destroy the Triple Threat? That kind of betrayal mattered to guys like that.

And Bannerman? It would break his heart. She knew that for a fact. That huge, loving, ridiculously rowdy heart.

“He needs to stay with the Lancers,” she told Kerrie quietly.

“At least for now,” her friend agreed. “Until we’re as sure as we can be.”

The reality staggered Rachel. This wasn’t just about Kerrie’s status as a married woman. Not even about the twin-sister debacle. It was the future of three men. Three brothers. And that future wouldn’t end well if Sean married their coach’s wife.

Even if he
dated
their coach’s wife, it could ruin everything they had built, not just on the field but in their hearts and souls.

“Do you see why Sean’s being unreasonable?” Kerrie pressed. “He wants me to leave Coz, then just date him. It would never work.”

“It’s an impossible choice,” Rachel agreed. “Date a married woman, or destroy his own career.”

“And what about
me?
I may not have a good marriage, but I’ve built a life in the NFL. Without Coz, I wouldn’t have anything.”

“That’s not true, Kerrie. You’d have your freedom. Freedom to love again.”

“You sound like Sean,” Kerrie told her with a sigh. “But I’d be giving up a lot. Not as much as him, obviously. But I’m an awesome fund-raiser. I practically
built
the new wing on a children’s hospital in Florida. The NFL does good work, and I’ve done my part.” She exhaled sharply. “My friends are there. My contacts are there. It’s not as good as sex, but it’s been my only satisfaction for years.”

Rachel sat back, stunned again. Leaving Coz had seemed like such a no-brainer until now. Extricating herself from a sexless, loveless marriage? How could that be wrong?

Except Coz had opened doors for Kerrie. And she had made the most of that in an admirable way.

Could those doors slam shut if she violated NFL protocol?

“And Sean knows all this?”

Kerrie nodded. “He’s trying to respect it. But obviously, it’s nothing compared to the Triple Threat.”

“That isn’t true. You said it yourself. You practically built that children’s wing with your own two hands. I’m in awe of that, Kerrie.”

Kerrie flushed. “Thanks. I’ve loved my work. But I’d give it up for him in a heartbeat.”

Rachel wanted to assure her that that attitude was wrong, wrong, wrong. But Agnes had brought the salmon, so she just thanked her, and as soon as she was gone, said warily, “Your original connections to NFL charities were through Coz. But now you’ve got your
own
connections. Isn’t that true?
You’re
the one who’s been doing the great work. Not your husband.”

“I guess. But they’d turn on me if I betrayed him. Loyalty is everything to those people.”

Rachel nodded pensively. She didn’t know this world. Couldn’t possibly understand it. The egos. The millions and millions—probably billions—of dollars involved in the games, the telecasts, the charities. She had viewed it through the lens of her admiration for Sean, who radiated integrity and loyalty. And Bannerman, who extolled the virtues of teamwork and healthy competition like a preacher.

And in his own way, he promoted integrity too.

And loyalty? There was no doubt in her mind that her halfback would kill for “Deck” or “the big dog.” No wonder Sean hadn’t told him about Kerrie.

What a mess.

“Tell me what Sean wants,” she asked Kerrie suddenly.

“He wants me to divorce Coz. Then wait a while. Then start dating him. Explore our feelings. Blah, blah, blah.”

“And your objection is that you’d cut all your ties to NFL fund-raising. All your mutual friends. And you might end up alone?”

Kerrie winced. “It sounds so shallow when you put it that way.”

“Not at all,” Rachel said staunchly. “I’m finally starting to understand. If you can’t have Sean, you at least want the life you built for yourself. It’s not perfect, but it’s rewarding. And people respect it. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I love you, Rachel,” Kerrie murmured.

“I like you too.” Rachel exhaled sharply. “And I have an idea. Don’t divorce him. Don’t even get a legal separation. Not yet at least. Just tell him you need some space. He can’t be surprised since
he’s
the one who stopped having sex with you
.
Right?”

Kerrie nodded.

“It would be an informal separation. Putting him on notice, but transparent to the sports world. You could go to your parents’ house for a while. Nothing earth-shaking. Daughters visit their parents all the time.”

Kerrie sighed. “They’d ask me why I was there.”

“
Tell
them. They’re your parents. They want you to be happy.”

Kerrie hesitated before explaining bitterly, “I stole Melody’s fiancé. My parents did their best not to take sides, even though it rocked their world.” Her eyes filled with tears. “If I ever,
ever
told them I was leaving him, they’d freak. She
wanted
him, Rachel. The invitations were all printed. The flowers. The dress. Then I messed that up.” Her shoulders slumped. “I can’t go home. Not with that kind of news.”

“I’m an idiot,” Rachel admitted. “Of course you can’t go there. So come to my house instead.”

Kerrie stared. “What?”

“Not forever,” she explained with a rueful laugh. “It’s the size of your closet, trust me. But you could have the bed and I can sleep on the sofa. We’d have fun. I’m at school all day, so you’d have plenty of time to think. And the best part is . . .” She almost grinned with delight. “Sean could visit you. Right? Not necessarily for sex, although why not? No one would know. You’d just tell Coz we met at the wedding and became friends. And since you
needed
a friend, and a place for quiet reflection, you decided to come for a visit. That makes sense, doesn’t it?”

When Kerrie didn’t jump on it, she added sheepishly, “You’re used to luxury. I get that. But my house is five minutes from the beach. Ten minutes from serious shopping. It’s not all bad.”

“You’re the best friend ever,” Kerrie assured her. “And I’d do it in a heartbeat. Because I’m sure your house is adorable. But there’s a problem. Don’t get mad, okay?”

“Of course not.” She tried to imagine what could be wrong. This was informal. No threat to Kerrie’s fund-raising career. No threat to Sean’s reputation. No threat to the Triple Threat.

Bannerman might not love it, but she could still get together with him every Friday. She’d just explain that a friend was visiting. A friend with a rocky marriage. He wouldn’t want to touch that kind of melodrama, so he’d suggest a hotel, and Rachel would cheerfully agree.

Or maybe he’d consider it a deal breaker. Probably not, but if the worst happened, they could pile all the students into the multipurpose room for a group presentation. Wasn’t that
his
idea? And realistically, once he found out she wasn’t on board with condom-free sex, he might be looking for an exit anyway.

Encouraged by her own analysis, she was surprised to see how dejected Kerrie looked. “What’s wrong?”

“You said you wouldn’t get mad.”

“Of course I won’t. Just tell me.”

Kerrie’s eyes blazed. “It’s my dream come true. Away from Coz. Hanging out with you. Seeing Sean whenever I want. But . . .” She smiled hesitantly. “Sean would know I’ve been talking to you.”

“How is that a problem? He’ll be
glad
we’re friends. It works for him.”

“No.” Kerrie shook her head. “I miscalculated this, Rachel. He respects you so much.
Too
much. Like you’re on a pedestal. I think he’d be mortified—and pissed—if he knew I called you. And if he thought I told you about our sex life? About how he slept with a quote-unquote married woman? I don’t think he’d ever forgive me.”

Rachel’s first impulse was to argue. But it had a ring of truth, didn’t it? With Sean, it was all about honor. About integrity. That was why he couldn’t get past Kerrie’s marital status. To Sean, marriage was a sacred commitment. One he wanted desperately to respect, even if he didn’t personally make the vow.

Even if the husband was Coz Cosner.

“We said we’d tell him eventually,” Rachel murmured.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how much you meant to him until a few days ago, when he was going on and on and on about how perfect you are. If I could go back in time,” she added sadly, “I would never have called you. Even though you’re the first real friend I’ve ever had. Please don’t tell him, Rachel. It would be the end of everything.”

Rachel’s brain ached with recriminations.
This
was why lying was wrong, wrong, wrong. The reason she tried so hard to be honest. The reason people like Sean tried so hard too.

Except Sean had messed up worse than she had. Didn’t that count for something? He was sleeping with a married woman. Could he really be annoyed that Kerrie had called Rachel? Or that Rachel had met in private with Kerrie?

Give it up,
she advised herself in miserable confusion.
Just because everyone’s wrong, it doesn’t make it right.

“I can’t keep this from Sean forever, Kerrie,” she explained finally.

“I don’t expect you to. But if I moved into your house now, it would make everything worse.”

“So what do you want?”

Kerrie burst into tears. “I just want Sean.”

“Okay then.” Rachel squared her shoulders and insisted briskly, “Let’s figure this thing out.”

Chapter 8

They spent another hour hashing out Kerrie’s options, which were sadly few. And Sean’s options? Rachel knew those were even more limited. Turn his back on what might be the love of his life? Have an affair with a married woman? Piss off the NFL and ruin every friendship that mattered in the process?

Rachel did her best, while reluctantly appreciating her mindless affair with Bannerman. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was, or how long it would last, but there was freedom in having zero at stake. Of being
one
of his girlfriends—the Friday one. And best of all, knowing she would have great sex at least once a week for the next month and a half.

After that, she would figure something else out. But there was no way she would ever, ever get herself into the kind of complicated, hopeless mess her new friends had stumbled into.

You barely know these people
, she reminded herself, but it didn’t seem to matter. She had connected with both of them—Sean for his adorableness, Kerrie for being Kerrie.

And since “being Kerrie” included shopping sprees, she accompanied her to another boutique after lunch, ready to observe and encourage. Except this time, Rachel found something for herself.

Or rather, something for Bannerman.

It was styled as a cowgirl dress, Thin buckskin-like material, shimmery white fringe. But there was a pole-dancing quality to it, from its spaghetti-thin straps to its bare back to its plunging neckline. It wasn’t short—almost knee-length, in fact—but the way it hung left little to the imagination.